Three days later Sherlock burst in to John and Mary's flat, not even knocking. John, who had just come home from work and was trying to relax reading the paper, just saw a long dark coat sweep through into the kitchen and then he heard the door slam. John put the paper down and went into the kitchen to look for Sherlock.
- Sherlock?
Sherlock didn't answer. It seemed like he was searching for something. His hands were shaking, his hair was a mess and the shirt that was usually so proper had some buttons open.
- Are you ok? John asked.
Sherlock froze and looked at John.
- No. I'm not. He said. I'm bored John! And you know what happens when I'm bored.
- Yes I do.
- Bored John! Bored! This experiment is failing, we haven't had a case for ages and... and... no cigarettes. I need cigarettes.
- Try to calm down, John said with a smooth voice.
- Calm! This is as calm as I can be!
He looked around the kitchen nervously. Starting to threw his stuff down. He threw the box on the floor. It crashed loudly!
- I need to clean up. Pack all the stuff. Leave this house. Leave. Not coming back.
- Relax, you haven't been in the way, John lied.
- It's all falling apart!
Sherlock rushed over to John and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him.
John reacted on impulse, grabbing Sherlock's head with his hands holding him still.
- Pull it together Sherlock! He said with a deep voice.
Sherlock actually listened to John this time and froze right there and then. He let go of John's shoulders and let his arms rest against his sides. John still held his hands on Sherlock's face and both of them stared at each other, not leaving the others eyes at all. The feeling of Sherlock's skin tingled under his hands, but he didn't move them. The urge to kiss Sherlock right now bubbled under his skin. But he didn't move. Too scared. What would happen if he let go and just kissed him? Just the thought of Sherlock's lips against his own made his body tremble and feelings bubbled inside him.
- I'm calm now, Sherlock said slowly, are you?
John realized that Sherlock was trying to deduce what he was thinking, and frightened of his own feelings and even more frightened that Sherlock would see them, he let go of Sherlock's face.
- Yeah, I'm fine. It's all fine. Let's sit down in the living room for a moment shall we?
- Alright. Sherlock agreed
They went into the living room and sat down on the couch. John looked at Sherlock who looked at him with a puzzled grin on his face. Oh how John wanted to know what he was thinking. Did he know everything now? Had he been an open book, letting his feelings show?
- Where's Mary tonight, Sherlock asked with his eyes fixed on John.
- She's working late, John said rubbing his hands nervously against each other.
- Oh, Sherlock said and looked away.
Sherlock put his hands in front of him like he does when he's thinking. He's eyes looking far in front of him, rubbing his nose slowly against his fingers. John looked at him. God, why do he look so good? The urge to touch his hair bubbled up, just reach out his hand and touch it. He saw that Sherlock's shirt still had some buttons open and naked skin appeared in the gap. John stood up, but didn't know why he did it. Sherlock looked at him. John started to slowly walk through the room, not knowing what he was doing or why he was doing it. It was like his mind was elsewhere and his body was on autopilot. John went to get a drink, he had whiskey and glasses in the living room. He's hands were shaking badly and when he poured some fell on the floor, making the carpet wet. Then he drank it all, bottoms up. He poured another one and did the same again. Feeling Sherlock's eyes on him.
- I need some air. John said after a while.
John put down the glass and bottle on the table and walked quickly out of the room. Soon he stood in the doorway, breathing slowly. He looked at his shaking hands, then looked up at the starry sky. He couldn't do it anymore. How could he marry Mary, knowing that his feelings for Sherlock were now stronger than ever? And Sherlock? What does he feel? Does he feel anything at all? No one knows what Sherlock really feels. John could hear Sherlock move inside the flat. Soon he appeared behind him.
- John...? Sherlock said quietly, his voice deep.
- Oh shut up!
John turned around and faced Sherlock. Not knowing what he was doing he put his palm on Sherlock's neck and then he kissed him. Sherlock's eyes were wide open at first but then he closed them and did not move away. John realized what he had just done and let go, looking at Sherlock with a shocked expression.
- I'm sorry, I don't know why I just did that...
Sherlock stared at John. His fingers touched his own lips, where Johns lips had been seconds ago. Still not saying anything Sherlock took a step towards John. Standing close to him. Then he reached out and ran his fingers though Johns hair. John took a shivery breath, closed his eyes. Then Sherlock kissed John. A real kiss this time. Not just lips meeting. No, a real kiss. Slowly, lips moving, tongues touching. Fingers in the hair. Playing with the curls. John felt his legs shaking and he had trouble standing up, but somehow he managed to do it. The kiss seemed to go on forever, but at the same time just for a few seconds. Then Sherlock pulled back and the kiss was over. But John's body was revolting, shaking. Sherlock looked even more shocked than John was feeling. He looked at his hands, then over to John as he couldn't believe what had just happened, what he had just done. He stumbled down the stairs.
- I think I need to leave now, doctor. Sherlock said turning away and started to run away down the street. Leaving John alone with his feelings. What the hell had just happened?