Making the decision on where to take Luke and Leia for their meditative retreat was easy. The most relaxing place in the galaxy, at least for Anakin, was home on Naboo. There was nowhere he would rather be than at home with his wife and children. He couldn't hide his relief as he set the family starship down in the front yard.
Padme greeted her family with enthusiasm and couldn't stop smiling for the remainder of the day. She, too, had taken two weeks off from her teaching job so she could spend more time with husband and children. It wasn't often that a chance like this came around.
Happiness soon became concern as any and all attempts to make things easier on Leia were rebuffed. The girl was obviously annoyed at her injury but insisted on doing as much as she could herself.
Dinner that evening was quiet. When Leia announced that she was going to bed early, Anakin asked repeatedly if there was anything he could do. Leia replied several times in annoyance before tactfully telling her father to butt out and leave her alone. Anakin bemoaned the encounter that evening as he and his wife sat side by side in bed.
"I wouldn't take it personally, Anakin," said Padme with a slight, comforting smile. "Leia's always been independent."
"I know. And normally I encourage her to be. But she's hurt. She needs to rest," Anakin pointed out.
"She will. That's what you and I are here for. We don't need to wait on her hand and foot, just keep her from pushing too hard."
"I was only trying to help."
"She's big enough to put on her pajamas and brush her teeth by herself, even if she's hurt."
Anakin slouched against the back of the bed and looked away, sighing heavily. "If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have even been hurt in the first place."
Padme turned to her husband with a frown. "Anakin, how can you say that? You saved our children's lives."
Anakin met her gaze with an agonized blue stare. "I should have done a better job protecting them. That rock shouldn't have fallen through. Those pirates shouldn't have gotten away. Leia shouldn't have been hurt!" Aware that he was raising his voice and letting his emotions take over again, the Jedi closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. "I failed."
Padme pursed her lips. "You haven't failed. I don't blame you for what happened. Neither do the children, or the Jedi. Anni..." She reached over to take Anakin's face in her hands and look him in the eye. "It wasn't your fault. No one else blames you. Stop blaming yourself."
Anakin blinked at the sting in his eyes and the truth in Padme's words. His habit of taking all the responsibility onto himself had been his biggest downfall. The last time Anakin had complained about his lack of power, it had pushed him toward the Dark Side. He closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath. No. None of that. You have only as much power as you need, and no more. And she's right...you saved your children. Anakin took Padme's hands in his and nodded. "All right. I will. Maybe Leia's right; maybe I do worry too much."
A bemused smile tugged at the corners of Padme's mouth, but she didn't give in to it just yet. "You do. You always have, ever since before we got married."
Anakin gave a helpless shrug. "It's only because I love you all so much." A hint of Anakin's old boyish smile returned as he ran the back of his hand down Padme's cheek.
"A wise man once said, 'who, by worrying, can add one hour to their life?'" Padme quoted. She pecked him on the cheek. "We all love you, too."
"Even if I worry too much?" Anakin's smile went crooked as he wrapped an arm around Padme's shoulders.
"Even then..." Padme scooted sideways so her husband could hug her from behind. When he did, she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Well...at least I'm good at being a father, right?" Anakin rested his chin on Padme's shoulder.
Padme turned to her worrywart husband with her brows knit. "Of course you are. The children couldn't ask for any better."
Anakin threw her a mischievous grin. "Well...if I'm so good at it...maybe...we should have a few more," he suggested, punctuating every few words with another kiss on cheek, crown, and temple. The cuddling that followed only reinforced his willingness to multiply the number of Skywalkers right then and there.
Padme greeted the idea with another sigh. Any talk in the past of having more children had been met with an emphatic 'no' on Padme's end. As much as she loved them, she had her hands full with Luke and Leia. Since they had gone to the Temple the idea was a little more tempting, but by then she was busy teaching and Anakin was gone most of the time. Besides, there were other things to consider, like the lack of space and their ages. The idea of chasing around even one more Force-sensitive toddler in her forties was anything but pleasant. It made Padme tired just thinking about it.
No...she was already tired...exhausted...far more than she should be...
The woman frowned. The headaches and dizziness she had felt before Leia's suspension from saber practice was gone, but the insomnia and fatigue weren't. Several times a week, sometimes every day, Padme would feel exhausted even after a relatively easy day. At night she could hardly sleep. Once or twice she had nodded off while grading assignments. It had been easy to hide when Anakin and the children were home, but lately...
Anakin paused in his affection. Something was wrong. He could sense it. "Padme? Are you all right?" He craned his neck to look at her face.
A large yawn split Padme's face, and she managed a smile. "I'm fine. Don't you think you ought to get some sleep?"
"I'm not-" Anakin's own yawn interrupted him, and he frowned through it. "-tired," he protested anyway.
"I thought you and the children were supposed to be resting on your retreat," Padme pointed out.
"Leia's supposed to be resting. I'm supposed to be relaxing." Anakin frowned. "And I'm not going to relax until you tell me what's wrong."
Padme hesitated, then shook her head. Enough. Being tired is nothing to panic about. Anakin worries enough already. "I'm just tired." She gave him another smile and a brief, drowsy kiss. "Stop worrying."
There's something else. I know it. Why won't she tell me? Anakin's uncertainty wavered as Padme kissed him, but still he reached out through the Force. He didn't sense any deception, so perhaps Padme simply didn't know what was going on. "Can I make sure?" he asked.
Padme flinched. "With the Force? Anakin, you're not a healer."
Anakin shrugged. "No, but I'd be able to find out if it was anything serious." When Padme scoffed he took her hands. "Not that I think it is, but...please? Just let me try."
Anakin Skywalker, you are hopeless. Padme, too tired to argue, nodded. "All right, if it'll make you feel better. What do I have to do?"
"Nothing. Just relax." With that, Anakin took a deep breath and stroked Padme's hair, stopping at her crown to rest his hand there. He would have to concentrate. It wasn't so easy to sense injury or illness in someone who wasn't sensitive to the Force. He kept his breathing slow and even and his mind focused. Slowly he imagined the Force flowing over Padme like a scanner, beginning at her head and working down, looking for anything that was amiss. Being married for fifteen years was a help in that Anakin already knew every one of Padme's idiosyncrasies and quirks. He would know if something was amiss.
Her head was fine. That was confusing to Anakin due to the dizziness he had remembered from several weeks before.
Already Padme was stirring restlessly. "Anakin-"
"Sh. It's all right," he murmured. She was annoyed with him. No, not annoyed- impatient. "Just a minute."
"Anakin, wait. I...I think I know what it is." There was emotion in Padme's voice, and she pulled away from him.
"What?" Anakin slowly let his hand drop. His Force-driven health scan hadn't gotten any farther than her collarbone. Whatever it was, he sensed it had upset her. He took her hand. "What is it?"
"It's nothing to worry about," sighed Padme. "But there's more to it than just not sleeping. I've been a little more emotional than usual; you might have noticed when you told me about Leia. And what's more, I missed my last cycle completely." She tried to smile for her wide-eyed husband. "No, it's not what you think. The reason I pulled away when you asked more children...well, I just don't know if I can have any more."
Anakin blinked, trying to process what he was hearing. He had gone from worry, to hope, to confusion in a matter of seconds. His first instinct was to try and laugh. "Come on. You're too young for that."
Padme shrugged. "It happened to my mother when she was forty. Sola was only thirty-seven when it happened to her. It's not impossible."
Anakin flapped his jaw in protest even as the evidence stacked up. The streak of gray in Padme's hair that he had been trying to ignore now seemed to be laughing at him. "Well, how can you be sure you're not just..."
Padme gave a wobbly smile. "Pregnant? Because this is completely different than it was with Luke and Leia. I'm not sick to my stomach, I'm not using the bathroom every five minutes, and I'm not craving nerf nuggets." The catch in her voice betrayed her laughter as false.
Anakin sighed. He wasn't even sure of why this information was upsetting him to the point where he didn't want to acknowledge it. "Are you sure? Have you seen a medic?"
"Not yet. I've almost been afraid to," she admitted.
"Why?" Anakin asked, rubbing her arm.
"I guess I don't want to feel like I'm getting old."
Anakin shook his head and crooked his finger to lift Padme's chin. "Look at me. You are definitely not old. And even if you were, I'd still love you. I'll always love you, even when both of us are as old and gray as Jocasta Nu." He proved his point by kissing her firmly on the lips.
Padme had to smile at Anakin's sweetness. "I know. It's just that you've been talking about wanting more children for so long."
Anakin closed his eyes. "Padme, you mean so much more to me than that. I'm just glad you're all right." And he wrapped both arms around her. "We have two wonderful children now, and they're growing into two talented and caring young people."
Padme burrowed into Anakin's shoulder with a contented sigh. The little bit of worry that had been niggling at her for the past three weeks finally left now that the pitten was out of the box. She wiped a few stray tears away from her eyes. Blasted hormones.
Anakin held his wife close, rubbing his face against hers and rocking back and forth. "Hey...you know how, at dinner tonight, you were asking everyone else what they wanted to do? What is it you want to do? What is something you've wanted to do for years, and never gotten around to?"
Padme smiled. "I want to take Luke and Leia to the museums in Theed. Most of them have been rebuilt after the bombings, and I want them to see Naboo's history up close."
"All right. We'll go tomorrow, then," said Anakin with a nod.
"I don't know how Luke will feel about that." Padme sighed.
"As long as we can get him not to try levitating every sculpture he sees, we should be fine."
Padme had to laugh, but it wasn't just at the image of their overeager Jedi-in-training rearranging art displays. Anakin's ability to make Padme laugh was one of the reasons she had fallen in love with him. The awkward but talented young Jedi had been the one to break through the facade of serious senator and find the girl beneath. The laughter had grown less over the years that the Clone Wars raged, but had returned once everything had settled down.
She had expected Anakin to be upset, or even just sad upon hearing Padme was at or near the point in her life where more children were impossible. His reaffirmation of love was more of a relief than Padme cared to admit. After a time she had to brush away tears that had nothing to do with how hard she was laughing.
Hopefully the mood swings would go away soon.