Part two. Chapter one.

"Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us."

― David Richo

The other day, I found myself flicking through the old e-mails that me and Alfred exchanged through our time in college and university, and smiling. Although, when the boy himself walked in on me when I was grinning like an idiot, glaring down at the computer screen, he cocked his head to the side and asked "are you watching porn or something?"

I threw a rolled up magazine at him.

The reason I like reading over those messages, I suppose, is because it reminds me that, no matter how much I had thought I had lost the boy, again, he still kept bounding back to me. I can't lie to you all and tell you what you want, that on the day he left to go to America I ran to the airport and pulled him into a kiss, whispering a demand that he should never leave my side, because how cliché would that be?

No, no, on the day he left for America I was at college, getting my introduction to the world of psychology. Plus, even if I did do that, I'm pretty sure I would have wimped out of it the moment I saw him. So, yeah, no big heroic love confession on my side, and don't expect there to be one later on. Like I said, too, he had stopped talking to me after the little incident that made me fall hook line and sinker for the boy.

It would have been to simple for me too have gone to his house and ask to speak to him, because that's just not how humans work. If we feel as if we are not wanted, we do not push our luck, because no matter how brave we seem to be, we're all terrified of what will happen, what's in that black abyss we call the unknown? What would happen if we just reach in there, and take a look around?

Probably nothing, but I was never one to risk it.

Instead, I just sat at home all through our holidays, rocking back and forth like a mad man with my phone clutched in my hand- maybe I'm exaggerating it, since I have a perfect mental health- wondering if he was okay, if he was still eating, if he still looked at the knives and strayed away from them because of... me.

There's nothing else to say really, so let me tell you about the first time I opened my e-mail to see a message sent by an address I did not recognise.

From: You're-hero

Hey man, wazzup? :D

The first thing I noticed, was whoever they were -somehow, I couldn't quite figure it out, I must have been more naive than I like to think- had used improper grammar in their E-mail address. Unless, they wanted to actually say 'you are hero' which makes little sense, what they should have wrote was 'your-hero', but whatever, that was just one of my pet peeves that I never quite got over.

Second, they were talking to me as if they knew me, which caught me off guard, since I had all my contacts memorized in the little safe in my head, and this one was not familiar. So, in the middle of my sociology class, I typed my reply.

To: you're-hero

From: the-gentleman-Arthur

Do I know you?

Which got a reply almost instantly.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Awe man, don't pretend you forgot me already, I only left last month! :P

To: you're-hero

Alfred? Is that you?

At the time, I had been writing an essay which had been due in at the end of that week, I had been pretty determined to finish it on time, and had only opened my emails to receive a reference Gilbert had claimed to have sent me (he hadn't).

But when it clicked, when I realised who it was, my heart beat had become distractingly fast and my palms had become sweaty. The text I had been writing for the essay, had an unfinished sentence, and all I could think to do was watch that little line as it blinked beside the words I had typed a moment previous.

A rush of bitter sweet rage had washed over me, I wasn't thrilled that he had e-mailed me, I was pissed that he had the nerve to do so after ignoring me, once again, for such a long time.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

You got it Artie! S'me! The one and only hero!

To: you're-hero

Oh, yes, hero indeed. Excuse me Alfred, but I am busy at the moment.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Too busy to talk to me? Eh?

To: you're-hero

Shockingly, yes. And if you do not explain to me why you didn't tell me that you were moving to America, I will continue to be busy whenever you e-mail me.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Oh, so you're mad at me?

To: you're-hero

One could say so, yes.

I sit back in my seat, frustrated that I couldn't concentrate on my work with this new information in my mind, the thumping of my heart against my ribs, and then, another e-mail, and I immediately jump forward to see what it said.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

I'm sorry, Artie.

It's just, because I got excluded, ma' said that I couldn't talk to you anymore. She didn't let me go anywhere until we got to America, took away my phone, too... I only just got it back. I mean, I knew that she'd forgive me an' shit, but you know, it really did suck not being able to say goodbye.

I should have been a rebel and snuck out at night to see you, shouldn't I? Haha, Imagine how pissed off mum would have gotten though XD

Anyway, I know that doesn't excuse me much but, I hope you forgive me! Cause' you know, I'm super popular in America and everything but... well, there's nobody like you there. Still, I get if you're pissed off, I would be too.

To: you're-hero

You are a bloody moron, you know that? Of course I forgive you, since your exclusion was my fault, your mother had the right to do what she did. It sounds quite harsh, though; did you not explain why you started the fight?

Speaking of the fight, I also want to let you know that it did indeed help; no body went near me after that day. That said, I really wish you wouldn't have gone to such an extent for me. I did not ask for your help because I didn't want anything to happen to you, how exactly you overpowered so many people while returning with nothing but a bloody nose and a few scratches I will never know.

Really though, do you not understand how you demolished everything you spent your high school life working up to?

I do forgive you Alfred, but I also think you're a complete Wanker sometimes.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Aw shucks Artie, you sure know how to make a boy feel special. Is calling me a moron your way of saying 'I forgive you Alfred never leave me again oh-so-amazing hero!', cause that's what it sounds like!

Right, where to start. My exclusion was NOT your fault, I was the one who choose to go and teach a lesson to those little shits, you really do need to allow yourself to be helped sometimes Artie. Jesus man, if I hadn't of done that, they could still be targeting you, so be grateful instead of feeling guilty will ya? :D

I did explain it all to my mum, but... I don't think I worded it correctly, heh.

They were easy to beat. They were scared of me, if you actually tried fighting back I'm sure you would have been able to win. Or not, I dunno. Anyway, there was one of them, I think it was Ivan, who managed to get a good few punches in when I was least expecting it, but the hero always prevails! Hahaha XD

You mean my popularity? Dude I don't give a flying fuck about that anymore. Why do ya think I started hanging round with you and Gilbert at dinner times? Because I realised how my 'friends' were complete assholes! Woo! Took me long enough XD

If I'm a wanker, what does that make you? King of masturbation? I'm friends with royalty! ;)

To: You're-hero

Oh haha, hilarious Alfred. I'm glad to see you're feeling well enough to mock me, next time I won't forgive you, see how you like that hmm? But you do speak some truth; I guess, just take out the 'oh-so-amazing hero' part and replace it with 'asshole'.

Since when did you get deep and meaningful? I'm truly touched that you think of it that way, but I'm afraid I can't help but feel guilty since I was indeed the one who caused this whole mess. I should have just gone to tell a teacher, or something along those lines, but I allowed my pride to get in the way. So, whether or not you're willing to except it, you have my whole hearted apology.

I do, although, feel grateful, so do not miss understand me. I just wish I could have handled the situation without dragging you into it.

What do you mean you don't think you worded it correctly? How did you word it, Alfred?

I do not agree when you say I could beat them, trust me, I tried. But you always did have abnormal strength, even as a child. There was that one time when you picked up a lad four years older than you, just because he bet that you couldn't, do you remember that? I was pretty awe struck at the time, I think I got you to give me a piggy back on the way back home. Slightly humiliating to think of that now, but oh well.

I do think you're right when saying the hero always prevails, though, even if calling yourself hero is very egocentric. In this situation I suppose you were actually the hero who saved the day, but don't let me saying that get to your head.

You're bloody right it took you long enough, I suppose that means you're not putting on that dumb act you always had in your college? If so, I'm happy. Being yourself, rather than 'golden boy' will earn you less friends, yes, but the friends you do get will be the ones who support you through anything and everything. Those friends are the most valuable.

And piss off. Seriously, king of masturbation? How crude do you get Alfred?

I'm supposed to be doing my work right now... I suppose that can wait till later.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Haha! Oh Arthur, you're making me blush ;) So you really care for me that much eh? Well I guess I am pretty damn lovable! Right? I know I'm hilarious, too, no need to state the obvious.

I've always been deep and meaningful! It's just you don't relies it because you're too busy being all well and proper and boooorrrinngggg.

You honestly do not need to feel any guilt, it's not like you asked me to go off in a little tantrum and do it XD you did not cause the whole mess at all. Stop being stupid, you're supposed to be the smart one! You got straight A's didn't you? And here you are, feeling guilty because somebody went ahead and took your problem into their hands WILLINGLY. Geez, it's like you've never been helped before.

I'm glad that you at least have the sense to feel grateful.

Oh, uh, when she asked me why I 'hurt those poor boys' I just scowled and said they hurt you and what goes around comes around, and then sulked off into my room... Maybe I should of handled it a bit better, who knows? XD

I do remember giving you a piggy back ride home, but not picking anybody up. Are you sure you're not just so embarrassed about the memory that you had to create a reason for it? Haha XD didn't you fall asleep on my back or something? I remember you falling asleep on my back, dude. Funny how you left that out, isn't it? Haha

Hell yes I was a hero! Finally you admit it! If my damsel- that's you by the way- is ever in distress I shall rescue her within moments! Because I am the most heroic hero of all time!

I'm not making the mistake of befriending a load off butt-faces again. I have made a few good friends, mainly a Japanese boy called Kiku, he's all quiet and stuff but when you get him talking about something he's passionate about he can talk your face off. I get what you mean, too, it's a lot better having fewer people to talk to, feels less isolated in a way.

But you're my best friend! So don't think I've replaced you Artie! He he

I'm not crude, you're the one who called me a wanker, thought you were a gentleman? Do I need to wash your mouth out with soap young man?

Dont worry, I'm supposed to be getting ready to go college but I'm just sat at my computer in my undies XD

To: you're-hero

Oh don't get too happy, of course I care for you but that doesn't mean anything big. I care about Gilbert too, you don't see him getting all giddy about it. You are definitely not lovable, Alfred, sorry to burst your bubble, you're absolutely irritating and I have no idea why I like you so much. It really is a mystery that will go unsolved for years to come.

I don't see how being proper is an insult, so I should probably thank you for the compliment. Boring as I may be, I still have you as a friend, so I can't be that bad, right?

Fighting about this will get us nowhere, Alfred, just accept the fact that I feel guilty because it's not going to change. I may not have asked you to do it, but I didn't ask you not to, either. So no matter how you look at it, it was my fault to some extent. It's not like my guilt is hurting anybody, so why make such a big deal about it?

Well I'd be stupid not to be thankful, its thanks to you that I'm no longer walking around slathered in the palest foundation I could find. That is a feat, if nothing else.

Forgive me, but I think I'm not your mother's biggest fan. Calling them poor boys? Even if you didn't give the best explanation, she should have understood they did something that made you rebel against them. Also, you are quite right for saying what goes around comes around, so I commend you for that.

No you definitely did pick somebody up, it escapes my brain who, but you did. They bet you about ten pounds for it, so you were bragging about it for days afterword.

I left that out because it was not relevant! It had been a long day, so what if I fell asleep? Your back must have been comfortable.

Didn't I say not to let it go to your head? I am in no way and never will be your 'damsel' so you better go find a new one. Not your new friend Kiku either, by the sounds of it he's a nice lad and I don't want you bothering him with any of your extended fantasies. And why must you refer to me as 'her?' playing gender roles there, are we Alfred? Not very heroic of you.

I received a few odd looks by laughing at loud after reading 'butt-faces', so thank you for that. I'm glad you're making close friends, I've not made many myself, since Gilbert and Francis both go to the same college as me I haven't had the need to. But you have always been an attention magnet, so it doesn't surprise me how quickly you've befriended people.

I'm your best friend? Oh, well how flattering of you. I'd never thought for a second that you would replace me, because there's nothing really to be replaced is there? I do return the statement though; I could never replace such a little ball of energy now, could I?

Excuse you; I don't need my mouth washed out at all! When need be, I shall not swear, but since you insist on being a prick I cannot help but show my potty mouth.

Get dressed Alfred, at the very least.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Kiku told me a word for people like you. Tsundere, I think it was, it means somebody who's all mean and cold but secretly cute and sweet on the inside. You're denial is just so plain obvious it hurts, one minute you want me to never leave you again and the next I'm 'absolutely irritating', which one is it Artie, huuuhhhhh?

Thats right! I make up for every little bit of boringness you have! That's why you need me! I am the source of anything that makes you interesting.

I'm sorry if I'm going on about it too much, I just really don't like the idea of you feeling guilty for something I did. It really isn't your fault; I wouldn't lie to you about that, Artie.

So you don't wear makeup on a daily basis huh? Sucks, I was imagining you applying bright pink eye shadow and lipstick in your spare time because it made you feel pretty, oh so pretty.

I forgive you, dude, my mother hasn't been the nicest person lately. It really confuses me, too, after what I did for her. I mean, it's a given that if a family member is going through something like that, you have to trade, but still, I don't mean to sound like an asshole here, but it seems all she's done is give me shit for it. Like, she thinks I beat them up for fun, because of my deficiency. That kinda gets on my nerves, you know?

What goes around does come back around, it's a given, nothing more to say. I guess with how nice you've been to me- as nice as a grumpy Briton can get anyway- you're gonna have something awesome happen to you! Can't wait can you? He he.

Sounds like me, but whatever, s'not really important whether or not I picked a random person up anyways. What matters is- YOU FELL ASLEEP ON MY BACK! Aw, imagine that happening now? The amount of beating off you I would get for it? XD my back is like the most comfortable thing ever, my cat always sits there when I'm asleep, scares the shit outa me when I wake up though.

I didn't let it go to my head! I just stated the truth, I am the most heroic hero of all time and you can't prove otherwise!

If you're not my damsel, what are you? My side kick? Oh yeah that would be super frickin' cool! You could use your cooking as a weapon!

I have you know the definition- as Google tells me- of a damsel is 'a young unmarried woman', there for by logics you are a girl. Sorry Artie, can't fight with Google now, can we?

I just had the mental image of you snorting at the computer and then going into a giggle fit XD your welcome brah!

You should talk to new people, who knows, maybe you'll find somebody you liiikkkee ;)

Heck yeah your my bestie! Bffs for life! What do you mean there's nothing to be replaced? If we stopped talking again I'd be like 'oh noooooo' and then go on the hunt for the nearest moody teenager who looked like they should have been born in the 50's. Not that any would turn out to be as awesome as you though. And I would crryyy if you replaced me bro! I would be rolling around on the floor sobbing my eyes out! So you better not! XD

Well, if I'm a prick, at least I'm a heroic, handsome, super cool prick.

I'll put my pants on if you do some work! :P

To: you're-hero

So you think I'm cute huh? Nice to know.

You're irritating, and that's why it's so annoying that I couldn't live without you. Happy? Tsundere enough for you? I mean god, Alfred, that term is used mainly for bloody cutesy anime girls who like to beat the crap out of their loved ones. Look up the context of your words before you use them.

Oh, yes, I'm sure you are my very source of entertainment.

I suppose you wouldn't lie about something about that, we must both just view the situation on parallels. Well, can't be helped now.

My deepest apologies, but I am in no means a cross dresser. But I am pretty.

Of course it gets on your nerves, but to be fair, she probably doesn't know much about trades other that what was printed out on a flimsy leaflet for her. I know quite a lot about the trades, because my brother explained it to me in a large amount of detail. It does not make you mentally disabled, or make you go off in any type off temper tantrum, it just makes you more... vulnerable to the world around you, forgive my wording. People seem to get it mixed up with instant depression, or something with autistic like symptoms, and it's not. It's a condition moulded to the world around you.

Schools really need to teach children more about it, maybe then it wouldn't be looked upon as a disability, but rather a battle wound? Hm.

I have not treated you with anymore or any less kindness than that you disserve. But yes, if some good was to go my way I would be truly grateful.

Why is my falling asleep on your back such a big deal? We were bloody five or something; it was completely normal behaviour back then! I would not let you give me a piggy back these days, so if you were to give me one it would be because you gave me one with force, so of course I would be inclined to hit you a couple of times. Just to be on the safe side.

I am not being your side kick either Alfred. And I am not a bloody girl.

I did not snort or get into a 'giggle fit', I just laughed out loud. A completely normal laugh which would come from any remotely normal human being.

What's with the winking face? What do you mean somebody I like? I have people I like perfectly already.

Firstly I would like to say that 'bff' means best friend forever. So the sentence best friend forever for life makes no sense you dolt.

Secondly, I doubt my absence would have that much of an effect on you, but if it did I'm sure your new friends would support you through it. Moody teenagers aren't actually that rare, you know?

As long as you admit you're a prick, that's good enough for me.

I am, actually, doing my work. Get dressed before I come to America and make you.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Oh yes Artie.

You are the cutest damn thing that ever roamed the earth,

I just want to pinch your cheeks you're so kawai.

To: You're hero:

Piss off you asshole

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

Ahahaha XD

Okay, so, back to the original e-mail huh?

Yes that was more than enough Tsundere for me bro. You define it as 'cutesy anime girl who like to kick the crap out of their loved ones'. By that definition, I can prove you are the biggest Tsundere ever.

We already know you're cute, I just made that clear, but I can also quote some of your own words, 'I am pretty though,' you said.

As for kicking the crap out of their love ones? SUCK IT! 'so of course I would be inclined to hit you a couple of times. Just to be on the safe side.' HYPOCRITE MUCH? XD

Also, I have you know it that it can also be guys who are Tsundere, and since you classify yourself as 'not a girl', this is critical that Tsundere can be either gender.

There you have it. Owned brudda.

Onto the more serious topic, I agree with you 100%. Though I do not like to admit it, this whole trade thing has actually made me more vulnerable to everything. Mum doesn't understand that, she thinks it's just made me a full on emo that will punch anything that gets in my way, why doesn't anyone know anything about the trades? It's not exactly taboo is it? I've actually seen the leaflet they give to parents of children with a deficiency, its literally called 'how to deal with the new side of your child,' What the fuck is that shit? There is no 'new' side to me, and I'm sure you'll agree.

Battle wounds, huh? I kinda like that.

You do deserve some good, Artie, all you do is work hard and its like you never get anything back. Well, thats how it is, isn't it? The hard workers in our world are treated like shit. If I won the lottery, I would sure as hell give you half of it, maybe even more. I was treated like the royalty of school, and for what? Having shit grades and looking down upon people like you? This worlds messed up.

The 'winking face' ;) was there because I didn't mean just like, as a friend, I meant like-like. When you get a boyfriend, you have to tell me man, so I can message the dude telling him if he hurts you he'll get a rather harsh beating from moi... not that I have anger problems or anything XD

A big heap of nope going your way Artie! I'm not just your friend because you're moody! Geezzzzzz, like you said, most teenagers are fucking moody! Stop pretending that you're replicable asshole .

So you agree that i'm heroic, handsome and super cool?

You will? Come on then, I'll see you in five minutes XD

To: You're hero:

...

How did you not get full marks on your English exam? What a throughout analysis.

Fine. I'm a Tsundere. Whatever you say smart ass.

On to what you called the 'serious topic', I do and I don't agree with you there, Alfred. I know that you have always had this side to you, but you never really showed it until after the trade. And then there's the part of you that... I'm not going into detail, but you should know what I mean.

You should speak to your mother, explain all of this to her.

Thank you for saying I deserve good, but so do you. Yes, you may have not been the most approachable person in the world back then, but you can't say you didn't to a whole 180 in the right direction. Your grades ended up being some of the best in our year, and you achieved that in such a small time period. I don't think I could have achieved that in my wildest dreams. And as well as that, you managed to see through societies idiocies that once blinded you, and instead made some real friends, that is a huge achievement Alfred, and one that disserves a reward.

I actually do not wish to be in a relationship right now, thank-you-very-much. You could say, I already have somebody I 'like-like', but do not wish to pursue the feeling. Even if I did, you would definitely not be threatening them in anyway.

Do I really mean that much to you? Well then, forgive me for thinking I was replicable, you huge dork.

I never said I agreed, Alfred. I just said I was happy as long as you agreed that you were a prick.

And just get bloody dressed damn it, before your mother thinks I'm even worse of an influence.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur

I got an A, I think I lost marks for spelling and shit though.

YOU ADMIT IT! *dances in chair*

Do you mean the part of me that wanted to self harm? I hate to tell you, Artie, but that had been there for a long time before. I just kept it well hidden. So, the trade made more transparent parts of me more visible, I guess.

I have tried talking to ma about it, but she never listens. Oh well, she can view me how she wants to, if it was to happen again I'm sure i would trade my remaining sanity to save her, still.

I suppose you're right, I did turn everything for the better, but the difference is, I got you as my reward :3

My artie likes somebody? THEY GROW UP SO FAST! *glomps*

Okay but if they hurt you I'll break there neck! J

You obviously mean a lot to me, Artie, who knows where I would be right now if I didn't have you as a friend? I'd probably have cut up arms and still be reaching to be a popular kid. Ugh, I hate to think of it. And I'd be a skinny bastard, with shitty grades. It's not really hard to relies I've relied on you a bit too much, so really Arthur, you deserve something awesome.

I take that as you agreeing.

So you're not gonna come to America and dress me? Shame XD finneeeeeee, I'll get dressed

To: you're hero

Well off course you'd lose marks for spelling and grammar, you put the wrong 'your' into your email for goodness sake.

Shut up about the damn Tsundere thing now would you, Jesus.

Really? Oh Alfred, you should have told somebody. Even if those urges aren't too strong, having somebody to help you through it really would have been a huge benefit to you. I mean, to a point I'm glad it was me who got to help you, but still, whenever you feel like that tell anybody you trust, not just me. I'm not the only person who can help you. If you don't mind me asking, though, what made you feel like that?

I'm your reward? Oh come on now, that's just plain cheesy.

I'm not even going to comment on the 'they grow up so fast' thing, but trust me, the person I like would not hurt me. I know that for sure. So you're not breaking anybodies neck.

And I'm not going to comment about how that paragraph made me smile like an idiot. You would not be all those things you described, I'm not that much of a miracle worker, but I am glad you think like that.

Right, I have to go now Alfred, have fun getting dressed.

To: The-gentleman-Arthur
Oh shit. Well, you're hero makes sense right? ….right? Meh.

I shall never shut up about your Tsundere side, it is my joy in life.
I didn't really have a reason. Just one day, I realised that, even though I was this really respected guy at school with tons of friends, I didn't actually mean anything to anyone… I put that a little weird, there are so many people on this earth and I'm just one of them, and the people I know don't even amount to 0.01% of this worlds population. I realised I had nothing that made me important and… my motivation dropped. I started feeling lonely in that massive group of friends I had, and I looked down at my work like 'what is this? Why should I do this if I'm just going to die one day?'… I don't know if it makes sense, but there's my answer.

I don't care if its cheesy, its true!

If they wont hurt you why don't you confess? If you trust them so much, would they really look at you any differently? Even if they don't return your feelings, which I'm sure they do! But hey, even if they don't, I'm sure they'll stay friends with you.

Dude, making you smile like an idiot made me smile like an idiot, god damn you.

I would be all those things, do you not realise? You stopped me self harming, you stopped me starving myself and you helped me study. I don't give a crap what you say, this isn't me trying to make you feel good about yourself, its me telling you the truth. Okay?

Oh yes, I'll have so much fun getting dressed. See ya Artie! ^^

Okayyy, thank you to that girlinthecornerfangirling (I love your user name oh my gosh) and 5leafed clover for following and favoriting!

and to my anon who names them self 'honhonhon' (france wth you doing here) ...DONT KILL ME THOUGH I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU WANT ME TO FIX BUT I'LL FIX IT GOSH. I'm not THAT great of a writer, geez I've got a hell of a lot to go before I become an amazing writer, but thank you anyway, because you made my day mr/miss honhonhon.

not all chapters in part two are going to be like this, so dont worry if you dont like this style. Next chapter may take a while because... darn I'm coming over with some hardcore writers block. Urm... please can I get a review? Just a little push to help me write is all... only if you want to though! :)

I'll see you next time! my aim is sunday, so hopefully I can get it done!