Authors note: i think there are quite a lot of mistakes in this chapter-sorry for that. It's also very long but never mind. If you're reading please leave a review. (though not many people read my stories-i understand-there reallly long. Anyway, i'll shut up now. Enjoy!)
B
With an emotionless face, I watch A punch a wall. His knuckles split open with dark blood. His face crumpled in anger. Kara leans over to whisper to me.
"Why aren't you stopping him?" I shrug my shoulders.
"This is the most active he's been in months. Who am I to stop him? Anyway," I smile, "It's entertaining how pathetic he is." Without stopping A snarls at me.
"I can hear you two, you know!" I sigh and walk over to him, leaning against the wall and watching his face as he tires and rests his forehead to the wall.
"You done being stroppy now?" I mock, earning a glare from A. But he huffs as a reply and slides to the floor. I sit beside him, taking out a bandage from my jacket pocket and grabbing A by the wrist. Despite his protests, I also clean and wrap his hand. Whilst I do, A rests his head against the wall and sobs. I restrain myself from rolling my eyes.
"Why didn't you let me do it? What's the point in me living like this anymore?" He sulks, to which I sigh tiredly.
"What A? You think I, or anyone in fact would let you shoot yourself in the face? In fact, where the hell did you get a gun?" I gesture to the pistol that Kara has hanging from one of her skeletal hands. My friend shakes his head and raises his voice hysterically.
"It doesn't matter where I got it. But you should have let me die. I've had enough Beyond. I don't have anything to live for anymore!"
Suddenly, I feel my temper boiling over. I stand up and glare at A, clenching my fists.
"What am I to you then Alejandro? What's Matt?! Fuck all! How dare you say you have nothing to live for when im standing over here, pulling a gun from your fucking hands because without you, My life is completely meaningless!" My voice raises with every word. My body visibly shaking. A's face drops. He slowly stands up and inches closer to me.
"Don't say that..." He starts weakly. I cut him off, yelling now.
"Why not A? Everyone is so focused on you, and L, that they've forgotten I even exist. They don't know about my visions, or my sleepless nights where I wake up in a panic because I've dreamt that you're dead. Everyone I've ever cared about has left me, so you decided to drift away to." I see the shocked look on his face and I turn away to hide the tears I didn't know I could cry anymore. I lower my voice.
"What am I left with A? Cursed eyes, a demon, nightmares and corpses." A tries to reach out to me, but I flinch away.
"Don't…Don't touch me. You're practically a corpse." I look at him in horror, feeling my chest tighten. His numbers are decreasing. I start struggling to breath. Kara looks worried and steps towards me letting me lean on her arm.
"What's wrong B?" she looks at A and realises, not saying another word. I push her away gently.
"Im fine Kara…" Kara backs away, but only a little, like a nervous mother. I let A see my tears, not bothered about it anymore.
"You know what A? Do what you want. I don't want you to die, but im tired of protecting you when you obviously don't give a damn about anyone but yourself. If you try to kill yourself again, don't look for me to stop you." I walk to the door and flash him my glossy crimson eyes. "I won't be there." I slam the door behind me walking straight to my room and locking the door. Collapsing onto Kara's shoulder and crying silently as she smooths my hair and tries to comfort me. After a long time, I walk over to me bed and crawl under the covers without changing, facing the wall until I fall asleep.
Upon waking the next morning with a sense of dread hanging over me, it takes all my strength not to just go back to sleep. Dragging myself from my bed and changing into clean clothes identical to the black shirt and jeans I slept in, I try to keep my face stoic, cold-like I feel.
"I have to pretend I don't know anything is wrong. But how can I? I know A is going to die." I sigh, looking in the mirror at my pale face. How the colour of my eyes sticks out like blood on snow. Kara puts a hand on my shoulder sympathetically. I give her a small smile, forcing myself to leave the room. As I approach the kitchen I hear voices laughing inside followed by Elsie's gentle voice.
"I know, but im the only one around who will put up with all your weird quirks and bad dress sense-unless you want to get with Coby." As I near the door I hear L reply with a chuckle- but I don't pay much attention to what he says. I push the door and walk into the kitchen with a sneer-anything to scare the almighty L. Elsie watches me closely for a second before averting her eyes after realising she is staring. L greets me coldly.
"Hello Beyond." I lift my hand briefly waving with a sinister smirk still fixed on my face. I can tell my presence unnerves him. I catch a glimpse of Elsie's lifespan, fighting the urge to drop my jaw in surprise. Instead I just stare, unable to stoop myself until I hear l again.
"What are you staring at her for?" He sounds defensive. On the inside I am fighting to control my feelings. My sadness as I realise that the girl I saved in the streets, the one I've had feelings for ever since, is going to die within the next few months-though her numbers are flickering. Changing from months, to weeks, to months again. Which is why im staring. But that's not how I answer L's question.
"No reason L, you wouldn't believe me if I told you." I laugh, forcedly. I can't seem like I care. I quickly grab some jam from the fridge and stroll out of the room, eager to get away from them. As soon as im out of their sight and earshot I let my face fall, still processing what I've seen.
Later on I walk outside alongside most of the orphanage to sit in the sunlight. I sit alone with a miserable expression on my face and my eyes fixed on one person. A, who is walking by the tree line, dragging his feet and staring at the ground. I zone out to the point that it takes a moment to realise that Elsie has come and sat beside me.
"Hey B, what's up?" She asks casually. I smile at her sadly.
"You really wouldn't believe me. There's no point in saying anything." I mumble.
"Try me." She surprises me by asking again. I can't understand why she even cares, but I decide im too tired to refuse anymore. Who cares if she doesn't believe me?
"Ok then Elsie. You see him over there? That's A. He's my only friend and he..." I suddenly choke on tears I didn't realise I was holding in. Elsie urges me on, and I tell her everything. About my eyes, and about A's lifespan. I don't mean to. But it all tumbles over my tongue like a river, and I can't stop. Im surprised yet again when I finish speaking and Elsie responds calmly with:
"I believe you…So why were you staring at me earlier?" I again smile at her sadly.
"I don't think I can tell you that."
We watch A until he bumps into Matt and walks back inside with him, then Coby and L come along and Elsie leaves, whispering in my ear.
"We can try to help A. Ok?" With a reassuring smile.
A
I slouch on the floor of my room with Matt sitting opposite me. His eyes lowered to the floor, like he knows what's coming. We both do. But I don't want to do this to him. I have to. I can't live like this anymore.
"Matt..." I start, hearing the quivering in my voice. Matt doesn't look up at me or respond at all besides blinking slowly. I breathe in slowly, thinking over my words, but Matt beats me to it. His voice somewhat sour.
"I already know what you're going to say. You're going to say goodbye then make some excuse to try and make yourself feel better about leaving me. Don't waste your breath." He looks at me with glossy green eyes narrowed angrily. I try not to let the despair show on my face, but it's difficult.
"No Matt. That's not what I wanted to say." Matt looks at me confused, crossing his arms expectantly. I fight back the urge to cry.
"Matt…there's something I haven't told anyone, but I feel that you need to know…before…" I gulp, struggling to get the words out.
"What is it?" Matt asks urgently clutching my arm. I smile at him through my tears.
"The truth is…I have a blood clot in my brain…And it's inoperable." Matt widens his eyes and shakes his head slowly.
"I don't understand…What does that mean?" he starts to cry. I know he knows what it means. But he wants to believe he's heard wrong. I wrap my arms around him, holding him close to me as I answer him anyway.
"Im dying Matt. And there's nothing that can stop it at this point. Only death." We both sit there, holding each other tightly while Matt sobs quietly.
"No…No…"
I try not to cry. But I can't.
"Im so sorry Matt. I need you to know I love you ok?" Matt nods.
"I… Love you too Alejandro..." He cries quietly as I cradle him gently for the first time in a long time. I loathe myself in that moment. Knowing that whatever happens, Matt will be left without me. With only bad memories. He was far too young to remember when out parents were alive. And that was really the last time I was a good brother. No, I think. In the long run, he'll be better off without me dragging him down too. Same goes for everyone else I know.
After Matt leaves, I fix my plan in place. Soon, it will all be over…
1 days later- L
Elsie's frantic as she tells Coby and I what B told her. Of course, we exchange confused and skeptical glances. But she persistently insists that she believes him.
"Come on Elsie, you don't actually believe that Birthday can see when people are gonna cop it. You must be as mad as he is." Coby laughs. I elbow him in the ribs.
"Coby?"
"Yeah L?"
"Shut the fuck up for a second."
I rub my temple as Coby pretends to zip his lips, watching the rest of the conversation skeptically.
"Okay Elsie. If it makes you feel better, we will go with this idea that Beyond can in fact see the lifespans of people. As unlikely as it is, I don't believe B would have a reason to lie about this. Besides, I don't think he's so fucked up that he would lie about his friend dying." Yeah but he is messed up enough to convince a bunch of teenagers to murder me, but of course, he doesn't know that im aware of that. I frown and look to the ground.
"If there's any chance that A could die in the next few days I want to be aware of it first-hand." I start to stack some sugar cubes on my desk as I think. Coby breaks his silence.
"But why? You told us that the kid's dying anyway. He could just die from the brain thingy." He frowns, hanging upside down off the bed but falling and hitting his head. I roll my eyes at him.
"You can be insensitive sometimes Coby. My point is that we can't wave off the possibility that B will murder A to make us believe his story. Or he will attempt suicide, in which case, I would ideally stop him. Ok?" I sigh, facing Coby who's rubbing his head with a grimace and nodding. (Though under his breath I hear him mumble something along the lines of "Im probably gonna have brain damage now…") Elsie sits on the edge of the desk with her legs crossed, scolding Coby for being immature. But I let my mind drift away to the memory of years ago, when I first spoke to A. He helped me when I couldn't stand on my own. He dealt with my wounds and comforted me when no one else saw me as anything but a target. I feel my chest clench in sudden fear. If what Elsie has said holds any truth, I have to try and stop it.
"Elsie, when did B say A is due to die?" I interrupt her dispute with Coby, but she doesn't seem to mind.
"Tomorrow, but he can't know a specific time."
I nod slowly. Suddenly getting a bad feeling about the situation that I can't shake off. Little do I know what the next day brings, and how it changes everything…
A
I tie the rope into a noose, like many times before. But this time, the rope won't break. This time the door is locked, there are no security cameras, and everyone else is on the other side of the house. I throw the rope over the beam in the center of the room with a face running with tears. Not for my life, but knowing what will be left for those left behind. Matt, and B. My brothers. But I refuse to die slowly in a hospital. I shake as I pull up the chair.
B
I realise A's absence. And everything moves in slow motion. How could I have been so stupid to allow him to go on his own? But it's a huge house. Im far from where he is. Everything feels slower as I start running. Putting one foot in front of the other takes 100 times longer than it should, when in reality I nearly knock down a group of children standing in the way. As I run, people join me. Elsie, L and Coby all run with me. So Elsie told them. Maybe they can help. We run as fast as we can through crowded hallways. Panic rising in my chest.
A
I draw blood with a razor on any patch of clear skin I can find on my legs, arms, torso, focusing on cutting the wrists deep. I cry out in pain as blood gushes over my arms and hands. But it will end this faster. I stand on the chair with shaking legs, feeling faint from blood loss. I slip my head into the noose, and as I hear rapid footsteps coming a few hallways away I sob out loud.
"Im so sorry Matt…B... Goodbye." I close my eyes, and kick the chair away.
B
We reach the door but its bolted shut. I hammer my fists against it shouting hysterically.
"A! You idiot! Unlock the door!" But when no one answers I panic further. Coby hastily pick locks the door, swinging it open and nearly choking. I burst into the room hoping to find A with a gun or something that can be knocked away. But upon entering the room, my eyes widen in horror and I drop to my knees screaming so much it feels like my lungs have been pierced. One by one, Elsie, L and Coby are in the room with me, staring in shock at the sight.
There's a pool of blood on the floor traceable to the body swinging slightly from a noose in the middle of the room. I see his numbers are completely gone but I can't make sense of it.
"Someone help me get him down! He's not dead! He can't be!" I cry in despair standing by the body and trying to break the rope to no avail. L comes over and pulls a knife from his pocket, sawing until the rope snaps, and A falls to the floor in a heap. I scramble forward, pulling the circlet of rope over A's head, choking on air and tears.
"No…Come back…Come back…You can't leave me yet..." I murmur, cradling my lifeless friend, his blood smearing all over me. But I hardly even notice. I cling to the warmth he still holds. I try to focus on his familiar woodsy smell still present, though masked by the iron smell of blood. And I focus intently on trying to bring his name into view about his head. But there's nothing. No breath, no heartbeat, no meaning to my life.
I feel a hand on my shoulder followed by L's soft, mellow voice trying to bring me out of my state.
"Im sorry B. We were too late…he's gone…" His voice hitches, as if he's holding back a trembling sob. I look into his eyes and shake my head slowly. Returning my eyes to my friend and shaking my head. I ignore everything going on around me. Any words said don't matter. Breathing doesn't matter. I failed to save him after years of trying. After years of being saved by him. Keeping him sane.
"It's all my fault. I should have stopped him! What kind of a friend am i?" I bury my face into A's shirt, sobbing more than I ever have in my life. Then I feel gentle hands pulling me towards there owner. Elsie wraps her arms around me, and I go weak in her arms. I slump against her, crying with my body shaking with each sob.
"It's not your fault B…He was really miserable. There was nothing that you could have done for him." She soothes gently. I look up at her with a devastated face.
"Elsie. The other day when I said I can't tell you why I was staring…you're going to die soon! Your lifespan said a minimum of three weeks." Elsie's face holds shock and she looks down to A's body. But she doesn't say anything. Instead, she holds me tighter until Watari comes to take me away from the body. But it takes him, Roger and a paramedic to prise me away from A. I shake as they lead me away. I am the one left to tell Matt, who doesn't say a word. He doesn't cry. He looks vacant, with wide eyes and mouth slightly open. He looks shell-shocked. He slumps on the floor and stares off into a corner with a singer tear rolling down his cheek and quivering lips. I have to tear my eyes away to stop myself from breaking down again. I save it for when im alone in my room, crying myself to sleep every night with the lingering thought that this is my fault.
"I practically tied the noose myself Kara." I sulk into my cushion. Kara sits beside me trying to understand my muffled words.
"How B? It wasn't your fault." She replies.
"How wasn't it? I basically told him to kill himself. Remember? And I shouldn't have left him alone. Im a fucking monster." I cry with no hope of feeling better. Kara can't respond because she knows im right. So I try to occupy my mind with other things. But it all leads back to A. Eventually I learn that the only way to conquer this is to down sleeping pills. So I have dreamless nights. Empty days. And in the back of my mind I can see the insanity that lead me to kill my father start to crawl back to consciousness.
Alejandro Jeevas
The bright light starts to swarm my sight until the room im in falls away. The pain subsides and disappears from my wounds. When I open my eyes im met by a space coated completely in white. I find myself sitting upright. I rub my eyes in confusion.
"Where am I?..." My voice comes out clear, confusing me more. If I survived the attempt, my voice would be hoarse from the rope. Which can only mean…That im dead? I jump as I hear a familiar voice behind me. I whip around to see whose speaking.
"Alejandro? Is that you?" A woman's voice calls out. I trace the voice to a tall, slender woman with shining blue eyes and red hair. She's dressed in a white, knee length dress. Beside her stands a man of equal height with striking green eyes and brown hair. A tear runs down my face and my eyes widen in surprise as I stare at the people I haven't seen for many years.
"Mum! Dad!" I exclaim, running towards them. They smile widely and clasp me in their arms.
"We've missed you son.." My father weeps, holding me tightly. I smile genuinely for the first time in years.
"I missed you too…" I sob into his shoulder.
"Hello A."
I hear another voice behind me that I recognise. My parents smile and release me. I turn around to see who the voice belongs to, and I smile when I see.
"It's good to see you again." They smile, hugging me around the waist. I chuckle and stroke their head.
"It's good to see you again too."
So me, my mother and father, and the other familiar face wonder off together into the bright light. Vanishing from the empty space forever…
B
Soon enough comes the day of A's funeral. But I hardly have enough energy to breathe, let alone stand over a grave while some idiot gives a speech that means nothing to A or me. It's pointless. He's dead, he can't hear it.
I get dressed into a suit. But I have never worn a suit in my life. Well, apart from my father's funeral that I attended because Watari made me. I stare at my odd appearance in the long mirror. I look even stranger without my scruffy clothes that I usually wear. I stare at the dark bruising under my eyes from my sleepless nights. I realise my uncanny resemblance to L but I shake it off as unimportant. Everything is unimportant. A's gone.
I make my way downstairs and travel alone with Watari to the funeral venue, not willing to spend time around everyone else. But Watari understands.
I stay silent throughout the whole ceremony until I give a eulogy id learnt by heart. But standing by the mahogany coffin I stare at the white roses and a photo of A as a young child, piled on the top of the coffin. I feel empty. The words I recite are distant, pointless. But I do it for A anyway. When I sit back down I pull my knees to my chest and sit in silence until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look to see Near looking at my sympathetically.
"Are you ok?" He asks shyly. Instead of being irritable I just nod.
"Im fine kid. Thanks." I go through the rest of the ceremony and the burial in silence. Waiting until everyone else has left to approach the grave. Inscribed on it reads
Alejandro Jeevas-Beloved brother and Friend. I kneel by the headstone, tracing my fingers tentatively over the "A" in his name, which is in beautiful old English text. I cry for the first time since the funeral started, curling into a ball beside the headstone.
After 10 minutes, Elsie, followed of course by l and Coby, comes along and leads me kindly back to the cars. As soon as we get back to Wammy's I retreat to my room and hold my knees to my chest tightly. So much so that my arms ache. I glance at a draw where I know the gun I took from A is still kept, fully loaded with bullets. Id be lying if I said that I hadn't considered following A. It would be so easy to stick the gun between my lips and paint the wall behind me with blood and brains. But I know that wouldn't do much good. As I sit there in silence, I hear that voice in my head again.
Remember how you killed your father? How you told A to kill himself? What about how you convinced Randy and his friends to try and kill L. And your sister. You do horrible things B. You killed A. Do you want to know why?
"No! Leave me alone. You're not real, you're not real!" I cry fearfully.
No B. Im not. But the insanity is. I know your darkest thoughts. Now that A is gone, there's nothing to stop you. It's fun to kill, B. you know it.
The sinister voice is reduced to a whisper.
Let's do it again B.