Simply Starve This Sin

Chapter 5: Selfish Man

That same night, the air had swirled into something bitter, seeing as autumn had now rolled in. Frost was beginning to form over the moist ground, as the bluish-grey clouds swept over the moon, casting subtle shadows over the town. The lifeless grey of night quickly reminded Sweeney of London as he sneaked out of the bakery, leaving a few latecomers to finish their meals inside alone, and abandoning his wife and child.

He hadn't even brought a coat to work that morning, and was now regretting it as he hugged his arms around himself, trudging over the gravel and down the main street. He kept his head down to avoid looking at anyone he walked by and watched the shadow of himself as he passed unevenly placed gaslights. His brow furrowed into a frown as he felt his pale lips getting chapped from the low temperature. His skin looked more of a pale yellow under the lights' glow, rather than the usual milky white, and he was almost certain that anyone would easily spot him if they were following him, or even Nellie could be behind him -

He suddenly stopped as he reached the next spot of shadow, jolting his body around like he expected to find someone behind him. Yet there was nothing, only the slight gust of wind and the part of road in darkness. He closed his eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. He let out a visible breath. Paranoia was something that was getting worse within him, especially since he and his wife had been almost discovered as murderers that summer. 'It isn't just that though, is it?' he thought to himself as he turned and started to go on his way again. 'You're lying to your family. You promised no more violence. You're afraid that they will find out. You are scared of their reaction. Of your daughter's reaction -'

Sweeney swallowed, upping his pace as he darted away from the lit pathway and then went left down a narrow alleyway. His thoughts were shoved to the back of his mind for the moment as his mind tried to decipher the shapes in the darkness that was in front of him. The brick walls seemed to squish into his shoulders as he neared a thick iron door, where it was partially lit with a single flickering lamp. Shivering, he reached up a rough hand and slammed it into the door a couple of times, hoping for a response.

He let out another hot breath as he stood there, swallowing when he could hear the muffled sounds of shoes on the other side. The door opened, and a figure appeared, hand motioning for him to enter.

Silently, Sweeney obliged and entered the place, the figure locking the door securely behind him.

Nellie huffed, dusting her hands together as she went in the back of the shop to check on her little girl. It had been a long time since Sweeney had come back in to give her another order, so she had decided that it would soon be closing time. Usually he would come in and let her know once outside had died down, and they would both shut up shop together.

" 'Ello there darlin'," she whispered, making her way over to a drowsy Rue in the day crib. "We'll be goin' 'ome soon, doncha worry! Long as y'dad ain't bein' so stubborn 'bout this so called club, 'o course, what a silly man 'e is!" She lifted her daughter up, one hand under her little bum as support, her little arms linked around her mother's neck. The little girl was surprisingly silent as she gazed half-asleep into her mother's eyes, melting her mother's heart by doing such a thing. Nellie could see so much of her husband in her, but so much of herself too. So much so, that she still couldn't believe how real her little one was, she was just too perfect. Chocolate eyes stared into chocolate eyes as she lifted her daughter up a little bit higher so they were face to face. Rue took a hand away from her mum to rub her eye tiredly, tiny bare feet wriggling freely as she let out a high pitched yawn. Her mum let out a chuckle.

"I know little one," she whispered with a smile. "I'm feelin' like that an' all. 'Ow 'bout we go an' surprise da-da, ay?" The little redhead cooed positively in reply, her mum nuzzling her nose which caused her to giggle.

Before they left the room, Nellie found her shoes and coat to put on, she noticed it had gotten chilly outside and the child would be sure to feel it. After dressing her, Nellie slung on her own jacket too and picked her daughter back up from the crib where she had been placed for the time being. The baby redhead rested her head on Nellie's shoulder as she sucked her thumb, eyes drooping tiredly. On her way through the kitchen, her mother blew out all the candles she had lit, leaving the mess to clean up tomorrow, seeing as there would only be more the next day anyway.

She sighed, feeling the warmth she and her daughter were generating between them quite pleasant as she backed into the doors to the customer area. She opened her mouth with a smile, ready to surprise her waiting husband.

Yet her heart dropped once she saw the place was completely empty, not a customer in sight.

Not a Sweeney in sight either.

Her heart began to pound, at first with panicked anger.

'I shoulda known,' she told herself firmly, holding onto her child tightly. 'As soon as 'e was bein' all mysterious, I shoulda known. 'E was goin' whether I were in favour of 'im goin' or not. 'E's always been a selfish man, I should be used this sort 'o thing by now. If 'e's not killin' it's always somethin' else. Probably another... woman. I don't blame 'im, not after what I put 'im through with my grief. Not that I'd put up with 'is grief for years more, mind you.'

Then her heart began to drop in sadness, disappointed tears welling up her eyes, the only thing holding the streams back in their ducts was the warm child wrapped around her, little sniffling snores soothing her. She would make sure the little one was not selfish like her father, or anything bad for that matter. She hoped to god their girl would get the best parts of them both, and have no evil about her.

Nellie kissed the top of Rue's pale forehead, then nuzzled her nose in the eerily similar hair to her, closing her eyes to calm her worry and disappointment.

"Let's go 'ome, ay?" she breathed shakily, slowly wandering about the dining area, snuffing out any burning candles. "I'm sure y'dad won't be waitin' up."

After putting Rue to rest at home, Nellie had heated up some soup she had made the day prior, heading to the parlour. Her usual cheery expression had disappeared, instead she wore a vacant emotion, one reminiscent of her recent grief. She was sick of playing games, and certainly sick of her husband doing as he pleased. She sat on the patchwork couch in front of the burning fire, stretching out her limbs over the soft cushions too. She shovelled some soup onto her spoon, not even bothering to blow on it before sticking it into her mouth. The stinging pain was a welcome one, reminding her that she was indeed still alive, and able to feel.

Not once did Nellie think she would feel like this having had a family with Sweeney Todd. But then again, none of her dreams had gone to plan so far, or at least not how she would have imagined them to happen. She had wanted everything to go perfectly, and as far away from evil with the least problems as possible, mostly for their daughter.

Staring into the flames as she took another gulp, her seemingly lifeless eyes seemed to flicker and crackle just as the fireplace did. She wanted him to come back home. She had no idea what he was doing, no idea who he was with.

She had no idea if he would ever come back.

She winced and squeezed her eyes shut, pushing the soup bowl and spoon out of her hands like a toddler throwing a tantrum. The liquid seeped into the rug on the floor, the bowl thudding as it hit the edge of the stone fireplace. She took in a breathy sob and leaped to her feet, heading out of the parlour and rushing upstairs, slamming the bedroom door behind her, not that the source of her frustration was even there to hear it.

It was the early hours when Sweeney once again was walking through the darkness, only this time, he felt like his paranoia had disappeared. His body was warm, and full of energy even after a full day's work. His black orbs glistened on high alert, anticipating any danger coming his way. It wasn't long until he reached the familiar sickly row of gas lamps lighting his way up to his house. He let out a harsh gasp as his tender arm brushed against the side of one of them, winding him for a second before he carried on towards his home. He soon reached the familiar gravel driveway, and he tread on his tiptoes to ensure he didn't disturb the ladies sleeping inside.

He'd made it to the porch, where he took his arms away from his hugging position to cautiously see if the door was open. Nellie had left it open for him, and he stepped inside.

The front door carefully closed behind, and he turned, eyes alert as he caught the dance of light coming from the parlour. He crept to the doorway in order to spy through the hinge, noticing the fire was still crackling away with no sign of Nellie. 'Probably left it lit 'cause it's so bloody cold,' he thought, a touch of a grateful smile on his lips. 'She'll never know 'ow good she is.'

He sighed and went back to the front door, locking it with the key Nellie had left for him on the end of the banister. With fatigued legs, he went upstairs, his weak arm slouching into the wall on his right. He eventually got to the landing, to which he let out an exasperated huff. The first thing he did was sneak to Rue's bedroom, peeking through the hinge just as he had downstairs so he didn't intrude. He smiled and his emotion softened as soon as he saw Rue and curled up and snoring away, "There's my girl." Seeing that his little daughter was safe, he headed towards the bathroom. It was in pitch darkness as he entered, but he managed to fumble around and find some matches to light a candle to give the room a golden glow. He got down on his aching knees, delicately removing a wooden square from a floorboard next to the sink. It revealed a dark hole, but there was a familiar glisten of silver that shone from inside, to which Sweeney smiled. He removed something from his pocket and placed it inside with his valuables, stroking his infamous razors' case before carefully putting the board back over the hole. He gradually stood back up, arching back cracking as he did so.

He pulled off his waistcoat and stock, looking at his fairly bloodied face in the mirror. 'Didn't realise I looked that bad...' he thought to himself, reaching a hand up to wipe his cut lip. He ran the tap, cupping water over his face. Strangely, the blood seemed to wash off easily. He winced as the water got into his cut, and he stared into the mirror. He wondered what he was doing as his reflection stared back at him, his pale skin covered in small scrapes and bruises. He gritted his teeth and looked down into the sink, running a callous hand through his black hair, not caring about whether his hair was completely messed up.

He closed his eyes to compose himself and then straightened his back, looking into the mirror once more before removing more clothes until he was clad in his undershorts. Leaving the pile of his clothes in the bathroom, he wandered through to his bedroom door, once again looking through the hinge to suss out if he was welcome or not.

Nellie seemed fast asleep, she was curled up in the covers, red locks in tangled mess across the pillow next to her. He smiled, until she started to sniff.

A guilty expression swept its way across his features as he silently pushed himself through the door, approaching the bed. He cautiously set himself down next to her, sneaking under the covers. Her sniffling continued, and he swallowed, closing his eyes when he pressed his warm chest to her clammy spine, draping an arm over her.

"I love you Nell," he breathed out, nose nestling in her hair, so that he felt like he was completely surrounded by her scent. He didn't care that she couldn't hear him, he just felt less guilty by saying it. He lowered his head to brush his lips over the back of her neck, to then follow up with a lingering kiss. He then settled back, succumbing to sleep, just like the woman next to him.

Except she wasn't asleep at all. She was wide awake, feeling a mixture of strange emotions. She didn't know how to feel - she felt angry and disappointed, yet confused and warm... so, so...

...warm.

She could still feel the roughness of his lips on the back of her neck, even though they had gone. They had been unusually callous, from the cold outside perhaps. The way he had whispered his love for her repeated again and again in her ears, which made her heart sink and her hands claw at her sheets. How could he say that, after straight out leaving her when she said not to? Leaving to do something she had no idea about? But how could he say it so sensually, and sincerely, without meaning it all?

She squeezed her eyes shut.

Sweeney's other arm slowly snaked around her naked middle underneath the covers, it was a soft action for him, then again he hadn't had the courage to do such a thing for a while. Nellie sniffed again, feeling herself being pulled back into him so her head rested below his collarbone, his warm breath on her forehead.

Surprisingly, this relaxed her, and eased her into a slumber. Despite the fact he was the source of her problems, he had managed to calm her at that moment in time.

And their problems became a thing of tomorrow.