N/A: An "error 503 service unavailable" made me panic yesterday, but now here I'm again. Luckily you too :)

Chapter 9

The following day Kensi and Deeks entered the open space nearly running directly to Hetty's desk where she was finishing another unproductive phone call. They both looked tired, dark circles under their eyes, and worried sick.

- "It's good to see you safe and sound, agents." – Welcomed an also exhausted Hetty.

- "What happened, Hetty? What's up with Callen?" – asked an anguish Kensi seating in front of her without bothering to say hello.

- "Yeah Hetty, I can swear I heard Eric crying on the phone." –added Deeks approaching the table.

- "I'm sorry to be the bearer of very bad news…" – started to explain Hetty.

- "Now, I'm scared" –interrupted Deeks taking also a seat and holding Kensi's hand.

- "Mr. Callen is… missing and in not very favorable circumstances, I'm afraid." – the boss announced.

- "Where, how… ?"- Kensi wanted to know.

- "All we know, my dear, is that he was shot and he felt down from the helicopter during the rescue mission. However he managed to save Captain Washington who is on his way home right now."

- "I don't understand Hetty. Do you mean that Callen was left behind wounded in hostile territory without any help?!" - exclaimed Deeks.

- "By the SEALS?" – added Kensi incredulously – "I just can't believe it" – murmured to herself.

- "And you're describing the best case scenario, Mr. Deeks."- pointed Hetty out.

- "Oh Hetty you're not implying… you know… he may be…"- Deeks was unable to verbalize his thoughts.

- "We witnessed the rescue operation through the video camera on the helicopter, the fall was brutal…"

- "No! Not Callen! It can't be possible." – said Kensi abruptly standing up and letting go Deek's hand – "We know the terrain Hetty, we can came back and look for him."

- "Even if I could authorize you to come back, it would be pointless, Miss Blye. At this moment we need to concentrate our efforts on locating his position from here, then Sam could organize another rescue operation by the SEALS.

- "The same SEALS that let him down?"- retorted Kensi – "Oh no Hetty, the already screw everything over."

She was feeling so angry so powerless that she needed to blame someone. All the operation was resulting so good, even the crazy thing of flying a balloon! Only Callen…

- "Kensi, Deeks!"- Called Sam walking in Hetty's office – "Glad to see you, guys"- He said hugging them. If for a second they thought that this situation could be a macabre hoax, the look on Sam's face brought them down to earth.

- "I know you're tired, all we are, but G could use your help now." – Sam said.

All three climbed slowly the stairs to ops where Nell and Eric hugged both of them. Eric's eyes were red and Nell's hair was a mess.

- "What is exactly the situation, guys, because I must confess that I'm lost here." – said Deeks.

- "Ok. First of all I need you to see a video. And I have to tell you that this is one of the hardest things I had to do in my life." – adverted Sam.

Deeks and Kensi braced themselves for what may came and Eric went out of the room crying.

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When a baby mountain lion grazed his face, Callen came to with a start, wondering for a moment where he was, and why he hurt so much. Then he remembered, giving a low cry of abject despair that made the animal flee. He had lost all notion of time. It hurt to move, but staying still hurt just as much. His muscles screamed their protest, making impossible to think of anything except pain and discomfort. He was freezing. His entire body felt blue with cold, but his survival instinct was making his way to his mind and he ordered his eyes to open. The sharp light of the sun made him blink.

Sitting up with extreme care, he took the plastic bottle and drank the rest of the water. Then he tried to breath as deep as his injured side would allow until he managed to calm down. Taking with his good hand the first aid kit he started to take inventory of his wounds. The Celox worked like a charm stopping the bleeding. If the bullet didn't move and the injury wasn't infected he could even have a chance of living. He breathed relieved. He used a sterile dressing to cover the shoulder and fixed it with surgical tape cutting it with the teeth.

The fracture of his arm looked like a clean one, -"for once!" – Callen thought - so, carefully, but firmly, he made the most of two wooden sticks and putting his forearm in the middle he secured it with a bandage. Not an easy or painless task. Breathing hard because of the effort he managed to support the arm in a makeshift sling. A cold sweat was running down his back. He rested eyes closed for some minutes to let the cobweb of his mind to go away and tried to move his fingers. Much better now.

Hissing because of the sting, he disinfected the cut on his face with an antiseptic solution covering it after with another bandage. If Hetty could see him right know she would be really pissed off.

– "That charming face of yours is an asset for this agency, Mr. Callen, and you have to take better care of it!" – she told him the last time he was punched on the face.

If he was lucky enough to rise from this one, he would need stiches. And a lot of them.

The whole process of dressing his wounds exhausted a weak G. The loss of blood made him feel dizzy and he was really cold. Facing the impossibility of starting a fire without attiring undesirable attention, he took a protein bar, and in spite of not being hungry at all, he did his best to eat half of it. Then carefully laid down again and try to assess the situation.

The realization of his first thought slapped him: He was scared. He recognized too damn well the feeling; in fact fear was the emotion that accompanied him throughout his childhood: fear of being alone, fear of being unwanted, fear of pain, fear of the future, fear of the past, fear of not knowing, fear of people, fear to fail, fear to engage, fear to possess, fear to love or being loved, fear of having fear.

Now he wasn't scared of death, he made amends with the Grim Reaper during his mission in Serbia long time ago, when Jethro saved his ass miraculously. He wasn't neither scared of physical pain, even if he hated it. He knew and assumed the risks of doing what he does as a way of living.

This time he was scared of not being able to come back to his people, and the feeling was overwhelming. He thought on his friends back at home; probably Kens and Deeks will be already there as well as the Captain. He hoped the man would someday forgive him. And Sam, the poor big boy, his brother, he could visualize him menacing even Hetty in order to go to look for him. He was sure that Sam blamed himself for not catching that ball on the basement, what it seemed to be one century ago. G didn't want that for his friend. And Kens, his tough girl, she will be so angry for letting him alone… Deeks was already feeling bad for the same reason.

Guilt.

Fear.

These are powerful things, Callen thought. Decided to face his more immediate fear he sat down again, and biting his lower lip he bend his left knee.

A chill run from his body, but this time of relief. The cold had made the swelling to go down and he was able to move his leg. He knew it wasn't broken.

He overcame his fear. Now he hoped to be able to erase the guilt.