Chapter Two
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
"Yuki! Get away from that man!" a shrill voiced hissed angrily, and the object of Kaneki's rapt attention was suddenly yanked from his view. He turned slowly, feeling oddly frustrated as he watched the girl being dragged away by her mother, stumbling and tripping to keep up with her. The mother casted an angry, yet nervous look behind her shoulder. Kaneki couldn't help but notice as she slowly but surely reached for her pocket and took off faster, her daughter having even greater trouble keeping up.
Shaking his head Kaneki quickly pushed through the crowd and hurried home. He didn't want to be there if the police showed up looking for suspicious persons. He probably looked like he was going to kidnap the girl or something. Which, of course, Kaneki would never think of doing. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something entirely delicious smelling about that girl.
It reminded him of when his mother was still around and cooked for him. She never cooked often, seeing as how she was always so busy but when she did Kaneki always swore up and down that it was the best food he had even had. Whether or not that was true at the time, Kaneki couldn't recall, but somehow everything his mother made tasted amazing even if it was burnt or missing a couple vital ingredients. Perhaps the secret ingredient was 'love'? Or most likely he was a little boy that was so happy that his mother had enough time for him to cook up a couple hamburger steaks that he didn't even notice the burnt edges. Kaneki could admit he was a selfish child, although how, considering what a great example his mother gave him did puzzle him even to this day.
But there was no way that little girl could smell like that. The smell didn't even remind him so much of the food as it did the memory. As pathetic as it sounded, Kaneki had tried several times but was unable to even produce a similar scent with his own cooking. When he saw the little girl, already standing so close, he just wanted to be even closer, to relive the memory somehow. When she was snatched away, he almost wanted to growl in frustration.
Kaneki felt horrid for the scare he probably gave the girl and her mother alike. He should have immediately apologized. But what would he have said? That the girl had smelled so much of lost memories that he had get closer, to violate a stranger's personal space? To breathe it in? No. He would have sounded like a pedophile. The girl's mother would have called the police right there at his perverse words.
And who wouldn't have? Had anyone had said the same to Kaneki he would have felt largely uncomfortable. But why was he suddenly the one filled with strange, almost twisted thoughts? Was it the accident? It would be a complete lie to say that he was feeling himself. If anything he was shaken to the core. Kaneki vaguely wondered if the accident had made the news. With all the ghoul activity the public was almost immune to tragedy. But then again, this was something totally different. There was no ghoul on the hunt, just some faulty cables.
Maybe that's why Kaneki had the hallucination of Rize-chan being a ghoul. He, like the rest of the public, was so used to everything bad stemming from the existence of ghouls that, in the moment, he couldn't imagine a completely random and blameless accident occurring. He had morphed it into something foul in his mind.
Kaneki could immediately feel his cheeks darken in a blush. How could he have let himself belittle the memory of Rize-chan, the victim who had lost her life, in an ill-conceived delusion? To say the date was probably the worst Rize-chan had ever had would be an understatement. Had Kaneki not complained about her silence then they would never had paused in that construction site. They would have kept walking, with conflict never befalling them. Rize-chan would have never talked so quietly that Kaneki had to lean in to hear. She would have never offered to share a secret. She would have never bite down his jugular, ripping his flesh from its home-
What was he even thinking? Rize-chan deserved better in death than this. Better than Kaneki's blatant disregard for reality and better than his inability to accept the truth in its grime and unassuming entirety.
But somehow, when he closed his eyes, all he saw was ruby red eyes and warm blood splattering everywhere.
Before he had even realized it himself, Kaneki was home. He didn't even remember walking through the door. Or digging through his bag for the keys. But there they were, thrown on the coffee table. Sighing at his forgetfulness, he plopped down on the sofa and his thoughts wandered to the little girl again.
Maybe he was just hungry and all the stuff he had previously mused over was just him being dramatic. He hadn't eaten in who knows how long. He couldn't stomach any of the hospital food. He had heard that hospital food was notoriously bad but he was unable to keep any of it down even if he did manage to momentarily swallow it. But being outside and surrounded by all those people had restored his hunger. Yes, it was definitely the hospital's ambiance that had nauseated him.
Thinking back to the fond memory that had plagued him earlier he decided he should make some hamburger steak. Perhaps this time he would finally be able to perfectly recreate the smell. And the thought of eating some meat had his mouth watering.
Pushing off the sofa, he walked to the kitchen, trying to remember the recipe. Thirty minutes later he was molding the beefsteak into a patty with his hands. Breathing in deeply, a putrid scent hit his nose. He froze before slowly raising the meat to his noise and sniffing slightly. He immediately gagged, nose crinkling and dropped the slab of meat reflexively. He was, in no means, fond of smelling raw meat but he was nearly certain it wasn't supposed to smell like that. Had the beefsteak gone bad? Honestly he couldn't remember when he bought it but he had only been in the hospital for a few days and he was normally diligent about keeping his refrigerator clean.
Pinching his nose shut with one hand, he used a paper towel to pick up and clean the mess he had made before pitching the lump of spoiled meat into the trash. He then proceeded to hold both his hands under scalding hot water for several minutes.
When he was satisfied that the wretched scent was no longer clinging to his skin he went to inspect the rest of his food. Kaneki opened the fridge door. Everything looked fine. He hesitantly opened the vegetable drawer, fearing that they had spoiled faster. Everything looked fine in there too. He picked up a stalk of celery and carefully examined it. Taking a daring plunge, he bit off a large chunk.
As soon as the fibrous vegetable touched his tongue he retched, making another mess on the floor. He immediately ran to the faucet and rinsed his mouth with water. The only thing Kaneki could compare the taste with would be grass, slimy and speckled with dirt. No-that's not quite right. He would have been able to stomach that. The celery was so much worse, nothing about what just happened felt right. Irritated, Kaneki dug around in a drawer until he found what he was looking for. Unfolding the black trash bag, he stuffed every perishable thing in his fridge into the bag. When he was content with the work he had done, he slung the bag over his shoulder and took the trash out.
When he got back he calmly retrieved a mop and bucket and cleaned the new mess he had made. Kaneki then pocketed his keys and his wallet and headed out for some fresh food.
After a thorough trip to the grocery store he had two plastic bags full of produce in each hand. He might be a starving college student with a bunch of newly received hospitals bills to pay for, but the whole day had him stressed and worn out and frankly, Kaneki was too hunger to fuss over his finances. In fact, half way home he lost all patience and stopped by a convenience store and purchased a bag of chips. As soon as he exited the store he ripped the bag open and stuffed a handful way too large to be polite into his mouth.
None of it got past his tongue. Instead it ended up on the sidewalk outside the store, along with a gasping, disgusted Kaneki. Several bystanders edged way, unable to keep the repulsed looks off their faces. Flushed red in embarrassment and nausea, Kaneki ran off, barely able to hold on to his groceries. He barely made it two blocks before he had to stop to catch his breath, leaning against the wall of some building and dropping his groceries. Gasping, he struggled not to puke again at the mere thought of the taste of the chips. The bag advertised 'real cheese'. Those had tasted more like spoiled dairy to Kaneki. No, that description was still wrong.
"Awh! Poor boy!" A familiar voice crooned as a pair of hands descended on him and began petting his head in a weird mixture of sympathy, and how you might treat a dog. In a matter of a week, Kaneki had grown from being ecstatic to see his favorite author to rather put out. Takatsuki-san smiled gleefully either way. She somehow always appeared at his worst moments. She was dressed as casually as usual today, with her mess of matcha green hair piled into a bun on the top of her head.
"Good afternoon, Takatsuki-san." Kankei managed between gasps. Takatsuki-san's nose crinkled immediately, and then she rolled her eyes at the groceries around his feet.
"Your breath reeks," Takatsuki announced before she began digging around in a canvas bag she had on her shoulder. Pulling out a can she tossed it a Kaneki who barely managed to catch it. Partially because he was still winded and nauseated. But mostly because he had horrible reflexes.
He looked down at the beverage he had caught. It was a can of black coffee. Did she really think that black coffee would make his breath smell at all better? A normal person would offer a mint. Too tired to argue, he opened the can and brought it to his lips. And for the first time that day, he was met with pure bliss disguised as a strong, bitter beverage. He could barely hold back from chugging the drink.
"Much better, yes?" Takatsuki-san asked, "Now, tell your onee-san what's wrong!"
"I don't really know," Kaneki admitted, "I think I might be sick. Every time I eat something it just comes right back up."
"But you seemed to handle that coffee just fine." Takatsuki-san pointed out, wagging her finger disapprovingly.
"That's true." Kaneki replied, staring down in wonder at the can. "And honestly, unless I'm eating food, I feel perfectly fine."
"Maybe you need a change in diet." Takatsuki suggested lightly, winking at the perplexed boy.
"Really? You think so?" Kaneki inquired, "I've always eaten rather healthy food either way…"
"You know, it's perfectly normal for a person to have a change in taste after a traumatic accident!" Takatsuki revealed happily. "Why, I read this one article about a man that became lactose intolerant after having his wisdom teeth removed."
"I really don't see any correlation between those two events-" Kaneki began doubtfully.
"Shh! Don't speak! Friends are supposed to help each other in their times of need. So your onee-san will come over and make you something to eat." Takatsuki-san declared, hands on her hips. Once again Kaneki was reminded of a time where he would have killed to have Takatsuki-san refer to herself as his friend. "Actually, maybe it's best you come to my place….I have better ingredients." Takatsuki concluded giving the groceries around Kaneki's feet another glare.
Not giving Kaneki anytime to reply, Takatsuki-san swiped two of the discarded grocery bags and took off around a corner, a slight skip in her step. Hurriedly picking up the remaining bags, Kaneki tried to not be left behind. Challenging Kaneki's small reserves of athletic prowess, Takatsuki zoomed off, purposely taking the long route. After circling the block twice and dashing through a small neighborhood park, the pair arrived before a modest sized home squeezed beside two other identical houses.
Kaneki once again let the groceries drop as he bent over, gasping for breath. Takatsuki turned around at the sound of the provisions hitting the floor and gave Kaneki an exaggerated look of concern.
"Are you okay, Kaneki-kun?" Takatsuki-san cooed. Kaneki nodded slightly, although still dripping sweat. Takatsuki-san pulled a set of keys out of her canvas bag and went to work unlocking the door as Kaneki bent down to pick up his bags again. Ushering him in, Takatsuki took the bags out of Kaneki's hands and dropped them off in the kitchen before leading Kaneki to the living room.
"Please do have a seat. I'll go prepare us some coffee." Takatsuki-san welcomed, throwing her hands out and smiling widely. Kaneki watched as Takatsuki took off again. Ignoring her offer, Kaneki instead walked around the room. It was a perfectly normal looking home as far as Kaneki could tell. Maybe a little sparsely decorated, but it looked lived in. The living room had a circle of three full-sized sofas with a coffee table in the center, littered with papers and empty mugs. The only thing Kaneki found to be of actual interest were the ceiling to floor bookshelves lining each wall.
Unable to help himself, Kaneki wandered over to the closest shelf, fondly skimmed the spines of the books. Spotting one of his favorites, Kaneki pulled the book off the shelf. Flipping through the book he noticed it was horribly stained with coffee and the corners of several pages were dog-eared. Feeling weirdly sad for the book, he went to set it back on the shelf when he noticed there was a second row of books hidden behind the first initial row. Grinning slightly at the novelty of it, he replaced the book gently.
"See something you like, Kaneki?" Takatsuki-san asked teasingly. Kaneki jumped back from the bookshelf, feeling like a chided child. He turned to face Takatsuki-san he was standing patiently, holding a steaming cup of coffee out to Kaneki, who happily accepted it. Leaning closer, Takatsuki admired her own bookshelf.
"Have you ever read Frankenstein, Kaneki-kun?" Takatsuki-san inquired, cocking her head slightly.
"Ah, no." Kaneki admitted, "Is it any good?"
"I think you might like it. It's a horror story. It is very popular in the west and was actually originally written in English." Takatsuki-san explained, sliding a small book off the shelf. "To truly appreciate the book or any book really, it should be read in its original script. But the Japanese version is nice, too. Please do read it." Takatsuki pressed the book into Kaneki's hands almost forcibly.
"Thank you." Kaneki looked down at the book. He couldn't very well decline a suggestion from Takatsuki Sen. She might be really eclectic, but she was still an amazing novelist.
"Perhaps, after you finish it, we can discuss it?" Takatsuki suggested, "Maybe your insights will be more impressive than that of my editor."
"I doubt it." Kaneki replied. He was known to spend hours mulling over, and digesting a novel but he was no professional.
"Now! Let's take about that new diet you need!" Takatsuki-san switched gears quickly. "Has gluten even been a problem for you?" Takatsuki lead Kaneki to one of the sofa and not so gently pushed him back into before plopping down next to him and depositing her mug on the coffee table.
"What? Er, no I don't think so," Kaneki mumbled, "I really don't think this is necessary."
"Nonsense. Tell me, have you been craving anything out of the ordinary lately?" Takatsuki asked, off-handedly.
"What?" Kaneki asked, shocked. He couldn't help feel like she had somehow been there to witness what had happened earlier. Even if Kaneki was still unsure what exactly had happened.
"Was that a strange question?" Takatsuki-san asked innocently, squinting her eyes at Kaneki. "Throwing up, strange moods, and weird cravings? Why if I didn't know any better, I would have guessed you had something growing inside of you."
"What moods?" Kaneki questioned irritably, "And we both know I'm not pregnant. That's not even physically possible."
"Pregnant? I never said anything about a baby." Takatsuki admonished, eyes widening dramatically. "And don't think I haven't notice! Why, when I first met you, you were blushing head to toe! Are you tired of me now? Am I old news? Do I no longer excite you like I used to?" Takatsuki cried in false anguish, gesturing wildly with her hands.
"Uh, I'm sorry?" Kaneki apologized questioningly and watched as Takatsuki easily calmed down. It was true that he was no longer quite as star struck, but he didn't expect the airy author to pick up on that. But then again he was surprised when she remembered him from the book signing in the first place.
"I forgive you." Takatsuki nodded. "But we should probably get brainstorming on that new diet of yours. Are you feeling hungry now, Kaneki-kun?"
At her words, Kaneki was made aware of a slight pain in his abdomen. He was hungry. He thought of the groceries he had picked up earlier. He had absolutely no desire to eat any of it. In fact, the idea of it nearly had him gagging again. Instead he thought of the little girl who smelled like home cooking. He wondered; if he showed up on the street corner again, the same time tomorrow, would she be there?
Blinking at the weird thought, Kaneki looked up at Takatsuki who appeared to have been talking for some time now.
"Kaneki-kun, are you listening?" Takatsuki asked earnestly.
"No, sorry. What were you saying again?" Kaneki apologized.
"I was saying that you should try alternative lifestyles." Takatsuki repeated sternly, "You need a change!"
"I don't think so." Kaneki rejected. He had gone through enough life changing circumstances to last the next five life times.
"And why not? Do you have obsessive compulsive disorder? Does the idea of change invoke a fear like no other? Did you parents' divorce while you were young by any chance?" Takatsuki-san prodded, growing more and more excitable with each question.
"No, none of that." Kaneki denied firmly, shaking his head.
"Ah, well I see we're going nowhere. Perhaps we should talk about something else? Just make sure you come back and talk to me if you do ever decide to take that plunge. " Takatsuki implored, taking a moment to pick up her mug and sip the now lukewarm beverage before setting it back down. "Do mind if I bounce some ideas off of you?"
Kaneki nodded eagerly at the prospect of discussing something he could actually follow with some interest.
"I think I would like to write about ghouls." Takatsuki breathed deeply, giving Kaneki a bad attempt at an evil smile. "Of course I can't interview any actual ghouls…where would I even find one? But I do have you!"
"What do you mean by that?" Kaneki asked, suspicious of the author's intentions.
"Just that you're an avid young reader with a fresh mind." Takatsuki-san blinked harmlessly. "So what do you think? About ghouls? Are you scared of them, Kaneki-kun?"
"I suppose it's only natural to be scared," Kaneki swallowed uncomfortably, unable to help it when images of formerly wide gentle eyes filling to the brim with red, and sharp white teeth stained the same color filled his head. "We are mice and they are cats."
"That's an interesting comparison." Takatsuki-san nodded, "A mouse, even if behind a glass wall will squeak if a cat presses up against it."
"Exactly." Kaneki agreed, "It's a natural reaction. People like to think they're above such basic animal instincts. That somehow by wearing shoes and saying 'please' and 'thank you' they are no longer controlled by basic need."
"So, by those standards, ghouls are just following their own nature. They look just like humans but feel no need to pretend. In the end, are ghouls any more at fault than the cat is?" Takatsuki pondered.
Kaneki didn't say anything. What was there to say? To agree seemed like a betrayal to humanity, to scoff at it, even. To disagree would be ignorant.
"I remember when I was a child, my family had a cat," Takatsuki-san began, unprompted. "It was a perfectly normal cat. Naturally it dragged in dead mice all the time. The first time I found one of the cat's discarded preys, I was scared and upset. How could the cuddly cat that spent afternoons curled up in my lap kill another creature? My parents on the other hand had already had to deal with several dead mice. My father got a broom and a dustpan and threw the thing outside. My mother didn't even look up from her book. When I started crying my father told me it was only natural. But on the other hand, my little brother was just as upset as me. He cried and cried and wouldn't come near the cat for two weeks before he caved. From then on he showed as much indifference as my parents."
"So?" Kaneki asked hesitantly.
"So? So what?" Takatsuki-san retorted. "It was a classic case of humans attempting to show sympathy to a creature they think is lesser than them. It's almost like subconsciously they realize that they are in the same position themselves, that to a ghoul, they are the mice. So why should ghouls feels bad for humans, when humans can only feel bad for mice for a few fanciful moments? It's the same thing isn't it?"
Fake Rize-chan; the one that exists only in his head, the one that tried to eat him surfaced in his contemplations again. Suddenly the sinister look he remembered in her eyes wasn't so malignant anymore. No. It was spirited and giddy, if not twisted. She was playing with him. She was the cat and he was the mouse.
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Their conversation didn't end there, but it did take a more enjoyable turn. They spent the next two hours taking about books; a subject they were both pleasantly well versed in, Takatsuki-san more so than Kaneki. But yet, Kaneki could not help but shift uncomfortably nor could he help noticing Takatsuki-san noticing his discomfort.
By the time the clock chimed ten Takatsuki-san was pushing Kaneki, his groceries, and Frankenstein out the door.
When he finally reached his own home he was more than exhausted, but still hungry. And there was Hide, asleep against his apartment door. Crouching down, he gently shook Hide's shoulder.
"Hide, wake up." Kaneki murmured. Hide's eyes eventually lulled open.
"Ugh, dude, Kaneki." Hide groaned as he stretched, "Where have you been?"
"I was visiting a friend. Come on get up, you can spend the night here. You're already half-asleep," Kaneki explained vaguely. At that Hide was wide awake.
"A friend? Do you even know what those are? The librarian doesn't count." Hide joked, interested in the turn of events.
"Yes I know what a friend is Hide. Now get up. You're probably scaring all the other tenants." Kaneki replied calmly, helping Hide to his feet.
Unlocking the door, Kaneki let Hide in and set the somewhat damaged groceries on the kitchen floor. It only took Hide a moment to pounce on them.
"Dude! You got beef jerky! Can I have some?" Hide hollered from across the room. Kaneki looked over. Hide was holding the package up. The mere sight had his stomach turning.
"Sure, help yourself." Kaneki replied, struggling to keep a blank look on his face. Hide tore the bag open eager and proceeded to stuff his face.
"Want some?" Hide asked, holding the offending bag out to Kaneki.
"No thanks," Kaneki answered honestly. Turning around, Kaneki briskly walked away only to have a hand on his shoulder halt his progress. Pivoting back around, Kaneki was face to face with a solemn Hide, beef jerky discarded on the floor.
"Hey man, do you feel alright?" Hide asked, furrowing his brow.
"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Just kind of tired." Kaneki asked, gripping his chin lightly. "I'm think I'm just going to go to bed now. But help yourself to whatever."
Hide, still looking rather pensive, released Kaneki's shoulder and allowed Kaneki to walk away and close his bedroom door behind him.
Confided to the four walls of his bedroom, Kaneki fell into his bed face first. He tried to convince himself he would get some sleep tonight. And tried to pretend that somehow Hide didn't smell better than any beef jerky. Flipping on to his back, two eyes stared up at the ceiling. One a familiar grey and the other a dynamic, bloody red.
A/N: A big thanks to everyone who read/followed/faved/review the first chapter! This chapter was original posted nearly two years ago, and I'm glad to have updated it. Fifteen year old me seriously had no clue what a comma was.
For anyone who didn't catch the first A/N, this is a repost from a previous account. If you weren't already reading it, then just ignore that fact and enjoy the frequentish updates, I guess. 15ish chapters are written. I am currently revising and probably won't update more than 1-2 a week just so each chapter has time to breathe. If you already read the first 15 and don't care to read the somewhat revised chapters to come, I implore you to check out my other story because it might be a while. I apologize to everyone I'm making wait around for new-new chapters.
Thanks for reading and please do drop a review, constructive or not I appreciate it all!
~Have a lovely (I mean ghoulish) day!