A/N: This story is getting steadily more and more difficult to write thanks to the extremely antagonising plot line I created. And that is the reason for the late updates. I can hardly sit and work on it in one stretch without giving myself a headache.
Anyways, I have to mention this here that I know many of you reading this story are Draco fans and this is a fair warning that this chapter might offend you. However, what you have to remember is that I pull the characteristics from canon and hence Draco here is shady and grey toned. I am not going to make him a rebel or a redeemed person because it does not fit in with this story. His loyalties and actions are guided by selfish interests and the intention of saving his skin. I am not going into a discussion if that's a good trait or bad, that's just how his character is.
All Character rights belong to JK Rowling and no profit is being made out of this.
Chapter 50: A Little Help
Hermione was sure she would not last very long. Standing next to the huge windows that stretched almost from the ceiling to the floor, she gazed unseeing at the open grounds ahead. Her knuckles were practically white as they clung onto the intricate iron vines while the long heavy curtains that remained perpetually closed now lay motionless having been pushed aside roughly.
The view outside was not very different from the one she had at home, large lawn and manicured gardens and eventually, huge boundary walls beyond which lay extensive woods. Dark clouds hung all over the place giving it a fitting feel of gloom.
Her breathing caused her chest to heave and fall, the only sign of movement and life while she stood inert inside her glorious cage. Freedom was slowly looking like a distant dream. The fire of hope that she had built in herself was slowly beginning to dwindle. After the morning's torture, the strength to fight, to live was beginning to slip down an abyss. There was little hope of any external help, and even with a stolen wand, she wasn't sure an escape would be possible for Ron. How he was still holding on she didn't know. And she didn't know how much strength he had left to go through anymore. All she knew was that she had none left; neither strength nor hope.
Who would have thought that after those intense days of planning, and risking their lives over and over again, their last days would come to this- stuck inside and bleeding, and finally dying in the hands of these minions of the Dark Lord? What was the worth of all the knowledge she had amassed? What was the point of being labelled the brightest of her age when nothing she knew could save him? What was the worth of living this lie at all? Wouldn't it be more prudent to tell them the truth? Tell them that she was a traitor too, tell them that she deserved half of every spell that touched Ron, tell them that her blood should be spilt as well if only to give him an ounce of relief for once...
But it couldn't be that simple, could it?
Her confession would be the proverbial final nail on Ron's coffin. And she was not ready to lose him- not to them, not to death, not to anything. Some would call it brave and hopeful perhaps, but she knew what it really was- selfishness.
The sound of the heavy doors opening shook her out of her painful thoughts. Every time someone entered through those, they brought the news of another round of Bellatrix's games. She felt a strange sort of numbness hazing her brain at the sound, and her fingers automatically clasped around the metals harder, perhaps in a natural instinct to stay standing.
Not anymore, not again... Please...
Her lungs felt restrained in her chest. Her ever active brain had long stopped murmuring instructions in her ears. Perhaps it had realised that no matter how sharp her wit, she needed a beating heart to stay alive. And that part of her body was currently whimpering in some dark corner, scared to death about the person who held it.
"Hermione,"
It was the voice that made her turn; fear, doubt and instinct all kicking in simultaneously.
"Draco..." she breathed, somehow managing to hold out the horror from her voice and slowly turned around to take in the appearance of the man who stood at the door.
He looked nothing like the image her brain conjured from her memories. Draco was definitely taller but also thinner in sickly sort of way. The blonde hair looked dull and stuck to his forehead, eyes were sunken deep inside their sockets, and the familiar smirk and arrogance were now a long lost story.
"Good to see you alive," he murmured and without another word, closed the door before turning around to face her once more. In the light that streamed in through the open window, she thought she saw a flicker of anguish but it vanished before she could be sure.
"I didn't know you were home," she asked, a deep sense of doom triggering at his sight- This was not right.
"I wasn't, I was called," he replied in an emotionless voice as his haunting grey eyes took in her face more conscientiously. It bothered her. Standing in front of her was not the boy she had known for years; there was something gloomy and unhealthy about him. And, her brain reminded her soundly, he was almost a murderer, the one who had almost killed Katie, Ron and Dumbledore... Draco had almost killed Ron...
His presence kicked in some sort of survival instinct in her, and despite all her previous thoughts she found her mind furiously working on the possible reasons for his presence.
He could have been called to take part in Ron's torture- for all she knew this could be some sort of dark indoctrination ritual for the young Death Eaters. He could have been called to keep an eye on her, or for them to decide about her version of the truth- after all, Draco knew her way more closely than Bellatrix or even Lucius. There could also be something else altogether.
"Really? Why?" she asked feigning only mild curiosity.
He did not bother to reply instead concentrated on watching her just as before.
"You look different," he declared after a while, his voice just as emotionless as before.
"So do you," she retorted carefully.
Standing in front of her was the man who had once been a friend and an ally. But now he was a part of the world that was nothing more than a threat to all that she held dear- Ron. His presence had scared her first but after the first shock had died, she could now see a faint ray of hope.
If only...
"So how was it? Being held by the Order for so many days? I heard Weasel was your assigned guard," he asked with a sly grin that caused lines to form at the corner of his eyes. The whole thing looked strained and forced.
"How does it feel to know that at sixteen you already have three attempted murders under your belt?" she replied back.
"And failed attempts too," she added as an afterthought noticing how his already pale face lost every trace of colour at her words, and the ever-there mask dropped for almost a minute before he arranged his face into a neutral expression once more. But Hermione had seen what she wanted to.
He pulled out his wand and cast a locking and silencing charm at the door while her eyes were inexplicably drawn to that priced piece of wood.
"I'm sorry that Weasley didn't die, you would have managed an escape a lot sooner if he did, wouldn't you?"
She looked away before he finished, remembering painfully vividly the events of that night when she had almost lost Ron.
"Perhaps..." she said once she had found her voice.
"But you got Dumbledore killed, didn't you? The Dark Lord would have been much pleased, wasn't he?" she inquired back making sure to pull up her own mask and watch him carefully. This time, it took him much longer to get rid of the shadows that hung in his eyes, and he eventually looked away. By the time he looked back at her she had already found the clink in his armour.
"Are you sure you are loyal to the Dark Lord's cause yourself, Hermione? Or is this just a game to see Weasley tortured? Make him pay back perhaps? What did he exactly do while you were under his guard?"
His words were carefully chosen to taunt and instigate, and despite knowing it all she could barely hold back her anger. As she concentrated on her breathing and directed her efforts on not losing this battle he coaxed her on.
"Does he still fancy you? Bet he tried didn't he? That pathetic excuse of a wizard..."
She lost it at that.
"Pathetic excuse of a wizard, eh Draco? Yes, a failed guy like you would know all about being pathetic, wouldn't you? Do you think I don't see how your family has lost favours? And here you stand, a meek soldier trying to do exactly what may I ask?"
There was a brief minute when she thought she had blown up her only chance as anger flooded those grey eyes, but soon those stiff shoulders hung and fury was replaced by fear.
He walked away and sat at the plush settee, hunched and gripping his hair in his fists. He looked worn out and tired but she could not bring herself to show him any sympathy.
"Are you really loyal to the Dark Lord's cause?" he asked in a very quiet voice and she moved closer on instinct.
"Are you not?" she questioned him back taking a seat next to him.
"I- I am," he muttered but his demure spoke the unspoken.
"Are you questioning your choice, Draco?" she asked softly making sure she sounded caring rather than questioning.
He gulped audibly.
"N-No,"
She paused for a while before trying again.
"How does it feel sharing your home with the Dark Lord himself?" she inquired casually. They might be as well sitting in the Slytherin common room having a friendly chat but the stakes were so very high on this.
Once again the mask dropped as he let out a mirthless chuckle. "Do you really want to know?"
She took in a few deep breaths. And, after what took a considerable amount of strength, placed her arm gently over his. Physical display of affection or care was not common in their society but her instinct told her it was the right thing to do. Draco watched her hand for a while and then looked up to meet her eyes questioningly.
"We used to be friends," she said. The sadness around her words was way less faked than she cared to admit.
"A lot has changed since then," he replied.
"Why are you here, Draco?" she asked again and noticed the faint hitching of breath.
"I can't tell you,"
"You are following orders, aren't you?" she deduced carefully and when he did not answer, took it to be a confirmation.
"Whose orders, Draco?" she asked again.
"Father's," he replied grimly.
She took a few minutes to process that, realising that even without the Dark Lord's presence, something sinister was coming towards them and fast. Closing her eyes she tried thinking of Ron's face without the many scars they bore now. But it was almost impossible. Her brain conjured the image of a bloodied face and she opened her eyes sharply.
"How does it feel to plot someone's death, Draco?" she asked, allowing a faint hint of disgust to leak into her words. It was a gamble and a big one at that, but there was no other choice.
She felt him stiffening under her palm and feeling a little braver decided to push on.
"How does it feel to have the dark mark etched on your skin? How does it feel to know that you helped kill the one wizard the Dark Lord feared?"
His stiffening was unmistakable.
"You don't understand," he replied after a long pause.
"What don't I understand?" she asked removing her hand from his; her patience was beginning to run thin now.
"You don't understand what it is to be forced to kill... You don't understand... He threatened to murder my entire family if I didn't do it. He would have killed me!" he cried softly and she found the gap to drive in the sword deeper. It was all or nothing now.
"I don't understand is it?" she laughed bitterly and noticed his eyes take her by surprise.
"I thought you said you sympathise with the Dark Lord's cause," he asked a little tentatively.
"I thought you said the same," she challenged back.
"You have no fucking clue, Hermione!" he hissed getting up and pacing furiously.
"You have no fucking clue what it is to be forced to kill, to be a prisoner in your own house! You have no idea how it is to be scorned on by lesser wizards because you have lost his favours. You have no clue what it is to come back home and see people getting killed day after day!" he added in a low voice and she stood up to face him, anger blazing in her own eyes.
"Don't you dare say I don't understand, Draco!" she said in a threatening whisper, losing her grasp of control finally but forcing herself to keep her voice low despite his spell.
"He killed my entire family," she hissed as anger and hurt burnt her eyes, " Razed my home to the ground, destroyed every last bit of my past ..." she struggled to keep her voice steady as months and months of pent up agony threatened to render her speechless.
"I couldn't give my parent a decent burial because there was nothing left of them to bury and you say- I don't understand?!" She stopped because white hot fury was causing heat rise up her veins, and that coupled with sheer exhaustion was making her sway on the spot. Everything from the past two days bombarded her senses almost making her scream out and thrash around. But she held on; that weak side of hers was not for Draco to see.
"You think you have it bad, Draco?" she asked accusingly.
"You started all this by helping kill Dumbledore! You got the Death Eaters inside the school! The Headmaster asked you to confide in him didn't he?" she asked through gritted teeth. "But you didn't! You didn't despite knowing that only he had the power to hold the Dark Lord back!"
"I DINT KNOW!" he yelled back dropping his mask altogether. Two ghostly eyes looked back at her for a moment before he collapsed back on the settee. "I didn't know it would be this bad...I-" his eyes looked tormented and tired as they looked pleadingly into hers.
"I want out..." he breathed in a watery voice.
"Hah! Create a mess and then call for help, how typical, Draco. You pulled all of us in this and now you tell me you want out?" she barked forcing herself to keep cool and not blow away this chance.
His grey eyes took in her face. "You are lying to them, aren't you?" he said in almost a whisper. "Are you with the Order now? Or perhaps you are doing it to keep Weasley alive?"
She met his eyes defiantly.
"You are so dead, Granger." He said with a bitter smirk, shaking his head.
She chuckled a little mirthlessly at his words. "I am not a coward like you, Draco,"
"You are being dumb, he'll kill you!"
"And why should I bother? Living the way you are, doesn't seem to be very inviting," she added.
"At least I am alive! And...The reality is there is no way out. He'll kill us all if I even try, my parents and me," he responded fearfully.
She laughed aloud this time till tears formed in her eyes and her voice choked out.
"You keep telling yourself you are better than the rest, don't you Draco? But look at yourself now, reduced to a weakling," she scorned and his eyes narrowed into slits.
"You better be careful, Hermione. All I have to do is leak out your truth, and then, you and that pathetic, mangy boyfriend of yours will both be rotting in the dump," he hissed.
"That's all mighty Draco Malfoy can do, go running to his daddy," she taunted, "What a coward!"
"STOP CALLING ME A COWARD!"
"You are a coward, Draco! You almost became a murderer to save your own skin! Tell me, have you even seen the man you just called 'pathetic and mangy'? Have you seen how they are torturing him in your own dungeons, Draco? If you have not, I suggest you go and see him once." She paused and noted with pride the look of shock that marked the pale face.
"You have always mocked him for the state of his clothes and their poverty," she growled angrily, "And you think, you are so great because of all the gold your ancestors have piled in your vaults? I dare you, Draco Malfoy, go and see him once. See if you are even half the man Ronald Weasley is. Go and see if you can stand in front of that 'pathetic' wizard even with all your riches in Gringotts. Have you seen what they are doing to him- especially your aunt?" She stared at him hard and he lowered his eyes.
"He has put his life on the line for this fight, Draco, risked his entire family!" Hermione could not hold in the pride she felt for Ron and a couple of tears leaked out which she hastily wiped before Draco saw them.
"And in case you have forgotten- with or without a fortune, he is still a pureblood. You complain about your life, go and see what he is living through. But despite everything, I bet they won't be able to break him! He'll die before he betrays his friends before he betrays the cause,"
"If I didn't know better I would say you are in love with Ronald Weasley, Hermione," he said finally meeting those eyes. It was a challenge and she accepted it.
"Yes..." she exhaled softly; a faint shock was visible in his eyes.
"So, this is a lie to keep him alive? Pity it won't help much. Aunt Bella has a nasty reputation of breaking her toys soon after she gets them."
She looked at him hard weighing her options.
"Yes Draco, I love Ron and I lied to keep him alive. I had to do something. I had to try."
"So, what are you going to do now?"
"I'll escape with him," she replied with more conviction than she felt.
He laughed at that, a silent bitter sort of laughter that made him look sicklier.
"And how will you do that may I ask?"
"With your help, of course." That shut him up.
"Y-You must be mad! He'll kill me!"
"Help us, Draco...You know very well only one person can stop this and he needs us... You said you wanted out." She reasoned carefully without sounding too needy.
"I said but I'd rather live in this mess than become Aunt Bella's next toy."
"You are really pathetic, aren't you Draco?" she said disgusted and his eyes blazed at her words.
"Stop it, Hermione. Don't forget, you are still at my mercy. All I'll need to do is tell them of your deceit." He hissed through his teeth.
"Go ahead, do it then," she replied calmly looking straight at him.
"Tell them Draco," she urged, "I am really very exhausted," she said with a tired smile that hurt her muscles.
"Do you think I don't know what will happen? They'll kill Ron..." she paused looking unseeing at the dresser at the far end of the room and then began again.
"They'll kill him and torture me in his place. I won't survive very long, but I sure won't tell them anything. And then, hopefully, they'll kill me too. Good riddance, right?" she turned to face him.
"But what will you do Draco? You'll have the blood of two more people on your hands then. You'll know that you could have stopped, made right some amount of your wrongs, but you did not. You'll know, there will be no one but yourself to blame for all eternity because you threw away a chance to help put an end to this –once again. You'll be able to live with that, won't you?" she asked softly.
Minutes passed, perhaps hours before he pulled himself up and walked, soft sounds of his footsteps breaking the silence that has ensued post her words. He stopped however when he reached the bed. He glanced at the huge structure and then seemed to struggle a bit before turning towards her again.
"Father wishes us to wed," he said simply and she gasped; his mask was back and so was the emotionless voice.
"He wanted me to find out if you are still a virgin, or if Weasley has soiled you already." He stated looking straight at her and she looked away because she was so disgusted with everything he was saying.
"I was here to find out... if you were still worthy of being wed to the Malfoy heir. If not, he would claim your properties and gold for the violation of the laws of our 'engagement', otherwise, we would wed and," he shrugged, "he would still indirectly own your wealth through me."
She waited with a madly throbbing heart as he turned towards the bed she had not even touched.
"I am going to tell him I deflowered you, and he will pretend to be absolutely mortified and suggest our wedding. You know how the rules of the engagement work right? Since you were promised to me the engagement doesn't break if I take your virginity as long as it's me who marries you. It's all a sham, but the laws of the Pureblood society goes down centuries and no one will be able to deny it, especially now that the order and ways of the ancient times are once again being set as the basis of the new world." She stared at him, horrified.
"B-But we were never formally engaged!" she spat out finally.
"Says who, Hermione? He has already poured in enough gold to one of his secret associates in the Ministry to get a fraudulent contract ready, with all the clauses of course." He glanced at her horror-struck face expressionlessly and continued.
"You still have time because nothing can happen till the Dark Lord is back. I am not sure but he has been gone for a while, and if you really wish to escape, the sooner you do it the better it will be. Don't take too long and figure out how you are going to escape with that boyfriend of yours. I will be of no further help."
Her head was working furiously. This was worse than she thought. If Lucius took in her property the Chateau would begin to identify the Malfoys as family. And although they wouldn't know of its existence and location, but the protection would be seriously compromised.
"How will we escape?" she breathed out softly to herself.
"I don't know and I won't risk my neck to save you either. All I can tell you is, do it today while Aunt Bella is away at her Manor. It will be slightly tricky with her here."
...
He sat on the couch in his room watching the ceiling but not watching it at all while various articles from his pouch and Hermione's bag lay scattered around him.
Harry was not really a stranger to loneliness but now he felt empty and void. He looked at the various articles and specifically the sword and let out a deep sigh. Was all this struggle and fight worth it at all? The silence of the surrounding was almost suffocating. He wanted his friends back, he wanted Hermione back and more than that, he wanted Ron back. Ron, who was silently fighting his own demons and whom he had accused and doubted just like the Horcrux wanted him to.
He grasped his aching head in his hands and forced himself to think. But just like his surrounding his thoughts seemed to have paused too. He had tried everything so far, hadn't he? He had tried apparating out and had already shot all spells he could at the unrelenting wall that was holding him hostage. But nothing, not even a scratch had appeared on it.
His empty stomach grumbled and once again he ignored it. How on earth would he find Ron and Hermione? Who knew where they were? Who knew if they were even alive?... He pushed the last thought away pulling himself forcefully off the couch to stand once more on the balcony.
Looking at the far edge of the grounds his eyes were automatically drawn to the spot he had last seen his friends. He shoved his hand into his pocket and gripped Hermione's wand tightly. He had to get out of this place; he had to find Ron and Hermione. They were his strength and motivation. They had gone through an awful lot of mess to get so far and he hoped with all his might that they would get off this too.
Several hours passed before he came back again. Nothing once more... Not one of his spells penetrated the wall which remained rock solid as ever. He had walked all around the perimeter this time with an invisible wall blocking his way, and while he could see outside, the protection kept him firmly within the limits.
With frustration and hopelessness biting through his skin like cold frost, he sank down on the floor with a loud shriek that reverberated around him over and over again.
"RON!" he screamed in hopeless want of his best mate answering from wherever he was, but no answer came. The name only echoed off the walls for a while before vanishing into the silence. One by one he called for each one who was dear to him, hoping against hope for someone to hear him, hoping for someone to answer back till all names dearest to him were exhausted. Then he called for classmates and each and everyone he knew...
So far invested he was in calling out and so tired of the lack of response except his own voice returning back to him that he almost missed the loud crack of apparition behind him.
"Master?"
He turned around with a loud gasp and removing his glasses rubbed them clean on his t-shirt vigorously before putting it on and taking in the small figure that looked back at him.
"Kreacher?! KREACHER! KREACHER!" he yelled exhilarated and scrambled ahead to hold the aged creature to ensure he was not hallucinating.
"Master looks sick!" the old elf exclaimed as Harry held his thin arms in his.
"No it's all fine, really!" he cried with a broken smile.
"Look Kreacher, can you take me out of this place?" he asked urgently.
"Yes, Kreacher can," the elf replied still running his greying orbs over his face.
"Then take me out of this place, I need to find Ron and Hermione," he added urgently getting up and shoving selected items inside Hermione's bag.
"Kreacher not knowing where Master Weasley and Miss Granger are, Master," he answered sadly and Harry paused remembering the last instances when he had seen his friends disappear. How was he going to track them?
"I don't know either... But I've got to get out of this place, I have to try," he said resuming his earlier task more hurriedly.
"Master has not eaten, Kreacher will first fix a meal," replied the old elf and before Harry could stop him, disappeared again with a crack.
He was almost about to call back the creature again when Kreacher materialised with a stunned look.
"Kreacher, I-," he began but his words died on his lips as he heard the voice he had been desperately hoping for.
"Harry..."
It was the faintest of whisper and a shiver ran down his spine at the way it sounded. He looked fearfully at the elf who was looking equally shocked as he extended his thin hands and opened his tiny palm to reveal a small object that seemed to be vibrating.
Ron's Deluminator.
A/N: Thanks to each one of you for reading. I would really love to know what you thought of Hermione/Draco interaction, because honestly, it took me quite a while to get it the way I wanted.
This story was named In Search of Hermione for a reason. It was her search to find her true identity. She has already come a long way from where she started but soon, she will truly find herself in more ways than one. I had mentioned three chapters because I thought you all were getting tired reading such a long story. But, I hope you all will be patient a little longer so that I can unfold it in the manner I deem best. I won't rush it to an ending and the sequel will still follow.
Lots of love.