A/N: This is kind of an emotional one. It is more about Annie than it is about Barba. I just wanted to get done with her side of the story. I accept all criticism with open arms. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU or any of its characters. I do not own any of the songs mentioned herein either.

Tag to S15E6: October Surprise

Annie and her Uncle Mick were making jokes, dynamite duo that they were. Aunt June was asking Rafael to side with her. All he could do was stare at Annie as she laughed, shaking like she were possessed. She had this ridiculously infectious laugh. You didn't have to know the context. You would start laughing just by seeing her do it. But it wasn't working on him that evening.
"Oh my god. Oh no", she wheezed, still grinning.
His attention strayed to the picture frames on the mantle. He had been told on his first visit that they were pictures of all the kids the Tylers had fostered. The last one in the line was of 17-year old Annie and Michael. He had his arm around her. She was smiling. He was so tall. And Annie looked so... not-Annie.
"Rafael?"
He felt her hand on his shoulder. Annie smiled down upon him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah"
Aunt June was ready to play nurse.
"Are you feeling sick, dear? I have this new antacid gel that Doctor..."
"Ain't nothing wrong with him, June. Leave him be", Uncle Mick said.
"He is fine, but I think we should head home anyway. It's getting late"
Hugs and kisses having been exchanged, Annie and Rafael got back on the road.

That he had been preoccupied was certain. The latest disaster he had suffered with his childhood friend Alex Muñoz still weighed on his mind. Annie had offered to go celebrate the Tylers' wedding anniversary alone, but he tagged along. She knew he stuck with her when the going got rough. He would make excuses to drop in on her, call her thrice a day. It was endearing yet sad.
"Babe", she rubbed his arm, "Please talk to me"
He made no effort to conceal his sigh. Annie struggled to keep her eyes on the road.
"Do you miss Michael?"
She stiffened behind the wheel. He had never asked her that before.
"To be honest", she said, "Not anymore"
"You grew up with him. You were going to marry him. How can you not miss him?"
"I don't like to romanticize him. He died a tragic death, yes. I was in love with him for many years. But I have lived without him for more"
"Come on. You have never had a solid relationship because you keep comparing every man you meet with him"
"That is not true. And why are we even talking about this?"
"Because I don't think I fare very well against your ex. He proposed to you when you were 17, and I told you on our fourth date to walk away if you expected marriage. What are you in this for, Annie?"
She pulled over on the shoulder, killed the engine, and turned to Rafael.
"I was fully aware of what I was getting into with you. Michael may have had promised me marriage but I never felt safe with him, okay? Every night I'd stay up, thinking he'd been shot or arrested if he was a minute late coming home. I lived in constant fear that he would be taken away from me someday. And he was"
She shook her head,
"The moment I got my shit back together, I promised myself I'd never hope for the worst ever again. But every guy I met after him was such a disappointment. It's not easy trying to love someone else when you can't separate the word 'love' from a particular person. I had given up on dating long before I met you, Raf. And when we met..."
Where he expected tears, Annie was smiling.
"Michael loved me like I was his whole world. I was a teenager, I used to dig that. But now, I am with a man who makes the world a better place. For everyone! And that's what a girl wants. Don't believe the superficial stuff they say about us"
He was quiet when she revved the engine and drove them onto the road.

They had long left Queens now. Rafael studied her for a while before talking again.
"I'm sorry. With Alex and... I'm just questioning everything in my life. But it's not fair"
He looked at her with all the world's oceans in his eyes.
"I love you. You've never given me a reason not to"
Annie shifted in her seat, looking ahead. Sentiments were one of her weaker areas. She only clasped his hand in response, and wouldn't let it go. Rafael was amused by her forced effort to not look him in the eyes.
"You know what my mother said to me after the first time she met you?"
Annie gave him a sideways glance. He smiled.
"She said that if I ever let you go, I would regret it for the rest of my life"
"Your mother is a wise woman"
He chortled,
"Yeah. So I'm going to follow her advice"
"You'd better"
"Let me kiss you"
She did.

Laying his head on her lap, resting the lower half of his body against the car door, Rafael closed his eyes. Annie would pass her soft hand through his hair, along his forehead at small intervals. She kept driving as Rafael drifted away from consciousness. His last thought as he succumbed to sleep, and a hand caressed his head, was that he had one constancy in his life - Annie. Thank God for Annie.

[Staten Island, 1987]

"Annie?"
Mrs. Bluth's face loomed upon her. The state people always talked to her like that.
"This is Mr. Tyler and his wife. This is their son Michael. Say hello"
She didn't. She kept her eyes downcast, making sure not to look Mr. Tyler and his son in the eye.
"She's just shy, that's all"
Mrs. Bluth put a hand on her bony shoulder.
"You're a good girl, Annie, and I hope you show that to Mr. and Mrs. Tyler by being yourself. Okay?"
Not even a nod.
"Hello, honey", Mrs. Tyler took her hand, "Would you like to see your room?"
She was going to get a room? All to herself? Maybe these people were not like the Williamsons after all.
"Michael, honey, could you show Annie her room?"
Annie watched his shoes. When they turned towards the door, she followed them out. Behind her, the adults were talking.
"There's a history of molestation with the child but..."
She shut the voices out.
'No need to relive every bad memory', Daddy used to say.

Not a word was spoken by her for the first two days. She had overheard Michael complain once that the girl was creepy. He kept to himself mostly. Yet whenever she looked up, he would be looking at her like she were an oddity. They were good people though. Mrs. Tyler couldn't cook too well but she was all love and fuzz. Mr. Tyler was nice too; always trying to get her to talk.
"Psst. Hey"
Annie's eyes shot wide open. She clutched the panda bear Mr. Tyler had bought her. Michael was standing over her, whispering. She had to know this was coming. The room, the toys, the smiles - all bullshit. Annie's voice was raspy, not having been used for a while.
"Do what you want. I won't tell. Just don't hurt me"
Scrunching her eyes shut, she waited to feel his hands on her. A minute passed before she could open them again. Michael looked disturbed. He pointed with his thumb to the door.
"I-I just wanted to show you the comet"
Annie watched him stalk to the door. Was she being stupid? He might be bigger but he was her own age. Maybe it was boys older than 12 who liked to do things to girls.
The door creaked. Michael stood outside, holding it ajar. Peeping from the blanket wasn't making him go. When he looked away, still holding the door, Annie got out of bed and followed him.

Michael wasn't the brightest bulb in the house. Annie often helped him with his homework. He was grateful. He too would help her any way he could. Having grown a mouth on herself, Michael often had to step in when Annie pissed someone off. It had never been as bad as that day in June though, right at the start of summer vacation. She had been drawing a sketch of him and Sonny Carisi, that goof. He posed like a hunter over Sonny, who played the captured dead beast. Bella was talking to some of her friends a few feet away.
"Orphan Annie's an artist, huh?"
It was that shithead Garcia kid. Both Sonny and Michael ran after him. Gina managed to hold Michael back but Sonny gave a kick to the runaway's butt.
"It's starting to grow on me, Michael. You gotta stop going off on that"
A teen of few words, Michael walked back to the pavement and sat by her. Old man Marcello was laughing at Sonny's amateur kick.
"That Sonny is real cushy about your sister, eh, Mikey?"
"She's not my sister", Michael said.
"Eh?", Marcello hollered.
Annie had never heard Michael scream like that.
"SHE IS NOT MY SISTER!"

News travels fast in small communities on the Island. Annie eavesdropped on all the allegations against her best friend.
"You have to tell me the truth, Michael", Uncle Mick was saying, "Did you touch Annie?"
"How can you even think that, Pa?! Jesus Christ!"
"Don't yell at me, son! If you have any feelings for Annie, you have to tell us now. It's for her own good"
Michael was adamant.
"I would never hurt her. Never"
The ultimate decision was that Annie would have to go to a new home. She wasn't bitter about it. She had had a good run with the Tylers. And she would always love Uncle Mick and Aunt June. They were family now.
"Please. Please don't send her off. Pa... I'll go away if you want me to. Don't send her away. She's got nobody"
They let Annie stay. But Michael was not allowed to be alone with her.

Before they could finish high school, calamity struck. Uncle Mick underwent an accident that left him paralyzed for a year. Aunt June had to send away all the kids. Though it would have hurt her too, she could not send away Annie, mainly because it would break her son's heart. Instead, the family moved to Queens to be closer to her maternal family.
"I need all the helping hands I can get", she would say.
To be another of those helping hands, Michael took up odd jobs. Annie kept house. Aunt June mostly cried and attended to her husband.
"Annie?"
She was reading in bed. Finding him in her bedroom at odd hours was nothing new anymore.
"What?"
"I gotta talk to you about something"
He stood by the door. She watched him from her bed.
"Are you going out with Jerry Shaw?"
"The day I do that, you put me in the cuckoo nest"
He seemed to agree.
"What's it to you?"
"I love you"
She smiled,
"I know you do"
"No. You don't get it. I 'love' you"
"I said I know you do"
He looked at his hands, buying himself time.
"I don't suppose you love me back or something"
"Why do you think I won't go out with Jerry Shaw?"
Michael nodded. His small smile was rare but it always pleased Annie to see it.

"What'd you bring me out here for?", Annie asked.
They were standing in the park, a block away from school. Michael was fishing for time by taking in the view around him.
"I want you to marry me", he said, "Not today but some day"
"Is that right?"
He nodded.
"Doesn't it seem kinda incestuous to you?"
"What's that?"
"Like we grew up together. It doesn't seem weird?"
"Not to me. To you?"
"I don't know. Why do we gotta get married?"
"You're the only one for me, always been", he asked, "So what do you say?"
"Michael, we haven't slept together, never kissed each other. It'll be weird"
"I don't gotta check your lady parts to know I want to marry you. Are you in or not, Annie?"
"I'm in"
"You don't wanna think about it first?"
"What if I start thinking about it and say no?"
"Then don't think about it"
They walked out of the park together, engaged in their own peculiar way. Michael had his hands in his jacket.
"Can you walk yourself home? I gotta go to church"
"You, church?"
"This Sunday, I promised Santa Maria I'd light a candle if you said yes"
"You're stupid"
"You get home safe"
Annie looked at him as he crossed the street. The thought of spending her life with Michael soon became a huge comfort to her.

All the faith she had in him was shaken when she saw the shiner. They were 17 then. Unable to get a good job, Uncle Mick had begun to drive a taxi. And his son had been getting into a lot of fights.
"Who did that?"
"Sshh..."
"Don't shush me, you bastard!", Annie hit him, "You don't care about me! Going out and getting your fool ass into fights!"
Michael had to hold her tight until she stopped thrashing. She threatened him,
"You get into one of your shitty fights again, Michael, and I swear I'll run away. You won't see me ever again!"
"All right. Whatever you say. Just don't tell Ma. And calm down. You're shaking"
It was just the beginning. She spent her seventeenth year fighting with him, arguing, telling him she would leave him if he didn't clean up his act. It never happened; Michael knew it wouldn't. Annie loved him. They began to realize how much when she started planning their lives together.
"What am I gonna do in college, Annie?"
"Whatever I do. If you don't come along, I'll find myself some rich brat, get knocked up, and make the kid call you Uncle Mike. Now, I made a list of the cheapest colleges in New York. We ain't going to stay too far from home. As for student loans..."

When she found out he had started to deal for his gang, Annie's sleep became scarce. She was lying awake in bed the night they shot him. The moment the doorbell rang, she just knew it was bad news, that Michael was never coming home through that door again. It was Aunt June's cries that brought her to the living room. Sure enough, there were the cops. Uncle Mick was weeping and trying to hold his wife upright.
"Where is he?", Annie said to the policemen, "I'm his fiancée"
That silly tattoo he had of her name didn't matter. The rosary around his neck didn't matter either. Michael Tyler was found dead at the scene, 17 years old, and carrying a huge wad of cash from his dealing business. There was no drama at the scene of death. People called the cops after hearing shots in the street. Michael's killer was 22; had shot Mike in retaliation of a beating he had given him. Pleaded guilty, got his sentence reduced to 20 years. There was no revenge to be sought.

Aunt June was a mess for months. She maintained a shrine to her dead son. Visitors flooded the house for weeks. The day Aunt June showed signs of getting used to her grief, Annie announced her decision to leave for college. Uncle Mick pleaded with her until the last moment.
"With Michael gone, I have no home. I got no reason to stay"
"Don't say that, Annie. You're family!"
"Every single thing here reminds me of him. I know my loss is not as big as yours, but I can't take it anymore, Uncle Mick. I'll go mad"
It took ten years for her to come home again.

Annie had underestimated her love for Michael. As far as she was concerned, he was everywhere she went. They had never touched each other as lovers. But he was all she thought of when a man first made love to her. Slowly, as it always will, time began to heal her. She found strength in her work, her few friends, and her books. Her dry wit transformed into genuine humor. She had to laugh.

'Smiles are always better than tears', her father used to say.
Men were no longer just distractions or temporary relief. She started to take a genuine interest in those who liked her. That interest seldom lasted over a few months.
"Officer…", it was the first word he had spoken to her.
Rafael Barba had to happen for Annie Dalton to know she was capable of giving love. Thank God for Rafael.