A/N: Hey guys! I'm backish. It still might take me a little while to write chapters because I just got back to school, but I am now actively working on them. I'm hoping to do one once a week, but we'll see how things go.
Please enjoy!
Clary inhaled a deep breath, feeling nerves in the pit of her stomach. She hasn't been gripped by stress like this when it involved Jace in a while, which made her even more anxious. Last time they tried to get together she pretty much attacked him, but she also realized that she didn't know all that much about Jace. They have been going out for a few months, and she realized that after all this time the focus of their relationships had been on her because everything about her life right now was a mess. She didn't even know that she had overshadowed him until the other day. When she decided that she wanted to do something for him, she had no idea what to do. She had to go ask Alec what he really liked to do that wasn't eating and watching TV.
"I think I figured out where we are going, but I don't know why we are going there." Jace grinned, as they pulled into the parking lot at the docks.
"Well, in the divorce, Sebastian gave me all of his property, and before we got married, he bought a sail boat. I thought it might be nice to have a romantic dinner on the docks." She smiled, letting the blush fill her cheeks.
"It will be more then nice." He chuckled, climbing out of the car. She leaded the way down the docks, carrying a tote bag with the food. "Let me get that." He took the bag from her, grinning faintly at him. She couldn't believe how nervous she was. She was trying to shake that feeling, but it wasn't working. It was going to be so hard to bring up what she wants to talk about if she is filled with this much anxiety.
"Thanks." She inhaled the fresh air, looking up at the stars. Before she realized it, she was stumbling towards the edge of the dock.
"Woah, there." Jace laughed, just barely saving her from tumbling into the cold water.
"I've been stumbling a lot lately." She sighed, shaking her head. "I almost fell in the shower today, so I decided to switch to a bath." She snorted quietly, stopping at her boat.
"A bath sounds more relaxing anyways." He took her hand, assisting her onto the boat.
"It was now that I think about it." She smiled at him, sitting at the small table on the deck. She took the tote bag from Jace, pulling out the warm sandwiches she prepared. She wasn't the greatest cook, but she could make a decent sandwich. "It had to be kind of a cool bath through because if you take a bath with really hot water while you're pregnant it can mess up the baby." She sighed disappointedly. They lapsed into a silence that probably wasn't uncomfortable for Jace, but it was uncomfortable for her. She cleared her throat, getting the courage to speak. "So, the other night, again, I want to apologize for attacking you. I don't know what came over me." She shook her head, feeling incredibly embarrassed by her actions.
"It's alright. If it was any other time, I probably would have taken advantage, but I know that you're pregnant and I know that messes with your hormones. I wasn't sure if it was you that wanted me, or if the baby was making you think that you wanted me. I just didn't want to cross that line." He explained, taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Thank you, for not taking advantage, but that night I also realized that I don't know all that much about you. Like I know mostly surface level things about you, I don't really know you." She felt like that was horribly worded, but he nodded in understanding setting his sandwich down.
"I-" He shook his head, obviously looking for the words. "I don't feel that way at all. I feel like you know me very well. I mean why else would you have brought me here?" He turned his eyes around the boat, and then back to her.
"Alec told me to bring you here." She informed him, glancing slightly away from him. "I feel like everything we do is about me, and when I wanted to do something for you, I didn't know what to do." She admitted, feeling guilt settle in her stomach. She wished that she was making everything about her sooner, but she hadn't. Now she needed to learn to correct things. "I was just hoping, maybe, you could open up a little more. I'm at a point in my life where causal isn't an option. I'm having a baby in a few months, and I don't even know if you're going to be there for me or him." She inhaled a deep breath, seeing his face harden slightly at her words.
"Are you breaking up with me?" He asked bitterly, keeping his eyes forward.
"No, I just want to know where you are." She whispered, feeling intimidation run through her.
"I don't really know how to answer that though." His tone and expression changed quickly into something softer. "Sorry, if I seemed a little angry, I was caught off guard." He murmured, playing with his fingers.
"It's ok." She released a small breath, gulping thickly. "I know that you aren't sure where you stand with the baby, but we are a package deal. You said before we started seeing each other that you wanted a kid, so I just assumed that you were in feet first if we ever started seeing each other. When I asked the other night, I thought you were going to say that you wanted to be my son's dad and that you wanted to be in a serious relationship with me." She explained her expectations, feeling incredibly vulnerable because he could reject her in this moment.
"It's not that I don't want a child or that I don't want to be committed to you. I just feel like it's too early to tell where I stand. You just said that you don't feel like you really know me, but you want me to be like a father to your child that doesn't make sense." He said as kindly as he could. His words still hurt a little, yet she knew that they were true. She was not only thinking ahead of herself, but in her mind she was building Jace up to be someone that he might not be.
"Tell me more about yourself then." She encouraged, inhaling a small breath. She felt a little crushed inside knowing that the relationship they built over the last few months was just a honeymoon phase. They were in a happy place with one another, but now it was time for that happy place to shift into real life. It isn't that real life isn't happy, it's that her life, currently, was an absolute disaster. Jace's life seemed so composed and easy, which is why he gave her a sense of security, but he didn't talk about his life all that much. She had no idea where he was coming from, and she didn't understand what his intentions were because she didn't know enough about his life to know what truly motivated him.
"That's so vague. I don't even know where to start." He shook his head, seeming fairly distressed with the situation.
She didn't know how to say that she wanted to know literally everything about him. She, honestly, found him to be a very curious person because it seems like he went from a player to a commit boyfriend to a pregnant woman almost overnight. That isn't something that happens normally, so she's wondering what changed in his mind for him to want her so much.
"What about your childhood? How did you end up living with Alec and Isabelle as a kid?" She asked curiously, beginning to eat her food.
"Well, my step-father died when I 10, and their parents were my godparents." He explained, heaving a small sigh. She felt her chest drop. She couldn't imagine going through a loss like that. Her father had died before she was born, but she never got the chance to know him. She didn't have to deal with his memory because he was never there.
"I had no idea." She shook her head, feeling a little bad for asking. "You said that thing about your mom growing up when you took me to my appointment."
"She died when I was around 6." He explained softly. "She always said that when she was pregnant she had an insane amount of acid reflux, and that I came out with head full of hair." He grinned faintly at the memory, keeping his eyes on the horizon. Clary remained quiet, knowing that she needed to let him talk for a while. "I haven't talked about her in a while." He murmured, taking a steady and intentional breath. "She killed herself when I was 6 because her ex-husband died, and she still loved him." He bit his lip, shaking his head. "It wasn't fair. She had a son and a husband who loved her, but she couldn't stand the death of a man who left her. I didn't fully understand why she died until I was a teenager, and a large part of that is why I haven't settled down, why I haven't been in a serious relationship. I felt like to have someone love you it means you destroy them. My mother's love killed her and my step-father was never the same after she died." He looked over at her, putting his hand on her enlarged stomach. "A few years ago, I started feeling different. I didn't feel content anymore, and I wasn't sure why. I was doing all the things I loved, campaigning, screwing, and drinking. It wasn't enough for some reason, and I didn't know why. Later on, I caught myself staring at married couples and babies." He shook his head at himself, dropping his hand from her. "The thing I had been avoiding for two decades was what I wanted."
"That must have been hard to accept." She murmured, looking at him with soft eyes.
"It was." He nodded in agreement, sighing heavily.
"Keep going. I want to know everything." She smiled, wanting to hear even more. She slid her hand over his, squeezing it lightly. He took her with the good and the bad, and now it was her turn to take him as he was. She needed to break through the layers of false perfection to know the man underneath.
OoOoO
It seemed like hours had gone by, and they were still talking about life. The conversation was more serious then she expected, but she really enjoyed it because she was learning so much. She felt like she was beginning to absorb more about his wants and needs, which was her goal of this evening. She needed to know his expectations if they were going to move forward at all, and she knew she caught a glimpse of those tonight. She felt like she could understand his motivations now, and that was something that scared her.
"It's starting to get cold." She murmured, rubbing her arms. The sun had vanished not too long ago, and the suns heat had faded away. Goosebumps had risen on her skin, making them feel prickly and uncomfortable.
"Here." He shrugged his suit jacket off, slinging it over her shoulder.
"Thank you." She smiled sheepishly, slipping her arms into the sleeves before pulling the cloth around herself. She felt so small in his large jacket, which made her smile. She wasn't feeling all that small sometimes because she had inflated so much over the last few weeks. She felt like she was getting as wide as she was tall, and she did not enjoy that in the slightest.
"No problem." He leaned down, brushing their lips together lightly. She bit her lip, as he drew away from her, feeling her stomach fill with nerves. There were times like these where he just made her blood pound, and she loved getting that feeling. It filled her with the feeling that she was being pursued by a man who wanted her for her. Her spike of excitement, also excited Jonathan in her belly. She giggled quietly, placing her hand where the baby's limbs were hitting. "Is he kicking?" Jace grinned, noticing her perking up. She thought it was extremely cute that he could tell when the baby was kicking just by her facial expressions.
"Yeah, he's been getting like that whenever I get excited." She scratched her tummy lightly, trying to sooth in heat that had formed in her stomach. She didn't want to attack him again, so she was trying to keep her hormones at bay.
"What are you excited about?" He knew what she was excited about, but he wanted her to say it.
"You're mouth." She breathed, feeling herself float closer to him.
"Oh, I had no idea." He smirked, letting himself drift closer.
"Don't tease me." She inhaled a sharp breath, as his lip crushed against her own. She cupped his neck lightly, holding him against her. His hand found her hair, making her whimper against his lip. She almost ripped his clothes off the other night, but that felt nothing like this. Her heart was in her throat, as she opened her mouth to him. There was something else entirely that made him feel so much more inviting, and she likes to think it was because he opened up to her. He showed her a new side of himself. One that was vulnerable and willing to be open to her. She wanted to draw closer to him, but she felt the baby move into a place that made pain shoot through her.
"I'm sorry the baby shifted." She drew away, wincing quietly, as she tried to adjust herself into a less painful position.
"It's ok." He assured her, pushing her hair away from her face. He looked at her in a way that she hadn't really experienced before, and she didn't know if it was a good look or a bad look. Right now she honestly didn't care because it seemed like it was full of affection and care. "I should get you home." He pushed himself to his feet, offering her his hands.
"Already?" She breathed, letting him help her to a standing position.
"It's late, and we both have appointments in the morning." He touched her cheek lightly, sending a shiver down her spine. She let her eyes fall shut, as she leaned into his hand, feeling the warmth against here skin. She didn't want to move in that moment. His hand fell away from her face, and she sighed softly.
"Can you stay the night?" She questioned, not wanting this evening to end in the slightest.
"Sure." He smiled, taking her hand. He led the way to the car, watching her every step because he didn't want her to fall. He helped her get her pregnant body into the car, which can always be a little difficult, and drove them to her home.
A/N: What did you think?
Over my long break I realized that I hadn't developed Jace all that much in the story, so you guys don't really know what his motivations were. I am going to try to correct that, and I hope this chapter helped you learn a little bit more about Jace. I'm excited to see how their relationship is going to develop from here.
Also for those of you who read Poison & Wine I have decided to delete that fanfiction. I had not done enough ground work to make the story how I wanted it, and it fix it I would have had to rewrite it, which is something that would have been very long and complicated. If you would like to read the ending please PM me and I will send it to you because I already have it typed up.
Thank you so much for waiting for me! I don't take breaks that often from my writing, but it was so good for me. I was able to get a fresh perspective for this story, which is how this chapter came to be.
Please review!