The days went by and Sherlock avoided John as much as possible. He hadn't said a word to John since that night when they shouted at each other and John had told him that he loved him. It was painful being around Sherlock with all these unspoken words between them. And John couldn't do it anymore. He wasn't home a lot, he spend his days walking around in London. He just came home at nights to eat and sleep. Eight nights after that dreadful night, John woke up from a nightmare. He was sweating and breathing heavily. He couldn't remember the dream but it wasn't a great one. He sat up and reached for his glass beside the bed, he needed a drink of water. The glass was empty. John rolled his eyes, got up from the bed and went down to the kitchen to have a drink of water. The kitchen was dark and John just lit the lamp over the sink. He poured a glass of water and drank it in deep gulps. When he wasn't thirsty anymore he felt that he wasn't alone in the room. He turned around slowly to face Sherlock standing in the doorway.

- Jesus Sherlock, John gasped.

Sherlock was standing there in just his pyjama pants and no shirt. He looked right at John. John felt shivers down his spine. There was something new in his eyes. Sherlock walked slowly up to John until there were only inches between them. John couldn't move and felt his heart beating like crazy in his chest. Sherlock stroked John's cheek with his fingertips, slowly and gently. John closed his eyes and leaned his head against Sherlock's hand, wanting to feel more. Then Sherlock leaned in and started to kiss John. Gently at first, he wanted to take all of John in, tasting every inch of his mouth. John's knees felt week, his breathing was shaky. He wanted to taste all of Sherlock too, his tongue touching Sherlock's lips, moving, tasting, feeling. Sherlock pushed John back so that John stood against the sink. Sherlock pressed his body against John's. Then the kissed changed and became more hungry and eager. Sherlock lifted John up on the sink and pressed himself between John's legs, still kissing him. John answered the kiss just as hungry as Sherlock. He put his hands in his hair, played around with the curls. Sherlock's hands ran against John's back, searching under his shirt. When Sherlock's hands touched John's naked skin he moaned. Every touch more eager than the last. Sherlock pulled John's shirt off and now they both had their naked chests pressed against the others. John could feel Sherlock's heart beating fast. His skin was soft and warm and lovely. All John could feel was Sherlock. He was Sherlock, Sherlock was him. All lust and feelings. How long had he longed for this? Sherlock stopped kissing him on the mouth and started to kiss him along the neck, small teasing kisses that tickled all of his body.

- Sh... Sh... Sherlock, he stammered breathing heavily

John pulled him closer, feeling every inch of his body. Oh, he wanted him. He had always wanted him and he always would. John's hands searched for new areas to explore, grabbing Sherlock's rear. Sherlock moaned in his ear and the sound alone sent chills through every inch of John's body. Sherlock's nails scratched John's back and John mimicked the same movement on Sherlock's back. All the hairs on Sherlock's arms stood up and sent chills all over. Sherlock stopped kissing his neck and for a second they both looked deep into each other's eyes. Both breathing heavily. Then John searched for his mouth again, wanting to feel more. Sherlock answered with the same lust as John. Sherlock dragged him down from the sink and pulled him close, starting to walk backwards towards the bedroom. John followed like a puppy on a leash. Right outside the door Sherlock stopped and started to pull on John's pants, wanting them off. Sherlock was impatient and so was John, who also started to pull down Sherlock's pants. And for a moment the kissing stopped. This was it, the first time they saw each other naked. Sherlock looked thoroughly up and down at John's body, frowning, liking what he saw. John looked at Sherlock and smiled a shy smile. Sherlock came closer, started to kiss John again, took him by the hand, opened the door and led John inside. John followed and closed the door behind them. Inside the bedroom they both stopped and just looked at each other. The room was dark and only the streetlights made some light in the room, enough to make them see each other clearly. John looked at Sherlocks body, how perfect can one get? All the lines, the shadows and muscles played perfectly under the pale skin. Sherlock stroke his hand against Johns chest. And this was the only movement that was needed for them to start again. The kissing started right where it stopped, with a hunger wild as the sea. John stroke his hands all over Sherlocks body and then he grabbed him by the hand and started to move it. Sherlock moaned loudly into Johns mouth and that sound made John wild with lust. Sherlocks hands moved down and grabbed John too, miming Johns movements. This made John crazy, it was almost too much. They both let go for a second, not wanting to come just yet. They both were panting and looked deeply into the others eyes. Sherlock pushed John down on the bed and leaned in over him. When Sherlock was over him he held both Johns arms over his head with one hand, not letting him go. Then he started to kiss him again and at the same time he pressed himself inside him. Both Sherlock and John moaned loudly inside their mouths. With Sherlocks free hand he grabbed John and starting to move it in the same pace as he moved inside him. Now there was only movement and feelings left. The world around them didn't exists. Only feelings and heartbeats. Their orgasms grew and they came loudly, never wanting to let go of this moment.

The next day John woke up when the sun hit his face. At first he didn't know where he was or what had happen but then it all came back to him. He was lying in Sherlocks bed with Sherlock close beside him, cuddled up on his shoulder. He was still sleeping, looking peaceful. And it warmed Johns heart to feel him this close to him, relaxing. This is how it was supposed to be. Them against the world. John felt how his heart finally was whole. This is where he belongs. He stroke Sherlock gently through his hair.

- I love you John, Sherlock mumbled half asleep

- John froze and felt how his heart stopped for a brief moment. What did he just say?

- What...? John whispered with an unsteady voice.

- Sherlock didn't answer at first. He was lying still. And with a deep sleepy voice he said

- You're in my bed. Why are you in my bed?

- I am clearly in your bed, John whispered and cleared his thoroat, but what did you just say, before that?

- Sherlock was quiet, and the silence spread in the room. He sat up and turned away, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

- What did you think I said? Sherlock asked.

- No, not now Sherlock. I want to hear this from you.

Sherlock still had his head turned away from John. It took a long while before he said anything at all, and John let him take his time. He didn't want to scare him away. But every nerve in Johns body was trembling to hear it. And after what seemed like an eternity Sherlock cleared his throat and without looking at John Sherlock whispered

- I... I love you John.

John took at deep breath and felt the butterflies in his stomach twirling around and he really wanted to scream of pure happiness. But he knew that would scare the fragile Sherlock away, so he stayed calm. He sat up too and put a hand on Sherlocks back, his naked skin under his palm.

- Oh Sherlock, John said, I love you too.

- You say that, Sherlock said still not facing John, but your actions show the opposite.

Sherlock sat on the bed with his legs curled up and holding his arms around them, as he tried to protect himself from something bad. John sat behind him and could only see his back. At first John wanted to protest loudly, how could he think that after sleeping with him? But knowing Sherlock he knew that it would push him away even further and now he's here by a small thread. And he knew that Sherlock didn't mean right now, it was his actions in the past. With his girlfriends while they lived together and then Mary. Back then he thought that it wasn't ok to have feelings for Sherlock, he wasn't sure if Sherlock was able to feel anything for anyone. John decided to take it easy not to scare him away.

-I know that this has been a mess Sherlock. And I'm so sorry if I have hurt you in any way possible.

Sherlock was silent.

- You thought I chose Mary when I ran after her didn't you...?

At first Sherlock didn't say anything, John leaned forward trying to comfort him by stroking his back. Sherlock didn't move away and then John saw a small nod, so sudden you merely noticed it.

- I am so sorry for that Sherlock. I really didn't mean for you to feel that way. I was taken by surprise, just like you, and I just acted spontaneous. Wanted to end things with Mary before I could be with you. I really didn't think she would come to the hospital that early. And I wanted to talk with her peacefully. But it all became so messy and I ended up hurting her, and you! And I am so sorry Sherlock.

Sherlock turned around slowly, soon facing John. But still he didn't say anything. He looked down at Johns hands and then on his own.

- This is really hard for me John, I have never before in my life been able to feel anything. I haven't let myself. Feelings, I can't act on feelings. But with you...

- It's ok. I know. You don't have to explain.

- I want to John, cause I can't function without you. Sometimes I think that I fixed you, helping you with your leg and finding a place to stay. But it was always you John, you fixed me and you have always kept me right.

John grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Sherlock frowned slowly.

- Its been hard for me too, John said. The two years you were gone was the worst in my life and I had to realize that I loved you more than as a friends too late. It was a nightmare. Everything was black and in darkness. And then you were right in front of me and it all came back to me. It was a shock Sherlock. And to process the fact that you were back took time. And all the feelings I pushed away came back, stronger and truer than ever before. I knew that I had been living a lie, that I wasn't living for real - I was only surviving without you. And in the hospital when I thought I've lost you a second time. The darkness inside grew and if you hadn't woke up it would have consumed me and I wouldn't have survived it. So don't you dare disappear from me again.

Sherlock was stroking the back of Johns hand. They looked at each other. John frowned and said

- And don't you dare doubt it when I say that I love you. Cause I do love you. More than I can explain. More than I ever thought was possible.

And finally Sherlock smiled.

- Obviously you do. My dear Watson.

- Am I really yours Sherlock?

At this Sherlock looked at him smiling slightly and with a new spark in his eyes.

- I'm yours if you want me John.

- I do want you Sherlock. Oh, god yes, I do want you.