A/n: Thank you for your reviews. You will find a more elaborate author note at the end of this chapter which I hope, will give you the answers why I am being so horrid to Ron.

All characters belong to JKR including my Ron (*sob)

Chapter 30: Worthless

He had no clue how he had made his way out of the living area, into his room or onto his bed for that matter. The only thing he could remember was Harry playfully teasing him for his loss and his lack of sportsman spirit. Yeah, that was pretty much right, it was indeed his loss but not the way his best mate thought.

The adjacent bed was still vacant, the door shut as he had banged it on his way to crash on the worn out mattress, hoping for a tiny bit of relief from the constrictions in his chest.

With an arm folded under his head, and watching the ceiling that was much higher than the one at home, he counted the throbbing of his pulse trying to cool down, to ease the pain and the anger that was directed at his own self rather than her.

What had he expected really?

Ever since the fiasco in the hospital wing, he had forced himself to stop his feelings for her. And Merlin knew, he had tried! He had tried being a friend, and just that; tried being annoyed when she acted all smart and brilliant while they worked on their school projects. He wanted to be pissed off when she rolled her eyes at his spelling errors or essays just because they were not up to her standards. He tried being hacked off when she said she feared he would fail because he wasn't working hard enough. He tried to be genuinely irked when she bickered with him over Harry's fascination with the Prince's Potion book.

But at the end of the day, he knew, he was neither annoyed nor angry or pissed off. On the contrary, each of her actions brought her closer to the image he had of hers in his brain for almost a year and a half now, that of a normal girl, brilliant yes, and beautiful too, but normal. A person he could talk to about his hope and fears, annoy just for the fun of it, tease playfully and bicker and still be madly in love with.

He loved that innocent smile and that roll of eyes, he loved how she huffed when he said something stupid in the middle of a serious argument just to annoy her, loved the times when she struggled to remain angry and stop herself from laughing at his joke. He loved how she sat curled on the couch with her book, and many times dozed off as they worked late into the night. Each moment he spent with her being just her friend seemed to pull him closer to her, make him crave for more. There was a moment somewhere during those busy nights when he had come to realise that Hermione did not appeal to him only sexually. It ran deeper. She brought out the caring part in him even when she was being her annoying best. She brought out that Ron in him who actually wanted something so bad this time that he wasn't ready to compromise, wasn't ready to understand that what he was aiming for, was far beyond his reach.

He laughed mirthlessly at the next thought.

He wanted the right to care for her, the right to keep her safe, to love and cherish her until the day he died. He hoped to have a family with her someday. Did that make sense coming from a seventeen-year-old? Perhaps not. But he had thought of it, quite a lot in fact and he held the war responsible for it. It made you think of peaceful times, of what life could be, of a future worth looking forward to. And she was everything he wanted in his future, along with his family and Harry of course. But this was different. He wanted her to be his and his alone.

How did he have the audacity to fall in love with Hermione Granger, and worse expect her to belong to him someday? Was he seriously that ignorant? How could he forget that he, Ronald Weasley, had nothing to offer her? How could he forget the disdain she had expressed a year ago in the school library? Heck, if her mother turned down Viktor Krum, where did he stand? He was a pureblood and well, that was about it. He had no great legacy to carry, not a single galleon to his name, no land and no fame. He was nothing and no matter what he did, just like always, he would never measure up to be good enough, and she, under no uncertain terms, was destined for the best.

Growing up in a family that had more mouths to feed than hands to earn, teaches a lot of hard lessons early on. Ron had learnt them too. There were multiple times when even the smallest of the wishes could not be fulfilled because there wasn't that extra Knut to spare. Growing up, he had learnt to make peace with not getting what he desired most of the time and more often than not, he understood or at least tried to take it in his stride. But understanding doesn't stop the hurt, does it?

Youngest of all, he had learnt to make peace with the fact that rarely would he get anything, tangible or otherwise, as a first hand. It took him a fight with the giant spiders and a trip to the Chamber of Secrets to get his own wand- the birthright of a wizard. It took him fifteen years to get a gift that was not a hand-me-down, his broomstick, and another couple for a new watch. Pigwidgeon given by Sirius was one of the most cherished ones no matter how much he snapped at his little, feathered friend. But that was about it, the only things he owned, the ones that were solely his.

He had learnt what it took to be poor, learned to take the taunts as he walked into the Great Hall clad in his ankle displaying jeans or an atrocious set of dress robes, the subject of many a jeering comment and taunts. Sometimes he rudely retorted back, on other occasions, he pretended not to have heard. It hurt all the same.

He had learnt to accept that year after year, he would have the same maroon jumpers for Christmas, one distinguishable from others only by their state of tatteredness. He had learned that no matter what, he would always be lesser than someone, less smart than Bill, less daring than Charlie, less bright than Percy, less funny than the twins and less adored than Ginny - practically be the base of the bunch. He had learned to accept it and cope with the jealousy that came with it. Maybe it was to prepare him as he was destined to be the best mate of the Boy-who-lived. He loved the boy enough, as much as his own brothers, perhaps a tad bit more, but that friendship had added one more to the already large list of people who mattered more. If there weren't enough people hogging the limelight already, he was pushed further into the shadows by Harry's presence, unintentionally but still, every single time and all the time.

He had made peace with it all, grown to live with it without hard feelings towards his siblings and still love them all. It wasn't their fault that he had just turned out to be the most mediocre Weasley in the entire brood, was it? Even his share of love from their mother was the scrape remains of the others.

And that is why each and every betrayal of Hermione hurt so much.

She was the one whom he had wanted for himself. With her presence, the intense desire to be loved the most, to be admired more than anyone else had taken root somewhere deep within. And he was not willing to be the second best, not this time. No matter how many times she wounded him, he knew, he was deep in this. There was no one else for him, there wouldn't ever be. And no matter how much she hurt him, he would still keep hoping for that place in her life.

He barked out a laugh in the dark as words heard from a while ago floated back to him.

"My mother declined, though...they wanted better for me..."

But that was her mother's wish; she doesn't feel that way...

Well, yes, she was different now, wasn't she? Heck, she even seemed to like it here with his family, did say so herself. Maybe her criteria would be different... Not that she would have to follow her family traditions anymore if she didn't want to. No one was present to force her into it anymore, reasoned his heart desperately, and he gave out another low, mirthless chuckle. Who was he fooling? Even if she no longer adhered to the old rules, what did he have to offer her? If she had to choose, she would find plenty of men who would be willing to give a limb to be with her. Even his brother seemed to be much taken by her beauty.

The twins had returned for dinner and Ron had not failed to notice how Fred had specifically and very charmingly apologized to the flustered witch. He was not leaving a stone unturned to woo her, and Hermione was either too shy to voice out her embarrassment or was enjoying the flattering compliments, he didn't know for sure. But he hated it either way. Neither could he ask Fred to stop- not like he had any official right over her, nor could he sit and watch. But he had to endure worse. Ron hated that he had managed to hear every whispering comment Fred had thrown at her, seen every wink and noticed every time her cheeks coloured.

Even if she was not betrothed to Malfoy, Hell be damned, he sure hoped she wasn't, she seemed to have a suitor-in-waiting in Fred. He was smart, talented, funny, and was making cauldrons of gold already at eighteen.

He turned around making the covers slide down onto the floor.

Had he not known that his hopes were futile? He had, and that is why after her latest accusations at him, he had tried to reason with his heart. It had been a constant war between what his heart desired and what his brain knew he was worth. It was driving him insane. The only way he to keep himself in check was the constant muttering of his brain that was perhaps tired of being fooled and hurt over and over again.

You can't trust her, not again Ron, it kept chanting whenever she was close. He carried the thought as a memento to shield himself against her and the hurt that came with loving her.

And yet, after all these weeks, all it took was Dumbledore's test to break down the walls. He had wanted to take her in his arms and swing her around, telling his brain to go stuff it. She was as honest to their cause as he was, wasn't she? It was impossible a feat but she had done it! If Hermione Granger, a pro-pureblood Slytherin, daughter of You-know-who's supporters could move over to the Light side, could she not fall in love with him? Blimey, he had felt lighter than he had in days. Even the annoying thought of the prank his brothers had pulled had flown off his thoughts. And to think he had been furious about it before as much as he had been to find Hermione in Fred's arms. He was happy that she had not broken a bone with that fall, but still, it should have been him, not Fred. Why didn't he watch out for her? Fred was really playing it well. His insides seared with envy bringing him back to reality again.

Ron was sure he didn't want to know her dream, not even who she fantasised about. Going by the latest information, it could be Krum or even that pale-faced ferret. Blood pounded his veins at the image of the Bulgarian seeker as Ginny's words came floating back to him.

"Was he your first?"

He shut his eyes and fisted his fingers till he was sure the cuts from earlier were bleeding again. He really had no clue where the rage was coming from but his head was aching so hard it seemed it would split open. Hermione was his and his alone. If he could, he would rip that bastard from limb to limb for touching her. How could she let him?! It was senseless to feel that way, argued his brain, after all, he was nowhere in the picture when it happened. But no reason seemed to dull the ache.

He was doomed, craving for a girl who was not even his to begin with, doomed craving for a love which he hoped that, was for once, only his.

...

"It's Ron, isn't it? The one you dreamt about?"

It wasn't a question, not really, and Hermione turned so fast in her bed that she almost fell off it. They had got to their room a while ago. Harry was much too excited to have defeated Ron finally, a feat which Ginny claimed had been impossible since Ron had turned nine. It had made Harry ecstatic but he had loitered without following his fuming best-mate, presumably giving the taller boy the time to cool down. Or perhaps, he was simply lingering around to have a moment with Ginny, Hermione wasn't sure. She felt anxious about the way Ron had left and a tad bit upset that Harry had managed to defeat him. She sincerely hoped Ron had heard nothing of her conversation with Ginny. It was, after all, only meant to be a distraction to keep her from asking about the potion induced dream, the memory of which was still giving her goosebumps. But now she was beginning to wonder if Ginny was half as naive and innocent as was making herself be.

"I-I don't know what you are saying..." she replied thanking the darkness of the room for hiding her flaming cheeks.

"Merlin, Hermione, you didn't sound so embarrassed even when you were talking about Krum!" laughed Ginny and by the shuffling sounds, Hermione was sure, she was sitting up, all poised to worm the secret out.

"Of course, you know what I am saying! Or perhaps it's Harry?" the redhead asked sounding a little sceptical.

"WHAT?! NO! Of course not!" she retorted flabbergasted, causing Ginny to burst out in peals of laughter which sounded a little relieved to be honest.

"Then it was about Ron." She declared happily and Hermione chose not to comment, biting her lower lip and snuggling further inside the blanket.

"I thought you fancied Harry." Confessed Ginny making the other witch sit up in surprise.

"Sweet Salazar, no! Why would you even think that?"

"Don't you realise? You talk more to Harry, sit next to him for meals even when it's Ron you have spent more time with. And isn't everyone fascinated with Harry?"

Hermione pondered over the words. Was it how it seemed from the outside?

"I feel comfortable around Harry, Ginny. Feel like he understands, not having a family... losing parents, you know?" she added softly before pausing for a while and continuing again. The redhead did not interrupt possibly eager to hear her out first. "He is almost like a sibling to me. I understand his motivation to finish this so that no one else suffers like we have."

"And... Ron?"

Hermione fidgeted for a while before lying down, not sure how much she could, or should divulge for that matter.

"Hermione?" Ginny called in the dark, her voice low and understanding.

"I'm not sure I am ready to answer that, Ginny... I-I am sorry..."

The younger girl sighed and Hermione could feel her settling down under the covers before she spoke.

"I-I always had this... this thing for Harry, you know?" she said softly.

"Really?" she chuckled and heard Ginny let out a very conscious giggle.

"Yes. Saw him for the first time at King's Cross when they were leaving for Hogwarts. I really thought he was cute. He was literally the first boy who was not my brother or a cousin." She released an exasperated sigh.

"Anyway, got to know after a while that he was the Harry Potter and next thing, Ron writes, he is Ron's best mate! I couldn't stop bugging him to death asking him about Harry when he came down next summer." She laughed softly.

"And then Harry came down to stay with us too, I was horrified and chuffed at the same time, didn't speak to him at all, knocked things down whenever he was around. I was a mess really!"

"Then?"

"Then I came to school, send him a horrible singing Valentine, and ended up being possessed by You-Know-Who, set the Basilisk on the school and was saved by none other than the boy of my dreams himself. It was mortifying. I kind of resigned to the fate after that that Harry would never see me as anything more than his best mate's younger sister. Heck, he didn't even notice me all these years. Even started going around with Cho last year..."

"... the Ravenclaw seeker?"

"Yeah, the same..."

"But.., he isn't seeing her anymore, is he?"

"No... They broke up... I'm glad but doesn't really help me much."

Hermione chuckled softly to herself at Ginny's words.

"You are sure, Ginny? Seems to me that Harry has finally noticed that his best mate's little sister is not so little anymore."

Ginny was silent for a while. "Are you crazy? He is just too kind and polite but that's all. And there are too many girls willing to feed him a love potion. And... I am dating Dean from their year..." she replied ruefully.

"You are?" she asked astonished. It seemed stupid considering the flame was there on both sides.

"I just thought I'd get on with life, you know?"

"You are stupid, pardon my words. And poor Dean! It must be miserable for him to be with someone who is certainly pinning away for another."

"Like it was with Lavender?" even in the dark, Hermione thought she could see the smug look on her companion's face.

"L-Lavender?"

"The girl Ron was dating, don't you know?" she asked teasingly.

"I-I do." How had she forgotten Lavender?! The dream felt all the more wrong now. He was someone else's boyfriend after all.

"I wonder why he broke up with her..." mused Ginny in a tone suggested that she had a very good idea but was just waiting for a reaction.

Hermione's head snapped up from the pillow. "He broke up with her?! I mean, oh... I never knew..." she finished red in the face and Ginny chuckled audibly.

"He did, a week or a couple of weeks prior to his birthday, I reckon. I remember because Lavender was mopping around with Parvati in the common room. A relief if you ask me. Finding my brother attached on the face and limbs of that girl in public has scarred me for life."

Hermione chose not to comment as a vivid memory from the Pensive flashed in front of her eyes. It almost made her forget that Ron had broken up with the girl.

"Hermione?" called Ginny and she answers with a small 'yeah' after a while.

"Do you know why he broke up?" asked the younger girl.

She thought she knew. A pang of guilt ran like a dagger through her chest, Ron had found out about the letter. It was nothing like Ginny was expecting. He was, perhaps, way too messed up to carry on a relationship.

"So there is someone else?" she asked in a mock-cheerful voice hoping to deflect Ginny elsewhere.

"Are you seriously that thick, Hermione?" asked the younger girl. "He stood up against Fred and George for playing that prank on you, you have no clue what that means, do you?"

Hermione let out a brittle laugh. "You know Dumbledore assigned him as my protector, Ron takes that duty very seriously no matter what he truly feels for me."

"Rubbish..."

"No, seriously ...I know, Ginny..." she emphasized biting back the pain. "He has sa-... done things earlier, even when things were pretty messed up between us. I guess that is just how he is. He stands up for others."

"You are just being pessimistic or, is it because... Ron doesn't fulfil any of those criteria?" asked Ginny softly, but the steel in her voice was unmistakable.

"They are not my criteria, Ginny..." replied Hermione neutrally and bade a soft goodnight declaring that she was done with the discussion.

A/N: This is going to be a slightly long note and I apologize beforehand for it.

You must wonder why I keep putting Ron through all this, each and every time. I have reasons but I leave it to you to decide if they are justified or not.

Ron, in my opinion, was a character who was plain and simply neglected, not just in the story by his family but by his creator, the one and only JKR herself. She never described in more than a few sentences here and there, how he was the most selfless and noble character in the series. His flaws were flaunted, his merits underplayed. I hate the movies for massacring his character so much that a group of fans who never read the books will never know the true Ron. His flaws were exaggerated, his merits underplayed (hardly mentioned in the movies). I have read a thousand Ron-centric stories and applaud all those authors who had it in their heart and words to give him the true respect he deserves.

Harry has the whole series dedicated to him and even Hermione is laurelled a tad bit more than she deserves. My stories are my way to show what I feel makes Ron, the forgotten hero, the struggling but normal teen and what makes his relationship with Hermione special.

The sixth and the seventh year were crucial to the trio in more ways than one. Just like in real life, they grow up and battle demons which are not just Dark wizards. It's a coming of age period where they discover what eventually defines 'them'. They grow individually through the struggles they face. Perhaps divulging into individual characters would have diluted the crux of the HP series, but here, that is the main track.

Here, in this story, there are struggles, symbolic and otherwise that will build the characters as we proceed towards the Horcrux hunt. There will be stepping stones and pathways of fire they have to cross before they reach the happy ending (yes there is one).

This is not a quick kiss and makeup story and if you are expecting that, I am sorry but you will be very disappointed. I don't see Ron blurting out his feelings or Hermione doing the same at this stage because they are simply not 'there' yet. And no matter how tempting it is to get carried away and fit in an intense snogging (or perhaps shagging) session, that is not how I see the story in my head. If I did that, I would be cheating you as well as myself because then I won't be giving you the story I want to share.

Thank you for all your feedback, I understand your desperation to see Ron happy (believe me-I want it just as much) but I apologize for not giving in to the temptation of solving things for him and Hermione right away. It will come but in due time.