A/N: this is based off of Mcr's "The black parade" Album. It is a Supernatural fic tho and it is not a song fic. Hope you all enjoy!
A/N 2: this is set sometime in the earlier seasons of Supernatural, after John's death but before the Lilith stuff.
Chapter 1: The End
Dean Winchester had a problem with self-loathing. He had for as long as he could remember. It didn't matter how many people he saved or how many orders he followed, he was never good enough. Every day he looked in the mirror and hated what was staring back at him. Of course, he would never tell anyone that. He was no whiney bitch and he would not cause any chick flick moments. So, he kept all off it to himself. He kept everything to himself.
Lately, Dean hadn't been feeling much like himself. He felt, off. He was tired all the time, had a significant loss of appetite, developed a strange cough and had random dizzy spells. He wrote it off as an occupational hazard, he was just tried from the job. Of course, that's what it had to be. The best way to deal with things is to just pretend like they aren't happening. And so that's what he did, until he couldn't anymore…
Now, Dean thought that he had Sam fooled. He thought Sam didn't notice the times he had to hold on to a doorframe or a countertop for stability. He thought that his little brother didn't know that he went days without eating because he didn't think his stomach could handle it. Dean was wrong. Of course Sam noticed. Sam had been shadowing Dean, following him around and idolizing him for his entire life. Any time something was off, the youngest Winchester noticed.
Sam didn't bring up Dean's…condition either. He knew better. As soon as expressed any form of concern for his older brother, he would deny anything and everything and change the subject as soon as possible. But that's not to say he wasn't concerned. He was worried out of his mind about Dean. But there was nothing he could do for him. All he could do was keep asking Dean if he was alright and try to get him, to talk about it of his own free will. Of course, that didn't happen. Dean just kept playing it off as nothing until one day in Indiana.
The day started like any other. Dean woke up in the cheap motel room pleased to find himself hungry. He looked over and saw the mass of blankets and pillows that was his sleeping brother.
In one swift movement he picked up a pillow from behind him and chucked it at Sam.
Sam shot straight up and glared at Dean. " What was that for?"
"I'm hungry, let's go eat." And with that, Dean got up and went into the bathroom to get ready.
While Sam was irritated about the not so pleasant wakeup call, he wasn't at all angry. Dean appeared to be feeling pretty good today and whenever that happened Sam was more than happy to go along with whatever Dean wanted to do.
In 15 minutes time the brothers were inside a little 50's style diner chowing down on some greasy eggs and bacon.
"Dude, this is freakin' amazing!" Dean said as he took another big forkful of scrambled eggs.
Sam chuckled . "Yeah, it's decent."
When they had finished finished eating they got up to leave the restaurant. As soon as Dean stood up, he went visibly pale.
"Dean..."
"I…I don't feel very well" said Dean.
Then he collapsed.
"DEAN!" Sam shouted, running to the eldest Winchester side. He Dean was completely unconscious.
"Someone call 9-1-1!" Sam shouted frantically.
Before Sam knew it, he was riding in the back of an ambulance with his big brother. He answered all of the questions the paramedics had and told them about how dean had been ill lately.
"And how long has that been going on for?" asked one of the paramedics. He was tall and lean. He looked to be somewhere in his mid thirties, not much older than the brothers.
"About a month and a half. Some days are better than others. He's never passed out before though."
The EMT nodded and continued to tend to Dean.
The ride to the hospital felt like an eternity to Sam. Finally, the pulled up to the big white building. Dean was quickly rushed out of the ambulance and into the hospital. Sam wasn't far behind. He followed the gurney that contained his brother as far as he could but ultimately, was stopped and made to sit in the waiting room.
Sam had been to enough hospitals to know that arguing with the nurses about staying with his brother did nothing but cause a scene. So, he did as he was told and took a seat in one of the plastic chairs in the hallway.
The waiting was always the worst part. Not knowing, not being able to do anything. He figured that he should probably give Bobby a call to let him know what was going on. It was only fair as he would want Bobby to do the same for him.
The phone only rang twice before it was picked up ,followed by the gruff voice of the older hunter.
"Hello?"
"Hey Bobby, it's Sam."
"Oh, hey son, everything alright?"
"Actually…no. That's why I called…" Sam paused, trying to figure out how to say it. Damn he hated making these phone calls.
"What is it? Are you boys alright?" asked Bobby, concern evident in his voice.
"Well…not exactly…See, we're in Indiana working a case and this morning after breakfast, Dean…he collapsed. He hasn't been feeling well lately. I'm at the hospital waiting for word on how he's doing."
There was a brief silence on the other end of the line.
"Do you want me to come down there with you? I could leave right now and be there in 48 hours or so." It was clear that Bobby was really worried about the eldest Winchester. And why wouldn't he be? The brothers were the closest family he had.
"No, that's not necessary. We're three states away. By the time you get here I'll know what's wrong with Dean. You stay where you are and I'll call you the second I know something."
"Well OK…you take care of him Sam. And I'd better be getting another phone call in the next few hours detailing everything the doctor said." Bobby said firmly.
"Of course. I promise, you'll know the minute I do." Said Sam.
Sam was only left waiting for another hour before a young, attractive nurse came to get him.
"Dean Wright's brother?" She inquired.
"Ya, that's me. Sam." He said, extending his hand to the nurse.
"The doctor is waiting just outside of Dean's room to talk to you." The nurse said with a smile, shaking Sam's hand.
Sam followed the nurse down the long hallway of white. Finally they came to a stop and there, as promised was a man in a long white coat waiting for him.
"Hello, I'm doctor Smith. I've been taking care of your brother."
"Is he OK? Tell me Dean is alright." Sam asked frantically.
"Yes, yes. Your brother is conscious and responsive." The doctor assured him.
"That's fantastic! I have to go see him." Sam turned towards the door. The doctor lightly grabbed his arm.
"Just a moment, there's something I need to talk to you about."
"Alright, no offense or anything but could we make this fast? I really need to see my brother." The youngest Winchester said hastily.
"Dean, we ran some tests on him to try and determine what was wrong with him. We found a mass, in his stomach. I can't be sure of exactly what it is, but it doesn't look good. I'm sorry."
Sam's blood ran cold in his veins. He had suspected something was wrong with Dean, but this? This couldn't be happening.
"No…no. Dean, he's going to be ok. He has to be OK." Sam said, more to himself than then doctor.
Dr. Smith nodded sympathetically. "Why don't you go see your brother?"
Sam nodded in agreement.
Dean was propped up in the hospital bed with the TV remote in his hand. He attempted to push the power button again and again. No matter how many times he pressed it, it wouldn't make the TV come on.
"Need a little help?" Asked Sam entering the room.
"Sammy! Took you long enough." Dean joked.
"How are you feeling?"
"Peachy."
"Dean…" Sam started.
"Honestly, Sam. I know that I've been… a little misleading about the way I've been feeling lately. But I feel good now. I was just, under the weather I guess. I think the worst of it is over." Dean explained.
Sam grimaced internally. The doctor hadn't told him yet.
"Yeah, I sure hope you're right." Sam said quietly.
"What was that?" Dean asked.
"I said yeah, I'm sure you're right." Sam lied, giving him a sad smile.
"Sammy, are you alright?" it was Deans turn to be concerned.
Sam was about to answer when the doctor walked in.
"Hello again Mr. Wright. I'm here to take you to do a biopsy. We found some abnormalities in your system. I need to do additional tests." The doctor explained.
"Abnormalities? What do you mean?" asked Dean. He wouldn't admit it but he was starting to get freaked out.
"Well, we found a mass in your stomach."
Dean didn't know what to say. Not many things scared Dean Winchester but hearing that shook him.
"Oh." Dean said simply.
Another few hours had passed. They had successfully performed the biopsy on Dean and brought him back to his room where he and Sam waited. Neither of them spoke. They both knew what the other was thinking.
Finally, the doctor came in.
"Hello Mr. Wright. I have the biopsy results back and I'm sorry to say they aren't good."
The Winchester brothers breath stopped short. Both of them knee that whatever came out of the doctors mouth next could spell the end for the eldest Winchester. Neither one of them were prepared, but then, one is never prepared to hear bad news. And bad news it was. One word. One word to permanently alter the lives of the Winchesters.
Cholangiocarcinoma.