And I'm back!
I'm so sorry guys for the late update, I'm usually faster than this but my life has been crazy lately :) I also usually reply to everyone who sends me reviews, but the only night I had time to do it, the website wouldn't let me reply. I promise I'll do it for the next :D That being said, thank you soo soo much for all your kind comments! I'm glad to know that people are interested in this kind of AU :D
Don't be afraid to leave reviews, I love to get some feedback :)
So enough talk, here's the next chapter!I hope you enjoy!
Anakin stared at the ceiling as dozens of different thoughts assaulted his mind at the same time. It was always like this in his head; pondering this, doubting that, thinking of this and forgetting that. And Obi-Wan had always wondered why his young apprentice always found it difficult to fall asleep. Lucky the older Jedi wasn't in his head, he would have turned mad by now. Even himself sometimes couldn't process exactly what his mind was trying to tell him. It was quite frustrating, to say the least.
Anakin always knew he loved Padmé. From the moment he had seen her enter that filthy shop he used to work in on Tattooine, he had known his love for her would be deep and true. His nine years old heart had exploded in his chest at the first sight of her, and the years that followed were filled with beautiful thoughts and dreams of her. Mission after mission, he would always wonder where she was, what she was doing, if she was even thinking of him… When they heard about anything that possibly could happen on Naboo, nervousness would always overcome the young Padawan while he fussed about the former Queen and her safety. Several times, Obi-Wan had had to snap him back to reality so the young Jedi could concentrate back on their mission. For Anakin, there had been no one but her.
But at some point, the young nine years old innocent boy grew into a man and puberty came with it, hitting him hard enough too knock him out of his feet before he had the time to say 'Force'. But Anakin hadn't cared. It was only her who mattered, not matter what his body told him, no matter what his body desired. He had been completely blinded by love, or whatever conception he had of love at the time. When he had seen her in her personal quarters after ten long years of absence, he had been absolutely certain he was in love. Padmé was beyond beautiful, kind, intelligent and independent. What kind of fool would refuse her hand? Pounding heart, damp hands, breath caught in the throat and sweating, that were the signs of love…right?
When she had first refused his advances on the Lake Country on Naboo, he had felt lost, terribly alone. Suddenly, the only person who had filled his mind for so long was refusing him. Anakin had been so taken aback that he might have thought his heart was actually broken. Thinking about it today, it may had been more surprise and sudden solitude than a broken heart. Force knew he had been broken-hearted once, and that feeling could not even compare to what he had felt back on Naboo with the Senator.
There was only one other person as important in his life as Padmé had been. Obi-Wan, of course. The man who had taken him under his wings when he had all the rights to refuse. The man who had endured his bad temper too many times and still endured it today with a cool head, the man who was always ready to give him a smile and who would be present if he needed it. The Code might forbid attachment, but Anakin always knew he was deeply attached to his Master.
There was that one night. A night Anakin would never be able to forget, even if he tried. Him and Obi-Wan were both on mission on Boz Pitty, negotiating peace terms with the natives while he was still a Padawan. It was very late in the night and they all slept in tents not far from the native's land, Obi-Wan sleeping in the one just next to his. Maybe the older Jedi had thought he was asleep, but Anakin's light sleep had been disturbed by sounds of kissing. Not the soft kisses you give to the one you love, no. Kisses you give in the heat of passion, mixed with soft pant and sighs; he had been instantly out or slumber. Alerted, his first reflex had been to sit on his small mattress and call for his Master. But when he had realized the sounds were coming from his Master's tent right beside his, he had shut his mouth at once and had listened, holding his breath like a Padawan afraid of getting caught after the curfew. But he had also felt a pain deep in his chest, as if a knife had cut deep right through his heart. For some reasons, he hadn't liked the idea of someone being that close to his Master. At one point, the kissing had stopped and Obi-Wan had started to let out small sighs and discreet moans of pleasure, each one cutting deeper in Anakin's heart. The young Padawan had wondered how his Master's partner had managed to stay so silent. Even if he had listened carefully, there had been no clue as to who was sharing Obi-Wan's bed that night. He couldn't even tell if that person was male or female.
Since that night, Anakin had found himself with a weird obsession over that stranger who had had access to that part of Obi-Wan he had never suspected even existed before and had been desperate to find out who it was. Since asking questions to Obi-Wan about the subject would lead to absolutely nothing, he had made his own researches. Unfortunately, they came to a dead end and no matter what he did, he would probably never know who had shared his Master's bed that night. But being Anakin Skywalker, he certainly wasn't going to back down now. He still didn't know what sexual orientation his Master was. Why did he so desperately wanted to know, you might ask? He didn't even know himself. There was just that small part of his brain that couldn't seem to be able to live with this mystery. So he had observed Obi-Wan; how he interacted with women, if his eyes changed when a beautiful girl passed by, if he ever brought someone into his personal quarters etc. But Obi-Wan was a very private man, always has been, and Anakin could not see anything of significance, nothing that could help him make assumptions, anyway.
In a desperate attempt to try to figure his Master out, Anakin had used his 'charms' to see if the older Jedi reacted to the sight of a man. Over the last few months, he had purposely flashed his chest whenever he could and had observed Obi-Wan's reactions. Unfortunately for him, the man wouldn't even get a glimpse at him. It was only yesterday, when Anakin had asked questions, that the man had took several seconds to 'look' at him. It was with a high level of frustration that Anakin couldn't see anything in his Master's eyes at that moment. If the man ever had a sexual life, he was definitely a pro at hiding it. For all he knew, what he had heard of Boz Pitty might have just been a dream…
When Padmé had kissed him right before entering the arena on Geonosis, Anakin has tagged along, happy to have someone who cared this much for him. When his lips had sealed with the ones belonging to the Senator, he had known that deep in his heart she was what he desperately needed. Anakin was different from the other Jedi in many ways, but his need for constant affection and attention was definitely something out of the box compared to the others. Anakin needed to be loved, and Padmé was there to provide it for him. When she had spoke of marriage, he had automatically said yes. She was the anchor he needed in his life, especially since the war had been declared.
But in the little times he could spend with the Senator, Anakin had noticed that something was out of place. Even if his mind was all over Padmé, his body didn't seem to agree. The first times they had tried to make love had been difficult and Anakin had blamed it on the stress of the War, which was perfectly reasonable since him and Obi-Wan were constantly thrown on the frontlines not sure to even escape with their lives. But the more they tried, the more frustrated Anakin became not to be able to deliver the goods. And Padmé, who was so kind, had always told him it was alright, that she could live without it. But Anakin knew that, deep inside, the woman was disappointed. One night he was able to make love to her, only, he wasn't thinking about her. When he had climaxed while thinking of a man, he had realized that his body had never wanted a woman to share his bed. That realization had struck him as hard as lightning. The Grand Anakin Skywalker, the Hero with No Fear, preferred men. No one could know, especially not Padmé. What would she say if she ever found out? She would certainly be insulted beyond reasons…
Unfortunately for him, the woman wasn't a fool. After several years spent on Anakin's side, she had begun to doubt something wasn't right. Especially on this night, as Anakin was completely silent, staring at the ceiling. Once again, tonight they haven't been able to make love.
"Anakin…" She started, hoping to get the man she loved out of his constant thoughts.
As soon as he heard his name and the way she had said it, Anakin knew there would be a conversation and he did not like the sound of it. He was already upset enough over his body not responding like he wanted it to that he wasn't sure he was ready for the 'talk' yet. He just wanted to close his eyes and sleep. But what was the point of waiting if their situation was nothing more than an unstoppable time-clicking bomb? Also, he respected Padmé almost more than anyone in the Galaxy, so he swallowed his frustration down. "Yes, honey?" He replied in a disinterested voice, still staring at the ceiling.
She sat in the large bed and placed a gentle hand on his arm. "Ani, I love you more than anyone in the galaxy, but this has been going on for too long. Please, what is going on?" She asked, her voice as gentle and understanding as ever.
Blast it. He knew he would not have been able to hold onto his secret for long. He took a deep breath, not sure whether to respond honestly or not. The air around them suddenly became very tense. "I don't know." He replied, closing his eyes and turning his head away.
But the Senator wouldn't take that for an answer. She was used to deal with other Senators who would do anything to try to hide the truth from her, she could certainly figure out what was bothering her husband. Well, she already had a doubt. A sad smile decorating her gentle features, she leaned closer to the Jedi Knight and replaced one of his stubborn curls behind his ear. "Please, don't shut me out. If there is something to say, best say it now." She declared while gently rubbing Anakin's large shoulder.
The Jedi sighed heavily and sat on the mattress so he would be at the same level than his wife. She was right, of course. He couldn't hide the fact that he was homosexual his whole life. Not only that, but he couldn't bear to see Padmé live unhappy by his side. Truths needed to be told. "I'm sorry, Padmé… I don't know how to say it…"
To his surprise, it was a smile that she offered him and not a frown. It was not a smile of happiness, of course, but a smile of understanding. "I love you, Anakin. If your body needs a male by its side, then you should probably get a male partner. It would be better for both of us." She remarked, looking deep into the Jedi's eyes with a serious look.
Anakin was taken slightly aback. "How did you know?" He asked, surprised. He barely accepted it himself, and besides he had never even slept with a man. How in the world did Padmé knew about it?
The Senator chuckled under her breath. "A woman can unlock many secrets in her life. I knew the moment you made love to me for the first time. You weren't present, you were with someone else in your mind. I hoped it would be just a phase, but I suppose it is not…"
Even if she was telling the truth, there was a small part of him crying out that he was doing a huge mistake. Letting Padmé go felt as bad as the small heart attack you have before dropping your most precious possession to the floor. The anchor of his life was fading away from his grasp. "But I love you, Padmé, with all my heart…" He retorted, his voice bearing a tang of despair.
"And I love you, too. But we both know we won't be able to last like this." Padmé simply replied, lowering her eyes to the blue cover of the bed.
Anakin looked away too, defeated. "I suppose… I just… I want you to be happy."
Padme lifted her glance, but stared in front of her. It was obvious that this conversation was as hard for her that it was for him. "I want someone who will like what he'll see when my dress hits the floor, I want a father to my future children, someone who will think about me in bed. I love you Anakin. Truly, I do. But if we want to be happy, we better stop now before it's too late for both of us."
Suddenly panicked, Anakin turned over to face her, a deep frown on his face. Slowly, he lifted his hand to cradle her gentle face, relieved to see her lean in the small caress. "I don't want to lose you…" He whispered, his heart jumping at how weak his voice sounded.
Sighing heavily, she took his hand and placed it back on his side, receiving a devastated look from the Jedi in return. Padmé's heart hurt, but it was the right thing to do. They were lying to themselves and the fact that they had to constantly hide to avoid being caught by the Jedi Order was only adding to their problem pile. It had to stop now, or they might go down a dangerous path. "I'm sorry." Was all she was able to say.
Anakin didn't know what to say. Almost twelve years of love and admiration for Padmé and suddenly it was all gone. He could not explain how he was feeling. How are you supposed to feel when you lose something you've had for so long? When he dared to look at Padmé, tears were rolling down her face. Sad to see her this way, he made a move to console her, but she stopped him. He stayed in bed, frozen as the love of his life, the sun of his days and the stars of his nights lifted herself from the mattress and started leaving the room. Before she passed the door, she turned around and gave him a sad smile. "You're my best friend, Ani. I'm sorry things didn't work out between us. You'll always be welcome here." She said before turning around to avoid his gaze. He could see her shoulder shaking from sobs she was obviously trying to hide.
Before she left the room, she faced him again. "I'm going to ask you to leave for tonight, Ani. I need some time to recompose myself…" She added in a shaking voice as discreet tears fell from her eyes.
Stumped, Anakin nodded before falling back on the mattress, not sure how to react. He wanted to cry, wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. Confused beyond reason, he simply got out of bed, put on his Jedi tunics and left.
When he entered his quarters back at the Temple, he was surprised to find his former Master still awake, plunged in the report they had received the last day once again. In fact, Obi-Wan seemed surprised to see him too and was looking at him with a frown. "Anakin?" He called as he put the datapad he was reading aside.
Anakin's voice was tight in his throat, but he decided to overthrow it. Swallowing his sadness, his grief and burying it deep within the layers of his heart, he managed to smile. "Hey Master…" He responded to the man's old title out of habit.
The frown on the older Jedi's face deepened. Anakin had obviously failed at trying to hide his emotions. He rarely succeeded at that task, to be honest. "Is everything alright?" The older man asked with concern in his voice as his former Padawan didn't look so well.
The younger Jedi hesitated. His relation with Padmé had always been a secret, so he couldn't just declare that he was getting divorced. He couldn't really say he wasn't feeling so well either, because his former Master would ask questions, which he really didn't want to answer right now. "I'm fine. Tired." He lied.
Obi-Wan closed the datapad down and gesture for Anakin to sit in his usual chair. Exhausted, Anakin didn't complain and accepted the offer. While he slumped in the chair, Obi-Wan lifted himself from his, went to the small kitchen and came back with a cup of tea, offering it to his tired former Padawan. "Drink this, it'll make you feel better." He recommended while pressing a hand on Anakin's forehead. "No fever… Are you feeling sick? Because you're certainly not looking well. You're pale, your eyes seem…unfocused."
Anakin managed a smile and chuckled under his breath as Obi-Wan's hand continued to search a fever that didn't exist on his forehead. "I assure you, Master, I'm fine." He exclaimed at the man's over-protectiveness.
Obi-Wan shook his head and pinched his lips, removing his hand from the younger man's head. "That's what you always say hours before falling hopelessly sick and I have to take care of your whiny ass. Give me one reason why I should believe you." The older man snapped back before kneeling in front of Anakin who didn't know where to look to avoid his Master's gaze.
"Even if I was falling sick, what's the problem?" The younger Jedi asked him.
Obi-Wan looked away and let out a long sigh. "Anakin, we're leaving for Neropta tomorrow first hour. I'm about to share quarters with you for Force knows how long. If you're indeed sick, best for you to stay here and keep your germs to yourself. I'm not looking forward to a trip with you constantly complaining because you're ill."
Right. The mission. In his despair of losing the woman he had loved for so long, Anakin had completely forgotten about his upcoming mission with Obi-Wan. He could ask Obi-Wan to scan him through the Force to prove that he wasn't about to get sick, but his heart was broadcasting so hard right now, Obi-Wan would be able to feel what was going on in his heart right now. That meant another long discussion with his former Master and probably a scold with it. A heavy one. Come on Anakin, think…
In front of his former Padawan's silence, Obi-Wan's expression softened. He knew that Anakin always had troubles dealing with his emotions. Sometimes, he had to admit that he might be a little bit hard on the man. Anakin was no ordinary Jedi; he was the Chosen one and when the Council had accepted him within the Order's rank, they had to accept the man's emotion rollercoaster. At nine years old, it was too late to try to teach him the attachment rule. Obi-Wan couldn't say he hadn't tried, but at some point he came to realize that Anakin would stay Anakin, no matter what he would try to say on the matter.
Which was good, because he loved Anakin that way.
Looking at the younger man who stared down at his feet, still battering with his feelings, Obi-Wan concentrated and reached for him through the Force, not far enough to invade his privacy, but just to brush his Force's signature against his own, to get a glimpse of what Anakin was experiencing in order to be able to help him in any way he could.
As soon as he knew what was going on, he drew back, not wishing to invade his former Padawan's mind any further. Anakin was upset. More than upset, in fact; his heart was shattered to pieces and the poor man tried to cope with it without showing any of it. Obi-Wan sighed and placed a gentle hand on Anakin's knee. Somehow, he knew that whatever happened probably implied Senator Amidala. Anakin's relationship with the former Queen made things… complicated. At some point, he knew it was his duty to guide his former Padawan away from any kind of attachments; Yoda had already scolded him several times because he failed at that very task. But at the same time, Obi-Wan knew that taking attachments away from Anakin would only hurt him even more.
And Obi-Wan would do anything to keep Anakin's heart from breaking. If only Yoda knew how much he was attached himself to the young boy…
"I sense a great deal of emotions coming from you, old Padawan…" He began, rising on his feet as Anakin still stared down at his cup of tea. "If you don't want to talk about it, I understand. Just be careful how you handle them, alright?"
Raising his glaze from the hot beverage still in his arms, Anakin looked at his Master with a grateful look. "Thank you, Master." He replied, managing a smile as his heart calmed itself down for the first time in the last five minutes.
Obi-Wan gave him a warm smile. "Just Obi-Wan. We're equals now, Anakin. Let there be no boundaries between us."
Anakin wanted to frown at his Master's sudden kindness, but hold himself back at the last second. Of course, Obi-Wan was a very kind man, always has been, but he also had that annoying habit of putting Anakin back at his place, constantly reminding him who was the Master and who was the student. "Obi-Wan…" Anakin said aloud, his Master's first name rolling off his tongue leaving a strange but not unpleasant feeling behind. It sounded soft to his ears, and he found himself to love how it echoed in his mind.
There was a moment of silence when the two men just stared at each other, finding comfort in the other's company, Obi-Wan hand's still unconsciously caressing Anakin's knee. Looking at the gentle glance of his former Master, Anakin found his breath to het slightly caught in his throat. He had never truly realized how reassuring and beautiful Obi-Wan's eyes were, in a deep blue shade mixed with sparkles of grey. His aching heart twisted in a weird way in his chest as his gaze explored the rest of Obi-Wan's face; his nose, his lips…
No. This could not be. His broken heart was playing tricks on him and his need for constant attention was already kicking in. He could not afford to fall for his Master. The man would be disgusted and would probably try to separate them. Frankly, Anakin would rather swallow his feelings down than having Obi-Wan look at him differently than he was looking at him right now. Not to mention the Code… Obi-Wan was probably the one Jedi in the entire Temple who respected the code by the letter. Trying to start any kind of relationship that went beyond friendship was already a lost cause with Obi-Wan. Sure, he could try to seduce his Master into more physical practices, since those weren't forbidden, but Anakin was a man of heart. He would only give his body to someone he loved and who would love him in return…
He had to stop looking at Obi-Wan like that. He needed a distraction to break the visual contact between the two of them, or he would lose himself in Obi-Wan's gentle eyes. Looking at the datapad the man had left on the table behind, he nodded towards it. "Found anything else in there?" He asked in a voice he wished was more composed than that.
Taken by surprise by Anakin's sudden question, Obi-Wan seemed to snap out of his trance and swiftly removed his hand on the younger Jedi's knee before clearing his throat. "Yes, uhm…" He baffled before getting back on his feet to settle on the couch again, "Well, I found out why the Senate is so eager for us to make the first contact…" He replied, back to his normal self.
Anakin frowned. "What is it?"
Obi-Wan opened the datapad again and opened a holofile showing the many mountains on the surface of Neropta; several areas were marked in green. "The surface of the mountains there are very rich in quantanorium, a metal very rare which has the qualities of being very tough and light at the same time. The Senate wanted to manufacture it to reinforce our Clone's armour, but couldn't find it in sufficient amount to do so. I have the feeling that this is the main reason the republic wants to have this planet in its ranks." Obi-Wan professionally explained as his old Padawan grimaced at this very corrupt Senate practice.
"I agree that we must do everything in our power in order to win this War…" Anakin begun, taking a small sip of his tea; wild berries, Obi-Wan always knew his favourite tastes. "But this tendency to ally ourselves with worlds only to exploit them… it makes me feel uneasy."
"I can only agree…" Obi-Wan nodded, his eyes still stuck to the hologram flashing before them. "Let's just hope we'll be able to find a diplomatic agreement between the two parties."
Even though he had moved the conversation subject away from his feelings, Anakin still had troubles to keep them to himself. He felt so alone right now; he hadn't been used to have no one to turn for comfort. Obi-Wan was always there when he needed it, but what was he supposed to do when the source of his broken heart was something well known to be forbidden within their way of life? He simply could not ask for Obi-Wan's help; he would risk too much and right now, the Jedi were his only family left. He could not risk that.
"I, uhm…" He mumbled looking down at his now empty cup, "I'm going to go to bed, Oni-Wan. I need some sleep. Thanks for the tea."
Again, Obi-wan looked at him with concern in his eyes. "Very well."
The older Jedi winced as he looked at his former Padawan go to his bedroom with his head down. Whatever had happened had left the boy unbalanced, broken and lost. Closing the datapad and calling it a night, he felt the urge to do something, anything, to help the man. He also felt a pang of anger at whoever did this to his boy…
He chuckled under his breath. His boy. Anakin wasn't his boy.
Nighttime quickly came and Anakin couldn't sleep. Both his bed and his heart felt terribly empty. He knew he was somehow broadcasting his feelings, but he knew he couldn't completely shield them up.
In a situation like this, he would have gone to Padmé's apartment while Obi-Wan was asleep and she would have offered him the comfort he needed. Just the soft sensation to be in someone's arms was enough to send him to sleep, but now there was no one. He would have to get used to sleep completely alone and to shut down his need for physical contact. He would have to live like a true Jedi now. That declaration might sound honourable at first, but Anakin was no ordinary Jedi…
Since he was alone at last, Anakin finally cracked. Incontrollable sobs took over his body and he quickly hid his face in his pillow to muffle the sound as hot tears started to flow on his cheeks. Crazy thoughts and idea started to run wildly through his head; leaving the Jedi Order, leaving Obi-Wan, leaving everything… He knew that Padmé was better off without him and that he would never be able to be the husband she needed him to be. He felt like he had already accepted this idea a long time ago. When his mother had died in his arms, he had taste the bitterness of loneliness. Even after being separated from her for a decade, there was still the idea that his mother was back home, still alive, still loving him. Whatever he did beside Obi-Wan, he knew that she would be proud of him. But she had been taken away as fast as she had been brought back to him. It had felt so sudden, so unreal...
Padmé had been there. He had spent the following night crying in her arms while she had gently shushed him while caressing his back. In fact, she had always been there for him and he would forever be grateful for that, but now? Who was he supposed to turn to? Two of the most important persons in his life were now out of reach and the other probably won't understand his position…
Would he be able to live all by himself like that?
The door of his bedroom suddenly opened and Anakin quickly hid his wet cheeks in his pillow. He heard Obi-Wan sleepy but gentle voice seconds after. "I thought I had taught you to shield better than that, my young Padawan…" He stated, referring to the younger man's emotional broadcast.
Anakin sniffed and cleared his throat, still keeping his face away from his former Master and automatically raised his shields as high as they could possibly get. "I'm sorry… I'll try to do better." He croaked, his voice muffled by the pillow.
There was a small silence in the room followed by Obi-Wan sighing and shaking his head. His former Padawan was hurting badly and he needed to do something about it. Standing there watching the younger Jedi avoiding his gaze while his shoulders jumped once in a while in quiet sobs, Obi-Wan sincerely didn't know what to do. The logical, rational part of his brain to him to scold the boy, to teach him a lesson about attachment like he used to do. Even if Anakin refused to tell him the truth, he knew that Senator Amidala was somehow involved in this. Anakin might think he was discreet, but he actually wasn't and Obi-Wan thanked the Force that the Council was still blind to it. Seeing his former Padawan in pain like that was the perfect opportunity to prove a point he's been desperately trying to make since he had taken the young boy as his apprentice.
But another part of his brain, more like another part of his heart made him scold himself to think to say such things. Anakin would never be able to follow the Code by the letter like he had been trying to do all his life and that didn't make the boy a lesser person. In fact, the Order was damn lucky to have him in his ranks, as he had saved their asses several times during the beginning of the War and even before that. At this point, it was almost pointless to try to teach Anakin to act by the Code. It would be like going against the current of the river. In fact, scolding him right now was probably the worst thing to do and would probably bring the boy to fall in even darker emotions. And that was the last thing Obi-Wan wished to do.
And, frankly, is Obi-Wan was completely honest with himself, a huge part of his heart just wanted to screw the Code for an instant and be there for his former Padawan. In fact, his heart twisted in his chest as he found himself with the desire to just take Anakin in his arms, hush him out gently, let him cry on his shoulders and tenderly caress his back, whispering that everything would be okay…
Anakin felt a shiver run down his spine when he felt the mattress of his bed shift lightly under his Master's weight and sighed and he felt a gentle hand on his hip. "Anakin…" He heard the older man say, "Please, tell me what's going on. It pains me greatly to see you suffering like this…"
Anakin took a shaking breath as yet another tear escaped his eyes. "I'm sorry Master… I don't think you would understand." He replied in a choked voice, his throat still tight from the emotional shock. How could Obi-Wan understand his sudden loneliness? How could he understand that in the space of 15 minutes, the emotional anchor of his life was gone?
Obi-Wan lowered his eyes, defeated, his hand still on the younger man's hip. "Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked, sincere. If he had to break the Code for the night, he would do it. He just wanted to make Anakin feel better. He simply couldn't stand looking at him like that and feel his sadness through the Force.
Anakin froze in his position at Obi-Wan's words. Usually the man would just scold him for not being able to control his emotions and to be honest, his Master's sudden attention for him surprised him a little. He blinked several times as a not unpleasant feeling settled in his chest and heat slowly rose in his back. Just to make sure he wasn't dreaming, he reached for Obi-Wan through the Force only to find complete and genuine truth in his words. Could he actually ask Obi-Wan for what he needed?
As if he had felt his silent question, Obi-Wan smiled and gave Anakin's hip a gentle rub. "Anything, Anakin."
The younger Jedi felt his cheeks blush violently for reasons he couldn't truly understand and he swallowed heavily at the fear of being rejected. Gathering his courage, he shifted on the mattress to leave some space behind him. "Stay with me… Please?"
Obi-Wan looked at the now empty space in the bed just beside Anakin and suddenly a small voice in his head screamed to back away, that this was a dangerous game to play. Who knew who his body and his heart would react at this close contact with the younger man? The voice urged him to reason, ordered him to refuse Anakin's invitation, stay safe and go back to sleep in his own room.
But tonight, Obi-Wan decided to ignore the voice.
Throwing the covers over, he swiftly slid under them, settling on his side, facing Anakin's back. He could feel his face blushing due to the sudden proximity with the young man and he thanked the Force Anakin had decided to wear a shirt to bed. Even though their bodies weren't directly touching, Obi-Wan could already feel Anakin relaxing a little and the his occasional sobs calming down a little. Anakin was his best friend. If he needed someone by his side in though times, it was the least he could do. "I'm right here, Anakin. Try to go to sleep, now."
The boy nodded, sighed and shifted under the blanket into a more comfortable position. As for Obi-Wan, he closed his eyes and tried to calm his pounding heart deep in his chest. Thinking about it, he had never been this close to the young Jedi, not in those kind of circumstances, anyway. After several minutes of just lying there by Anakin's side, he came to realize that it felt quite nice to have another warm body next to you. Actually, Obi-Wan surprised himself once again as he found himself wondering what it would feel like if he snuggled just a little bit closer so that Anakin's back would slightly rub against his chest, how would Anakin react if he gently wrapped his arms around the younger man's chest and placed tender kisses on his shoulder blade, how would Anakin's hair smell like if he could just brush his nose against it…
Opening his eyes in shock at those thoughts, Obi-Wan composed himself and shook his head. Almost afraid the boy next to him would feel his thoughts, his raised his shields as high as he could and tried to focus on anything but Anakin. If his mind continued to wander off like that, it would be a very long night, indeed…
The young boy must have sensed something coming from him, because he shifted on the mattress so he would be lying on his other side, facing him. Obi-Wan was disappointed to see that he was not sleeping, but couldn't help but feel a bit of pity as he saw Anakin's red, buffy eyes as he stared at him. There were no more tears, but the sadness in Anakin's eyes was all the more present. It was as if something in Anakin died, or disappeared. The twinkle Obi-Wan was so used to see in his former Padawan's gaze was gone and he already missed it. Almost unconsciously, Obi-Wan replaced a stubborn curl in Anakin hair with the tip of his fingers. "Sometimes I wish I could understand what's going on in that big, crazy head of yours…" Obi-Wan whispered while continuing to gently stroke Anakin's hair without even realizing it.
Anakin offered Obi-Wan his first sincere smile of the evening and sighed under the man's gentle ministration in his scalp, closing his eyes under the wonderful sensation. "Trust me… Sometimes I wish I could understand it, too."
Obi-Wan smiled and retrieved his hand, much to Anakin's disappointment. "I don't really know what happened to put you in such a state, but just know that I'll always be there for you when you need it, alright?"
Anakin nodded and smiled back. "Thank you, Obi-Wan."
The bed was a little bit small for two grown men, but both of them didn't seem to mind how close they actually were to each other. Lying there and facing each other, their faces were mere inches apart, their noses almost brushing together. They could feel the warm breath of the other gently brush their features and, even though they would deny it, they loved the feeling of intimacy their position brought. Staring right into the blue of Anakin's eyes, Obi-Wan couldn't help but find him… beautiful. No, that would be an understatement. Anakin was stunning, he looked like a god. If only he could tell him…
At one point, the younger man's eyes became heavy and Obi-Wan noticed. "Sleep, Anakin. I'll be there when you wake up."
Almost instantly, the boy was fast asleep.
Obi-Wan woke up feeling warm, embraced, loved. Sighing into the wonderful feeling, he tried to snuggle closer to it, not daring to open his eyes in case it was all a dream. Something, or someone, was laying on his chest and was hugging him tightly into an intimate embrace. Obi-Wan could say that this was a premiere in his life and frankly, he loved it. His first reaction was to wrap the larger body in his arms and keep him close. If he listened to his heart, he would place a gentle kiss on top of the head that was sleeping soundly on his shoulder-
Hold on. Sleeping on his shoulder?!
Alerted, Obi-Wan opened his eyes wide and the body laying against him was keeping him from jerking away from the mattress. Quickly analyzing his surroundings, he came to realize that within the night, him and Anakin had unconsciously snuggled into each other and not just in any position; Anakin was sleeping against his left side, both of his arms wrapped around his chest, one leg holding his hips and his face on top of his shoulder, his lips centimetres away from his neck. He could feel the boy's even breathing brushing against the tender skin there and it instantly sent a wave of shivers down Obi-Wan's spine. This was not appropriate for a Master and his former apprentice, this was a lover's embrace for crying out loud! Not to mention that he had his own arm was around Anakin's back and his hand was tangled in the boy's hair.
Panicked, Obi-Wan tried to form a plan to get out of there asap. Anakin couldn't see them like that. Pressing two fingers to the boy's forehead, he sent the most powerful sleep suggestion he could through the Force to make sure he would sleep for at least another hour. It seemed like the thrust Anakin had in his former Master eased the way and the younger Jedi was soon back in a really deep slumber. Then, Obi-Wan quickly and swiftly got out of bed, leaving the bedroom in a rush.
As soon as he arrived in their shared living room, he sat on his usual spot on the chair and placed a hand on his mouth in shock. He was snuggling with Anakin. Just the thought of it made him moan softly and shiver. What the kriff had happened in the night for them to end up so close?!
No, no, no. This was bad. To Obi-Wan, it was crucial that Anakin couldn't know about this. He would wake for his former Padawan to wake up and pretend like it didn't happen. That should do the trick.
But what he didn't know was that Anakin had woken up during the night, realizing the compromising position they were both in. Afraid of his Master's reaction, he had tried to get away from Obi-Wan's embrace as discreetly as he could, but the sleeping man and only tightened his embrace around him, softly saying his name in his dreams. Completely struck dumb, Anakin had placed his head on the man's shoulder, a huge blush on his face and a thick knot in his heart. Not able to remove the dreamy smile on his face, Anakin had fallen asleep again with all kinds of news feelings for the man in his arms.
Obi-Wan may had put him back into deep sleep, but right now the only thing that occupied Anakin's dream was Obi-Wan's smile.
AN: See you all in the next chapter!
Lots of kisses xoxoxoxox