I Own Nothing

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Chapter 12

A Case Closed

Astrid woke from a dream where she had been flying through the clouds again, and she was none too happy about waking up from it. Still, the day had to be met, and she had responsibilities to attend to. Among other things, she wanted to see how the trainees had faired during her absences, and she was eager to have a private talk with the Chief.

Getting the youngsters to focus proved to be a challenge. All they wanted to do was discuss dragons and the person who rode on them.

"Was he tall?"

"What size feet did he have?"

"Can dragons eat grass?"

"How many dragons did he command?"

"Can I learn to talk to dragons too?"

"Can I have my own dragon?" Ase asked eagerly. Astrid gave her the sternest look she could muster up.

"No, you cannot have a dragon, because on Berk the policy is to kill dragons, not train them."

"But you'll change that when you become Chief, right?"

Whatever her personal thoughts were, she knew it was a dangerous topic to talk about so she told her "not likely." Given the known hostility of the adult villagers to the idea it was a safely ambiguous answer. But even more distressing to her was the secret she was keeping. She was mostly just distressed about hiding it from her parents, and several times she had wanted to tell them, and she had only been home for less than a day, but always stopped herself by rememeber why she was keeping it secret in the first place and then asking what good it would do?

She considered asking her father for advice using a hypothetical question, but could not figure out how to frame a question that would not sound ridiculous. What could she say? 'What would you do if you had a big secret you wanted to tell but were afraid to tell?' And then ask him to believe that this was not in the least bit related to her? She knew her father would never fall for that. So while she really wished for family guidance, she could not bring herself to tell them. This time she would have to handle a problem alone.

Her secret was distressing to her, but she had other things to think about, thankfully. The idea of flying again kept coming into her mind and began to distract her as she taught her class. Mistakes like Peer's posture when stretching or Sven's way of holding his axe were almost glanced over, and training itself ended nearly a quarter of an hour early, something which had never happened when Astrid taught. In fact, more often than not it went late, and was sometimes only stopped when parents came to get their children back to work in their fields and homes.

One of the thoughts that distracted her mind so much was the information about Snotlout. Astrid had hoped for a talk with Stoick but he was busy directing ship repairs and attending to a list of complaints (mostly from Mildew), and was unavailable until the afternoon. So she went to her home for lunch, where she found her mother was having a chat with Ruffnut. The female Thorsten Twin had come over to get some spices for her own mother's cooking, and had been invited to join Mrs. Hofferson for a lunch.

"Hi Astrid," Ruffnut said with a slight wave, "How'd training go today?"

Astrid shrugged, "Fine. Nothing to really speak of." She wouldn't admit it, but the reason for an absence of anything to speak of was due to her lapse in paying close attention to it.

The three of them sat down at the table and began to eat.

Ruffnut spoke up in between bites. "So, this Dragon King…you never did answer my question if he was hot."

"I wouldn't know, Ruff. He always had his face hidden." She wondered what he really did look like after all these years. He said he had been horribly disfigured. If he really was, she wondered how badly.

"Pity."

"And anyway, Ruff, what does it matter if he's hot?" Greta chuckled at hearing this.

"Because I'm still waiting for my knight to come and take me away from this place!" Ruffnut replied dreamily. Astrid snorted. "I'm serious! Alright, maybe not literally, but my mom brought up marriage today, and when I consider the possibilities…they don't seem too bright now, do they?"

She had a point, Astrid acknowledged.

"I mean, there's Fishlegs, who's kinda cute and smart, but a bit annoying at times and too fat for my taste. Then there are those guys Dogsbreath and Hognose, who I wouldn't touch with a broom dipped in acid. Then there's Snotlout—"

"And the less said about him the better?" Greta suggested.

"You said it. So since the pickings here are so slim, I figure I'll have to find some foreigner, and a guy who lives with fire breathing destruction causing dragons definitely sounds like my type of guy." She stared at the ceiling fantasizing.

"And what about you, Astrid?" asked Greta lightly, "am I to expect a son-in-law anytime in the near future?"

"Mom, we've been through this…" Astrid said wearily.

"I'm just kidding! I know perfectly well no man here interests you!"

"Snotlout's fault," Ruffnut declared, "his flirting has disgusted her so much the prospect of anyone else trying it makes her sick!"

"I just wish I made him sick!" Astrid groaned, "Perhaps then he'd stop flirting with me! Honestly, ever since we were kids he's been flirting with me! Nothing I can do will get him to stop it! And then there's Gustav Larson! He's almost just as bad!"

"Maybe you should try a new tactic," suggested her mother, "flirt back...make yourself get so disgustingly seductive you terrify them!"

"I'm not stooping that low, Mom!"

"Want me to do it? I'd love to mess with Snotlout like that!" Ruffnut laughed, "Or maybe we could ask the Dragon King to come and scare him into stopping it!"

"You want the Dragon King to flirt with Snotlout?" Greta asked with mock confusion.

"That's not what I meant!"

"She'd rather have him flirt with her!" Astrid grinned.

"And I'll bet you'd rather have him flirt with you!" Ruffnut playfully shoved her. Astrid responded with a shove so powerful she pushed Ruff out of her chair.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry!"

"So, Ruffnut," Greta asked once the girl had climbed back in her chair, "how are the healing lessons coming?"

"Ugh! I prefer to cause destruction, not clean up after it!"

"Nevertheless, healing is an important skill to have. Besides, given your track record, you might need to use it on yourself one day!"

"I'll bet her parents were hoping those lessons might get her to settle down a bit." Astrid sniggered.

"Well they won't! I'll be blowing stuff up until the day I die!" Ruffnut proclaimed proudly.

They had finished eating by then, so Ruffnut excused herself, collected what she had come for, and departed for home, leaving mother and daughter to clean up after her.

"In all seriousness, though, Astrid," Greta said as she washed off the wooden plates, "Am I going to see a son-in-law one day?"

"Mom—"

"I won't ask for grandchildren yet, because I think you getting engaged will be reward enough at the rate you're going."

"Is that all girls here are supposed to think about?" Astrid asked in annoyance.

"Of course not! But even so, haven't you ever thought about it?"

Astrid shrugged dismissively. "There's nobody here I want to marry, Mom."

"What are you waiting for, some knight like Ruffnut?"

"Mom, I don't want to get married, all right?"

"Why not?" Her mother turned away from the cleaned dishes to face her. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing, Astrid, I just want to understand why you aren't interested."

"Like I said, there's nobody here I want to marry! The most decent choice for a husband here would be Fishlegs! Honestly, Ruffnut wasn't kidding when she said it was slim pickings here; the males my age are pathetic—and I am not marrying somebody old enough to be my dad either! By default Hiccup wouldn't have been a bad choice for a husband if he had lived—think about that, Mom: Hiccup!"

"All right, keep your hair on, lass! There's no need to get angry." Astrid had indeed been getting a bit riled up as she had talked. "But what's so bad about the guys here—besides looks." It would be stretching the truth to call any of the men she knew 'handsome' or 'attractive.'

"Mom, I'm going to be the next Chief of Berk. If I get married, what becomes of my position? Most of the men here would try to put keep me in the background and run things themselves. I'm not going to be a figurehead while my 'husband' uses the position that I earned to satisfy his own ambitions! I don't want to be some dutiful little wife who goes around tending submissively to her husband's every whim! I'm going to be the Chief and I'm going to run Berk as I see fit, and not have some man second guessing me and undermining me all the time. And that's what most of the men here would do, and you'd better believe it!"

"I know that, lass, I know," Greta nodded sympathetically.

Astrid paced around slowly. There was in truth another reason that she knew her mother was well aware of. Becoming the next chief meant power, and one with such power had to choose one's allies and partners carefully. She would become a huge target for suitors from all kinds of places and families, and the majority of them would be drawn to her to gain the power she would wield. She had no desire to please such people. There was also the fact that choosing one applicant for a husband would mean offending and possibly losing support from all the others.

"I mean—I wouldn't mind sharing power, or having a man to help me! But we'd have to be working together, like partners! I want a man who would treat me like an equal, not like some ornament or convenience. Someone who I could trust to treat me the way I want to be treated, not the way he thinks I ought to be treated." She sat down and looked at her mother bitterly, "and I've never met such a man. I'll probably just die single and adopt an heir, like Stoick is doing."

"Speaking of which, how is that coming, anyway? Have you told him yet?"

Astrid grinned, "I'm heading over there in an hour. Will you come with me?"

"I'd rather not. I'm sure I'll hear everything from here, and I don't want to be too close to the Haddocks when they erupt. Dragon raids are safer when that kind of thing happens."

Sometimes Chief Stoick would appear as if he was too large for the house he lived in. This was one of those times. Astrid remembered when Hiccup was alive how tiny the boy had seemed next to his gigantic parent. In those days Stoick could even pick him up and carry him with just one hand. That was how small Hiccup had been and how strong the Chief was. Spitelout was somewhat smaller in size, but still a large and tough figure. Next to them, Snotlout, muscular as he was, looked more like a child.

"So, Lass, what's on your mind?"

"And what did ya want us for?" demanded Spitelout.

"Yeah, Astrid, if you wanted to see me, why'd you have to invite the Chief and my dad?" Snotlout asked with an oily smile he probably thought looked charming. "We could always go somewhere private…"

Astrid wanted to hit him, but checked herself. 'Not in front of the Chief.' She thought. Instead she said "Spitelout, Sir, how much money was taken from your house?"

"What does that have to do with anything concerning you?"

"I have some new insights in the robbery." Upon hearing this Snotlout suddenly paled but composed himself.

"500 pieces of silver." Stoick said, "Don't look at me like that, Spitelout. It's not like it was a secret. Why do you ask, Lass?"

"It's interesting, Sir, because the Thorsten Twins tell me they only put 100 pieces into the bag they shot into the sea."

"Then they kept the rest?" Spitelout exclaimed, heading for the door, "where are those two? Don't stop me, Astrid; I'm getting my money back!"

Astrid had gotten in his way. "Sorry, sir, but they don't have the rest. They never did. Now I have to ask Snotlout something." She turned to him, secretly enjoying seeing him clearly uncomfortable. "Tell me, Snotlout, do you think your friends will stand by you the next time you run out of money?"

Snotlout really turned pale now.

"What are you saying?" Spitelout asked suspiciously.

"I'm suggesting, sir, that Snotlout took your money and used it to bribe people like Dogsbreath and Mildew into behaving themselves, then gave the rest to the Twins to make it look like they had stolen it."

"WHAT?" Stoick and Spitelout shouted simultaneously.

"It's a lie!" Snotlout cried in panic, "It's all a lie! How could you ever think of such a thing, Astrid? She's just lying to claim the Chiefdom for herself!"

"Want me to ask Mildew and Dogsbreath?" Astrid asked calmly.

"No! They'll lie too! They're all liars! It's a lie!" Snotlout's voice went up about an octave. This and his face would have confessed his guilt to the least perceptive man in the world, and that man was not Stoick the Vast. "It's a lie!"

"Snotlout, did you rob your father?" Stoick asked very coldly, looking the boy square in the face.

"It's a lie, a completious lie!" Aside from using words that did not even exist, the line 'it's a lie' seemed to be all he was capable of saying at the moment.

Spitelout was almost ready to thrash his son, but he knew what this could mean for Snotlout and wanted to be certain no excuse could be found. "How does she know about this?" He demanded.

"The Dragon King told me."

"And what does he know about it?" Spitelout shouted.

"He's got eyes and ears everywhere," Astrid replied confidently, "he'll probably know all about this conversation before sunset."

"How?" Spitelout turned to his brother, "I've been keeping an eye out all day and I've never seen any dragons spying on us! This Dragon lover probably made this up to help ensure Astrid would become the next Chief." He turned to her. "Are you on his side, lass? Have you betrayed your people for that Demon lover? Remember Stoick, that man rides the beast that killed your son; are you going to believe anything he says? He's already taken Astrid by the looks of it. I wonder—the two of you alone on an island—what else did he take from you beside your—" He was stopped by Astrid hitting him in the face.

"Never—insult—my virtue—again!" Astrid bellowed, "I am as pure a woman and a Viking as any other! And I do not rob my own parents to buy support for myself, unlike some people!"

"It's a lie!"

"It's not a lie! Think about it! How many people know where Spitelout keeps his money? How many of those would know how to open it and only take some of the money? How many of those would know when to commit the crime without being caught or seen? And since when would someone like Dogsbreath do anything helpful to Berk without expecting a reward? Ask him, or ask Mildew, or ask the Twins! Hel, summon the Dragon King here and ask him, if you want confirmation!"

Snotlout suddenly found new words to say. "What can he possibly know? It's not like there were any terrors watching over Mildew's house!"

"Is that where you gave the money out?"

"Yes—no, no! NO! I—" he looked wildly at his father for support, but Spitelout was cold and emotionless. "I mean, it's not like he could have been spying on me if I had been giving out money to Mildew—which I didn't!"

"You did it." Spitelout groaned.

"It's a lie!"

At that moment a piece of parchment fell from the ceiling. Every head jerked up but there was no sign of how it had gotten up there. Stoick picked up the parchment and read out loud: "he's got the remaining 200 pieces hidden in the trunk in his room."

The four of them went to Spitelout's home. More correctly, three of them went while Snotlout was dragged there, all the while shouting "It's a lie" and "I'm being framed!" Everyone they passed stared at them incredulously. Astrid spotted Dogsbreath running into his own house.

The results of the search were exactly as the letter had said they would be: 200 pieces of silver in a bag hidden in Snotlout's trunk.

"I'm being framed!" Snotlout squealed, but his words fooled no one.

"Astrid, I'd like you to leave. This is a family matter now." Stoick's voice was hard as iron. Astrid knew better than to disobey or question.

As soon as she was outside she heard shouting.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"YOU IDIOT!"

"DAD I—!"

"TRYING TO BRIBE YOUR WAY TO THE CHIEFDOM!"

"TAKING MY MONEY!"

The noise could be heard on the other side of the village. All the villagers stopped what they were doing and were listening.

"Odin, I don't think Old Stoick has shouted like this since Hiccup was alive!"

"I wonder what happened."

"I guess Snotlout ain't gonna be the chief now."

"That's the best news I've heard all week!"

"Mead, anyone?"

Astrid chuckled when she suddenly heard screams coming from the woods.

"That sounds like Dogsbreath!" someone cried. She ran into the woods with several others, following the screams. They had not gone far when they found Dogsbreath tied to the trunk of a tree and screaming at the top of his lungs. On the ground were a shovel and a bag. Pinned to the bag was a piece of parchment.

"It was him!" Dogsbreath cried, "He attacked me!"

"Who did?" Olaf asked as another villager untied him.

"THE DRAGON KING! HE ATTACKED ME! HE TIED ME UP! HE TRIED TO KILL ME!" Dogsbreath was fidgeting around so much he nearly kicked his own rescuer in the head.

Astrid picked up the parchment and read out loud "I believe this belongs to Spitelout." Lying on the ground was a shovel and bag of silver.

"The fool explained everything later," Astrid told Fishlegs and the Twins that evening at dinner. "Dogsbreath saw us with Snotlout and guessed what had happened. He grabbed his share of the money and went to bury it in the woods, but the Dragon King caught him."

"The Dragon King was here?" Fishlegs cried.

"Who else could it have been?"

"And he managed to tie up Dogsbreath? I really want to meet this guy!" Ruffnut grinned.

"I want to see his dragons!"

"I want to see all the destruction they can do!"

Astrid shook her head. "You guys didn't ask me how the Chief reacted."

Tuffnut laughed. "We don't need to. We heard it."

Fishlegs looked eagerly at her. "So what does this mean, Astrid? Are you now the Heir officially?"

"Well—not exactly. Dad and I thought it would be unwise to bring it up to Stoick so soon. In fact, we've settled on waiting for Stoick to come to us to offer it, once he sees he has no better option."

Fishlegs raised his goblet, "Well, here's to our new Chief,"

"Here here!"

"Cheers!"

Astrid felt touched—and also a bit guilty.

The Hofferson household was equally buoyant that night, and for many nights and days to come. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that Astrid was going to be the next Chief. Most people were relieved as well, glad that Snotlout would not be getting the Chiefdom and relieved that that issue at least seemed finally settled. Their thoughts turned back to the Dragon King, his terms, the information Astrid had brought, and his latest escapade. It made for lots of talk that went on long after the night was half over.

It was far from being festive at the Jorgenson residence. They were forced to eat at home because Spitelout was anxious to avoid everyone, which unfortunately put them in close proximity with each other. The shouting match earlier that day had not improved the mood of either Jorgenson.

"You idiot!" shouted Spitelout. Snotlout sat sullenly at the table, looking away from his father. "I wouldn't care if you robbed every moron on the island if it made us rulers of Berk, but why'd you have to let yourself get caught doing it?"

"How was I supposed to know some dragon freak was spying on me?" Snotlout snapped.

"First rule of this game, stupid, is to always assume you're being watched! Have I taught you nothing? Have I not been trying to make you Chief ever since you were a child?"

"Yes you have! It's been about the Chiefdom as far back as I can remember!"

"You never complained, did you? You never objected to the idea of running the island! You never minded the prospect of everything here becoming yours! It was all yours on a platter, if you had only just straightened up and paid attention! But no, you had to go about taking care of your ego more than taking care of staying in Stoick's good graces! And now look! Thanks to your stupidity, everything I've worked like a dog for all these years has been ruined! Well I hope you're happy: you've blown it! All you had to do was to outshine Astrid—a woman! It should have been as easy as outshining Hiccup!"

"So I bribed some people to be nice, so what? It's not a bad idea!"

"The other villagers, and especially Stoick, don't like the idea of bribes, stupid. They see it as a form of corruption that leads to instability!"

"You always said it's just the results that matter!"

"To people like you and me, not to people like Stoick! You've got to be able to judge character correctly and manipulate it! That's what Dogsbreath and Mildew were doing to you! They would have just kept demanding more money from you, and you'd have ended up completely in their pocket! The Chief has to be the one everyone else is dependent on, not the other way around!"

"And was I going to be entirely dependent on you, or were you going to leave me alone and let me do things my way?" Snotlout shouted.

"Well it doesn't matter much now, does it? Thanks to your stupidity you can say goodbye to any hopes of becoming Chief now. Everything I've worked for has been ruined thanks to you!"

"Everything you've worked for?" Snotlout stood up. "All you've done is tell me what to do, always shout at me for every little mistake, always boast about my achievements to others and then coming home to tell me everything I did wrong! Then you'd assure me it was all to make me the Chief! And now you're going to blame everything on me again?"

"Don't you use that tone with me young man!"

"If this is all your work, then it's your own fault it's come to nothing! Why didn't you work harder? If you're so eager to make me the Chief, why didn't you find a way to bump off Astrid?"

"Because you wanted to sleep with her and I thought you had the strength to beat her yourself! Why didn't you focus more on training and impressing Stoick than trying to get Astrid to go to bed with you?"

Snotlout had several words he wanted to say to his father, but he held his tongue. Spitelout likewise got the sense that this blaming game would not help matters. They both started taking deep breaths to calm down a little.

"Is there no hope?" Snotlout asked hoarsely.

"I don't know. There's always a chance Astrid might die, but aside from that…unless she somehow screws up really badly, I can't see how Stoick will consider you again." He frowned. "We've got to stay low for a while, until a chance for glory comes up. Gods, I wish some dragons would show up! Your reputation would be nigh untouchable with a stellar kill count! Assuming Astrid doesn't outshine you in that matter like she has in everything else!" At this Snotlout stormed off to his room.

Spitelout turned things over in his mind. This was a bad setback, but it was not irredemible—he hoped. Ever since that small meeting with Stoick, Spitelout had thought of the plan Stoick had suggested. Now he wanted to ensure it was implemented. If Snotlout was the reason it worked, and if something happened to Astrid in the process, all might be forgiven. But first he'd have to get Stoick to go along with it.

"I'll remind him of Hiccup and Valka. That'll do the trick. For once that boy will be useful for something!"

Snotlout stormed about his room furiously.

"My fault!" he seethed, "my fault! It's his fault for not helping me when I needed it most! It's always been praising me in public and scorning me at home! I'm sick of it!" He sat down on his bed. "It's always been about me becoming the Chief! 'A Chief does this, a Chief does that…you'd be chief if you did this, you'd be chief if you did that…but you didn't so you're not the chief'! I'm so SICK OF IT!" He shouted his last three words at the top of his lungs, hoping his father would hear him. Then in a softer tone he mumbled, "Why does it always have to be about the chiefdom?"

He slowly became away that he was sitting on something that was not a blanket. He felt around and picked up a piece of parchment.

'Lamentable, but you did have it coming'

Snotlout ran out of his room. "Dad! The Dragon King's been here! Look!" Spitelout came running at full speed, almost barreling into his son.

"Housebreaking now? What else is this fiend going to do?" Snotlout anxiously handed him the note. Spitelout read it and tore it up. "Nobody needs to know about this." He said. "And we've really got to watch our steps from now on. For all we know he could be spying on us right now!"

In fact he was not. The Dragon King and the Night Fury were sitting on the throne in their hall and were laughing loud enough to make the room echo.

They had heard about Astrid's return from their Terror scouts, and had also learned when Astrid planned to tell Stoick about Snotlout's bribery. In a fit of mischievousness they had decided to go to Berk and see for themselves what would happen. While hiding in the woods, the King had a Terror sneak into Stoick's house and drop the letter for them to read. He had gotten a good laugh watching them drag Snotlout through town, and had spotted Dogsbreath running into the woods with a bag of money. It had been a simple matter to follow him, sneak up on him, tie him up, and leave a quick note. While the villagers were all reacting to Dogsbreath's screaming, he had sneaked around the village and slipped into Snotlout's room to leave his final note behind.

"Well, Bud, I'd say things are looking good for us!"

"No kidding!" Toothless gave the King one of his trademark toothless smiles.

"Astrid's on her way to the Chiefdom and likes dragons, Snotlout and Dogsbreath have been humiliated, and we've made a nice impression on the rest of Berk. It's been a good day's work!"