Cass
July 5th, 1984
"So you got 99% on the year end test, Cassius," Uncle Bernie said, pacing back and forth. Ever since Grade 7 had ended, he'd been reminding me before I ate breakfast, before lunch, before I did anything, really.
"It's not that bad of a mark," I said. Ninety-nine percent was close to a hundred. Besides, I studied really hard for that test, like I did with all of my tests. I still remember drinking Coke and coffee to keep myself awake because I would be studying until two a.m. just to avoid failing. I'd be doing that until I graduated from university. Some days, I would be so stressed about failing a test that I'd forget to eat breakfast, or maybe even lunch. Some days, I'd spend so much time studying that I would go a full day without eating anything at all. Looking back, these things were not really good for my health. Neither was smoking.
"It's not 100%! And anything below 100% is failure!" he snapped, waving his hands. "Cassius, you failed the test. You are such a disappointment to this family. For that alone, you are grounded for the rest of the summer. And for shaming us nearly as badly as your mother did, you have to stay in your bedroom and do mathematics all day. From when you wake up to when you go to bed. And I will be checking to see if you are doing something." I remember Uncle Bernie leaning in close to me. "Teachers pamper you kids too much these days. They let you have recess! Recess! And they don't spank you like they did before." Uncle Bernie leaned in even more closer to me. "There is going to be no break from studying for you, young man. I will not hesitate to take away your meals if it means that you will not be a disappointment to this family."
Even now, I wonder how Eloise and I made it through that summer without trying to tie our bedsheets and throw them out the window, then climb down and run to our friends' houses.
Then again, we were intimidated by Aunt Marie and Uncle Bernie.
I lit up the cigarette and took a puff into it.
It was around midnight, and I still felt dizzy from all the math I had to do. I'd only managed to get sleep for three hours before waking up with a severe headache and a case of dizziness. I was still feeling cranky from not having a break to chill, so I thought I'd just light up a cigarette..
I watched the smoke fly out of the cig. It felt as though my anger was the smoke itself, letting go. Smoking that one cigarette just seemed to set me free, and fill me with a sense of calm.
If only I knew there was a better way to deal with my life. Maybe then I wouldn't have gotten Jack, Marco, and Aly into smoking. And then from there, Aly wouldn't have gotten Daria and some other friends they made over the summer into smoking, along with Jack getting Randall to smoke. Marco didn't really influence anybody. Not that it changed the fact that he, as well as the rest of us, did something that wasn't good for us in general.
It had all started that one day in April.