Thank you very much for each and every review. It does make staring at a blank page worthwhile. This was meant to be a pleasant little diversion for the hiatus and hopefully it's kept you slightly amused for a few days while we wait. Now let's get this wrapped up. When last we met Hook was being a sneaky so and so. He clocked Emma and took off. Now on we go…

Chapter Four

Emma groaned as she awoke. Her head was killing her and a quick check told her she had a nice-sized goose egg forming above her temple. At least she wasn't bleeding.

Emma sat up slowly and the change in altitude sent a lightning fast streak of pain through her brain and down her spine. For a moment she wasn't sure whether she wanted to be sick or just pass out again. She almost felt sorry that Killian had spent most of the night feeling something similar until she remembered he was the reason her head hurt so badly, or Hook was, anyway.

Emma took a spare second to ease the throbbing in her head. She sighed in relief and was better able to focus on the task at hand. There were only so many places Hook would go. He might scout out the town, or he might head back to the Jolly Roger. She hated to wake up her father at this time of night, but she might need backup to search, or just to corral Hook if they found him.

Emma jumped when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She quickly pulled it out, a feeling of dread already settling in the pit of her stomach. "Hello?"

"Sister, you better get down here."

"Where's here, Leroy?"

"The Rabbit Hole. There's something wrong with your boyfriend. He ain't himself."

Emma sighed. He was himself, just his old self. "What's he doing?"

"Drinking and snarling at anyone who comes near him. I tried to apologize for what happened on the ship. He shoved me and said, 'Stay out of my way, Dwarf.'" Leroy did a pretty decent impression too. "It was like he had no idea who I was."

She closed her eyes. In addition to being a villain, Hook really had been an unbelievable jerk at times. It seemed nearly impossible to reconcile the man she loved with the man he had been. She supposed though that if she ran into the person she'd been when Henry brought her to Storybrooke she might not believe the difference if she hadn't lived through it herself.

"Ok, Leroy, I'll be right there."

"Make it fast," he said and hung up.

Emma gritted her teeth in frustration. Nothing was ever easy, not for her and Killian, not for her parents, not for anyone in Storybrooke. Sometimes, it felt like they didn't even have a chance. Not even an afternoon trip on the Jolly Roger was safe now. It was like a slow march to the inevitable, and all she could see was her inescapable future, standing on Main Street with a sword in her gut as she died.

Emma's hand started to shake and no matter how she tried to banish the vision, she couldn't manage to use her magic to get to the Rabbit Hole. Rather than waste more time continuing to fight it, she headed to the bar the normal way. She took her bug and drove like a crazy person to get there as fast as she could.

Leroy was waiting for her just inside the door. "About time you got here, sister."

"You called like two minutes ago."

"That was two minutes too long."

Emma looked past him and saw that Killian was sitting at the bar, a bottle of rum in front of him, and a tumbler of the same halfway to his lips.

"Do you know how much hard liquor a pirate can drink in two minutes?" Leroy demanded. "Not to mention he was already drinking before I called you. Trust me. Even the other Dwarfs are impressed and we know about drinking."

"Has he said anything else?"

"Other than threatening to cut out my tongue if I kept talking? Not really."

She grimaced. "Wonderful." She looked back toward the bar and saw Killian pour another tumbler full to the brim. "I better get to it before he can't walk."

"Might be better that way, now that I think of it. He'd be easier to handle if you wait for him to pass out."

"Thanks for the tip, Leroy." She started to turn away, then paused. "Really," she said more sincerely. "Thanks for finding him. I'll take it from here."

The Dwarf nodded and headed back toward his table, but she could tell he was still going to keep an eye out.

Emma approached the bar slowly, moving toward Killian from the side so that he would have more than enough time to see her coming. He looked well and truly miserable, hunched over his drink, frowning at it as if it had done something to fail him.

"Sit down, Swan. There's no need to stand on occasion."

Emma blinked in shock. "Killian?"

"Aye, love. It's me."

"But-"

"Leroy started shouting at me and it all suddenly came back." He glanced toward her without making eye contact, and then quickly looked back down at his drink. "Last evening, the Dwarfs had fouled the sail and they were all yelling and blaming each other and, of course, Leroy can out-bellow any town crier. That's when I fell."

Emma sat down on the stool beside him. "You mean to tell me I've been trying all night to get you to remember who you are and all it took was one loudmouthed Dwarf to knock some sense into you?"

"Apparently so," he replied, still not looking at her. "Are..." He pursed his lips, his shoulders visibly drawn tight. "Are you all right?"

"Are you talking to the rum or to me?"

"Emma," he said, almost chastising.

She reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. He flinched, but didn't shrug her off at least. "I'm fine, Killian."

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly.

"A little poof of magic," she said, careful to keep her tone light. "Like it never happened."

"But it did," he bit out. He finally turned to look at her and his eyes were bright. "I hit you, Emma. There is no bloody excuse for that. None. Ever. I hit you without thinking twice."

"That wasn't you."

"That's the problem, love. It was me. Obviously, that man is still lurking just beneath the surface. All it took was a bit of magic and he came right back. I came right back."

"It's not that simple and you know it."

He let out a humorless chuff. "Do I? I'm not so sure." He lifted his tumbler of rum and drank the whole thing down. Emma thought it had to burn something terrible, but he just grimaced and grabbed the bottle to refill his glass.

"You know I think it's actually illegal to chug good rum like that. I'm going to turn you in to the pirate union."

He shook his head. "I've no idea what that means, love. Yet another reminder I'm a man beyond my time and place. I-"

"Stop," she ordered. "Stop right there, buddy."

"No, Emma. Levity or… talking my way around something terrible I've done, excuses… I've spent my life doing exactly that, but no more. I've no Dark One possessing me to explain it away. I just brought myself to apologize to Belle for the things I did to her and then I do this."

"Killian-"

"I struck you, Swan. I held my hook to your throat. How you can even bear to look at me?"

"Pretty sure I knocked you out once upon a time over a magic compass and a portal."

"Bloody hell." He ran his hand over his face in frustration. "We were in the middle of a sword fight. I could have killed you then, too!"

Emma heard a noise behind her and looked up to see a semi-circle of angry Dwarfs, all staring daggers at Killian's back.

"Guys?" she said, trying to draw their attention. "Back off. You don't know what's going on."

As usual, Grumpy took the lead. "He hit you? Sister, you shoulda said something. I never woulda asked you to come get him. I'd have broken his legs and left him hogtied for you outside the Sherriff's Office. You wanna give me and the boys a few minutes, we still will." The other Dwarfs all nodded in agreement.

"He lost his memory and went back to before he ever came to Storybrooke. He thought I'd kidnapped him." She gave them a glare of her own. "Thanks for the protective… whatever this is, but I've got this handled."

The Dwarfs grumbled and a few looked like they still wanted to hurt him, especially Leroy, but they began to wander away, back to their own drinks. Leroy was last, and Emma had a feeling he'd be having a talk with Killian one way or the other.

Emma turned back to Killian to see him hunkered over his rum, staring at it with laser focus. He'd heard Leroy and it had no doubt reinforced everything he was thinking. Killian would fight and fight for her, but getting him to trust himself was another matter.

"Come on," she said. "Let's get you out of here. I'm sure you've got more rum on your ship." She'd have suggested going back to her place, but it was currently the scene of the crime and she knew it would only make things worse.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Swan."

"Well, I do," she countered. "Come on, Captain. Your ship awaits."

"No!" he said too loudly, causing another ruffle in the Dwarf camp, and his ears turned pink in embarrassment.

"Why not?"

"The ship." He sighed and scratched his hand through his hair. "You shouldn't go back until I've had a chance to talk to her."

"To your ship?"

"Aye." He sighed again and knocked back the rum he'd been glaring at. "She's angry."

Emma leaned over so that her shoulder was pressed against his. "Talk to me, Killian. You, or several different versions of you, have said something about that tonight. What's up with the ship?"

He shook his head. "I knew she was angry. I just didn't realize quite how angry."

"How do you know she's angry?"

He laughed, and it was just a little hysterical. Maybe it was the booze, but it seemed like more. Whatever the case, the rum wasn't helping. Emma waved her hand, pleased when her magic didn't give her any trouble as she brushed it over his form. In a moment, Killian's buzz was a thing of the past.

Killian finally turned to face her, definite disappointment and a wee bit of amusement peeking through. "Bad form, Swan."

"So is getting blackout drunk to avoid talking to your girlfriend."

"I suppose I should just wander out in the woods then and ask to be left alone," he replied with a hint of bite to it.

"Killian-"

He waved her excuses away. "I'm sorry. That's for another time. I just…"

"Talk to me."

He met her gaze and she could see the moment he decided to spill the beans. "There is a bond between a captain and his ship. A good captain knows everything about her, her quirks, her needs, her warning signs. With the Jolly Roger-"

She made a "keep going" gesture.

"I've told you how special she is." He waited for her to nod. "She's made from enchanted wood. That's not just so she can fly, or that she can withstand going through portals. She's more than that."

"She talks to you?"

"Not in so many words." He made a face as he struggled to explain. "It's more like impressions, really. The longer the person's been her captain, the stronger the bond and I've been her captain for a very, very long time."

"So you can tell she's angry," Emma said, deadpan.

He nodded. "I can tell when her decks are getting too dry and need to be swabbed, when the barnacles are beginning to bother her, when rot is beginning to set in before anyone can see or notice, and on and on. Some of it is a sailor's intuition, some is familiarity, but some of it is the old girl telling me what she needs or wants."

"And?" she prompted.

"I can feel her in my bones." He smiled to himself, as if at a pleasant memory.

"Two peas in a pod, huh?"

"Aye," he said, his smile fading. "She's tied to her captain. When she was still the Jewel of the Realm and Liam died, she was as mad with grief as I. She took to piracy and her new name as easily as her new captain. When I lost Milah and my hand, she was as eager to go through the portal to Neverland as I was. She's warned me of mutiny brewing below decks and any number of perils. I've always said she's more than a ship and it's true."

She was part of him and yet he'd still traded her away to get a bean to find Emma in New York. He'd let go of that connection that had been a part of him since he was a young naval officer. He'd done it for her.

"When I got her back after I traded her to Blackbeard for the bean, she was upset with me. It took some time, but we were old friends and she forgave me. I don't think she cared for my split affections, but she accepted her captain's orders."

"So that's why she's ticked? She's jealous? She thinks I stole you away?"

Killian shook his head. "It's more than that. When I died…"

Emma took a calming breath. Just that phrase was enough to raise goosebumps.

"She felt the connection break."

"She… holds me responsible for what happened?" Emma had been the one to kill him after all. She could still feel the slide of steel through flesh. She could smell his blood as it coated the air. For hours afterwards, she'd smelled it, blood and death following her after what she'd done.

Again Killian shook his head, this time with a bit of a smile. "She's angry, love, that she wasn't part of the rescue party."

Emma cocked her head in confusion. "Huh?"

"How did you get to the Underworld?"

"By boat," she answered.

"And there were how many rivers there leading straight to Hades' throne room?"

"Are you kidding me?"

Killian just shrugged. "Everyone got to go except her. She's upset."

"But… I mean… we went in the little boat thingie… We had to-"

He held up his hand to stop her. "I didn't say it was logical. I'm merely telling you how she feels."

"This is nuts." Emma wanted to throw her hands up in defeat. Of all the things she had to worry about, the last thing she'd ever thought she'd have to worry about was a ship's emotional welfare.

"I've been trying to smooth things over, spend more time with her, but these things can't be rushed."

"Why does that sound like you're cheating on me with your ship?"

He smiled, a hint of his usual mischief reappearing. "The sea will always be my mistress, love. A sailor's reliably untrustworthy in that regard."

"So if she loves you so much, why'd she try to crack your head like a melon?"

"I don't think she meant to hurt me. I think she was trying to take me back to before I really knew you, more importantly before I loved you."

Emma's eyes narrowed. "I think I need to have words with your mistress. I don't like her messing with my man."

Killian snorted. "Judging by how hard she's worked to knock some sense into me, I'd say she must feel the same."

"Did she?" Emma asked carefully. "Knock some sense into you?" She knew he loved her. She really did. But old habits were hard to break. The question was out before she could draw it back in.

For the first time, he looked at her, really looked at her, truly centered on her instead of stewing in his own self-loathing. "Emma," he said, reaching out and pulling her closer. "I will frankly admit the Jolly Roger means a great deal to me. She has been a part of me for almost as long as I can remember. Yet, I would give her up, sell her, barter her, burn her to ash if I had to, if that was what it took to stay with you, love."

Emma got right in his face. "Then why were you sitting here drinking instead of coming back to find me as soon as you remembered everything?"

Killian grimaced. "Emma…"

"Are you seriously going to 'Emma' me?"

"Emma, while I might fight with all that I am to stay with you," he brushed his hand gently over the spot where he'd hit her, "perhaps you should know better than to let me."

"That wasn't you."

"Yes, it was," he said quietly, a tremor in his voice. "Emma, Captain Hook and Killian Jones… we're one and the same. I didn't just accidentally fall into villainy. I willingly, willfully, made every one of those choices. I was angry, bitter and vengeful, and I dove in headfirst. I could never attempt something like Regina has done to separate herself from the Evil Queen. The darkness inside me, it is an integral part of who I am. I've fought it my entire life, sometimes more than others, and under certain circumstances my worst instincts, they… he… I obviously come right back. Swan, I-"

Emma stopped him with a kiss. She put her hands on his cheeks, her fingertips curling and brushing through his hair. It took him a moment to respond, and even when he finally brought his hand up, it was tentative as it brushed her side.

She pulled back just far enough that she could look at him. "Ok," Emma said, coming to a decision. "Let's go."

"Where?" he asked warily.

"The Jolly Roger."

He stood, but he still hesitated. "Why?"

"Just come on." She pulled on his arm and together they headed for the door. Leroy stood up as if to follow, but Emma held up a hand telling him his interference wasn't necessary. He huffed in annoyance, but settled back onto his stool.

The night was cool as she walked outside. She'd been so upset earlier, she hadn't even noticed that the temperature outside had dropped. Nevertheless, she opted for a stroll to the docks, rather than a short ride. She slipped her arm through Killian's and wrapped herself closer to him.

They walked to the ship in silence and Emma could tell Killian was still brooding. Images from her vision popped into her head. She knew that if, or when, she died, he would be beyond distraught and a distraught Killian was not a rationally thinking Killian. She was afraid that in his grief, he would do something terrible or slide back into his old ways. She had to do whatever she could to keep that from happening and she was afraid she wouldn't have long enough to do it. Emma felt her hand begin to shake and she tightened her grip on his arm to stop the telltale sign of her impending death.

Emma didn't pause when they reached the ship. She walked right up the gangplank and pulled a reluctant Killian along with her.

"Swan, what if she-"

"Hush. This is between me and her." Emma took a moment to ensure the spell was still in place to keep the noise from waking Belle. "All right. Listen up, boat."

"She's a ship," Killian muttered reflexively.

"Nope. Your boat is messing with my boyfriend and we're gonna have words."

Killian smiled, covering his mouth to hide it from... her, his ship.

Emma narrowed her eyes. "Your captain explained what's going on." She looked around, but there was nothing to see beyond the usual. She felt a little silly, but she pushed through it. "You're ticked that I left you out of the loop. Well, guess what. Now I'm mad, too. Killian means everything to me. I went to the Underworld to get him back and today you almost killed him." The ship rolled with the waves, her planks groaning with the movement. "We both want the same thing. We want to protect him and we want to make him happy. I'm sorry you weren't with us on the rescue mission, but it wasn't possible. The entrances to the Underworld don't work that way. And... I couldn't get him back anyway. It took more than both of us to save him and I just have to be grateful he's back and you should be, too. He loves us both. So... quit trying to brain him or change him to get him away from me. We should both just be thankful for what we have… for as long as we're allowed to have it."

Emma refused to allow any tears to fall. She hated the thought of leaving Killian behind. They'd only just found each other again. Were a few moments of peace, a bit of time to love and be loved, too much to ask?

"And just so you know, if you ever try anything like that again, I will sell you to the first scrapyard I can find. Got it?"

Killian laughed outright at that. "Excellent, love. She's always appreciated a good show of force."

"As long as she knows I'm not kidding."

Killian paused for a moment, and Emma guessed he was "listening" to the ship. "She knows."

"Good."

Killian looked around behind him and finally seemed to find what he was looking for. He bent over and stood back up, already settling his hook back in his brace. Emma had forgotten that she'd thrown it behind her earlier. Killian sighed deeply once it was done and his shoulders sagged, exhaustion plain on his face. He sank down on the deck and leaned back against the side of the ship. He patted the planks next to him and Emma lowered herself to sit beside him. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

For several minutes, they simply remained as they were, listening to the sounds of the ship and the breeze and the water. He brushed his hand over her hair, his fingers tangling in her long tresses and finally she realized he was brushing his fingers over her scalp where he'd hit her with the glass dish.

"Are you truly all right, love?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine. Really."

"Will you forgive me?"

Emma did her best not to roll her eyes. "There's nothing to forgive."

"Emma, please," he whispered, and she could hear how badly it hurt him that he had hurt her.

"Yes, I forgive you," she replied. "Of course, I forgive you." She turned slightly. "Killian, you had no idea who I was and you felt cornered and threatened. I'd have done the same thing." She offered him a tired smile. "I'm pretty sure I did, as a matter of fact."

He was not going to be mollified. "It's no excuse."

Emma sighed impatiently. "Will it make you feel better if I threaten to castrate you if you ever do anything like that again?"

Killian's lips twitched in amusement. "Just go ahead and murder me, Swan. I think I'd prefer it."

Emma turned so that she could look at him properly. They were mostly surrounded by darkness, but she could see him dimly in the moonlight and from the lamps still burning from their earlier visit. She studied his face. He looked tired and troubled, but even so, he was as handsome as ever, and she wanted to remember this moment, when he was struggling so hard to be a better man, one who was worthy of her, when in truth he'd been one for so, so long.

"Killian, I know you, darkness and all. And the thing is… I love you. All of you." Emma didn't know how much longer she would be around to tell him and she needed to tell him every chance she got, so he would accept it was true. He'd almost stayed in the Underworld because of his guilt and doubts and she needed him to believe. "It's ok that you struggle with darkness. The point is that you do, that you keep struggling. No matter what happens. To me," she felt tears threatening and pushed on, "or you or any of us, you keep fighting. I know that when you get something in your stubborn head, you never let it go. So get this stuck in there." She held his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "You're a good man. You've fought to be one and I know you'll fight to stay one. I believe it, but, Killian, I need you to believe it. You wouldn't be this upset about what happened if you weren't."

"Swan, I want to believe it."

"But..."

"But then I close my eyes and I remember the things I've done. I remember what I'm capable of doing. I remember..."

"It's good you remember. It reminds you not to do it again," she said gently.

"I can't exactly murder my father again, so we're safe on that at least," he replied bitterly.

"Hey," she said more pointedly. "I said it was good to remember, not to dwell. Just... Remember what that darkness does... where it leads you."

"Aye, Swan, I know."

He sighed and he sounded so, so tired that Emma released his face and pulled him closer. She placed a chaste kiss on his forehead and then tugged on him until he leaned into her, his head resting against hers.

The boards underneath her were hard and becoming more uncomfortable by the minute, but she didn't want to move. She wanted to stay right where she was, beside Killian, for as long as she could.

"This is nice," she said after a few minutes.

"I could do without the emotional trauma, myself," Killian replied, but there was a hint of amusement in his tone.

"I'll take what I can get." Emma squeezed his shoulder. "It seems to be the only way we get some alone time."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, love."

Her immediate thought was "crash and burn," but she decided to go with something more hopeful. "I like to think you'll be fine. You'll help Henry. He'll help you."

"Swan?" he said, definite concern in his voice.

"Just worries," she said offhandedly. "With the way we live, I can't help it. I mean... how many times have you died on me now? It's not a stretch to think my number could be up next."

"Point taken, Swan," he said, sounding even more troubled than before. "Doesn't mean I like to think on it."

"Then don't," she replied. She wished she had that luxury. "Not going to happen." She put all the confidence she could muster into her tone.

It wasn't going to happen. She would make sure of it. She would take care of it and she'd never have to worry anyone with her visions. She'd never have to worry about Killian going off the rails after her death, or Henry being left behind again, or her parents, or…

"You're brooding, love," Killian murmured. He placed a kiss against her temple. "That's a job for reformed ne'er-do-wells."

"Been a rough night," she sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said, recrimination once again appearing. "That's my doing. I..."

"Shhh…" She brushed her fingers over his cheek. "We're ok."

He didn't respond and she wished she knew what he was thinking. It didn't matter though. They would get through this like everything else.

"It's late," Emma whispered. "You should try to get some sleep while you can. Never know what might pop up tomorrow."

Killian nodded his head, bumping hers slightly. "Too right, love. You should rest as well. You've been chasing after my sorry self all day and night."

"You are pretty quick on your feet for a senior citizen," she quipped.

Killian smirked. "Bad form to taunt your elders, Swan."

Emma stood and held out her hand to help him rise. He took it and let her pull him to his feet. He used the opportunity to drag her closer and kiss her. It was no chaste kiss this time. He was all pirate, bent on plunder and she was ripe for pillaging.

"I love you, Emma Swan."

She was tempted to ask him to go back to the house with her, but again she worried the sight of the broken glass would ruin any progress she'd made. They had plenty of time. She would make sure of it and they would make love on that sofa, over and over, until he forgot anything unpleasant had ever happened in that room.

"I love you, too," she said, kissing him again, a lighter, less demanding buss this time. "Tell you what… meet me at Granny's in the morning? We can have breakfast."

"Aye, love. More untold stories to deal with, I imagine…"

She laughed. "A savior's work is never done."

"I'll try not to be the one causing it this time." He smiled, and for the first time, it was closer to his real smile, a definite step in the right direction.

"Goodnight, love," he said, his hand warm as he brushed it along her arm.

Emma flicked her hand and removed the spell blocking the noise from those below deck. Her pirate definitely needed to be soothed by the sounds of the sea if he was going to sleep tonight.

"Goodnight."

One of these days, she was going to have the nerve to ask him home and to make it theirs instead of just hers. Her walls and worries still had her balking, but the need to ask… it was building up inside her.

She was going to have to talk to someone first, though. Not Henry. She could tell he was wondering why she hadn't asked already. No, Emma needed to have a chat with the Jolly Roger, just a pleasant, very one-sided conversation between Killian's two lady loves. She didn't want any more misunderstandings when her captain decided to change quarters.

They both loved him. They would figure it out.

And if something happened to Emma… She was going to have to rely on his other lady to help soothe him. They'd have a talk about that, too. Emma wasn't leaving anything to chance this time.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. Been a pleasure.