January 19, 1976

Five days after Keith and Keilah's father died, we all had a funeral to attend.

In all honesty, I was kind of nervous to go the funeral. The last time I had gone to one was around ten years previous to the present time. It made sense for me to be nervous about it then, right? I mean, it's not like every day you're told that someone that has some sort of relationship to you passes.

I was mostly nervous for what would happened between who would be at the funeral. Cause supposedly, there would be people from both sides of the family- Mrs. Mathews and her ex-husband. I'll admit, I truly believed that there would be a lot of tension between some that there were there based on past events- just from the ones I knew- or an awkward feeling would be in the air just when people made small talk. So I was nervous about how the families would interact with each other- but you'd think since it was a funeral, if anyone had any differences, they would put it all aside for one day out of respect.

The funeral was starting at twelve in the afternoon. I didn't skip work that day, considering the morning show at the radio station ended at eleven. I didn't tell anyone from the radio station that I was going to a funeral after work, cause Andy probably would've ended up saying his condolences on the air. Plus, people might have been giving me their sympathy, but I'd feel bad cause I didn't even know the man, so it's not like I was personally affected by his death. Do I feel bad that he died? Sure, I do, I would never wish death upon someone, even my worst enemy. But I met the guy once, and that wasn't even for five minutes, so how am I supposed to feel about it?

I went over to the closet and looked through the racks. I pulled out a black shirt- which I had to buy new due to the fact that my only nice black shirt doesn't fit for now, a pair of nicer pair of black jeans, and a tank top like I always did. I then went over to the drawers to grab out anything else I needed, then got changed.

Once I changed and combed my hair, I left the bedroom and went to KJ's bedroom. When I got there, he looked up at me from a piece of paper on his little table. "Hey, little man," I smiled and leaned down as best as I could next to him.

KJ smiled brightly. "Hi, Mama! Look it," he said and held up the paper on his table, ""I drew it for Grandma cause she's still sad."

The picture had three women, one man, a little kid, and what looked like to be baby. "It's very good, KJ! I think it's really gonna make Grandma smile."

"That one is Daddy, that one's me, that one's you, that's Aunty Kay, and that's Grandma." He pointed to each as he told me who was who.

I pointed to the baby. "Who's that, KJ?"

"That's the baby in your tummy, Mama."

I couldn't help but chuckle at that. "It's very good, KJ. I promise you that Grandma's gonna love it. Now, how 'bout we get you ready to go, then you can show your picture to Daddy, ok?"

KJ nodded and quickly ran over to his dresser. I got up- not as quick as KJ- and walked over to his dresser. I pulled out his dark blue sweater that looked nearly black, a pair of jeans along with socks, underwear and an undershirt. I quickly helped him change, then we left the bedroom to go to the kitchen- he made sure to run back to his table and grab his picture.

When we got to the kitchen, Keith was at the counter. "Daddy look!" KJ said, gaining his attention, and held up his picture. "I drew it for Grandma."

Keith turned around and gave a small smile at both of us. He then walked over and leaned down to KJ to see the picture. "This is really good, KJ," he smiled, "Grandma's gonna love it."

Once KJ smiled again and ran over to the couch, I stood by Keith. "How you doin'?" I asked.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm fine. I'm not upset, I'm not angry- I pretty much feel nothing."

The three of us left the house not long after that. On ethe way to the home, we had stopped to pick up Mrs. Mathews and Keilah. Most of the car ride was quiet- and you could cut the tension in the air with a knife. I guessed that even KJ could feel the tension, considering he played with his bear- Keith and I let him bring his bear so he would be distracted since he was still only three years old- very quietly, and he would look around at all of once in a while with a slightly confused look on his face. Going by that, he probably had no idea what was really going on, which I had no problem with whatsoever.

Once we got to the funeral home, anyone who was already there looked at the five of us with sympathetic looks. People gave their condolences as we walked and other stuff like that. I would just give small and awkward smiles at everyone, considering the only connection I had with anyone there would have either been friendship or in laws. I looked at Keith and Keilah, who looked like they were both mad and sad, but trying not to show it.

I had chosen to stay in the lobby for a little while before the service started while the three actually went inside. While I was sitting there, KJ continued to play with his bear with one hand, his drawing in the other hand to give to Mrs. Mathews a little later on. I nearly jumped outta my skin when Candy, Evie, Cherry and Marilyn came over to where I was sitting; Mariah and DT went over by KJ, while Candy held Elizabeth in her arms and I guessed Patrick was with Sodapop. "Hey," Marilyn greeted with a small smile, "How are you?"

I stood up and gave a small smile. "I'm fine," I answered with a slight shrug, "I mean, I never met the guy so I don't really know how to react. How should I react?"

"Not too excitedly," Cherry said, "Not this far along."

I let out a slight chuckle. "I know, I know. It's kinda hard though cause I'm nervous what might happen today."

"What could happen?" Evie asked, slightly confused, "I mean, it's a funeral. Aren't people supposed to be either mourning or supporting those who're mourning the dead?"

"Well yeah, but with both sides of the family here, it's really weird, ya know?"

"I respect that," Candy said, "I mean, when my one aunt died a few years ago, I was real nervous cause him and my aunt had gotten divorced cause she cheated on him, and she was married in to my family. I still consider her my aunt cause they had kids, who are my cousins. But since they had kids together, there were people from both sides and it was really weird."

"Is that supposed to be helpful to the situation, Candy?" Evie gave a weird look.

Candy gave an embarrassed shrug. "Just saying, cause nothin' bad happened there that day, so maybe it'll be the same here."

The service started not long after that. I think it was some minister or church official that gave the service, but I couldn't be too sure since I wasn't religious. Once he finished speaking, he said that anyone who was there who "would like to say something or share a memory about the deceased" could go up and do just that. Whoever did, would have to stand up at the podium at the front right corner of the room.

Mrs. Mathews got up from her seat two seats away from me and stood up at the podium. "First of all," she started, "I want to thank everyone for coming today, mostly for supportive reasons. Especially those who are from my ex-husband, Robert's side and have been with me since 1957. I bet some of those from my side are wondering why I'm actually upset. The reason is because, one: I'd never wish death upon anyone. And two: because Rob gave me my two children. So even though I haven't seen him since 1957, I could never thank him enough for the two most important gifts I've ever received in my entire life. And through them, led to me gaining a wonderful daughter-in-law and two grandchildren, one here and one on the way. That's why I mourn Robert."

After she sat down, Keilah got up from her seat and walked to the podium. "Ok, um," she started and cleared her throat, "I'm gonna be straight here and say, I don't remember my dad. The last time I saw him, I was two years old, and that was nearly nineteen years ago. Instead of having him in my life, I had multiple father figures in my life, like my brother and my Uncle Andrew, and eventually Rusty from the garage. But this was normal for me. Anyway, it's a shame he died, especially that way he did, and I wish I could have met him at least once."

"Didn't you tell us he went over to your house four years ago?" Evie whispered to me from behind before Keilah got to her seat. I just simply nodded and shushed her, and she got the hint.

Once Keilah returned to her seat, Keith hesitantly got up from his seat and went up to the podium. "I'm not quite sure what I should say," he chuckled nervously, "I can't say the last time I saw him was when I was ten, cause he was in town a few years ago. He came to my house and told me why he left. He said it was cause he was afraid. Cause he was young and already had two kids, and that scared him, so he left. He never told this to anyone else, except me, when he was at my house four years ago. Kinda makes me think of him almost in low regard, cause that's a bad excuse. But either way, that's all I could think of to say, cause I couldn't stand here and say anything else. Anyway, like my sister said, it's a shame he's dead."

Everyone looked surprised at what he had said. Even I was a little shocked that he'd mentioned about when his their father came to the house that week after KJ was born. When he finished speaking, he didn't sit back down in his seat, but rather went out in to the lobby of the building.

Candy- who was sitting behind me with Soda, Patrick and Elizabeth- leaned formed to me. "Are you gonna speak?" she whispered cautiously.

I shook my head. "It's not my place," I whispered back, "At least, not anymore."

The service ended not long after that. By the end of it, Keith had come back inside from the lobby and sat back down in his seat next to me. When he sat down, he was cautious and acted as if the chair had rabies and was about to bite him. I decided I would ask him about it later, after he talked to his mother and sister about what he had confessed about.

"I can't believe you told him to get lost!" Keilah yelled once nearly everyone had left the service.

"It's not like it was a hard concept for him to understand," Keith snapped back.

"That's not the point! He wanted to apologize to the three of us, but no, you told him that if he ever came to me or Mom, that you'd call the cops!"

"Cause I was trying to protect you two, and Rain and KJ, cause I didn't want him to hurt any of us again!"

"That's not what it is! You just can't accept the fact that people make mistakes!"

"Leaving your wife and kids is more than a little mistake, Keilah! A mistake is when you use the wrong thing when cooking or somethin' like that. He told me that day that he left cause he was afraid, that he didn't wanna screw us over, so he left. You think that's just 'a mistake'?"

"He was still our dad," Keilah retorted.

"Only in genetics," Keith answered coldly, "In actions, he's been dead to me for almost nineteen years."

Keilah let out a deep breath. "As of right now, that's what you are to me." She then stormed out of the building with her coat, and walked out onto the streets.

Mrs. Mathews and I both exchanged nervous looks. "This is not good," she said.

I couldn't have agreed with her more.

This chapter was very dramatic. I should write plot lines for Days of our Lives, it's so dramatic (I watch Days of our Lives, ok?)

I have big plans for the argument *evil laugh*, you're probably see it next chapter, so yeah. That's if everything goes according to plan. Oh and by the way, the scene with all the girls before the funeral, that was added in as I typed this. It was not pre-written in my notebook so yeah. How'd that go? Did it work?

Anyway, did watch the academy awards this past Sunday? Leo finally won- no more jokes about him never getting one. Plus I'm mad that Sylvester Stallone didn't win best supporting actor for Creed, but I'm happy Dave Grohl was the one chosen to play the memoriam song cause I absolutely love Foo Fighters.

Anyway, I have SAT's this weekend so please wish me luck. I'm scared out of my mind about it, and I have no idea what Trigonometry is. Plus there's a good chance people in my class from my old school with be there, and I'm nervous about that cause none of us have kept in contact really since I left there. So yeah, I'm scared for a number of reasons.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Peace form all the hippies of the world! =^-^=