1924, december

Three weeks have passed since his punishment, and it was the first time Credence could lie on his back, without wanting to cry out loud in pain. The less deep cuts faded into red bruises, and the deep ones were covered with thick dried blood. „I am going to have twelve new white scars." he thought, while he was watching his back with twisted neck in the small mirror of the bathroom. Not like it would matter, no one has ever seen his back.

The days passed in a monotone cycle, he went to the meetings, served food to the children, cleaned the house, or wandered around the city with his leaflets. He hasnt seen Elisabeth since then, he avoided the neighbourhood of her bakery, and hoped, that she wont cross his path. He just couldnt think about her without feeling a stabbing pain in his conciousness. Her kindness and caring couldt suppress his memories about the beating. „I cant, I cant, I cant" Credence repeated in himself. He cant look at her, cant meet with her, cant say anything to her, because it would cause only pain and disdain. „If I wasnt so coward, I could tell her not to escort me home. If I wasnt so weak, I wouldnt take the food from her. If I wasnt so clumsy, I wouldnt fall on the street…" His mother's lessons burned a too deep mark in him to blame anyone else for his suffering. The bitter thoughts were racing in his mind painfully, no matter how hard he tried to make them stop. He was thinking too much. His mother told him several times, that his duty is not the thinking, its the obediance, Credence couldnt stop his mind.

On the monotonous days his thoughts were swirling around his pain, and his sins, repressing the hope and endurance. When he was younger, he hoped, that he will get compliments, and some day, someone tells him he is special, and he earns a honored place in the world. By this time he pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind, where his other desires, whishes, and even dark things, like anger and jealousy were hiden. It was simpiler this way. This way he didnt have to deal with them, altough sometimes he felt the darkness scratching his throat, burning his lungs, but he could always force back the constantly growing shadow to the deepest of his mind. It was harder to repress his wishes and desires, there were days, when he craved so hard, that even his head started to ache. He didnt know what or who he wants exactly, but he felt, he will never get it. Maybe he didnt even deserved it.

He was lost among his thoughts, staring through the window, when he heard, that Modesty and their mother came home from the city at the end of a long day. He quickly snatched away his gaze from the sight of the street, and turned back to the enormous table, where great piles of leaflets laid. Before she left, his mother demanded him to sort them, and he wasnt finished at all. He continued his work in a hurry, when he heard, that Mary Lou locked the front door after entering to the house.

- Do you understand, Modesty? – her sharp voice almost cut the air.

Credence stood backwards, but he was sure, that Modesty nodded while looking into their mother's eyes. The little girl never bowed her head down, there was some kind of pride, or just bluntness, which made her staring to the other's eyes.

- Alright. But remember, soon you will be old enough to have more responssibility for your actions, and I wont forgive you things like this – she looked to her daughter with a warning in her eyes. – Go, wash you hands, we have dinner soon – she added, and Credence saw from the corner of his eyes, that Modesty rushed to the stairs. Mary Lou turned to the table, to have a look on Credence's work. He didnt even dare to take a breath, as he waited for the judgement.

- Set out the table, then help Chastity to bring the food in. You will finish this after dinner. You get half an hour, not more with a second – these words left his mother's mouth, for Credence's suprise. She almost never gave respite, when she caught him with unfinished work. He looked dubiously at her, but then quickly looked away. He lowered his head, stepped to the cupboard, and started to take out spoons and bowls. This time he set the table for himself too. After the last incident, his mother didnt want to risk of he pass out again, and take home another „insane, wicked woman", as she said. So he got food again, altough never enough to settle down the burning emptyness in his stomach. When he finished the table, he walked to the kitchen. Chastity was almost done with the food, which – from its smell- seemed carbagge soup. She noticed Credence's dubious look, who stared back to their mother, like he is still waiting for his punishment.

- Its because of the new priest, he is the reason of Ma's indulgence – she whispered to her brother. – Today we vistited him again, while you were handing out the leaflets, and it seems like, he is intrested in our case. He even said, he has met once with a demon, wearing a woman's face, trying to seduce men into sins – she told keenly, like she actually believes it. Credence wasnt sure, what kind of things Chastity believes in. – He might tell some of Ma's quotes during the mass, and then a lot of people will know about the danger of the witches - her eyes sparkled as she spoke. Credence didnt know, that Chastity really feels this way, or she played the obedient, good daughter for such a long time, that she cant act different anymore. All he knew was, that long ago, his sister didnt believe any of Ma's accusations. Moreover she was the one, who pulled him over after the sermons, and reminded him, that it cant be true, that everyone is evil and dangerous, just because they are different. But it was a long ago, recently she didnt tell him any of this. After she finshed, she watched her brother for a few seconds, like she is waiting for his confirmation. When he didnt answer, she turned back to the soup. A few minutes later, Chastity finished the food, and waved to him, that he could bring it to the dining room. Mary Lou and Modesty were already there, waiting for them. The little girl was creasing the edge of her skirt, she seemed unhappy. Modesty was often sad. Credence wished to see her smile, but she was wiping the tears from her eyes more often. After he put the bowl to the table, they sat down, and started to eat the few spoons of food in silence.

- When the children are coming tomorrow, use less cabage, Chastity. We dont need to waste it – broke the silence Mary Lou.

- Yes, Mother – aswered the girl quickly.

After dinner the siblings washed their dishes, then the evening sermon had its time. The children kneeled to the cold floor, in front of the wall, and Mary Lou stood above them. Their mother opened the heavy Bible, and read out quotes from it loudly. Then she took time to pray for each of them souls. The one, saying for Credence was different from the others, as usually, where she prayed for their soul getting into Heaven for their true actions.

- And please, my Lord, let Credence burn in the purgatry, to dispose from his sins, please let him to do penance in front of You, and accept your punishments after death, like he does before it. Amen.

- Amen – repeated Credence, with his eyes shut.

- Alright children, you can leave. You have one hour until curfew – finished Mary Lou the praying. The siblings stood up with cramped legs, and Credence noticed, that Modesty's eyes are full of tears. The little girl swallowed, she has alredy learnt, that crying in front of their mother doesnt lead to any good. The tasks were over for the girl that day, but Credence needed to finish the sorting. As he stepped to the table, he saw Chastity placing her hands to Modesty's shoulders, and turned her insistent to the stairs. He could see, that his little sister cant hold back her tears for a long time, and Mary Lou hated when they cried. She thought, their miserable tears are just a way of manipulation. Credence tried to focus to his job, but he cared about Modesty much more. He hoped, that nothing particularly bad happened to her, and she cries just beacuse of tiredness. He mechanically sorted the leaflets into three piles, fortunately he was close to the end. A few minutes before his time expired, Mary Lou stepped behind him, and watched her son without any emotion on her face. When Credence placed the last leaflet on the top of a pile, she just waved to send him away. Credence turned to the stairs with relief. He just wanted to step in to the bathroom, when he saw Modesty at the entrance of her room. Her eyes were red, and her face was dirty from the tears.

- Credence… – she whispered and stepped forward.

- Whats wrong, Modesty? – Credence could see, that she was crying in the last half an hour.

- I, I just…Can I talk to you? Tonight? – the little girl looked at him.

Credence peered behind his back. Only a few lamps flickered downstairs, their mother could come up any minute. But Credence just couldnt say no to his sister.

- Of course, Modesty. Now go to your bedroom, before Ma notices, that you cried, but if you would like, you can come to my room after curfew.

Moesty looked at her brother with wide opened eyes. Credence wasnt allowed in the girls room, and they werent allowed in his either, especially not after curfew. She nodded quickly, before her brother could change his mind, and disappeared in her room. Credence sighed, and stepped into the bathroom. When he finished, he went to his room, and started to took off his clothes. He didn know what time is it exactly, but he figured out, that it must be only a few minutes before the curfew.

Their mother checked them every night, to make sure they are already in bed. At these times it was forbidden to keep the blanket on themselves, so she could see, that they are in their nightgownes. Maybe she was afraid of sneaking out at night, if they dont change in time? Credence didnt understand, but he followed the rule. At least it was an easy one to follow. He just needed to lie on the bed, with a straight back, with his blanket by his feet, until his mother left the room. His room was always the first, and then she went to the girls. Modesty's room was the farest from his, and Credence cursed himself for promising the little girl to sneak into his room after curfew. It was too dangerous. To reach his bedroom, Modesty needed to walk in front of their mother's room, through the old, raspy floor, and Credence wouldnt like to think about what would happen, if she would catch the girl. He couldnt take over her punishment in that case. But no matter how much he was worried about his sister, he knew, that both of them needed the other so much, he couldnt refuse her request. Modesty needed to talk with someone, who will listen, and Credence needed to feel, that someone needs him. That there is someone, who is worth living for. They cant be together often without their mother, she didnt like when her children met behind her back. She countenanced when Modesty took Credence's hand, when the little girl was afraid, or worried, but that was the most she permited. That was one of the reasons, why Credence felt sometimes, that he didnt even exist. The lack off affection. Before Modesty came to their family a year ago, no one has ever touched him. Chastity has never looked like she misses it, she never tried to hold her brother's hand when they were younger, and in his mother's case Credence couldnt remember to any occasion, when she touched him. Not with the belt, not with a stick, with her bare hands. Credence was still ashamed, when he remembered back to the first time, Modesty tried to hold his hand. The boy drew apart from her with averseness, almost frigthened. But Modesty didnt give up, she kept trying, until one day Credence carefully slided his fingers to her palm. He remembered, how small and warm was the little girl's hand, as she hung to him. From that day, Credence never pulled away his hand, his fingers reassuringly clutched his sister's. Altough the little girl couldnt replace the love of a mother, or – Credence didnt dare even to think about it – a lover's love, but those rare times, when their hands have met, meant a shelter for the boy in the cold and lonely world.

Credence just lay down on the bed, when he heard his mother's footsteps on the corridor, then his door slammed open. Mary Lou looked through the room with narrowed eyes, and when she couldnt find any mistake, she turned tail without a word. After she left the room, Creence pulled his blanket on himself. The nights get colder, as winter came, the half of december already passed, and the boy shivered under the thin blanket every night. December didnt mean much for him, besides that he felt his thin jacket even thiner, and as Christmas was around the corner, the people were always in a hurry, pushing him away from their way. He didnt lie there for so long, when he noticed, his door slowly open with a quiet creak, and a small shadow crawled in the room. Modesty tried to walk without any noise, and Credence sliped away, so she could climbed to his bed. In the dusk he saw his sister lips are still trembling, as she carefully sliped under Credence's blanket.

- Whats wrong, Modesty? – he whispered.

- Do you remember to your family, Credence? Your real one? – the little girl looked at him.

Credence forgot to breathe for a second. He shaked his head.

- No, you know I dont. I was very young, when Ma adopted me. But she said, they werent good people – he answered finally.

- Mine were, I guess. Good people – whispered Modesty.

Credence didnt answer to that. Modesty's parents gave up on her, they just gave her to Mary Lou, when they had too many children.

- But my younger brothers and sisters were good, Im sure. Mum always let me to hold them in my lap, I often fed Dylan and Mitch, you know they were three years old. Theresa and Bill did a lot of mischief to us, younger ones, but not beacause they were wicked. They just thought they can do anything, because they were more then twelve years old – told Modesty with growing enthusiasm.

Credence has heard lots of stories about the little girls's family, she was often homesick. She didnt understand, that this is her home now, and she might never see her siblings again.

- Thats the problem, Modesty? You miss them again? – asked Credence.

His sister was silent for a few moments.

- This will be my first Christmas without them. We wont have here a Christmas tree, or singing, right Credence? – she looked at him.

At that moment, there was nothing else, he wished more, then be able to tell her, that of course there will be a tree, and even presents, but how could he say that…He just swallowed hard.

- No, it wont be. But we can get a bit more from the food, and we can stay up for longer. – Credence tried to see the good part of their „Christmas". – And of course, the night sermon is also longer.

The little girl just groaned, then looked at him mesmerized.

- I really liked to sing. At Christmas we always stood around the tree, and we sang for the Santa. But I also sang other times, my mum taught us a lot of songs, the ones she also hummed, while she was washing other people's laundry. But Mother said, those are not decent songs. She doest allow me to sing them – Modesty's mouth curved down again.

- Hey, dont cry – Credence tried to comfort her. – What about creating a new song? A song, that Ma would like?

- What Ma would like…? – his sister looked at him, thinking. – Should I sing about witches death? Would she like that, Credence? – she stared at him.

- Well, I guess…Yes, she would like that. – Credence wasnt sure, that he gives a good advice to his sister, but what he kept in mind was trying to avoid her crying again.

- Okay. Thank you for listening, Credence. Chastity doesnt like, when I talk about my previous family – said Modesty, then she held out her hands towards him. As the thin arms wrapped around his back, Credence felt warmness in his heart. Modesty didnt even know, that sometimes she is the only one, who keeps away his brother to be swallowed by the darkness.

- Anytime, Modesty - he answered quietly. – But now please, go back to your room, before Ma notices, you arent there.

The little girl nodded, and slided down noiseless from the bed. She padded from her brother's room as qiuetly, as she came. Credence felt the warmth of her body for a long time in the cold bed.