Title: Three Days in the Life of Tyrell Badd

Rating: T (for major risqué humor)

Characters: Tyrell Badd (main)

Spoilers: Only for Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth. Spoiler free for GK2, as stated in the first chapter.

Time: See Author's Notes at end

It was a cool night in the fall of 2001. My partner, Byrne Faraday, and I entered Byrne's living room. We had a tough case ahead of us, though in the short time we had been partners, we had worked well together.

I walked into the living room and noticed something that hadn't been there last week. A huge cage. Large enough for two people to fit comfortably. The couch had been pushed to one side to accommodate the cage.

I stared at the thing. My jaw must have been open.

"Michaela bought it. To spice things up in the bedroom. She calls it our Faraday Cage." Byrne stated matter of factly before I even got the words out.

"Dear lord…!"

"So you can't help me move it upstairs this weekend? It's awfully heavy…" I don't know why Byrne does this to me, but no one else. He gave me that little smirk very few people got to see.

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer!" I said.

Ten years later, I saw Kay on the day of her father's death. And when the shock of Byrne's death wore off, it was replaced by dread. Kay had the right to know of any…predilections she might have inherited from her good but slightly perverted parents. And who else knew she was conceived in a Faraday cage? How exactly could I explain that?

Damn it, Byrne. Why'd you leave me here?

XXX

Byrne was upset. This was unusual. He was currently hopping up and down, face red, speech about to turn a lovely shade of blue.

Detective Gumshoe, the object of my partner's wrath, stood there, head hung. Like a puppy who had been caught chewing his owner's favorite slippers.

I stood back. Being yelled at by lawyers is an unfortunate part of being a detective in this town. One that is conveniently left out of the job description. I could only hope Gumshoe wouldn't cry, and that he believed me when I'd tell him later that it could be worse. A lot worse. One of my fellow detectives, Jerry Riggs, quit on the spot. (That's actually the only reason Dick Gumshoe had been promoted…to fill the gap left by Riggs' untimely departure.) To be fair, it was Manfred the Monster who yelled at Riggs.

Besides me, my occasional business partner, Calisto Yew, held her cell phone. She was apparently using the built in video camera to record Epic Chewing Out Starring Byrne Faraday.

Then it happened.

Yew laughed, one of her full body laughs that made you wonder if she needed a staple gun for her sides. She dropped her phone, which clattered on the ground. She didn't seem to notice or care. "What an idiot!"

"Stop laughing," I said, rubbing my temples.

"I'm trying!" She replied. She laughed some more. I'm sure people were staring at her.

"You know what happens when you can't stop laughing?" I snapped. "One of these days you're going to die laughing!"

Ten years later, I picked up a newspaper and read that Calisto Yew aka Shihna Fang aka Tsu Mi and countless other aliases had died in a foreign prison. She burst out laughing at another inmate during lunch hour and choked to death.

A ham sandwich ended the life of an international spy, not a firing squad.

XXX

Agent Lang did not press charges on the gunshot wound. The precinct did not either. Which I should thank the stars for, since shooting an Interpol agent alone would have been a one-way ticket to Death Row. I was taking the chance that they'd overlook the fact that "Agent Shihna" was a multiple murderer and a spy, but Lang the idiot had to pull that chivalry bull.

I was still fired, of course. That was not in dispute.

Yet, I was somewhat grateful. My wife became the principal breadwinner. Actually, she was to begin with. Sad to say, a civil servant's salary isn't great. I became a stay-at-home dad. I was happy to spend more time with my then-fifteen-year old daughter. To go to PTA meetings, even though I was the oldest parent there. They assumed I was Saintley's grandpa, which I ignored.

On Saintley's sixteenth birthday, she gave me a note when I asked her for ideas of what to give her. What I really want can't be bought in any store. When I wear it, I'll always be close to you.

"I give up," I said to her once we had eaten some cake.

"If you won't give it to me, I'll just have to take it," she said, getting up. She opened the hall closet. On the back of the door, my old and worn coat was hanging. I had it dry cleaned after being fired, but hadn't worn it again since.

"You want my coat?!" I asked incredulously. "It isn't exactly high fashion. And you and I aren't exactly the same size."

She ignored me, which she tended to do when she got really excited. "How many lollipops can each pocket hold?"

"Thirty six," I said. "A whole economy-sized package of Chainsaws."

She touched the bullet holes gingerly. "Do you suppose there'll come a time when we won't be able to tell which ones are mine and which ones are yours?"

"I sincerely hope not," I replied.

Ten years later, Saintley passed the detective's examination with flying colors. I felt their judgmental stares at her promotion ceremony. I imagined the whispers: Don't make eye contact with Tyrell Badd, the fallen and fired. However, it could not match the conflicting feelings I felt for Saintley taking the same path I did. Wearing the same coat I wore to the end of my career.

XXX

Author's Note: I kept waiting for the "Faraday cage" joke in Ace Attorney Investigations, and it never came. At least not to my memory, and I made a habit of talking to every NPC and examining everything. I have not played GK2, so I have no way of knowing if they made the joke there. Byrne's wife and Kay's mama, Michaela, is a play on Michael Faraday, who invented the Faraday cage. Anyway, I decided to make my own joke, even if it turned out quite perverted.

Clarification on the dates: The first segment took place in 2001, three years before Kay's birth in 2004. She was seven in Case 4 of AAI, which took place on September 10, 2011. The second segment took place during the incident Yew briefly related in Case 4, where Byrne called Gumshoe a "nitwit" on the steps of the courthouse, which was in August 2011. The third takes place right after Case 5 of AAI, in March 2019.

And yes, Badd's lollipop brand is a reference to Lollipop Chainsaw. I figured a badass like Badd would have a badass favorite candy. What can sound more badass than lollipops called Chainsaws?

…This 'snapshot' was pretty much written all in one night.