A/N You guys! I am so incredibly sorry it's taken me so long to update this fic. I've been swamped with work ever since university's started, and the small free time I have I usually spend with family or sleeping. Anyways, I hope the long wait didn't spoil the story for you, and I hope that this extra-long chapter might make it up to you. I really am going to try to update it more frequently, but I also hope you understand if it takes me a little longer. As always, I'd love feedback, and I hope all of you are enjoying the season and are looking forward to the soon-to-be-aired Christmas special!

Chapter 4

JADE

She'd always made a point of being independent, of having unhindered control of her life—her independence had been one of the most important qualities in her life. Whenever there were times she was dependent on someone—because of illness, or money, or otherwise—she'd felt a sense of humiliation, as if accepting help was an inhibition to her accomplishments, as if it erased all of her other successes and proved that she was, and had always been, a child. Jade knew it was silly; after all, she was lucky to have people around her who were willing to help her.

When she'd realized she couldn't afford a car after moving to England, it wasn't a big deal for her to use public transportation: that's what she'd been doing most of her life, anyways. When she grew up in the country and later, when she lived in big whenever anything involved being helped, her mind fell back into feeling guilty, and so when Caroline offered her a ride to the restaurant, she couldn't help but feel anxious: it reminded her of times when she'd given up her independence, her liberty.

And anyways, hadn't she promised herself not to get involved with women yet? Her last heartache still somewhat lasted, and she was terrified remembering the way she'd given up her selfhood for another person, how she'd so completely depended on someone just to be left in pieces, unable to function without the other.

But within seconds, Jade had convinced herself that it was all in her head and that she would of course ride with Caroline, because she was being friendly and it was convenient—not because Jade was dependent.

She was nervous sitting in Caroline's big, black car—it assigned the other woman some sort of power, of status, and it didn't help that Jade felt awkward being in a car with someone she hardly knew—what to talk about?—and that she was under the pressure to make a good impression.

Luckily for her, though, the ride didn't take long: Caroline had picked a small restaurant right around the corner so that they didn't have the time to start a proper conversation before they reached the parking lot.

CAROLINE

Caroline loved this restaurant—its small size had a certain kind of charm, and the surprisingly warm temperatures made it possible to sit outside, even in the late afternoon. By this time, it was already getting dark and the owners had just turned on the set of lights they'd hung throughout the outside section of the restaurant. Each table had a set of candles, and Caroline suddenly felt embarrassed, anxious that the place looked too romantic so that Jade would get the wrong impression—though, would it be the wrong impression?

"Is this okay?" Caroline asked insecurely, the two of them stopping in front of the beautifully lit, small tables.

"It's beautiful," Jade smiled, and Caroline couldn't help but notice the lights reflect in her eyes, as if Jade was a universe, and her eyes the world.

"A table for two?" The waiter's soft voice seemed harsh as he interrupted Caroline's brief daydreaming.

"Yes," she turned her head to face him, "please."

They ordered drinks quickly—red wine for both—and after listening to some of the waiter's recommendations, they ordered dinner.

"So," Jade started, "you have kids? I saw some pictures on your desk at work, so I'm assuming—"

"Yes, yes. Two boys: Lawrence and William. Lawrence is still in school, and William has started college, so he's only home on some weekends."

"Oh that's nice, that he can come visit."

"Yeah, definitely. Though I also enjoy having the house to myself. At times I feel too old for teenage-boy yelling."

Jade laughed, genuinely, and Caroline returned the smile without having to try.

"You said you've lived in New York?" Caroline followed up, scared to let any amount of awkward silence make her seem boring.

"Yes," Jade took a small sip of her wine, "a few years. I'd always wanted to live there—my dream was to become an actress and so I got a job there after I'd finished college."

"Oh, wow, that's…"

"Stupid?" Jade laughed.

"No, no," Caroline said sincerely—she wanted Jade to know she hadn't meant to mock her.

"Brave. I don't think I could've done that. Especially—you said you were born in Germany? I don't think I could have lived in another country by myself." Caroline thought about Celia, and her boys, and Alan, and felt a short moment of gratitude.

"Well, it certainly wasn't easy… I'd realized that I had to compromise either way, but I couldn't have lived with not having tried. I guess happiness is a momentary feeling, not a state."

Caroline didn't know whether it was the wine that got to her head, but Jade's words sounded incredibly wise, and her soft voice along with the lights added something magical to the atmosphere.

"Why did you leave?" Caroline regretted her question right after it fell out of her mouth; it felt clumsy and inappropriate, and Caroline hoped she hadn't spoiled the mood.

"That's—I mean—a few reasons, I guess. It turns out becoming an actress is harder than it looks, and having the woman you love fool you wasn't too much fun, either." Jade looked down, then reached for her glass to take another, slightly bigger, sip.

"I'm sorry, I—I didn't mean to get too personal," Caroline apologized, nervously.

"No, you're absolutely fine. It's fine. I mean, we are having dinner outside of school, so it's meant to be personal in a way, isn't it?"

Before Caroline could answer—although she couldn't think of an answer, anyways—the waiter brought out two big plates of food, and they both ate slowly, asking short, easily answerable questions in-between. Caroline was scared to ask anything too personal; she felt like she'd hit a vulnerable spot earlier, and it had scared her briefly, since she'd only experienced Jade as confident, strong, and independent.

When the waiter brought the check, Caroline swiftly pulled out her wallet.

"My treat," she said strongly.

"Oh—you—you really don't have to do that, I—," Jade stammered.

"Oh no, please, it's fine. See it as a welcome dinner," Caroline leaned forward, bracing on the table with one hand and smiled, then leaned back when the waiter brought the receipt.

"Well, then, thank you," Jade said, genuinely, after the waiter'd left. "Next dinner is on me, though," she added quickly.

The two got up and Caroline stopped briefly when she noticed Jade searching for something in her purse, which she'd put on the table.

"Sorry, I just—I can't find my wallet," Jade went on to check in her coat's pocket, then continued to search in her purse.

"I swear I had it with me earlier."

"Do you think you forgot it at the school?"

"I—I don't know, maybe… I could swear I put it in here."

"Do you want me to drive you back there?"

"Oh—I mean, it's late, I don't want you to have to make a detour," Jade stopped digging and looked up, her hands still buried in her purse.

"I don't mind, really," Caroline tried to sound convincing—she genuinely wanted to help Jade, and the thought of spending some more time with Jade made her secretly excited.

"Only if you've got time, I bet Lawrence is expecting you."

"Oh he can look after himself, he's a grown lad," Caroline took her keys and started walking into the direction of her car. "Come on, we're going."

She stopped and turned back to send Jade an affirming smile and continued when she saw Jade follow, purse and coat in hand.

By the time they got to the school it was already dark, and Caroline's car was the only one in the parking lot. When Caroline got outside, she noticed that the air had become chillier than she'd expected, and so she grabbed her coat from the backseat of the car.

"The good thing about being the boss is, I have the keys," Caroline smirked as they walked toward the entrance.

"Good thing I chose you to go out to dinner with, then," Jade joked.

Caroline was positively surprised by Jade's remark, and for a second she thought about whether she was flirting with her. She'd never been able to tell—being married for so long had killed her flirting instincts.

The headmistress opened the door for Jade, and then she got out her phone to shine some light.

"Oh, shoot. The lights don't work after 5p.m.—I don't know how many times I have to tell the janitor to install motion sensors. What if we were burglars? We could just waltz in here and go unseen."

Jade found Caroline's dramatic gestures accompanying her rant amusing, and she let out an airy laugh.

"Well, maybe we are burglars and the dark is a benefit," Jade glanced at her temptingly and then turned to walk up the stairs. Caroline smiled to herself briefly, Jade's face filling her with childish excitement.

Jade took out her mobile, too, and went up the stairs slower than usually, holding on to the rail.

"We should probably check the meeting room first—I don't think I would leave it after class, and I didn't take my purse anywhere else but to the support group meeting."

The two women walked to the room next to each other: comfortably close but not touching. Jade went into the room first, headed to the desk first and set her phone down so that it brightly lit the ceiling, though leaving the rest of the room dark.

Caroline approached her, trying to shine her light vaguely into the direction Jade was looking.

"See anything?"

"Not yet," Jade opened a few drawers, then shutting them with frustration.

Caroline turned to look around to room, her phone lighting up the posters and pictures students had hung throughout the room.

"Found it! The little fucker was hiding between my desk and the table beside it."

Caroline turned her head, though not her body. "Oh, good," she smiled and turned back, looking at one particular poster.

Without turning again, she noticed that Jade had walked over to her, now standing a little behind and to the side of her.

She couldn't help but stare at the poster, quietly reading the quote over and over again, being impacted by it more than she could rationally explain. Before she could tear herself out of her trance, she heard Jade's soft voice reading the words, slowly yet with force.

"After all, what is happiness? Love, they tell me. But love never will and never has brought happiness. On the contrary: it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony.—Paulo Coelho"

Caroline turned to see Jade's face though it was only dimly lit, her silhouette traced by the light of her phone that was still lying on the table.

"The Witch of Portobello. One of my favorite books by him."

She now looked at Caroline and, although her mouth formed a shy curve, she wasn't smiling—Caroline could tell that Jade was impacted by the quote just as she was, and her voice contained a sense of knowledge and endurance, as if to say I know, I've been there. A melancholy sadness that made her seem both strong and vulnerable, and Caroline felt it created a sudden feeling of intimacy.

"And not just because I'm a witch," Jade added, and Caroline could tell it was to lighten the mood, but Caroline suddenly felt so confident, the dimly lit room and unusual location giving her a feeling of being beyond time and space, as if rules didn't apply.

Caroline now turned around fully to face Jade, who stopped smiling as soon as she saw Caroline's serious face. The two stared into each other's eyes, neither of them looking down though both were tempted, and Caroline took one step toward Jade, raising her right hand to place it on Jade's cheek. She caressed it softly, tilting her head minimally to look at her more intensively, suddenly feeling more confident than in a long time. She then locked the tips of her fingers behind Jade's neck and pulled her face toward her own, instantly feeling an intense rush throughout her body when she felt the other's soft lips.

Caroline felt Jade grab her coat to pull her closer and she didn't resist, using this force to pull Jade's face closer, too. Their mouths opened wider as Caroline placed her other hand on Jade's cheek, and it almost felt like Jade's lips had become even softer when their fluids mixed together, embracing both of their lips gently.

Caroline tried to disguise that she had to catch her breath when she felt Jade's hands wander around her waist and under her coat, and she reciprocated by moving her hand from Jade's cheek to her right arm, carefully slipping it under her cardigan to move it down her shoulder. She could feel her whole body's heat rising, and suddenly she wanted Jade so badly, so urgently, she didn't care that they were in a classroom at school, at her school. The tickling sensation became stronger and quickly moved to her core, and Caroline could feel herself getting wet without trying, with every new time she tasted Jade's lips from a slightly different angle intensifying this sensation.

Just when Caroline was about to slip her hand under and up the other woman's shirt, Jade suddenly pulled back, taking a step back, her right hand half-covering her mouth while the other was wrapped around her waist.

"I—I can't I'm—"

Seeing Jade struggle, Caroline suddenly felt guilty, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do anything you didn't—I thought I'd read the signs correctly—"

Jade turned and went to the desk, grabbed her wallet, phone, coat, and purse, and rushed out of the room.

"Jade!" Caroline's voice echoed through the hallway, and after quickly grabbing her stuff, she followed Jade through the dark hallway, struggling to keep up.

TBC