Kara
L visits B from time to time, even getting him time out of the straitjacket. B's already been here for a year and a half. Sometimes they play chess whilst B eats jam that L smuggles in for him. Today however, they're sitting together on the floor completing a white puzzle that blends into the white padded floor. I sit in the corner listening in while L and B talk as if they're old friends. B smiles much more now. Even if he is going to be here for the rest of his life, he doesn't let it affect him day to day. Now though, B's eyes are downcast, as if he's troubled about something. L catches on.
"What's the matter Beyond?" He asks kindly, placing a piece of the puzzle into place.
B hesitates, picking up a piece and turning it over in his hand anxiously.
"I had a bad dream last night."
"Oh? What of." L pushes. B strains to remember the details.
"I dreamt that Matt and Near were there. Elsie too, And someone pulled out a gun and tried to shoot you. And.." L freezes abruptly, his hand hovering above the puzzle. Beyond doesn't notice and keeps talking. As he does, I see L clench his fist a little, holding it to him by the wrist and quivering a little.
when he too notices: "…L? Are you alright?" B asks, looking at L, suddenly concerned as L's eyes become glazed with tears. L bring his knees to his chest and hugs them tightly as B moves around to him. L shakes his head and cries as B wraps his arms around him gently in a comforting hug. I'd seen L do this several times when B gets upset while they talk. When L seemed to be a bit better, he uncoiled and looked B in the eyes sadly.
"A little while after you left, the man who kidnapped me as a child and murdered my parents found me at Wammys. He threatened Near to try and get to me, injuring him a little before disappearing again. He'd planned to kidnap Near, but we put him under protection when he told us about Sylas. Elsie and I were just talking, and Near was by the window. He started shouting, and when I looked out, I saw the man who killed my parents…"
"Sylas?" I ask. L nods, struggling to carry on. But he forces himself to.
"Sylas was dragging Matt into the woods. I ran after them following the tracks Matt had left by dragging his feet. But he was already gone. I found a note smeared with blood telling me that he would kill Matt unless I gave myself up and let him kill me. I did what he said. I went to the tree by the river and met Sylas. He'd hurt Matt really badly. He couldn't move on his own so I lead him where he'd be out the way and tried to fight sylas, but he was stronger than I thought and about to slit my throat when Near came out from behind a tree and threw a knife at him. I hadn't realised he was following me." L starts to stumble over his words. I can tell he's never spoken to anyone about this before. My fist clenches when he tells me about Matt being injured. It gets worse though, and I feel the blood drain from my face.
"I was too weak to fight back. Near saved Matt in the end. Not me. He lead him where Sylas couldn't find him and helped him recover afterwards. But I couldn't even move properly. I told Sylas just to kill me because I thought if he came at me again I could disarm him, but he pulled a gun…" L's eyes turn to the floor, streaming with tears again. For some reason, I know what he's going to say. But I don't want to accept it. It can't be what I think can it? I have to hear him say it.
"What L? What happened?" I pressure him, putting my hands on his shoulders, gripping them harshly.
"Sh..She followed me…" My mouth drops in disbelief and I shake my head as my eyes become heavy with tears.
"Elsie took the bullet for me…I couldn't stop her…Near let Mello kill Sylas and…I tried to stop the bleeding but…" L trails off. I let my hands drop off his shoulders, my face blank, disbelieving.
"Oh." I reply simply, trying to process.
L just nods slowly. After a long painful silence, I look at L again to find him staring at me sadly.
"Im sorry B. I know you loved her too. I should have protected her." Im stunned by this, but I smile slightly.
"You knew? Huh… I guess I was obvious. It wasn't your fault L. She was an exception to your "We're all monsters" statement. She was, and I don't mean to be cheesy or cliché, a ray of hope in a sea of despair. I also know how deeply she loved you. If she had to live a day without you, when she'd already lost so much, I don't think she'd have ever been happy again." I look into L's eyes and find him smiling with shaking lips, nodding to my words. He laughs a little through his tears.
"You'd have made a good poet B. I think Elsie would have loved that." He looks at the clock and sighs, standing up.
"Thanks for saving her from those guys all that time ago. Seriously, without you, I could have never met her. I'd have died a long time ago if it weren't for the fact you aren't as bad as everyone thinks." I smile at that as he continues.
"There's someone coming to visit you in a few days. I don't know if I'll be back again soon." L frowns, as do I. When he sees my face, he laughs and hugs me tightly.
"Ok L. I've got a feeling I won't see you again though." I frown. L smiles sadly (something he does often, I notice)
"Okay. Well you're usually not wrong. I'd like to tell you then B, that I think of you as another brother of mine. And if you ever feel like you don't belong anywhere, remember," L stands up and walks to the door with a smile, taking an envelope out of his pocket and handing it to me. I turn it around and read the words inked on it. Wammy's
"All of us are connected. All of us from the same place. And you'll always be a Wammys boy. No, you'll always be a Wammys brother. Farewell, Beyond Birthday." Just before he leaves I smile at him.
"Farewell, L Lawliet." The door closes behind him.
Brother.
A couple of days later.
Now back in the straitjacket I stare in shock when I see who walks through the door. The familiar jade eyes. Crimson hair and orange goggles holding it up out the way. But five years has changed him immensely. Now 13 years old, he's fairly tall, still skinny, but his face is tired and shows signs of slight fear. But he's unmistakably the boy I've known since he was a baby. Matt Jeevas, followed by the snowy haired, stormy eyed Near, who despite being 11 or 12 now, still clutches a stuffed rabbit to him in one hand. Some things don't change. He looks at me nervously. Clutching onto Matt with his free hand as support. Matt looks at him and laughs lightly, ruffling his hair. When he turns back to me, he still smiles, surprising me by running up and hugging me tightly. Near watches from the doorway with a small smile, fiddling with the edge of his sleeve.
"Hey B! It's been so longgg! I've missed you oh my god look at you! You look like hell!" He laughs, not even taking a breath. Near looks suddenly nervous.
"Be careful Matty. He's still a murderer." Near mumbles, shuffling further into the room and sitting in the opposite corner than me. Matt turns and looks at him with a look of sympathy. I feel so guilty that I wish the ground would swallow me.
I killed Near's brother. I killed Matts best friend. Im the reason his brother killed himself. Why are they here?
"Its… good to see you too Matt. But what are you two doing here? Why would you want to see me? After everything I've done." I hear Near mutter to himself in the corner and see Matt glare at him until he stops. Matt breathes out heavily, sitting on his feet a little.
"Because I don't think A would want me to stay angry at you. Neither would Miheal. I know about BB." He says after a pause. I look at him confused, and he turns to Kara. Smiling. She smiles back.
"Hey Kara. Long-time no see."
"Good to see you again Mail." She replies with a smile.
"Kara came back to Wammys briefly after you left and explained it to me. Basically B, you have a similar problem to Near. BB was your Mello. You couldn't properly control him. The things you did weren't entirely your choice, and I think that Miheal and A would understand. Coby would too. So, im forgiving you. Before you be all negative and stuff, id like to say im still pretty upset about all the murders and the lying. Of course I am, but you're still the closest thing to a brother besides L that I have." I stare at him in disbelief until Near rolls his eyes and walks over to us, staring me straight in the face. It's obvious that this is actually Mello.
"You murdered my brother. You tried to have L killed. We can all agree that you're a monster. But who are we to say that. Right Near?" Near nods. "Human beings are nasty creatures with short, pointless lives that are too short to hold grudges. So accept the forgiveness, say some sort of sentimental apology that we'll accept and we'll be good. Kay?" He finishes firmly. Near looks down and twirls his hair.
"Sorry…" He mumbles. Matt laughs lightly. As do I.
"Then Im truly, deeply sorry Nate. Mail. For everything I've done. And I know it will never bring back those I killed or right any of the wrongs I've committed. But I hope you can accept this useless speech so I don't die hated by those I care most about."
Matt grins, freeing my arms from the strait jacket and hugging me again tightly so I can return the gesture.
"I accept B."
We hear Near mumble in the corner: "Yeah yeah so touching. Can I please leave now?"
Later on I open the envelop L gave me to find a series of photos that make me well up with tears again.
The first is the family photo of me and Alodia with Mum and Dad. Must have left it in my room when I ran away.
The next is of A sitting with a three-year-old Matt in a tree, smiling down as I took the photo. I smile at the memory.
The third is of me and Matt playing a card game laying on the living room floor with A curled up asleep on the sofa. A tear splashes onto my thumb clutching the photo, sending a jolt of cold through me as I go to look at the next one. It's of Elsie and L sitting at the breakfast bar eating strawberries and smiling at the camera widely. Seeing her smile again after all these years is surreal. But im glad I get the chance. I feel slightly uncomfortable knowing that Coby probably took this photo, so I quickly turn to the next one to see Near and Matt playing video games together in the living room with Miheal, Elsie, Coby and L watching. Me and A are sitting together on the sofa too. I remember that day, as I was unhappy about sitting in the same room as L, but A told me to be nice for Matts sake.
I cry a little, but out of happiness as I realise that not all my time at Wammys was bad. There had been some good times after all. As I go to put the photos back in the envelope, a note falls out of it. I read it out loud with a soppy smile.
Dear Beyond,
Watari would kill me if he knew that I've given these to you so you better appreciate it.
I want you to know that Elsie cared about you to. She wouldn't admit it to anyone but me. But she often declared how she didn't think you were evil, and that you were just another victim. She stopped crying when we brought up Coby, but if we spoke about you she got defensive and cried. That's got to mean something right?
See you later brother.
PS: Mello want you to know that he still hates you, even if Near doesn't.
L
I put the envelope down and fell asleep with a smile on my face for the first time in a long while.