"We nearly lost him at the end there."
"Tch… It's not like he doesn't deserve it. He's a monster."
"Shut up. You've been instructed to keep him alive. Now do your job, or I will murder you. What was that? No, I don't care that im supposed to stop murder. You are pushing me over the edge."
Whose is that voice? It's familiar…Am I dead?
" yes Mr…." I don't catch the name, feeling searing pain up the entirety of my body.
I fall back into unconsciousness before anyone notices I was awake.
"It's strange." I think, as I fall under.
"Where do I know that voice?"
Kara
"Beyond?" No response. I try again with a voice strained with sadness.
"Beyond? Please say something." He continues to hang his head limply, leaning against the white wall. You'd think he was dead if it weren't for the slow rise and fall of his chest in pained, shuddering breaths.
His hair hangs limply over his black blindfold, moving ever so slightly from his breaths. He wears a white jacket restraining his arms, blue, loose fitting trousers and a chain secured around his ankle, harshly shackling him to the floor.
At the sound of my voice the third time around, his unhealthily pale lips twitch downwards in a wince as he tries to move his head to rest against the wall. He cries out a little in frustration when he finds he's too weak to even do that. With miserable furrowed eyes and as gently as possible, I hold B's face in my hands and lean his head to rest on the cushioned wall. My eyes rest on his slightly quivering lips. I sit back on my heels and try again.
"B? Can you talk to me?" He stirs a little, forcing words out in a raspy voice.
"It…Hurts…"
B
I don't know where I am. I don't know what the day is. I don't know how long I've been here, or if it's night or day. The blindfold was irritating at first, but I've come to realise that whilst im wearing it, I don't have to see Kara's miserably sympathetic face that I know would just rip my heart from my severely burnt chest. I also don't have to see anyone's numbers anymore. For the first time in my life.
As the time passes by, I just sit still until my body's Stiff-Only moving when the sound of the door opening makes me flinch in shock before im given food, water or medicine which I always try to refuse. I want them to let me die now. But apparently someone has ensured that won't be allowed to happen. I feel a chain around my raw ankle and a padded floor and wall. I know there's a door to the side of me-but apart from that im clueless.
As the days of isolation go on, I start to feel a terrible sadness hanging over me. It feels like when A died. I am empty. I am alone. Im cold and yet still burning all at once. In times like these when I feel so alone, I look inside myself to try and find BB. But as far into my mind I search, I can't find him. I sigh when I realise darkly.
"because he's already here. I am BB. I am what my visions said. I am a murderer."
…
Im zoning out so much that don't realise that the door has opened until I sense someone directly in front of me. I hear Kara breath in harshly, surprised and I furrow my eyebrows slightly.
What's she so surprised about. Who is this?
Gentle hands pull the blindfold off over my head, exposing my eyes to sudden white light for the first time in probably months. I look around the room as my eyes adjust. As I suspected, it's a padded cell. No windows and a camera in the corner of the room. A's observation room at Wammys springs to mind. I follow Kara's eyes to the form kneeling in front of me with the blindfold dropped on the floor beside him. With my eyes still blurry, I first think it's BB. But as my sight focuses on the stormy grey in his eyes instead of the familiar blood red, my eyes widen in shock.
"L?" As soon as I realise, I lower my eyes to the floor in a quick movement, a strange feeling suddenly swelling in my chest. I recognise it as a painful pang of guilt.
I killed his friend. I killed he who he loved like a brother. Then I ran away and tried to surpass him by murdering? How monstrous could I be?
This is it. He'll kill me. He must have kept me alive so that he could kill me himself. I wouldn't blame him. Just do it L. Kill me.
L shocks me yet again when he speaks with such sadness that it takes me back to Wammys again. When he used to cry all the time.
"Does it hurt?" He asks calmly, looking at my exposed, burnt ankles with a slight grimace. Still confused at this point, I try to remain calm.
"Yeah, you could say that. I deserve it anyway. Why do you care?" I reply honestly and bitterly. I stare at him with what I suspect looks like anger. But Im not angry.
L sits beside me calmly, in his usual sitting position that up until recently I mimicked as part of the act. Nothing's changed in 4 years.
"Because I understand everything you've done. I can't condone murder, but I understand." L takes a shaky breath, as if building himself up for something. "And I forgive you."
As if to prove his point, he tucks a lose stand of my hair behind my ear so it doesn't hang in my eyes. Confused, and becoming unexplainably hysterical, start holding back guilty tears.
"But…I killed your friend, my sister, my father and so many others after that…And Miheal..." I pause shakily, feeling L's analysing eyes resting on me.
"I had no reason to kill Miheal. The others, I had motives. But Miheal? I went mad! I just wanted to kill." I contort my face in anger at myself, and slam the back of my head into the wall as I begin to shout.
"How can you just sit there? Im a monster!" I weep hysterically now. L, apparently unfazed, simply shrugs his shoulders, holding my eyes with a small, sad smile.
"We're all monsters. At the end of the day, you can't go back in time and change what you've done. I wish I could. I would have saved my parents. I would have done something to help you before it got to the stage you are at now." L pauses. A look in his eyes tells me he's thinking hard about something. A deep sadness seems to cloud them.
"I would have saved A." He finishes. I flinch a little with guilt. The memory of A is like a kick in the heart with stilettos. But I smile a little through my tears. A genuine smile for the first time in a long while as I come to the realisation that I definitely underestimated L.
Not only do I believe he is the world's greatest detective, but possibly the gentlest and forgiving human being I've ever met. I feel a sudden surge of respect for L. I smile at him without a trace of a sinister smirk or sarcasm.
I nod my head at L's words, choking out my reply in a deep sob.
"Im so sorry L. For everything. And I know it won't ever fix what I've done…But im so sorry.."
L smiles brightly with a look so like the distant memories of Wammys. Before everything was hell. Beautiful. It takes me aback.
"It's ok. You're right. It will never bring them back, but at least I know you're still human." L stands up and walks to the door, but turns around at the door to speak again. As he does I get a glimpse of his lifespan.
"Be strong B. Im sure your family, and certainly A would be proud of you for what you've just said."
As he opens the door, I call out to him in shock: "Wait! L!"
"What is it?" he asks gently.
I look at him in dismay. But after everything I've done, I have to give him the curtsy of telling him. I gulp sadly.
"You have less than five years…" L's eyes widen for but a brief moment before returning to normal. He smiles.
"Then I'd better make the most of my time. See you in a couple of days B."