Amelia came into work early the next day. Thankfully everyone was still recovering from last nights shift so she'd spend the majority of the day with newbies and cover doctors.
She couldn't focus despite no one being in and the OR being completely full of simple cases with straight diagnoses and releases. The words Richard has said before she left remained with her. She had to accept sooner or later she was actually pregnant. Things didn't seem real at the moment. She didn't feel like their was a baby growing inside of her. The last time it happened everything was so much more complicated and yet this time it was still confusing. She wanted the happy ending with the picked fence and a baby would complete everything she'd ever dreamed of. Right now she didn't know how to feel. She had taken a stupid drink from her worst enemy in a weak moment. She had lost everything she'd worked for since she lost her first baby. And now she was blessed with another and yet she almost ruined everything again. It was her job to protect it, to love it and she already failed.
She gone to the weekly meeting despite feeling like a fraud. She had spilled her thoughts to a group of strangers who would understand her better than anyone she considered close to her. She hadn't seen Richard in the crowd as he was hidden behind someone. Yet she carried on and told them everything that had happened in the last 48 hours. She had never discussed issues with Meredith before but that night she let everything slip away. The guilt and pain she caused everyday by using her as an reminder he was gone. She spoke about owen often and how she felt or how she thought she felt.
"How are you doing today Mrs. Potts?" Amelia greeted her next patient. Normally she'd be bored with simple cases but today she was thankful.
You can call me Sandy" she smiled and continued. "Well I was standing on a chair and I fell and hit my head pretty bad" the woman replied half embarrassed.
Amelia couldn't help but look down. "And how far long are you?" She asked politely. Working in this environment meant you could tell the difference in stomach sizes.
"6 months" she replied with an wince escaping her mouth. The open wound on her head was bleeding and would need to be cleaned and stitched up.
"As you haven't mentioned any discomfort so far I'll treat your head wound first and we'll do some scans. Then I'll get one of her other doctors to check your baby out just to make sure everything is okay" Amelia explained. The woman nodded thankful.
Amelia accused herself from the patient leaving her in the hands of her interns to take the tests and then come find her with the results. She went and saw some other patients who had been requested for her. When she was finished with the next one one of her interns came running to her tapping her shoulder lightly.
"Greggs what is it?" She asked irritated. She hated tapping.
"The woman in bed 4, her results came back" Amelia nodded and excused herself. She went over to the board and placed the scans on the viewers. Their were several scans to look through and it wasn't until she reached the last one did she notice something unusual.
"Greggs what do you see here?" She asked her intern. He shrugged in response until he moved closer and ran his finger along the lines of the scan.
"That shouldn't be there" he said confident. It was a large mass covering one of the main areas. It was around 3-4cms in length.
"Correct" Amelia said with regret. "Now what would you say treatment would be?"
"Well" he studied the scans further. "It's too close to the vessels to remove it" he identified first. "Some sort of treatment would reduce the size" he suggested.
"Yes, I would agree" she then grabbed another scan and put it on the projector for him to see. "Now what do you think?"
Amelia waited for him to realise what he was being shown before she expected an response. He kept his head low and altered his tone from the excitement of finding someone with an tumour that they had a chance of fixing. "She's pregnant" he said.
"Doctor shepherd is there anything we can do?" He asked.
Amelia felt a knot in her throat as she barely made enough noise to say "no". She took the scans down and went back into the ward where the woman was. Greggs followed behind her.
"Ahh hello. Your intern did an amazing job" the woman gleamed at her nicely her head had been stitched up. Greggs smiled at her comment. Arizona was standing by them with scan ready to check out her baby.
"Can you give me 5 minutes Amelia?" Arizona asked. She nodded quietly. They stood and waited patiently.
"There's no need to go" Mrs. Potts called out. She was fine with them seeing her baby. She would finally get to share the experience with someone. "I'm nervous" she lightly laughed as the cold gel was applied to her stomach.
Arizona positioned the scanner on her stomach and moved it around til the image appeared on the screen. The solid heartbeat was detected and was thumping loudly into the small room. "There she is" Arizona smiled brightly.
"It's a girl?" She cried happily to herself. Arizona nodded and she couldn't help but show her excitement. "My mother will be so excited now she knows what to knit" everyone laughed along with her. Amelia couldn't help but drop the smile when she remembered why she was stood here in the first place.
"Arizona stay please" Amelia whispered to her and she nodded concerned. She knew that face.
"Umm Mrs. Potts?" Amelia spoke up.
"It's Sandy" she corrected her.
"Sandy... We got your scans back" Amelia began. The patients face dropped when she knew she was hear about the results.
"You have an tumour in your brain. It's in an area which wouldn't have caused you any symptoms except lack of balance. It's not very big currently. However, where it is means we can't operate" Arizona sighed into her hand.
"What does that mean?" Sandy asked.
"Well the only other options available would be treatments such as chemotherapy" she explained.
"Okay, when can I start?" Amelia bite into her lip knowing the next part wasn't going to be so easily understood.
"Sandy... the treatment is very rough. And it would probably harm your baby" her voice cracked.
"Oh" sandy looked down at the large bump in front of her. "How long do I have to decide?" She asked without looking up.
"If you were to start treatment we'd need to do it within the next few days to ensure it was successful" Amelia told her truthfully. The scans showed it was aggressive but would react well to the drugs that would successfully combat it.
"Can I be alone now?" She asked a single tear dripped down her cheek.
"Of course" Amelia said and walked out first with Arizona and Greggs following behind her.
She rushed towards the on call room without listening to anything they said to her. She closed the door behind her and curled herself up on the bed. She was struggling to breathe. Her chest was pounding and heavy. The woman who was in her care was a similar age to her. She was alone like she was. She now had the biggest decision of her life to make. Amelia didn't know what to do for the best. She allowed her own tears to fall. Everything had began to get on top of her. This case was too personal for her to handle with everything else going on.
Arizona listened outside the door to light sobs. She knew it was Amelia inside. She had never seen her so emotional over an case before. Even the ones who resembled her brother she handled better.
She tapped before opening the day. It was dark and she noticed the movement on the bed. "Amelia?" Snd quietly said.
Amelia sat up and wiped away the tears quickly trying to hide the evidence. "Hello" she lightened up.
"Amelia it's okay, you know not to be okay all the time" Arizona sat down next to her on the bed and smiled.
"I feel so stupid" she sighed defeated. "I don't normally let it affect me" she said honestly. It was the best lesson her brother ever taught her.
"It's a hard case, and it's one we can't give a happy ending too no matter what" Arizona said truthfully.
"I just wish I could do something" she admitted frustrated. she known to solve even the impossible cases yet she knew there was no way she'd go in without destroying or altering something about her.
"Arizona..." Amelia started. "Can you do me a favour?"
Arizona nodded. "Of course"
"Do you have time to fit another scan in before your shift ends?" Amelia asked.
"Yeah I don't see why not. What's the patients name?" Arizona asked.
"It's me, I'm the umm patient" Amelia kept her head low.
"I think one of the blacked out rooms near the end of the ward is free" Arizona said.
"Thank you" Amelia was thankful for the privacy she was giving her. Today had made her think and even though she'd love for Addison to be here she knew she had to see her baby now in case anything else happened today.
They walked in silence to the end of the corridor. Thankfully no one was walking around not that they would have assumed it was why they were there. Amelia sat up on the bed and got comfy as Arizona played around with the machine and set it up. "How far gone do you think you are?" She asked.
"7-8 weeks" she guessed. She had tried to work it out but everything had turned into an blur.
"Okay well let's find out" Arizona clapped her hands together. She placed the device gently onto Amelia's revealed stomach. It was still toned and flat. But Amelia knew that would change soon.
"Okay give a minute or two" Arizona said as she concentrated on the screen, while moving the probe around.
Within a few seconds a smile appeared on Arizona's face. "That's your baby" she pointed to the screen and stared at Amelia waiting for her to say something.
Amelia was speechless as she stared at the screen. Tears rolled down her cheek like they would never stop. Her baby was there.
"I'll do some measurements and just double check but everything looks perfect Amelia" she grinned. This was one of the highlights of her job.
"So who's the lucky father then?" Arizona asked.
"Owen" Amelia gulped loudly. How could she tell him. Sobs began to gather in her mouth until she felt two arms around her holding her tightly. "It's okay I promise"