Counting Sheep:
Morrison Abebe:
Counting sheep didn't do much to help him get to sleep faster;
Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five…
Which, in all fairness, did raise the question; why did he do it? Counting sheep, now, that is.
Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three…
The easy answer would be; "because Mom took my sleeping pills away again," and, though true in a very mechanical fashion, it was also evasive and he knew this.
He sighed, giving up on yet another attempt at counting the imaginary farm animals, turning on his side, pulling the blanket tighter, as if hoping somehow swapping positions on the bed physically would change his thoughts.
It didn't work.
His eyes blinked in the darkness, the longer they were open the more indistinct blackness began to morph and change into blobs of distinct proportions, slowly the room becoming recognizable as a series of dark silhouettes. He breathed in, mouth open, feeling the air rushing in…and then rushing out again as he exhaled open mouth. The tightness in his chest receded somewhat. It was a start. Other nights by now, deprived of his sleeping medicine, he might already have been sobbing.
'Time heals all wounds' it was true, even if a spiteful part of him wished it wasn't. Maybe it wasn't healing so much as the emotions just lost their strength. As time went he just didn't feel as he'd felt before. All he had left now were memories of those feelings, and an ache in his heart when he wished that, instead of memories, he could experience the real thing.
But he couldn't and he'd never be able to. He had to stop even thinking about the possibility of such outcomes…which was why he hated it when his mother took his sleeping pills. Deprived of them his brain was left to wander, to ponder, to think and, inevitably, to torment him.
Not again, he grumbled, turning now to lie flat on his stomach, burying his face into his pillow, almost as if he could suffocate the thoughts away.
Obviously, that didn't work either and, after a few moments of struggling to breath, he was forced to shift his face so that his nose wasn't squashed against the pillow. He sighed, but more comically now, can't even get that right, he thought to himself with a bitter smile. Honestly, he didn't feel bad about his shortcomings anymore, well, most of them anyway, he'd already made peace with how useless a person he was long ago.
At least that's what he told himself.
So…returning to the original problem. Counting sheep didn't help him sleep because it kept him thinking, and as long as he was kept thinking there was always the danger of…thinking of her.
Even that, there, contemplating the possibility of thinking about her filled him with dread and caused his chest to seize up again, his heart beating faster, as he tried to distract himself. Distraction really was the only key because, if he tried to just clear or blank his mind, he knew it was inevitable she'd come to haunt him.
But if he kept his mind distracted all night long he often ended up only falling asleep by the time he was exhausted, which made waking up arduous and left him in a cycle of exhaustion, so he didn't want to spend another night up till 4am just so that he'd pass out from exhaustion-
Looking good, you clean up nicely, don't cha' know?
But he'd learned a long time ago you can't fight fate. Morrison sighed, shifting in his bed till he was propped up against the headboard, his hand reaching for the digital tablet he kept by his nightstand, flipping it open and turning it on, the light briefly causing his eyes to squint with its brightness.
His finger began scrolling, guess it'll be cute puppy videos again tonight, he found one to begin with, his finger hovering over it briefly as he contemplated perhaps actually facing his fears…
But then he clicked and began to watch, content in the knowledge that he always was, and always would be, just a worthless coward.
NCEITFOA: Hello everyone, I'm back. Sorry for the LONG delay, I was very busy _
This is a very short one, but it was nighttime and seemed to mirror my own mood. Its a taster for my continuation thereof. So please don't be too harsh :D
Anyway as always enjoy and review if you want to. Now to answer the reviews lefts on the previous chapter;
E.R Man: Okay, for the record, just to be absolutely clear, women do not feel 'fuzzy' when being raped, they do not feel 'attracted' to their rapist, they definitley do not feel like they want to be their rapist's 'servant' or feel irresistably drawn to their 'rapist'. Women don't enjoy being raped. They don't imagine themselves as servants before their master or fall to their knees at the idea!
Sorry if that is a little terse, I just really, REALLY hate the trope in anime and manga that a girl can be 'raped' until she 'loves' it and abandons someone she's spent years creating an intimate relationship with. The idea fills me with bile.
Now, Arnett did make that accusation, yes, but for the reasons above I don't see how its credible considering she also felt better than she's ever felt with Morrison from just a brief second with Kazuya. Not to mention her and Elizabeth are already over it and privately meeting with Kazuya to make him their leader. Arnett said Kazuya made her 'feel so good' and 'fuzzy' and 'servants before their rightful Master' not to mention she blushed around him, all things she's never even come close to doing for Morrison and, additional, Gengo's already said all Pandora will be irresistibly drawn to Kazuya and Kazuya's said he can control all Pandora!.
I appreciate your compliments about my writing skills though, thank you very much :) I am sorry it isn't to your liking, the story now. I don't see how this isn't canon. As long as it is canon that Arnett would chop of Morry's head with a smile if Kazuya asked her too I don't see how this isn't canon.
I would love to write a happy story about Morrison and Arnett, really I would, but I don't see how. Arnett hasn't so much as looked at Morrison in ages, she's never blushed around him or implied she feels anything good about him, but Arnett has made very explicit that she feels better than ever around Kazuya and she and Elizabeth want him to use his power more and be their leader. There's nothing for me to write Morrison/Arnett stuff about cause the manga provides little to no evidence for it, but the manga does provide a TON of evidence for Arnett (and all Pandora) being into Kazuya now.
I mean if you can give me something of substance, so something in the manga which at all shows Arnett has even an iota of an attraction to Morrison like she does have to Kazuya, I'd be willing to give it a try, but I haven't seen anything like that yet. _
Zanon: Thank you, and, yes. I do feel I'm being way to hard on Morrison (I just felt like I was channeling the canon in that regard) :P But I do intend to be more positive in the following chapter, this chapter I think will be the last really harsh one. Sorry _
Rabbitz: *Hugs* Its okay, I promise next chapter will be better, okay? :) Just wait patiently for it!