Hey-O...

Go read Permission to Castrate Please, by PureWaterLily. I honestly don't enjoy Twilight and therefore never really read any the fanfiction it produced, but this story was recommended to me and despite some if it not being my bag, it was ridiculous and dry all at the same time. A really funny read from a talented writer, please go look at it now.

When you're done with that...

There was one light in the interrogation room - she was under no delusion that it wasn't an interrogation room - and it threw off a dim clinical light that didn't quite dispel all the shadows. Sakura sat slumped in a chair on one side of a table, her head hung. Greasy chunks of her hair were doing little to hide her slackened expression. Across from her sat the third agent sent to question her in the last forty eight hours. Sleep deprivation was fortunately the worst that they had inflicted upon her so far - well, that and a bunch of boring questions repeated over and over, half of which she didn't understand because of the language barrier or because they were mentioning names of people and places she didn't know.

Asgardians. Something about a Hammer, capital H. What sort of name is Thor? It sounded like it belonged to one of those professional wrestlers she liked to read about.

They wanted to know what her home was like, who she was, who her family was, what her race was like, how she was so strong. On and on they asked about things she couldn't or refused to answer. She watched every one of them wondering which one was going to turn her into the next Ibiki. Remain vigilent, aware, look for a way out. Any little detail might help.

The man before her now was dressed in an immaculate but modest suit of western design. He had a tray like device in front of him, with a screen filled with information she couldn't decipher much of from her angle. It was similar to the computers she had back home, or at least somewhat distantly related. The monstrosity back at the hospital in Konohagakure that kept all of the patient files and schedules was a nightmare to work with and only a few select staff members had taken to wrangling them. She would bet he was reading over the transcripts of her earlier discussions with the other two agents. A fruitless novel of a one sided conversation. Finally he looked up and smiled at her congenially, tapping the screen of the device once. It flickered into darkness, leaving behind a black mirror that reflected the light above.

Sakura warily watched him from beneath her bangs as he reached towards her, but his hand stopped midway and simply pressed a switch that controlled the recording device embedded in the middle of the table. A little red light shut off on its side. Oh, sure, of course that would be the only bug in the room, the obvious one in the middle of the table. Did he think she was an amateur?

"That's better."

Sakura felt tension pull taut through each of her limbs. It was statistically a bad sign that he didn't want to record his interrogation. His tone had indicated an 'I'm going to be your ally in this mess' sort of tactic, but his actions were anything but reassuring.

"You must be worn out, it's been a busy day for you, hasn't it?" He gave her a moment, leaning back in his chair, getting comfortable. Had he been a doctor, she thought his bedside manner would have curbed the most unruly of people. Inoffensive, not too deep, not too high pitched, slightly slower tempo to his speech to ensure attention and reflect that he was a good listener.

Sakura mutely flexed her hands in her lap. They had switched those awful manacles out for similarly electronic laced chains. The word Stark was printed on these ones too. She coudn't write things very accurately, however the brevity of the name and the leaning S at the beginning she was familiar with, enough that she recognized it as a name, as a person. She wondered what sort of evil bastard built these sorts of things.

At least they didn't shock her into a seizure every time she stretched, they simply started beeping at an increasing rate if she moved around for a prolonged period of time. She wasn't quite sure what would happen if the beeping reached a crescendo. No one had told her and she debated frequently in her mind how much she should test it.

Sakura wished for nothing more than to tear her arms free and smash through the nearest wall. She could feel her charka growing with every agonizing moment that passed, but it was disturbingly taking much longer that it usually did to replenish itself. The truly terrible thing was that there were too many variables at play to discover the reason for her slower recovery. Was it just because of the extent of her injuries or was it that the air in this world was not as rich in nature chakra as her own?

"You're name - it's Sakura, right?"

Sakura peeked up from her lap, nobody else had said her name, but they hadn't asked for it either. How does he know?

"You told a doctor, back at the hospital." His smile showed just enough teeth to be friendly and just few enough not to be on the mild mannered side of threatening. "I'm Phil Coulson. Please just call me Phil."

Is he supposed to be good cop?

"How did you get hurt?" he asked conversationally, and when she didn't respond he carried on as if he didn't mind her silence one bit, "some of our doctors here are guessing at the causes, but you have conflicting wounds. You seem to be healing quickly though, not surprising I guess, what with you being an alien. Is that common for your people?"

Alien. Sakura struggled with both a scowl and a choked laugh. I'm an alien, she thought, reveling in her new title.

"You want to know what I think, Sakura?" He waited a second and then sighed, "I think that you don't know what's going on. I think you ended up here and are just as confused as we are. So - I propose a deal. I'll answer some questions for you and you answer some questions for me. I'll tell you the truth if you do the same. Scouts honor."

Sakura didn't know what a scout was, but it was nice to hear that the concept of honor existed. There was a lot of room for differences and misunderstandings, but this world seemed eerily similar to her own homeland. Alien didn't quite seemed the right word. Foreign, perhaps.

"What do you want to know?" Sakura asked.

He drew in a measured breath, "How about you introduce yourself first."

"You know my name. Sakura. Sakura Haruno. I'm -" she stopped, considered what to tell him, what would entice him to honor his side of this deal. Useless information that he might deem interesting? "- I'm sixteen -and a half - I like sour food, I hate spicy things, I don't feel like sharing my hobbies and my dreams are none of your business." Kakashi faded in and our of her minds eye like a photograph just being developed. Her heart constricted off beat. Please be safe.

Something tensed between the man's eyebrows that she couldn't quite read. She wasn't sure what part of her little monologue had tripped something like empathy in his gaze. She didn't like it.

Sakura lifted her head so she could glare, as if that would force him to uphold his promise of honesty, "Where is my - my friend?" Could he even be called that? Was Obito good now? She hadn't had the time to philosophize over his redemption, much less discover her own feelings on the matter. For now, she needed him, he could open the portal again, together they could go home and then his fate was his own.

"...He's being held in one of our medical facilities," his voice was steady, "he hasn't woken up yet. He's in a coma. He's not in danger."

Sakura chewed on that bit of information moodily. If she could see Obito, touch him for a moment, maybe she could figure out what was wrong and fix him. Though at the moment it didn't seem likely that they were gonna let her see him anytime soon. Were the tables turned, she certainly wouldn't. They had leverage of the worst kind, and they probably didn't know how bad it even was.

"Why did you come here?" Coulson asked.

"Not my choice," Sakura snapped. What was it called, issue? Problem? No. "An accident. An accident sent us here."

"I see." His tone was non-judgmental, his expression unfazed, "So, you have no intentions of invading."

Sakura had nothing to say to that, she simply shook her head tiredly. Invasion, how ridiculous. We have enough problems back home as it is.

"I've been talking to my boss about you, trying to figure out a solution for your appearance. You attacked several of our agents -"

"They attacked first," Sakura huffed angrily, "would you not protect yourself?"

"I understand, please calm down." Her chains were beeping as she unconsciously strained against them, whining higher and higher. She relaxed her wrists back into her lap and moodily waited for them to whir to a muted hum.

"Your turn." He offered as a peaceful gesture. Sakura slumped back into her seat, she had questions, too many questions and not enough energy to sort them into a hierarchy.

One of them managed to break from the chaos, "Why haven't you killed me?"

"Despite your first impression of our organization, we're not wasteful. If you had let me finish before - you attacked several of our agents... using unknown abilities that could be seen as incredibly useful in light of a different circumstance." He was smiling again, "You are potentially very useful to S.H.I.E.L.D. and that is why we're questioning you this way instead of the other way. Not to mention we don't know who you are to others of your kind."

Oh.

"Evidence points to your claims being true. It does seem like you had no intention of being here, that your arrival was accidental and that you have no ill intentions towards our planet. You're arrival is also coincidental. Your particular set of skills are something we've been looking for, an answer to a potential problem we've had. We've gone over the footage and the files on you and my boss has reached a conclusion. An agreement if you will, we'd like your assistance in return for S.H.I.E.L.D.'s."

"You want to... hire me?" Sakura wondered if that technically made her a defecting nin, taking a mission outside of village sanction. She hadn't expected the conversation to take a sudden turn towards business and wasn't sure how to respond.

"I guess you could put it that way."

"And you won't kill me?"

"We generally don't kill assets."

Mulishly she looked at the table top. These people seemed like they had a strong military force, if only because of their equipment, and it was usually a good idea to align oneself with the largest power in times of uncertainty. She figured she could handle whatever they threw her into, or die trying, and it wasn't like she couldn't be plotting to escape in the meantime. What was important to know was if they could help her.

"How would you assist me? Your people have technology beyond what I - that is, it is greater than I have known. Could it - do you know if it could send me home?" Sakura asked, heart in her throat.

"Of course. I'm positive that we're your best shot of going home. If the tech isn't in the works now you can be assured it will be by tonight."

Does that mean that I have to be worried that you're gonna try and take over my world? Sakura wondered. Tsunade wasn't going to like it if she brought back an invasion.

"What would be expected of me?" She asked instead. Years of working with Tsunade watching her broker mission deals came to mind. Her tone became subtly more professional, acquiescing, and yet her gaze more scrutinizing.

"You'd execute missions assigned by us, you seem trained, so I'm assuming you won't have any issued with that. You would essentially be a contracted freelancer working for S.H.I.E.L.D. put on assignments that we think best utilize your abilities."

"...Obito?"

"We will take care of him as well and in the event that he wakes up and he's half as useful as I suspect you're going to be, we'll offer him the same deal."

Sakura didn't know Obito well enough to know what his reaction would be to such a deal, but she had an inkling he wouldn't like it. She also had an inkling that these people might not like Obito's personality. What she remembered of her interactions with the man swung from one extreme of childishness to chilling megalomania, to a semi-thoughtful teammate.

"When can I see him?"

"Unfortunately, not for a little while. I'm sorry, sincerely, but to be blunt we need a bargaining chip in the event that our partnership doesn't fulfill its potential. We have to firm some details up, if you will."

Of course. She simmered internally for a moment, before nodding, "I agree to these terms, but you're people must show me the way to go home, proof that you can do it."

"Perfect. Then we have some more questions and some tests to run and some contracts to sign. Now that we're friends, I'm hoping you'll be willing to cooperate."

"Whose turn to ask a question?" Sakura asked.

This is the best position to be in right now, she thought sagely, make them think I'm their tool, become useful, earn their trust. Even if she broke out of her chains, managed to escape whatever holding facility she was in and maybe get Obito out too, they would just hunt her down. They knew their own world better than she did. She needed more information, needed to buy some time. If she had to use the money they paid her, so be it.

"My turn," Coulson said, and then mercifully asked, "Are you hungry?"

"Yes." Sakura said, unable to pinpoint the last time she had eaten anything substantial, it felt like weeks. Her entire body ached for nutrients. Apparently not eating and the using ones life force inappropriately left a body so malnourished she felt likely to splinter into a pile. When she got home, she'd write a paper on it. She lifted her shackled hands up and waited.

He produced a slim disk from his pocket and hovered it over her bindings. There was a tense moment as she was freed. Agent Coulson's hand retracted and hovered over the poorly hidden weapon bulging at his hip from beneath his jacket.

The chains slithered to the ground with a clatter. Sakura flexed her fists and wrists and then smiled sweetly at the man. Tilting her head thoughtfully she asked, "Does this world have... fish?" She fluttered her fingers by her neck, imitating fins. Silly and young, let them see her as easily manipulated. Let them not see her as a thinking woman, as a strategist, a shinobi. Let them think she was just a lost little girl.

Phil smiled kindly and led her out of the dim room into a glowing hall, the lights here fractionally warmer then the one in he previous cell. Sakura followed dutifully, hands tucked behind her back, her footsteps so light that not a soul could hear them.

A large amount of loud enemies is the friend of the shinobi.

Hide and remain silent.

A shinobi must understand the proper time, when the enemy is tired and ill prepared.