It was still dark in the room when John suddenly woke up. He must have been dreaming? He'd thought he'd heard someone whispering his name. He looked up at Sherlock.
- John...?
John's heart started pounding faster. Sherlock had his eyes half open and had said his name. He was awake.
- Oh my god Sherlock.
- John...? Are you really here...?
- Of course I am here, John said and squeezed Sherlock's hand.
Sherlock looked up and smile a tired smile at John who started to cry. Loudly. Sobbing and leaning against the side of the bed. This woke Sherlock up even more. With his free hand Sherlock slowly stroke Johns hair.
- My dear John, Sherlock said.
- I have been so worried about you, John sobbed
- I... I am so sorry.
John could hear that Sherlock had trouble talking.
- It's alright, it's all gonna be alright, John said.
- Of course John...
- Do you want some water?
Sherlock nodded and closed his eyes. John went to get some water and helped Sherlock to drink it, holding his hand steady behind Sherlock's head. Sherlock took some deep sips. At that moment a nurse entered the room. John backed away while she examined Sherlock. She said that the worst was over and that Sherlock now needed some rest. Then she asked John if he wanted to go home and rest too, but John denied the offer and stayed with Sherlock. The nurse nodded and walked out. Leaving the two alone again
- Why... why did you do this? John asked.
- Oh John...
- Was it my fault? It was, wasn't it? John said
- No John, it wasn't your fault.
- I shouldn't have kissed you! I don't know why I did that...
- Oh, you do know why you did that John.
At this point Sherlock was looking right at John. His eyes peering through Johns.
- We both know why you did it. Sherlock said. And can you tell me what happened after...?
- You... you kissed me.
- Yes. I kissed you.
Sherlock was still not leaving Johns eyes.
- You're a real good kisser John Watson, Sherlock smiled a crooked smile.
John was blushing and looked down, frowning. When he looked up he was all serious again.
- But why this Sherlock? Why drugs? And no more lies Sherlock! I'm trough with the lies.
Sherlock looked away and faced the wall, not able to look at John.
- You can only be safe this way. With me not acting human. Not acting on feelings.
- But I don't want to be safe Sherlock.
- That's the only thing I want for you, John Watson. For you to be safe.
- The only thing I want is you Sherlock.
Sherlock turned his head, facing John once more.
- Do you really think this would work? You and me?
- Yes.
- I'm not cut out for the ordinary.
- Neither am I.
Sherlock stroke his hand over John's teary cheek. When John felt Sherlock's hand on his skin he started to cry once more. He was a surprised that he still had tears left, he'd been crying so much.
- Oh John. Let's dream for a while, shall we?
- What do you mean?
- Let's pretend that stories like ours have happy endings.
- Sherlock, I... I am...
- Shhhh, don't say anything. Just come up here to me. You must be exhausted and that chair must be uncomfortable.
- Come up?
- Yes, come up in the bloody bed John.
Sherlock moved aside, leaving space beside him for John. John didn't hesitate and crawled up in the bed, his body feeling so tired. He laid down beside Sherlock, his head rested on his shoulder. He could smell Sherlock's skin and he buried his face in his dark curls. This felt so good. He took a deep breath, wanting to breathe every scent of Sherlock in. Sherlock gently kissed John on the forehead and John felt a tear hitting his face.
- Are you alright? John asked
- We can't stay like this forever...
- Quiet please, said John, he sat up leaning on his right arm.
- Live in the moment Sherlock. John continued
Then he leaned in and kissed Sherlock softly on the mouth. Sherlock stopped crying and answered the kiss.
- Let's rest now. John said.
Sherlock nodded, looking very tired. John put his head on Sherlock's shoulder and his arm around his waist and Sherlock held an arm around him too. Lying like this, they both fell asleep.
The next morning Mary went to the hospital early. She hadn't slept much and felt like she needed to go back to be there for John. And Sherlock, but mostly for John. She stopped at the hospital cafe on the first floor and bought some coffee to go for both her and John. Then she went up to floor four. Outside Sherlock's room she met a nurse just coming out of the room.
- Are you here for Mr. Holmes? the nurse asked Mary.
- Yes. Is he awake?
- No they're still sleeping.
- Oh, I see.
- I was just in there but didn't want to disturb them. I'm coming back later. Are you the sister?
- The sister? No Sherlock hasn't got any sisters. I'm John's fiancé.
- The fiancé? Oh my...
The nurse looked concerned. Mary felt puzzled. Why was the nurse looking at her like that?
- Maybe we should give them some more time? To wake up? The nurse said.
- What's going on?
- Oh, nothing Miss.
- In that case I'm going in to John now thank you!
Mary opened the door and went inside the room. At first she couldn't see anything because the room was darker than the corridor. But when her eyes had adjusted to the room so she could see, she froze. She blinked once. Looked at the bed, not sure if she could believe her eyes. Then she blinked twice and looked again, but the image was still there. John was lying in the bed snuggled up to Sherlock. He had his face buried in his curly hair, resting his head on Sherlock's arm and an arm around his waist. Sherlock held an arm around John and rested his head against John's hair. They looked really peaceful but Mary felt a shock growing inside her. She dropped the coffee on the floor with a loud splash and at the same time Mycroft appeared behind her. Mycroft smiled a concerned smile when he saw the scene that Mary had witnessed. He stopped and watched them lying in the bed. And if Sherlock had been wide awake he would've notice that Mycroft deduced the situation. When the coffee splashed on the floor both Sherlock and John woke up. It took them a few seconds to realize what was going on.
At first John didn't know where he was or what had happened but when it came back to him and he saw Mary's face he felt his body getting cold. He sat up and almost pushed Sherlock out of bed. Sherlock moaned.
- Mary! John shouted and rushed out of the bed and up to her.
Mary just stared at him not able to say a word. Mycroft walked over to the bed and stood beside Sherlock. He helped Sherlock back into place in the bed. Then he just stood in silence, leaning on his cane. You could see in his eyes, even if he tried to hide it, that he was worried what this scene would do to his brother.
- I know what this looks like. It's nothing Mary. John tried and stumbled on the words.
- So what is it then? Mary said in a whisper.
- I can, I can explain.
- Explain what? You were in bed with Sherlock for god's sake. What is there to explain?
- I know Mary, but he's my best friend, and... and...
- Don't even bother John! I know! I think I've always known. But when he was supposed to be dead it was all fine, but when he came back you became different again.
- Mary...
- Stop it! You fucking shaved for his sake!
At this John didn't answer. He just stared at Mary, unable to say anything else. How could he explain this? Did he want to explain, or come up with a lie? Somewhere inside he knew that he didn't want to continue lying to her, lying to himself, not when all these things had happened, all these things were said. Mary just looked at him with tears in her eyes. And that made John hurt. He never meant to hurt Mary. He never wanted her to walk in and see this. He wanted to handle this in his way, another way. Sit down and talk quietly. But that chance was gone now. He couldn't undo this moment even if he wanted to.
- Mary, I'm sorry, was all John was able to say as he tried to take her hand.
- It's too late John, Mary said and drew back her hand.
She looked at him with sadness and heartbreak in her eyes. Then she walked out. John stood still for a moment and then he ran after her.
- Mary, Mary, let me explain! Mary! Stop! Let's talk about this, he shouted after her but she didn't stay to listen.
In the room Mycroft turned his head to Sherlock who was lying in the bed, stone faced, not showing any traces of reacting to the scene they had both just witnessed.
- I warned you about getting involved brother dear. Now look what has happened.
Sherlock did not answer. He looked away from Mycroft, silently staring at the wall.