When he opened his eyes, Heath saw Audra sitting on an armchair next to his bed. In the dim light of the early morning, a sunbeam was playing in her hair and on a side of her face. She seemed to be glowing. He marveled at how beautiful his sister was.
"Good morning, Heath! This arrived yesterday, it's for you", she said cheerfully, her smile forming cute dimples on both her cheeks. She stood and put the book she was reading face down on the armchair, then went closer to him, put a hand on his arm the other one handing out an envelope.
"It's from Strawberry", she said expectantly, waiting for a reaction. He took the letter from her hand. He couldn't recognize the handwriting. Strawberry… Heath's heart lost a beat. What had happened? No, not now. He put his fear aside, he'd think about that later. Now, he just wanted to enjoy his little sister's company. He laid the letter on the night table and said nothing.
"How do you feel?" she asked softly.
Again, Heath marveled at how caring she was. He sat up in his bed and realized his headache had subdued. "I'm fine" he said with a smile.
Her hand still on his arm resigned to the fact he wouldn't say anything about the letter he had received, Audra sat down beside him.
"I'm glad you came, Heath", she said. She tilted her head, taking in his features. "You look so much like Father", she added.
Heath nodded at her statement. "So I've been told." He lowered his gaze, watching his hands.
"What was it like?", he asked after a while, his eyes back into his sister's, the two pairs of blue eyes searching intensely into each other's depth.
"What was what like?"
"To be his daughter?"
"Oh it was wonderful. I felt so loved and protected. I loved him very much. Everybody loved him. A thousand people came from the valley to bury him. He was that kind of man. He was special Heath just like you are", she replied her eyes dancing with merriment, with love for the father she had lost, with love for the brother she had gained.
Heath was drinking her every word. His shy, crooked smile appeared on his face, but right after it disappeared, as he dropped his eyes. "It's strange how you can miss something you never had", he murmured.
"Oh Heath, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry".
Heath saw tears in Audra's eyes. Once again he marveled at the fact that those tears were there for him. He felt tears welling in his eyes as well. "I was so lucky you all accepted me", he said softly.
"Oh, Heath. You have every right to be here with us, with your family".
"Audra, I have no rights. Bastards have no rights", he said without a second thought. That was a matter of fact.
"Don't say that. Don't say that word", Audra retorted, outraged.
Heath couldn't help but feel a pang of the old anger grow inside. He had said nothing but the truth. Why couldn't they understand? All of them, they all thought he had grown up there with them. Audra didn't know what it meant to be the child he had been. He could actually see what her childhood had been like. Oh yes he could. She had lived all her life in this beautiful house with both her parents, with THEIR father taking care of her. He had never had a father to love him, to protect him when his uncle beat him, to avoid him the pain of taking part in a war that was beyond what he could ever imagine. To rescue him from Carterson. He had had a father like everybody else but that father had never taken care of him. He was a bastard, and she had to come to terms with that. They all had to. If they wanted him to be part of them, they had to accept him for what he was.
He spoke harshly. "Why not? That's what I am. That's what I'll always be. It's something you're born with. It's something you're raised with. It's something you can never forget because there will always be someone to remind you, to show you what your place is. This…" He looked around the room. "All this won't last".
Two big tears were now rolling down Audra's cheeks. Heath's heart broke. "I'm sorry, Audra. I… I didn't mean", he said contritely. How could he hurt this girl, the little sister who had shown him nothing but love and acceptance from the very beginning? This female part of himself. Audra Barkley, so proud, so brave at times, yet sweet and compassionate. Oh, did he love her. He'd do anything for her, anything. He wished he could take back his words. But, it was too late.
Audra sniffed back her tears, wiping away the remnants with the back of her hand. She straightened her back, in a gesture he was going to get used to. "You know what, Heath? You're wrong. You're wrong because that's not what you are, that's what they call you. But I don't believe them and you shouldn't, either".
"Is that what Barrett did? He reminded you of what you think you are?" Nick's voice startled them. He was leaning against the door jamb, his arms folded. He had evidently listened to a good part of their conversation. He walked in and approached the bed.
Audra stood. "I need to talk to Mother about my birthday party", she said, and quickly left, trying not to show how upset she really was.
Nick sat in the same place Audra had left vacant. Just like her, he put a hand on Heath's arm. He spoke softly. "You won't have to worry about Barrett anymore, Heath", he said with a smile.
"Barrett? Why?"
"Oh, nothing, we had a little talk with him".
"We… who?"
"Jarrod, Eugene and myself."
"What happened?" Heath asked, confused.
Nick bent to be closer to him, suddenly serious and lowered his voice looking him in the eye, "Gene heard you talk in your sleep, Heath. Barrett was the one who beat you and threw you in the river", he explained.
Heath kept silent for a few minutes. He shook his head in disbelief. "I knew he didn't like me, but not to the point of…" The rest of the sentence died on his lips. The disbelief rapidly turned into bitterness. His inner shadowy thoughts were back there. Hadn't he learned anything yet? This was what was always happening, wherever he was. He was cursed.
He looked up at his brother. "Nick, I can take care of myself, I told you that".
Nick smiled. "Well, judging from the bandage on your head, little brother, you can use a little help from time to time", he said, raising his hand to touch lightly his brother's forehead. "Does it hurt?"
Heath slapped Nick's hand away, amused despite himself. "It's not that bad. Nick, don't think I'm not grateful for you caring about me because I am. But you can't stop it, it'll always be like that. I'll always be what I am".
"Is that a fact? And what exactly would that be?", Nick asked in a teasing tone.
"You know what I am, Nick". Heath's tone wasn't teasing. He was damn serious.
Nick frowned, suddenly serious as well. "I don't care WHAT you are, Heath. I know WHO you are. You are Heath Barkley, you are my brother and that's all that matters".
Heath shook his head. He sighed, the harshness of his past life still lingering in the corner of his mind, poisoning him from inside. "Don't you see, Nick? It's been a month, nothing has changed. It will never change, they'll never accept someone like me living in this house. They'll never accept someone like me giving them orders. And I won't have you or Jarrod or Gene or all three of you together watching my back all the time".
Nick's frown deepened. "We'll make it change. I'll take care of that personally". Nick's tone was determined. He looked into Heath's eyes, searching. He didn't like what he saw there. They were cold, unreadable. Nick shivered inwardly, wondering what his brother was really thinking.
"Now you just rest and heal little brother". Nick paused. "I need you back by my side", he added. These last words came out in a strangely sad, weak tone that surprised himself, first.
Heath's knees nudged the little mare's flanks. He dropped the reins down a bit to unbridle her head and leaned forward above her mane. They were like one, and they were flying.
When he had seen the train, he had thought about his father. He had died fighting against the railroad. The train whistle had blown, challenging him.
Now, he was racing the train.
Just before they crossed the railway right in front the locomotive the whistle blew again.
They had won.
This time.
Heath pulled the reins making her slow down. She was sweating, breathing hard, her nostrils trembling. He leaned forward and patted her neck. "You're a runner my little friend. You beat the iron monster". He gave a little laugh, took a look around.
They were on the top of a hill and he could see the valley below. The valley that had been his home for the past month. The best month of his life. He had so wished it could last longer. A wrenching pain overflowed inside him, welled up in his heart. A little gulp escaped his lips.
But, this was the right thing to do for everyone's sake.
The letter he was keeping in his shirt pocket was burning his skin.
The questions were too many and he had no answers. What would happen he didn't know yet.
Before he could change his mind, he made his horse turn and spurred her to a gallop.