Chapter 3: Grief and Baking in Spades

It was snowing in London when Lenalee stepped away from the Ark Gate, wrapping her arms around herself and making her way down the crowded street. She hadn't wanted to come here, but her footsteps had led her here anyways. A cloud of air escaped her lips as she pulled the hood over her overcoat over her hair and tightened her scarf. All the activity going on at Headquarters…she'd needed some air, and she'd wanted to be gone before someone made a more serious attempt to find her.

And being found…she could do without that right now.

Right now, she needed to find something familiar. Large chunks of her world had been ruthlessly torn out, and their absence was more apparent now than ever before. With Christmas in the brand new Headquarters now…up until that morning, it had never occurred to her now much she missed the old citadel, the imposing tower where she'd grown up. The new cathedral was a strange place, even with the familiar faces. Lenalee clenched her jaw and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. No…her grief and homesickness was too much to handle all at once.

"Pretty flower for the pretty lady?"

Lenalee jumped as a small hand tugged at her coat and whirled around to see it was girl with a basket of poinsettias. Instinct warned her of a potential akuma and she stepped back, but the child's innocent, dirt-smudged face remained as she held out the crimson blossom. "Pretty flower for the pretty lady?" She repeated. "Only two pence."

The young woman sighed, and pulled her coin purse from her pocket, withdrawing the two coins and handing them over.

The girl's face lit up and she eagerly handed her a blood-red poinsettia. "Thank you, miss!"

Lenalee watched her go with a small smile, then turned to a nearby shop window and scrutinized her short hair. A year ago, she'd have tucked the blossom in one of her pigtails, but now… She held it up to her throat and sighed. In the window's refection, she saw a man and woman passing behind her, the lady smiling as they walked arm in arm. Lenalee turned to watch them go and, for a moment, she saw the girl she'd been last year, walking alongside her best friends with their hands clasped.

When she saw the all too familiar coffin of ebony and silver, she'd known she was never going to see Daisya again. Something in her heart whispered that it was him in that box. He was gone, never to call her 'Moppet' or smile at her when she was sad or sing with her. God, it had been so long since they'd last sang together. Everyone had their own rituals to follow after an assignment, and hers and Daisya's was to simply sit in their favorite stairwell and sing until they ran out of songs. There were ballads and lullabies, silly poems and epic sagas, folk songs and classics, even childish clapping games. Occasionally, Kanda would sit with them, hold Mugen close and listen until he fell asleep on the steps. Or at least until Daisya tackled him and they went rolling down the stairs, kicking and punching.

Overriding the finders' protests, she'd ordered them to open the coffin. She had to be sure he was well and truly gone. It was closure. A certainty. So when she saw him lying there, his cold hands folded neatly over his heart, she did not cry out. Rather, she bit the inside of her cheek and held in her tears as she knelt. He was paler than he'd been when he was alive. It didn't look as though he were sleeping, as stories often told, but she already knew death wasn't like that. "Where is his Charity Bell?" She asked as soon as she noticed it was missing.

"Taken." The finder had croaked.

"I see."

That was about the time she'd shaken herself out of her stupor and coldly reminded herself that Daisya was simply one of many friends she'd been forced to leave behind. She'd always known it was a possibility, and she'd prepared herself for it. So, her eyes yielding no tears, she steadily closed the lid and allowed the finders to carry him away. One last journey home and then it would be over.

She'd have thought one mass funeral after another over the years would have numbed her to tragedy. And it had. She'd stopped crying for finders whose names she didn't know when she was twelve. The last exorcist she'd cried for was her mentor, General Tobias Mandel, after he'd fallen to an akuma bullet in Denmark. She'd followed Kanda's example ever since, wearing a stone face at every funeral, retreating to a dead place in her mind when a friend died before her eyes, feeling nothing. In the end, she supposed it was Daisya who cried enough for all three of them. Somehow…he was the one who always stayed the same.

Remained human?

Lenalee clenched her jaw as she remembered General Yeegar's death. Then Gwen and Sol, Kazaana and Chakar, and Suman and Tina's. Pieces of her world ripped away without mercy or provocation. It was Gwen and Brutus, alongside her brother, who brought the light back into her and her friends' lives. And her mentor as well. Mandel was one of the kindest men she'd ever known. He didn't deserve to go out the way he'd had. None of her family did. I shouldn't be out here. She scolded herself. I should be helping with the party, continuing my life the way I always do. Not sulking like this. I'm just being stupid. Kanda would tell her that when he finally caught up to her.

And yet, she would give anything to have her best friend back. To have him pat her head and tease her about her short hair, then pull her into one of his crushing hugs and promising it would grow back soon. He'd been her anchor and Kanda's voice of reason. Lenalee leaned against the wall and tucked the flower into her pocket. "I miss you."

-0-0-0-

After arriving in the kitchen, it didn't take long for Allen to realize he'd unwittingly unleashed a demon into Jerry's domain. The Head Chef had been welcoming enough when they first showed up, but after only a few moments of disorganization—which in itself was rare for the kitchens—Link decided to take matters into his own hands. Before anyone could even stop him, least of all Allen, the Inspector had taken off, reassigning tasks according to skill sets and, admittedly, restoring some welcome semblance of order to this corner of the world.

Jerry, of course, did not take kindly to the hijacking of his kitchen and had promptly gathered his most trusted chefs to one side in order to stage what could only be described as the first assault of a food war. At first, Allen had protested, hoping to keep the peace, but the Head Chef would not be placated, and so, armed with mixing bowls, wooden spoons, and festive Santa hats, the cooking challenge was on. Yet before the battle could truly begin, Krory had stuck his head through the window to investigate the commotion for himself and, remembering his grandfather's extensive collection of cookbooks, joined in on Link's side. He was shortly followed by an elderly gentleman from the Asian Branch no one recognized, and when questioned, the elder fellow merely set to work, humming a pleasant tune to himself.

"Just to make this perfectly clear." Krory said sternly in the center of the kitchen, albeit his seriously demeanor was somewhat diminished by the frilly, white apron he was wearing. "This is a friendly competition of skill and fun. Any attempts to sabotage each others' efforts…say, rearranging timers or oven temperature settings or, god forbid, putting wasabi horseradish or minty toothpaste in the cookies…I'll track you down and you can spend Christmas getting blood transfusions in the Infirmary."

And Allen watched it all from a chair in the corner, Timcanpy in his lap and his head pivoting back and forth like a spectator at a tennis match. What have I done?

"No need to rush!" Krory was telling Link. "Since we're severely outnumbered, there's no way we'll win in terms of quantity, so the quality has to be on point."

"Agreed." The Inspector nodded, rolling cookie dough between his hands and arranging small circles onto a sheet pan. "Not to mention, Jerry's superior numbers are also skilled chefs well versed in culinary performance. We'll have to be mindful of that as well."

The old man no one recognized said nothing and promptly attached a pair of reindeer antlers to each of their heads, much to Allen's dismay, to counter the Santa team across the kitchen. Timcanpy promptly took flight and sailed over the countertop to land on Link's shoulder, stretching his teeth in the widest of grins.

"No." Link scolded him, smacking the golem lightly on the head. "You can eat some during the party, but until then, control yourself. That goes for you, too, Walker. Now get over here and help us."

"But…I don't know anything about baking."

"Don't worry about that. We'll keep you on track." Krory assured him, flipping rapidly through the pages of a cookbook. "Let's see….what do you thing about doing gingerbread men next, Inspector? Or what about Stollen?"

"I know a good recipe for Stollen." Link answered, not raising his head from the cookie tray. "I'll fetch it once I'm done here. The gingerbread idea is good, and Three Kings bread should definitely be on the docket. Jerry's team is doing cinnamon tea rings right now. Have you found a gingerbread recipe?"

"No, not yet, I was just…here!" Krory set the book down and pointed. "Allen, cinnamon! It's in that cupboard over there. Inspector, brown sugar and molasses. I'll handle the smaller things, and you, good sir…"

The elderly gentleman raised his head.

"We're going to need four large sheet pans." The Count then turned to Link and asked. "Tripling the recipe proportions should be enough, right? We are literally feeding an army, you know."

-0-0-0-

"You take good care of that, squirt." Kanda said as Timothy ran up to him, holding a wrapped box in his hands with all the excitement and energy in the world.

"Think he'll like it?" The boy grinned.

"How should I know?" He shrugged, earning a disapproving glare from Emilia, but he ignored her and scooped the boy exorcist up. Timothy gave a startled shout, but he wrapped an arm around his neck and stared across the crowded plaza. The people of London had orchestrated some manner of festival for their holiday, and with it, a vast number of stalls selling various sweets, toys, clothing, and other varying items were present. After leaving the Ark Gate and coming across the spectacle, himself, Miranda, Timothy, and several others went their separate ways in search of last minute gifts. In truth, most of their Christmas shopping had been done a month or so in advance, and yet…well, Miranda and Timothy were new to the Order and Kanda hadn't given the matter much consideration until that very morning.

"Wow, you can see everything up here!" Timothy laughed. "I wanna be this tall when I'm grown up." In spite of himself, Kanda allowed a smile and patted the boy's shoulder. Renée used to carry Alma and me like this all the time in Lab Six. Every evening when they walked to the cafeteria, he remembered tugging at the woman's lab coat until she lifted him up. At first, it was just a method to get away from Alma following him everywhere, but….in time, he began to enjoy just being carried around like a normal child. Aunt Ren never seemed to mind, and even remarked to Madam Twi once that it felt like being a mother. This, of course, seemed to amuse the older woman, but she said nothing and brushed a hand over his black hair with a weary smile.

After the fall of Lab Six, he hadn't spoken for weeks. He remembered hiding in a corner of a dark room, furious he hadn't escaped the Order, but beyond that, that part of his life was a vague blur. He didn't accept food or drink, and that led to some painful stomach cramps, and there had been some folks here and there trying to coax him into speaking, but that was about it. Eventually, Bak had come and offered him a bowl of fried rice and chicken. "Renée told me it was your favorite." That was the first he'd heard the woman was still alive and that Alma hadn't murdered her with the others. He still wouldn't touch the food, and that was the moment Bak had drawn him into a tight hug. Kanda grimaced. He was angry enough he could've killed him then. With or without Innocence, the strength he possessed as a Second would've been enough to crush the man's neck, but…it was the stupidest thing that saved Bak's life. He smelled like his mother, and in that moment, he'd realized how much he missed the old nag and Edgar and Kimberley and Charles, Springer, Rogers, and Renée and everyone. Even Alma.

For a long time, he'd hated Alma for taking away the closest thing they would ever have to a family, but… I'd have done it, too, if he hadn't gotten to them first.

"Hey, are you all right?" Timothy's wary voice startled him.

"Je vais bien." He answered. In resonse, the boy tucked his head into the hollow of his neck, holding his gift close. It was for Allen, naturally. Kid couldn't show his face at the party without a present for the exorcists who saved him. Kanda nodded. "I think he'll like it, you know."

"You think so?"

Emilia stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Of course, it's a lovely gift Timothy."

"Without a doubt." Kanda raised his head as Miranda came trotting toward them, clutching several wrapped packages of her own to her chest, the biggest about the size of large book and the smallest looked as though it contained a pencil case.

"I'm sorry I'm late." The woman gasped and she skidded to a halt beside them, and would've slid right into the frozen fountain had Emilia not grabbed her when she did. Unperturbed, Miranda grinned and checked over the boxes to make sure she hadn't dropped any. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Kanda nudged the bag at his feet. "I'm done here."

"I'm hungry." Timothy moaned.

"I am as well." Miranda realized. "Shall we head back? It's almost midday, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I think—" Kanda stopped talking, his sharp eyes catching sight of something, no someone observing their group from afar. He turned his head and sure enough, Lenalee was watching him from across the plaza, and from the look in her eyes…no, it was simply too complicated to describe what she was feeling in that moment. He knew her too well. He could go on for hours on the thoughts running through her head. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, then turned away, looking into a shop window and wrapping her arms around herself.

Kanda sighed and turned to Emilia. "Here, take Timothy for me, will you?" He asked, passing the kid into her arms. "Go back to the Order without me. I have something to take care of." He left the bewildered trio and cut his way through the crowd, weaving his way toward his little sister. Lenalee gave no sign she was aware of his approach and kept her gaze locked on the glass of the shop window. Once, Kanda looked back at Miranda and the others, who were still watching him go, but none of them were attempting to follow. Emilia was the first to react, taking Miranda's arm and turning in the direction of the Gate. The Clockwork Exorcist also collected the bag he'd left behind. He would have to thank her later.

"What are you doing, Kanda?" Lenalee asked once his reflection was clear in the window. Her voice was cold.

Kanda blinked. "I would think that's obvious."

"Okay, then why?"

"Why aren't you?" Kanda folded his arms across his chest. "Didn't you hear what I said in the mess hall?" The girl didn't answer, bowing her head. She was upset with herself, he could tell that much. Whenever an occasion like this arose, she always behaved in a consistent pattern he'd memorized since they were children. It was simply her way. Kanda sighed. "What's the problem, Duckling?"

Lenalee bit her lip. "I always thought the reason was celebrating with family and friends, sharing gifts between family and friends, having dinner with family and friends...you know, being together with the people you care about."

"Well, yes." Kanda conceded with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. "So this is about Daisya."

"Of course it's about Daisya!" Lenalee whirled around to face him, crying out, "He was my friend! He was your friend, too! And now that he's gone…." She didn't want to celebrate without him, he finished on his own. Lenalee sniffled and rubbed her hand against the corner of her eye, then completely buried her face in her hands.

Kanda turned away, knowing she wouldn't want him watching. If Daisya were here, she wouldn't be crying. He'd pat her head and pull her into a crushing hug, trying to cheer her up with a big grin and endless words of encouragement and comfort. The elder man always knew what to do when their baby sister was upset.

Lenalee pulled her hands away from her face. "You know, everyone says how strong you are, and you've told me I'm strong. But out of the three of us, I think Daisya was the strongest. He's the one who kept us on our feet when Central was just about killing us. I didn't meet him until after Komui came to the Order and I recovered, but when I saw you again, you looked so much better. And I knew then Daisya had been looking after you the same way you did for me. He took care of both of us, no matter what. And now he's just gone."

Kanda closed his eyes. It was hard for him to believe, too. He should've expected it though. They'd grown up watching countless friends and comrades die, attended one mass funeral after another for years, and they knew all too well the scent of grave dirt and cremated bodies. They'd always known that one day they would be attending the others' funeral. To think or even dare hope otherwise was folly. But through the years, the three of them had somehow persevered. They'd been together for so long, perhaps he'd begun to think they were invincible, that nothing could happen to them.

"I miss him too." He admitted, opening his eyes to find hers drying. "But I don't think he'd want either of us to be moping around today. I mean…heh, biologically Daisya really was a big brother, so looking after us the way he did…that's how he got by. Remember how anytime we were in trouble with the Inspector—"

"I'd sit there trembling in fear, you just start sulking, and Daisya—"

"Would open his stupid mouth and yell right back at him." They said together, grinning in spite of themselves.

"He was both brave and stupid." Lenalee laughed and brushed her hand over her eyes.

"Well, sometimes you can't have one without the other." Kanda admitted with a nod. "Case and point, the Sprout. But this is what I mean. Don't you remember why Gwen and Brutus, rest their souls, brought back the traditions? It wasn't just about friends and family, Duckling. It was about bringing light back into the Order and bringing smiles back into our lives. Everyone's lives."

A silence fell between them, and the young woman lowered her eyes.

"I don't know about you, but I believe Daisya was relieved to finally see his brother and little sister smiling again." Against his better instincts, Kanda reached forward and cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear that had started to form. "We've only got one kid exorcist this year, and Timothy doesn't need the shitty dark years we had. So what do you say? Do I have your help or not?"

Lenalee forced a smile and nodded, placing her hand over his. "I'll go meet up with Miranda now."

"Do that." Kanda agreed, kissing her forehead, and the young woman linked her arm with his, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Although, since we're out here, I'd better do some overdue Christmas shopping of my own. Can't show without a gift for my brother, right?"

-0-0-0-

Komui sneezed and warily looked over his shoulder at Bridget Fay. She had been unusually vigilant, never letting him out of her sight for even a second, almost as if she knew his intentions to sneak away from work. No, there was no 'almost' about it; she definitely suspected his plans. This unexpected development had unsettled him beyond all measure, and…honestly, he wondered if Allen ever felt this way with the Inspector continuously following him around.

His assistant raised her eyes from her clipboard, her brow creased in a stern frown that wordlessly sent him to signing and reading reports with renewed energy. How was he supposed to get away now? A drop of perspiration slid down his forehead Fay had hidden all the remote controls to his robots, and even the quick escape tools had been looted from the locked secret compartments under his desk. There was nothing left to cause a diversion, there was no way he could race the woman to the door, and the window behind him led to a fifty foot drop into the courtyard. He tapped his fingers nervously. The party was this evening, and it was already midday. If he didn't make his escape now, there wouldn't be time to make the final touches on Lenalee's present.

Just to escape somehow…

-0-0-0-

Author's Notes: ...pretty flower for a pretty lady? (I just think that's cute. ^^)

D. Gray Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.