There was something comforting about the crisp sound the soles of her shoes made as she walked over the damp grassy path. The air was fresh and chilly, and Sharon tightened her scarf around her neck as she walked between the dark gravestones. Lacey was buried pretty deep in the cemetery which meant a walk of close to 10 minutes from the parking lot to her grave. Sharon didn't mind. The quiet walk relaxed her. It has been close to two months since she last came here. It was just too hard for her. Now, after several weeks of meeting with a grief counselor, she felt ready to visit Lacey's grave again.
As she neared Lacey's grave, she noticed him. He was standing in front of the grave, his back slightly hunched. She could tell he was crying by the shudder that went through his body and stopped in her tracks. She figured she could give him a few moments before she would interrupt him and unnecessarily embarrass him. She watched him for a couple of minutes until it appeared that his crying subsided. It was then that she walked closer to him.
"Hi," she said simply and let her arm brush his as she bent down to place a bouquet on Lacey's gravestone.
"Hi," he said with a sniffle. Sharon pulled a personal Kleenex pack out of the pocket of her coat and opened it, handing one to him. He looked at her with surprise and took it from her. "I can't stop thinking about her. With Emily and Ricky, I knew they would be well with you. But I abandoned Lacey, hoping that the system would take care of her, and it didn't."
"Jack, I can point fingers at you about many different things. Giving Lacey up is not one of them," Sharon said. "You did what you thought was best for her."
"I saw Maia yesterday. She looked like Lacey when she was a baby," he said and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. "Lacey's mother used to send me photos of her." He took a photo of Lacey as a baby and handed it to Sharon. She looked at it and could easily spot the similarities between Lacey and Maia.
"She was a beautiful baby," she said quietly. He nodded and sighed.
"I come here every weekend," he said. "I talk to her a lot and ask for forgiveness. If it wasn't for me, she could have had a better life. She could have grown up with Emily and Ricky. She would probably not get knocked up at eighteen and have to choose between her life and Maia's life," Jack lamented.
"We can't tell the future, Jack. We can only hope that the decisions we make will turn out for the best," Sharon comforted him. She has seen her ex-husband displaying all kinds of emotional responses to different situations throughout their joined and separated life; guilt was not one of them. "You know, I spoke to Emily and Ricky yesterday. They both said that they haven't heard from you in a couple of months. They wondered if you're still in AA."
"I just earned my 1-year chip this week," Jack responded. "I'm still attending meetings; I'm in contact with my sponsor. I'm trying very hard to stay sober, Sharon."
"That's good," she replied warmly.
"I haven't called the kids since Lacey died because I don't know what to tell them," he explained. "How can I explain to Ricky and Emily why I'm not happy without telling them about Lacey?"
"Maybe not telling them about her was a wrong decision on our part," Sharon mused.
"What's the use? They can't meet her," Jack replied.
"They still have a niece, and when Maia gets well and leaves the hospital, they can come and meet her, if they want to."
"And what if they get angry at me for cheating on you, and for hiding their sister from them?" Sharon could see the concern in his blue eyes.
"Not telling them about Lacey was my decision, too," she said. "And about the cheating? I don't know how they will react. You will have to take responsibility for your actions and face the consequences. If they ask me about it, I will tell them that your cheating is a matter between you and me, and it is none of their business." She could imagine her kids would be upset with the knowledge that their father cheated. While she knew that she could choose to take their side and get offended and hurt with them, at this point in her relationship with Jack, the cheating no longer mattered. What mattered was that her children would be able to maintain their relationship with their father, dysfunctional as it may be.
"Aren't you scared they'll get angry at you?" Jack asked.
"Part of being a parent is knowing that your children will sometimes disagree with your decisions and be mad at you," Sharon replied. Jack looked at her for a long moment, his eyes softening.
"You're a good mother, Sharon," he said softly. Sharon's lips curved upwards. In all the years she was married to him, she has never heard him say that to her. Even though at this point she didn't need any reassurance about her parenting skills, it was nice to receive a compliment from him on the subject. He smiled back at her and turned around, walking away from Lacey's final resting place.
The Skype call from Emily did not surprise Sharon at all. Jack had informed her by text that he was going to talk to the kids and tell them about Lacey and Maia. Emily was distraught; she wondered how many other brothers and sisters she could have out there that her father didn't even know about, and how Sharon in her right mind could ever hide Lacey's existence from her and Ricky after she showed up on her doorstep. Sharon couldn't reassure her daughter that Jack didn't have any other children out there. However, she did explain to Emily all the reasons behind keeping Lacey a secret; one was that Lacey has never asked to see her siblings and another was that with the knowledge that Lacey's days were numbered, she didn't want to cause Ricky and Emily any pain and anguish. As soon as that call ended, Sharon received a similar call from Ricky, who was furious at Jack and declared he would never talk to his father again. Her son was convinced that Sharon must have been heartbroken when she realized Jack has cheated on her and announced that he was going to fly in and support her. Sharon had to explain to him that she was alright and that he didn't need to come to LA to take care of her because she has moved on from Jack and was happy in her relationship with Andy. She was not surprised that Emily had directed her anger at her, while Ricky directed it at his father. The two of them always leaned in different directions, and she needed to remind both her children that there was no need to take sides on the matter. She urged them to support Jack while he was grieving Lacey and expressed her hopes that the both of them would decide to come home for Christmas. Ricky immediately confirmed that he would be coming home. Emily was still unsure and said that she would update her.
"Are you okay?" Andy asked and handed her a cup of her favorite white tea infusion.
"It went better than I expected," she replied. "And at least one of them will be home for Christmas this year."
"Do you think Emily will be too angry with you to come home for the holidays?" Andy wondered.
"She might. She's not as tough as I wish for her to be, and sometimes her emotions get the better of her," Sharon sighed. Emily was a talented dancer, but what made her this way was the fact that she relied on her emotional state to provide a stellar performance. If she couldn't feel something, she tended to underperform. And as a person who needed to feel so deeply to do her job on the best side, her reactions to different situations in life were emotional and often irrational. When Emily was 14, her dance teacher has informed Sharon that this trait would one day be Emily's undoing unless she developed a different way to access her creative side, but no one could ever convince Emily otherwise.
"Well, if she doesn't, she'll be missing out. Your Christmas tree puts Santa's workshop to shame," Andy smiled. Sharon grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him to meet her lips for a soft kiss.
"At least someone appreciates my sense of occasion," she said when they pulled apart. She took a sip of her tea and closed her eyes for a long moment. It was clear to her that Emily needed some space to come to terms with the knowledge of her father's secret daughter. Sharon knew that it must have been hard for her daughter to learn that while her father has abandoned her and her brother, he had another child elsewhere whom he loved and was now grieving. It couldn't have been an easy discover and Emily needed to take the time to process it properly. Sharon knew that Emily would eventually learn to accept it and her anger will subside. She also knew that even if Emily didn't come home for Christmas, she would still be in her heart and it would still be festive and fun as always.
-To Be Continued-
Only one more chapter to go before this story comes to a conclusion. As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.