Once upon a time on an enchanting day in Stark Tower, where the pigeons were cooing and taxi drivers were screaming at other drivers, something magical happened. On this day, the Avengers were blessed with a marvelous gift. What is this stupendous gift you may be wondering? Why dear readers, it was none other than a marvelous, stupendous, drop-down-dead-sexy cardboard cutout of our dearly beloved Norse trickster god, Loki. Catch me, I'm swooning! Unfortunately, the Avengers don't find themselves as blessed as they should be after being graced by Loki's likeness. Let us, dear readers, take a look at how they take to Loki's 2-dimensional appearance.
First, we'll watch our dear Captain America, who is currently walking toward his favorite gym on the 43rd floor for another grueling workout session. He was busy humming the Polish Tango and tightening the bandages wrapped around his knuckles so that when he pushed open the door and looked up he yelped in surprise. Standing directly in front of him was none other than the god of fangirls himself with a cool smirk forever plastered on his cardboard face. The moment Steve's eyes meet Loki's vacant ones a showery dust of golden sparkles erupt around Loki's figure and it disappears. Instead of acknowledging what had just happened, our favorite Captain slowly backs out of the room, shuts the door and goes to his second favorite gym on the 37th floor which has just become his top favorite.
The next person that the majestic paper Loki decides to bless with its presence is the tin man himself. Tony was in his usual place, the lab, working on a doohickey that will help the watcha-ma-call-it. He stands up to grab his water bottle which had somehow magically travelled to the opposite end of the room. Lost in thought over his project, he accidently runs into someone.
"Sorry." He mumbles before looking up. Tony's eyes widen when he glances up and he lunges backward but a chair gets entangled in his legs making him fall to the floor. Tony scuttles backward, making a fabulous imitation of a drunk crab, trying to get distance between him and the Loki replica. "Frickle frackle! What the heck?!" he yells while pointing at the object that caused his surprise.
Without replying the cutout ignores him and silently vanishes in the blink of an eye. Tony gapes at the area where it had been, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.
Without pause the cutout goes to its next victim, one Pepper Potts. She is in the kitchen making her breakfast. Her bagel had just gotten done and popped out of the toaster when she had turned toward the counter to pour herself a cup of coffee. She hears a sound behind her that she assumes is Tony crawling in for sustenance.
"Could you spread peanut butter on my bagel for me Tony?" Pepper asks without turning around. Pepper is greeted with silence.
"Tony?" She turns around clutching her coffee cup, bringing it to her lips for a sip. "Ah!" starteld, she jumps and drops her mug while simultaneously spilling some of the hot beverage on herself. "Ow ow!"
Carefully, scared to death, she creeps up to the menacing Loki. She holds her breath as she slowly extends a finger and pokes him. The cutout totters precariously for a moment before it falls backward. Coming to an abrupt assumption she clenches her fists and yells, "Tony! This is so not funny!" Pepper storms out of the room to change out of her soiled clothes and most likely to beat Tony about the head and shoulders.
Once she has left, the Loki replica melts into a puddle of golden slime and oozes through the tower till it comes to the shooting range where Clint is doing some target practice. Soft thumps from the arrows hitting their mark echo through the extensive room. In a flash of white light the cardboard cutout reshapes itself just to the left of where Barton was standing, but before it is even whole it is peppered with arrows. For a moment, just long enough for Clint to see whose smirking face he'd shot, the cutout stands there smug and proud, then it bursts into confetti and flutters out of the room. The arrows that had been impaling it fall to the ground with a clatter.
Last, but certainly not least, the cutout spots its final victim calmly meandering down the hallway to his room for a nap. The light from the hallway glints off Loki's flat face evilly as it becomes whole again, leaning out of an open doorway. Without notice Bruce walks past the cutout, completely oblivious, he had been up for two days straight working on the schematics of an idea that Tony had dreamed up and he was exhausted. Mad, the cutout pops into the next doorway, but to no avail as Banner walks past it again. In a flash of anger Loki's replica appears in front of the dear doctor but it is still ignored as he just shuffles around it without really seeing Loki.
A disgusted sigh could almost be heard as the majestic Loki cutout disappears, exiting the tower. We can only assume that it is going to travel the world to build up Loki's fangirl army to take over the universe. Anyone willing to join?