Simply Starve This Sin
Chapter 1: A Most Unexpected Eulogy
Was it wrong of Sweeney Todd to think that he rather enjoyed a funeral more than a wedding?
Just the attendees dressed in black, just the silence and brief sniffles or trickles of tears made him feel slightly better inside, for at that moment in time there were other people that felt worse than he ever did, that were breaking down with no shame of how distraught they looked whatsoever. Even people he'd never realised had known the deceased that were bawling their eyes out - anything for attention he supposed, what utter idiots they were.
Despite the fact he'd known Violet, and had liked her, her company in his household was rather brief and he'd hardly understood the girl. The young girl's death (he would never admit to it to Nellie), didn't seem to reach his heart, his feelings of her suicide were none existent, he felt completely empty, and that's why as soon as he'd had to tell his wife of her cousin's passing, it had been rather...
...awkward.
Ever since he'd blurted it out to his wife, they'd become more distant than before, the only times they truly enjoyed being together had been when they were with their baby Rue.
Nellie was quietly sniffling, eyes half closed as she looked down to the cold church floor, her head leaning against Sweeney's shoulder for cushioning. It would soon be time to give her eulogy, and the ex-barber knew that she'd be zoned out, he'd have to help her up or wave her into reality in order to get her up those stone stairs to spew grief-filled nonsense, of positive memories of the girl, not even considering the deceased in a bad light. The priest stopped his speech, which caused Sweeney to flicker his eyes to the man, who nodded, prompting him to shake Nellie's shoulder.
She didn't even look up in acknowledgement, merely stood bent over double, her grey-rimmed chocolate eyes were veiled by her lids, anyone looking at her would have thought she was sleepwalking as she made her way to the chiselled steps, boots clacking and eerily echoing around the church.
As soon as she reached her position, the entire place was ridiculously quiet, no coughs or splutters, no sniffles or sighs. Just silence for the dead.
And so, the red-headed woman began to talk utter drivel about how well liked and innocent her cousin had been, her husband soon tuned out as he soon grew tired of the words being formed by her mouth, soon focusing on that feature all too much.
The way she was speaking, the way her lips moved lost him entirely, he closed his ears to her, and merely watched her instead. The pale chapped lips that moved, so much so that he just wanted to kiss her, it had been so long since she had allowed him to do so.
It was like all the life had been stripped from her, he wanted to make her herself again, he didn't care what it would take. If he had to annoy the hell out of her, he would. He knew how stubborn she could be, and it was worsened now that she was in grief. He failed to understand why she chose to curl up away from him, when he had done nothing at all to warrant her closing up to him. Yet he completely understood grief, and why many humans seem to clutch to it. It's like a scar - once it's there, it can always be reopened.
Seeing her lips turned down in an upside down smile made him swallow and softly frown, thin lips in a stern line.
He could see so much of what he used to be in her in that moment, the monotonous tone in her voice as it droned in his ears, the occasional blinking, the even darker rings around her precious eyes...
It wasn't Nellie anymore, just a host that looked like her, the real one was being held hostage in that curly-haired head.
Sweeney suddenly gritted his teeth, wondering how long his wife was going to go on about the deceased girl. It was the only thing she would speak about if she ever did talk to him alone, she even would try to when they were with Rue, to which he would scowl at her, wondering why she insisted on talking of loss and death around a new life that had been brought to the world.
'Odd that I had to tell 'er that...' he thought to himself, watching in irritation as Nellie brought a handkerchief to her eyes, wiping the tears away.
Months, months he'd had to suffer before the funeral. After this event he hoped that his wife would be able to accept her dear cousin was gone, and get on with her own life.
Or perhaps she wouldn't. She would be a shell of who she was before, forever.
'Perhaps she just needs a gentle shove in the right bloody direction then?' he said to himself, a touch of a smirk tugging at the side of his mouth.
Oh, there was no harm in that, surely?
Nellie suddenly backed from the podium where she'd been speaking, letting out shuddered breaths as she made her way back to the pew where Sweeney was sat, coal eyes boring into her, not that she seemed to be aware of his look of bother.
She plonked herself down next to him, head facing down, the only sound was her jaggered breaths that almost sounded like she was in pain.
The priest continued again, droning about this and that, all of it boring background noise to Sweeney as he turned his head back to face his out-of-touch wife.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd had her attention. Hers was the only attention he actually craved, he wanted to be uknown to anyone else. Why couldn't Nellie see that? Where had the adventurous woman gone? So full of life she had been, so full of ideas, spontanaeity and high spirits.
How he missed her being the complete opposite of him.
It's no fun when you're the same piece of the puzzle, you just don't fit together anymore.
What if he poked her, right then and there? Right there on her left cheek. Would she even react? Or be as stiff and stoic as he would be if she'd done that to him.
If she didn't do anything... What did that mean?
'It means y'got to try pushing her buttons harder,' he told himself, letting his eyes fall down to the look at the floor, mirroring Nellie completely. 'If there's a chance that there's still fiery Nell in there, we might as well try an' help 'er scratch 'er way out.'
A netted veil hung across her face to shield her eyes, eyes he would give anything to see look into his own just once more, those lively brown eyes, not the glazed over empty ones.
Before he realised what he was doing, Sweeney followed his thoughts and snatched his right arm up, holding out his pointing finger as he firmly poked the side of Nellie's cold pallid left cheek.
She didn't react.
He was infuriated with her! How selfish of her, cooping herself in her own grief when she had a family around her to keep her life going! He couldn't take it anymore, he was sick of her not being...
...her.
With a hint of a smirk, he noisily, disrespectfully stood up, causing everyone to whisper incessantly. The priest at the podium pauses, frowning at the crazy-haired man, who was now playing the grieving relative, as he mimicked the way Nellie looked down at her feet in depression.
'This'll bring out the old Nell, it 'as to!' he thought, raising his head slightly to look up towards the surprised priest.
"I 'ope y'don't mind Father," Sweeney announces lowly, even adding a quivering effect just to make it that more convincing, he even seemed to have the priest fooled. "After hearin' such beautiful words from my wife, I just 'ave to say somethin' too."
In his peripheral vision, he swore he saw Nellie jerk her head up and the back down, as if she wasn't interested.
So she was there was she? Well, something unexpectedly distressing may just draw the real Nell back out.
"Of course not," The priest replies, giving the pale man a sad smile. "Please, if you feel you have words to share with us, come up here."
Sweeney nodded, sniffing once as he pushes past Nellie and the rest of the people on his pew, hearing the whispers again as he felt everyone's eyes on him as he walked up the narrow aisle to the front of the church.
Stepping up onto the stone podium he licked his dry lips.
Was it normal to feel comfortable with all the bleak, miserable faces that gawked at him? He wasn't even sure what normal even was anymore.
"Violet Trémaine," he begins, sighing as he rests his palms flat on the pulpit. "Didn't really know the girl."
The atmosphere in the room was uneasy, and he moved his eyes to rest on the only person in the room he truly cared about:
Nellie Todd.
"I'm not sorry that she ain't here anymore. Because right now, she's ruining my life, even though she's no longer with us, how bloody selfish is that?" he stated rather matter-of-factly.
The room gasped in unison, viscious whisperers having a field day.
"When I'm gone, I'm gone, that's the end of that. No one dead should surely bother living so much, should they?"
The priest looked at Sweeney in horror, gaping at how casually he was saying this, despite being in front of the deceased girl's family and friends. People began saying that the fool at the front should be thrown out for such comments, yet somehow they allowed him to carry on.
"This day should be a relief, an end to things. An acceptance. If I come out 'o this church with my wife looking as miserable as me I don't know what the 'ell I'll do with my life." he admits honestly, looking straight at Nellie, who had lifted her stubborn eyes at him, yet did not stare into directly into his eyes. "She's meant to be the cheerful one. Not me."
"Get that fool off of that stage this instant!" someone from the back shouted, to which Sweeney smirked.
"Me? A fool? Sir, take a look at yourself. The only time you appear to 'ave cared about this girl is when she's dead and buried. I don't 'ave a clue who you are, but you're clearly not as prim and proper as you clearly thought y'were when you opened y'mouth."
All the children in the room giggled, maybe even some of the adults too as a frenzied noise erupted from the chattering crowd.
"I am sick of seeing such tradition as this, not because I am disrespectful," he carries on honestly, not fully realising why he's even there anymore. "But because of the way it has been tainted, into mere lies and deceit. This funeral is nothin' more than a sham, at best."
Sweeney walked from his position at the front, making his way down to where he'd been sat to retrieve his trench coat. He couldn't stand being in the place any longer.
As more gasps and chatters emerged, he noticed movement from Nellie, she now stood up, looking down as she crossed one hand over the other.
"... 'e's right." she answered clearly, in a loudly confident manner, causing Sweeney to frown at her words. He paused in his tracks, watching as she folded his coat over her arm, pushing through the people who attempted to block her from reaching him.
"Nell..." he started, but she hushed him, grabbing his arm and leading him down the aisle to the doors so the two of them could escape the place... the irony.
She managed to pull open one of the heavy-hinged wooden doors even though she had such a tiny frame, yanking him outside with her, the brightness of the outside world causing Sweeney to shield his eyes.
The door slammed behind them and she threw off her veil, disgarding it beneath her feet.
Taking his hand from his eyes to see her, he managed to take a glimpse of her just as she'd shot forward, parting her lips before forcefully pushing them to his, hands clawing around his neck as she pulled him down so she could reach better. He squeezed his eyes shut and returned gladly, intrigued by her actions but had an inkling that his plan had probably worked.
She moaned and shoved him backwards so he hit the door loudly, knowing for sure that the guests on the other side would have heard it. They attacked each others mouths, as if they hadn't felt one another in such a way for such a long time...
Which was true, it had in fact been months.
They'd been starved of each other for so long, their want and need for one another was unleashed in that moment, his arms pulling her tight to him as they moved with one another, totally disobeying the fact they were on holy grounds of the church.
Nellie was the one to pull away from him, teeth biting her bottom lip as she looked up at him through her thick black lashes. His eyes opened, and for the first time in months, his eyes faltered as he looked at her.
There she was.
He knew she had been there.
She gave him that mischievious smile and then giggled at his mix of happiness and total confusion. "You are the most 'onest man I 'ave ever met," she chuckled out, laughing hysterically at his look of pure astonishment.
"Well," he replied, quickly replacing his emotion with a trademark Todd scowl. "I just leave all the lyin' to you, seeing as you're so good at it, pet."
She dropped her smile and rolled her eyes.
"I'm sorry I've been so distant love," she whispered, looking up into his eyes in that way where he couldn't ever look away. "I guess the grief 'ad me carried away silly. So much so, that I couldn't even tell what I wanted anymore..."
He was silent.
"I jus' want to go back 'ome, 'ave a nice cup of tea with ya and jus' get on with me life." she sighed, resting her head on him, just below his collarbone under his head.
Even though he'd been surprised at the fact he'd annoyed her out of her cage, and how quickly that she'd come to her senses, he nuzzled his nose in the red curls that were on the top of her head, smiling, "I think y'd better make that cup 'o tea, gin instead."
She gasped, tearing away from him with an amused shock, smacking her hand on his chest.
"Rotten bugger!" she whispered, due to the fact a laugh was trying to escape her throat.
They linked arms, slowly strolling through the graveyard to exit the church grounds.
"I rather like funerals," Sweeney admitted, wondering why he was so keen on telling everyone how he felt all of a sudden. Perhaps it was the lack of attention from his wife.
"Oh you would!" Nellie exclaimed, those longing eyes filled with adoration were there again, so full of mischief and life.
He smirked, "Still doesn't beat our wedding day though. That was certainly something to grieve about - "
"Oi!"
She gave his ribs a good shove and he nearly fell into an open grave. He narrowed his eyes at the challenge and he darted towards her, to which she started giggling and running as fast as she could over the uneven ground, trying to avoid the mounds of earth that had bodies beneath.
He was tailing her, smirking as she continued running and laughing like a child.
He'd missed this.
He'd missed them being what they were meant to have always been.
Together, yet ...
free.
A/N Thank you for reading! It feels like I've never been away and I'm so excited to continue on to this sequel. There won't be as many notes from me unfortunately as my style has changed entirely (basically I've grown up xD) and I know you all just want more story than A/Ns since story is why you're here. Reviews would be great, but I don't mind silence, I want to see if I've lost touch with writing Sweenett or not... so I'm happy to have you along with me for the ride (if you enjoyed of course). More story to come, I promise. You won't hear from me much more, so please, do enjoy this story, let me know if you enjoyed, whether it be through a follow, favourite, PM or review, or silence. :)