Surprise guys!

I know it's been RIDICULOUSLY long since I've update but here I am!

A chapter for Forever and DYTOM is in the works!

-Tay

5/7/14

My life ended before it began. And not in the way you might think.

My life was basically a dream. I was in a committed relationship with someone that I loved, someone who basically gave my life purpose. I had great friends, family, and I had recently landed the job of my dreams.

I'd dreamed of training athletes. I wanted to be the one who pushed others to their limits, who showed someone that they could become anything they wanted with hard work and determination. So a massive student loan and a four-hour drive later, I was in school, studying to physical education and training. And it was because of my study that I met Adrian.

He was a nursing student. It was his day to be the campus EMT and by noon, I had already hurt myself. Usually, I was good at recovering from any problem, scraped knee, sprained ankle, twisted wrist. But this time, I hit my head, hard. My vision was blurry and my world was spinning, but Adrian rushed me to the campus hospital and had me treated for a concussion. When I woke up, not only was I insanely confused, but a random phone number on the bedside table left me a bit more puzzled than before.

I called it, and he told me just about everything, including the fact that he'd been admiring me from afar since I began school, and that he had wished for his chance to ask me out, but he was constantly busy. I suppose him gathering the nerve to say that he was thankful for my concussion made him seem quite intriguing, so when he asked me for coffee, I couldn't refuse.

The one thing that I hated about Adrian was his lack of common sense. He was never good at picking signals, and when I had to tell him things straight up, he still acted like he had no idea what I was talking about.

And our relationship spiraled from there. The miscommunication, the arguing, the god-awful makeup sex. But I stayed anyway, because my father liked him, and he was contributing to my schooling. I felt bad for using him, despite my horrible attitude and snarkiness, I never did things like that. But I needed the money, all of my dad's savings were going towards my mother's medical bills, and I wouldn't have made it through college without Adrian's help.

The one prop that I can give myself is that I really did love him through all of it.

I tried to make myself believe that I was happy, but eventually, Adrian came through. He began behaving like an adult, he listened to me, he pleasured me the way I wanted, and he apologized for being so insubordinate. I should've been the one apologizing, he'd lent me at least $30,000 and didn't think anything of it.

I mean, the sex was never as great as it is with Dimitri, but it was somewhat satisfactory.

So I pushed any and all thoughts of leaving him out of my mind. I owed him.

So when the love of my life came along, he was basically another Adrian, only wanted for himself, and would do anything to get it.

But the difference between the two of them was only one of them truly loved me back.

Dimitri had been doing this for a long time. Granted, he hadn't yet been successful in any of his recent endeavors, he was trying. He needed someone to curb his insatiability. He couldn't do it on his own.

Nobody understood him. Nobody knew what he went through on a daily basis. Nobody knew what it felt like to think that no one loved you. That no one appreciated you or cared about you in the slightest. He knew what that felt like. And he needed someone to make him forget about it.

Dimitri lost his virginity in the ninth grade, with a girl whose face he can't even remember. He was bat-shit drunk that night, and only remembers waking up in someone's closet with his pants down and a used condom in the corner of the tight space. His head was throbbing, and his body was tired, but he pulled himself together and managed to get home, only to be beat all over again.

He didn't want to talk about that.

Ever since, sex wasn't about love or connections. It was about playing games.

Sex was power. Power was sex. The both of them, equally animalistic and dominant, were Dimitri's two favorite things. If he called the shots, he had the power over the sex. And because of the sex, he felt powerful. The two went hand in hand.

And despite all this, he remembers feeling more affection during that one moment of passion than he ever did at home.

Women practically threw themselves at him. Even in high school, he had dozens of girls wanting the 'Dimitri experience,' begging him to give it to them in the worst way. But now, as an adult, with a paying job and a place to live, still looking handsome as ever, still hasn't been able to find anyone to love him the way he needs it. To make him feel powerful the way he likes. He had been so used to giving out pleasure, he wanted to experience the feeling of someone giving him everything he wants. Someone pleasing his body and mind the way he likes.

He was surprised when she came along. Initially she was hesitant, especially considering he practically kidnapped her, but he figured if he was gentle with her and presented her with options, she'd be more than likely to stay. He didn't want to force her into anything, but with a face and a body like hers, he'd kill to get his hands, and mouth, on it.

And she said yes.

It was like all his prayers had been answered, like an angel had been sent to him from heaven. His intentions weren't malicious, all he wanted was someone to have sex with, and she agreed quicker than he'd expected.

But he didn't expect to fall for her the way he did. She showed him that there was more to life than wallowing in misery and feeling sorry for himself. She opened his eyes. It meant even more to him that she threw everything away for him.

He loves her more than life itself. He will love her until he dies.

"Dimitri, we talked about this."

Dimitri peered over at Dr. Blankenship, his eyes straightening into thin lines. "We talked about what?"

"Stop referring to yourself in the third person in your journals."

Dimitri rolled his eyes, and instinctively squeezed Rose's hand tighter. "That's how I like to write. Why the fuck is it such a big problem?"

"It's a problem because you continuing to pretend like this 'person' isn't you is going to disconnect you from the real world. You'll think that 'he' has all these problem instead of you."

Dimitri laughed sarcastically and rolled his eyes once again. "You think I don't know what I've done?"

"I know you do." She said, her eyes flickering back and forth from Dimitri's face to Rose's poor hand. He was wringing the life out of it. "But if you continue to act you're someone else eventually you'll start to believe it."

"How stupid do I look? I know exactly what I did! I ripped Rose away from her life, I abused her, I made her feel worthless, yet I'm lucky enough that she still loves me. I'm doing this for her. Unless she tells me to stop writing in the third person, I'm going to keep doing it."

The both of them looked right at Rose. She rolled her eyes, copying Dimitri, and looked at him annoyingly. "Write it like she tells you to, Dimitri."

Throwing her hand back at her, Dimitri stood up and rammed both fists into the wall. Dr. Blankenship took a few steps back, and Rose just sat there, not even flinching at the loud bang resonating through the room. "Why do you do this to me?"

"You said you'd stop writing like that if I told you to, now I did. Now write it like she fucking said to."

It was ridiculous how motherly Rose felt towards him sometimes. She had to reprimand him at every turn. She was more like a caregiver than a lover, and she absolutely hated it.

She and Dimitri had many wonderful times together. Their best era in her opinion, was about a year after he'd 'took' her. She never viewed it as kidnapping or abduction, honestly he saved her. She led a life she thought she was happy with, and she never realized how liberated she actually was with Dimitri. She didn't have to please anyone, meet anyone's standards. She could work, and go out, and shop all she wanted. As much as she didn't want to admit it to herself, Rose had more freedom with Dimitri than she did with Adrian. Adrian had her life lined up in a tightly scheduled itinerary—brunch with his parents today, dinner party tomorrow, random outing the next day, she never caught a break. The only thing she had to give Dimitri was sex, and even then, her schedule was still flexible.

Fortunately, her mother got better. Rose and her entire family thought Janine had succumbed to the cancer lining her cervix, but an emergency surgery and months of chemo later, Janine Hathaway-Mazur was completely cancer free. With her mother back in the picture, it allowed her father to get to the bottom in the drastic change he'd seen in his daughter. He contacted the police, sent her thousands of emails, called her daily, and even sent a search party out for her. In the beginning, she refused to tell him where she was. She was afraid her father would try to harm Dimitri or rip her away from him. But, about a year and a half later, she finally broke down and told him the truth. Obviously, she left quite a bit of detail out, but she told her father that she'd met someone new, and she was happy with him.

Despite the fact that Dimitri's initial purpose for associating himself with Rose was for sex, she taught him things. All he wanted was to be loved. He felt as if nobody loved him, and if she could prove to him that she loved him, it would completely change his perspective, and quite frankly, it did. He felt a sense of relief knowing Rose was looking out for him—even if ninety-nine percent of the time it drove her fucking insane. She was going to be there for him, even during violent outbursts like these.

"Dimitri settle down." Rose whispered, her expression still calm and still—it spooked the doctor a bit—she had no idea how Rose was so calm in the midst of one of his temper tantrums.

Dimitri took a few deep breaths, and finally sat down next to her, gripping her hand lightly. "Moya lyubov, I am so sorry."

Rose kissed his hand and turned to face him. "Now, can you please listen to her and write how she asks you too?"

All he did was nod.

Doctor Blankenship cleared her throat, and eyed the both of them wearily. "So, let's discuss what I've read today."

Rose's ear visibly perked up, and Dimitri stared at the floor.

"Rose, it seems you viewed your relationship with Adrian as toxic."

She nodded.

"Why? He was taking care of you, and it seems to me that he did love you. Explain to me where these feelings are coming from."

Dimitri's fists clenched at the mention of anyone else loving Rose as he did.

Rose smirked. "You want to know something, Doc?"

The doctor nodded in turn.

"When I 'went missing.'" Rose made quotation marks with her fingers. "He didn't once try to contact me. He didn't look for me, he didn't email, call, or text me. And the next week I'm reading in the local paper that he's engaged to a wealthy heiress. He never gave a shit. And the fact that I thought he did shows how weak I was. He was trying to get in the goods with my dad, and unfortunately it worked."

"How so?"

"My father was Adrian's best man at his wedding."

"Do you feel betrayed by your father?"

"Of course I do! But I forgave him for that a long time ago."

Doctor Blankenship wrote a couple of notes down in her pocketbook, and turned her attention to the brooding Russian. "Alright Dimitri."

He looked up at her and blinked a few times, awaiting her response.

"At the beginning of your entry, when you talked about losing your virginity, what did you mean by 'getting beat all over again?'?"

Dimitri chuckled a bit. "Are you seriously that incompetent?"

Rose nudged him. "Answer the question."

"I was beat at home, you idiot. I went home and my father used his extra time to beat me. And when he wasn't beating me, he was beating my mother and my sisters."

"I think this abuse at home is what made you so drawn to sex. You said in one section that you felt more affection during your first time than you ever did at home. Was that a revelation for you?"

"I guess it was." He said. "It wasn't until I lost my virginity that I realized how sex made me feel."

"So this is why you took Rose?"

Before Dimitri could speak, Rose stepped in. "I asked you to stop saying 'taken' and 'kidnapped' for a reason. Neither him or me view it that way."

"My apologies, Rose. But you didn't even know him until,"

"That was my loss! I love him! And it doesn't matter to me how I came to love him but I do! Just drop it!"

Doctor Blankenship sighed. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. You two have to face facts! Dimitri technically kidnapped you! You grew to love him, but you definitely didn't start out that way."

"I've apologized so many goddamn times. What more can I say?" Dimitri yelled, trying to calm himself but failing miserably. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to fucking do, and I'm fucking here, aren't I? I'm doing this for her."

"Dimitri, I understand that,"

"Obviously you don't. I'm fucking leaving."

Dimitri snatched his notebook from the doctors hand and stormed out.

"Rose, I'm sorry. I have to find some way to get through to him."

Rose clenched her fists. "You don't have to be so fucking hard on him. He's trying his best."

"I get that. But he's not listening, he won't use any of the treatments I give him—every appointment is an uphill battle that keeps falling backwards."

"I know. It's all going to shit. I don't know what else to do." Rose buried her face in her hands.

The doctor places her hands on her shoulders. "Well, getting him to write in first person is a start. It'll train him to start listening. Even if it means you reinforcing everything I say, so be it."

"Is that all, Doc?" Rose looked up, annoyance and urgency on her face.

"That's all, Rose." Doctor Blankenship opened the office door. "For now."

Rose left in silence.

Well... shit.

Sorry guys. The chapter you saw was my draft of DYTOM.

Oops.

Here's the real thing!

I really am sorry about the long ass wait on these. I mean LONG ASS WAIT. I've had a lot going on lately.

But hear ya guys go!

-Tay