His brows were knit, his pace stiff and hurried, and his stomach twisting as Anakin made his way from the starship hangar to the Infirmary. Artoo had fallen behind long ago and must have since given up trying to keep up with his master, as he was nowhere in sight. Anakin didn't pay much attention to who was or wasn't following him. His only thoughts were on Leia and getting to her as quickly as possible. What he wanted to do was pull out all the stops and run flat-out until he'd reached her. Protocol didn't even matter when his little girl was hurt.
While the injury wasn't serious, the circumstances behind it were unbelievable. Some said it was a training accident. Others said they'd been fighting. All Obi-Wan had said was that, while Luke had been the one to hurt his twin sister, Leia had been the aggressor. Had Obi-Wan not intervened, one or both of them could have lost a limb...or worse.
Anakin couldn't believe that. His children would never hurt each other on purpose. Luke, in particular, would rather lose his own legs than hurt Leia. What had happened?
The sooner I get there, the sooner I can find out, he told himself firmly. But still he didn't increase his pace. Even so agitated, Anakin knew he wasn't about to do anyone any favors if he mowed them down in his hurry to get to Leia. So, forcing his breathing to stay in check, he proceeded at a brisk walk.
He'd already tried to contact Leia through the Force, but she wasn't answering him. Luke had, but he was too upset to say more than 'I'm sorry'. That didn't help.
The tall Jedi was ready to walk straight past the Healers at the entrance by the time he reached the Infirmary. Still he forced himself to follow procedure and inquire politely of his daughter, thank the healer in charge, and make for the nearest treatment room. Anakin slowed just enough to avoid bursting through the open door, approaching at a cautious walk. "Leia?"
Leia sat on an exam table while a Healer quietly secured an elastic bacta bandage to her leg. Tears were still drying on her cheeks as she looked up, then turned away almost immediately, fighting more tears.
"Calm yourself, young Leia." the Healer remarked as she pulled away from the leg. "Remember... breathe. The Force will help you. Now rest." After a brief touch to the girl's shoulder, the healer bowed for Anakin and met him in the doorway. "Master Skywalker."
"Healer Sulani," greeted Anakin with his own short bow. "Is she all right?"
"Young Leia's leg received a moderate burn, but it will heal quickly. If you wish to take her back to her quarters, you may."
"Thank you." Anakin moved to stand beside his daughter and reached for her shoulder. "Are you all right?"
Leia pressed her lips together, almost glaring at such a question. Of course she wasn't all right! Couldn't he see that? But he meant physically, so Leia had to nod.
Anakin nodded back, almost wincing despite himself. The Force told him that it wasn't serious, just painful. "Can you walk?"
Leia sniffled, shrugged, and slid off the bed, unconsciously batting away her father's well-meaning hand. Her leg gave no trouble when she walked other than a twinge that could be ignored, and thankfully her father wasn't acting like he was going to push. He said nothing until they'd reached her quarters.
Anakin pressed his lips together with concern. "Leia, what happened? Who hurt you?"
The girl grimaced. "Luke," she admitted.
Anakin was disturbed. "But why? Why would Luke want to hurt you?"
Leia stared at her feet. "I didn't give him any choice."
Anakin frowned. "What do you mean?"
The girl felt the vise that had only just loosened from her throat return with a vengeance. She couldn't look at her father. "It was my fault. I stole a training lightsaber from the sparring room. He was trying to tell me how wrong I was, how much I've changed since the Initiate Trials...he said the reason no one will take me as an apprentice is because...because I've used the Dark Side." Leia's voice wavered as she clenched her fist. "It made me so angry...mostly because it's true. I never meant to hurt him," she added, almost defensive, "but I...I just wanted him to stop talking." Emotion choked her.
Anakin was feeling his brow furrow deeper with each sentence, and grimaced at the confirmation of his fears. Leia had used the Dark Side again, but this time against her own twin. His heart cried out against it. How could his children turn against each other? While there was a touch of bitterness in Leia's voice, all this couldn't be simple jealousy. Luke and Leia's love for each other was too deep for such a petty thing to divide them. He took a deep breath before asking his next question. "Why did you take the lightsaber in the first place?"
Leia's cheeks burned. "I thought I could practice. It still didn't do any good against Luke."
The young father closed his eyes with a sigh. His children had dueled with the intent to hurt one another, if even on one side. Leia must have been attacking at a furious clip for Luke to feel forced into wounding her. Even now Anakin could sense his son's guilt and worry for Leia. This must be addressed. "Leia...you already know you must control your anger. But these last few weeks it seems as if it's has gotten worse instead of better. Something is wrong, and I sense that your disappointment over the Trials is just the beginning." Leia's expression told Anakin that he had hit the mark. He was gentle as he took Leia by her shoulders and turned her to face him. "What's wrong, Leia? What's making you so angry at everyone?"
"I'm not angry at anyone," argued Leia desperately.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
"All right, then what are you angry at?"
Leia's response was to turn away, fighting tears.
Anakin felt helpless and heartbroken, but coddling the girl wouldn't solve any problems. If she was dabbling in the Dark Side even after promising to avoid it, something had to be done. The young father crouched to her level. "Look at me. Leia," he prodded, lifting his daughter's head. He was stricken to see fear on her face. "Leia, what's wrong?" He stopped, blinking. "What are you afraid of?"
Leia only bowed her head, unable to look her father in the eye.
Is it me? Anakin's heart broke at the idea. Had the display of power on Balmorra done more damage than he'd thought? Was she afraid that his not taking Leia on as an apprentice meant some of his love had been lost? Ridiculous as that notion was, Anakin had no intention of letting it be. Again he lifted Leia's chin. "Leia, look at me. I don't know what going on, but never hide your feelings out of fear. You know you don't have to be afraid of me. I'm your father, and I love more than you could imagine. And I'm not angry with you...I'm worried. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me anything. I can't read your mind. Please...talk to me."
Seeing the concern with which her father spoke made the dam break, and Leia finally burst into tears.
Anakin couldn't stand to see this and finally gathered her into his arms, smoothing her hair and rocking side to side. He gave her a good five minutes to cry and get it out of her system before speaking again. "All right. Will you tell, me then? What are you afraid of?"
Leia shuddered, doubting that her father would understand, but needing to speak her fears. "Me. I know I need to...to control my feelings. But it seems the harder I try, the more I lose control. I am jealous of Luke, but at the same time I miss him. I never see him anymore, and when I do, he's always more concerned about Master Kenobi than anything else. Sometimes...I know it's terrible, but sometimes I wish neither of us had passed the Trials. Then nothing would have changed. It seems ever since then everything has been going wrong."
The Jedi Master took this with a slow nod. Somehow he wasn't surprised. Change, especially when it involved family, was difficult to accept. "You can't stop the change...any more than you can stop the sun from setting," he said, sadly echoing the words of his mother before her only child had left with Qui-Gon Jinn all those years ago. The pain of losing Shmi was much the same as the pain in his severed arm; he had accepted it and healed, but he was never the same.
"I know, and I didn't mean it like that." Leia sagged as he sat on her bed. "Maybe I'm just not supposed to be a Jedi. Maybe the Force is just telling me to quit...to leave the Order, and do something else."
"What?" Anakin felt as if he had just been punched in the chest. Leia, ever since learning what the Force was, had wanted nothing more than to follow the path of the Jedi. She had fought for it, struggled, and endured. For Leia to give up on anything, especially something so hard-won, was unthinkable. "You don't mean that, do you? Of course you can be a Jedi. You have just as much talent in the Force as Luke-"
"Then why won't anyone take me as an apprentice?" Leia stared sadly at her father. "Luke is right, isn't he? It's because I used the Dark Side."
"Partly," admitted Anakin though he was loathe to dash her hopes with the truth. "Very few Jedi have ever dealt with the Dark Side beyond just in theory...it's not something everyone has experience with."
Leia nodded with confirmation. "They're afraid of me, aren't they?" When Anakin opened his mouth to protest, she shook her head. "I know they are! Well, so am I."
Sighing, Anakin shook his head. "No, Leia. They're not afraid of you. Concerned, yes...even cautious. But all they want is for you to be paired with a master that will suit your needs, and vice versa. There just...doesn't seem to be one at this point."
Leia's shoulders fell. "If that's so, then why stay? What's the point in being a Jedi if I'm never going to be anything but a youngling?"
Anakin frowned. "I said 'at this point'. That doesn't mean never. There are still countless other Jedi across the galaxy, some of whom don't come to Coruscant for years. Someday, someone will choose you. I know it. You just have to be patient."
Leia stared sadly at her father as the tears nearly returned. "Why won't you?"
Those three words were like a vibroblade to Anakin's heart. He nearly winced. "Leia, I tried. I asked the Council if I could take you, and they said no. I'm sorry."
Seeing the pain those words caused her father, Leia closed her eyes. So that was it. Angry thoughts at the Council came and went, leaving only the same hollow feeling that had been plaguing her for months. "It's not fair," she mumbled. It was a pathetic protest, and she knew it.
"Life rarely is," shrugged Anakin. "We just can't go against the Council. I've done that too much already. But listen...even if I'm not allowed to train you anymore, that doesn't mean I can't help you...and I want to, Leia. Will you let me?" He offered Leia his hand.
"How, Father?" the girl wanted to know.
"I can teach you how to fight the Dark Side...how to keep it from getting a hold on your heart," said Anakin. He had enough experience with that vile thing to last a lifetime, and would have rather lost his three flesh limbs than see his daughter come as close as he did to turning.
"But you don't know the Dark Side, Father. You're the greatest Jedi that ever lived. How could you?"
It was like another wound in Anakin's soul. For a moment he was ready to confess his shortcomings to his daughter...but would she fear him, then? She feared the Dark Side enough to prefer death. That could be seen in her eyes. No. I can't tell her what I've done. She'd never forgive me. And so more from dread than pride, Anakin shook his head. "Maybe not...but won't you at least let me try?"
For a long while Leia just stared at her hands. Her father wanted to help, but he didn't understand the deeper-than-bone chill she was trying to fight. She didn't really have anywhere else to turn...and it was better than giving up. Finally she nodded and gripped her father's hand. "There is no try," she added.
Relief nearly gushed out of Anakin, and he managed a smile. "You're right. There isn't." He pulled her into a warm embrace and was gratified when she accepted it.
"Father?" asked Leia after a time.
"Yes?"
"If I still left the Order, would you be angry with me?"
Anakin cringed, but had to shake his head. "No." He pulled back to look sadly at her. "Is that what you really want?"
Leia could only shrug. "I don't know yet."
Maybe she just needed a change of scenery. She hadn't seen her mother apart from holograms in nearly a month. "You can still go home this weekend. I know your mother misses you, and she said she had a surprise for us."
While thoughts of her mother brought warmth to Leia's heart, she had to sigh. "Can't Luke come along?"
Anakin sadly shook his head. "I'm sorry. He's Obi-Wan's apprentice now, and they still have to listen to their masters."
Leia's shoulders fell. Add to that the uncertainty about whether her father would be there himself, and it made going home just another chance for heartbreak. She shook her head. "No. I do miss Mother, but...it's just not the same without you and Luke."
Anakin tried not to look as disappointed as she was. "The life of a Jedi..." He squeezed his daughter's shoulder. "Let me know if you change your mind," he sighed, leaning over to kiss her head.
Leia nodded, turning to impulsively wrap her arms around her father again. "Father, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to use the Dark Side again...I just want it to stop!"
Anakin held his daughter close. "I know. But it's going to be all right. I'll do whatever I can to help. You just need to be willing to let me. Can you do that?"
Leia pulled back to look him in the eye, though her gaze was doubtful. "Yes, Father."
Anakin brushed a lock of loose hair from Leia's face with what he hoped was a look of encouragement. "Good girl. I love you."
She wanted to smile, to laugh, to say she knew it all along, but Leia's self-doubt ran so deep that all the girl could do was bite her lip and nod. "I love you, too."
A/N: Sorry it took so long! I had to do a complete re-write of the ending, so this is going to take a while. The one thing I can promise is that it's not over, and more is coming.