Chapt 11

"Here we are," Joe said as he jumped out of the truck to open her door for her. "I thought we could head down to the lake and walk… or there's some swings down there to, we could just sit."

"Walking sounds great actually."

They walked to the waterfront silently. She thought of how it wasn't awkward, but rather the silence between them was comfortable and easy. There was no need to fill the air with words or idle chit chat. The silence almost seemed to be a way to allow them to take in and process all of the conversation from dinner. It gave them time to think about what was happening. And for Joe that was a lot.

She was physically beautiful. That was the first thing anyone would notice about her. That was what had prompted him to ask her to have dinner. The chance to just look at her, and make her smile so that the dimples living in her cheeks came to life, dancing there on her face, was one that he couldn't pass up. And he had been rewarded with that smile all night long. He'd also learned that her beauty was not only physical, but it was inside of her, it was a part of who she was. She'd told him about her facility back in Tampa, The Heart of the Matter, and what all she did there. It only made her more attractive to him.

They got to the sand that bordered the lake and he watched as she reached down and slipped her flip flops off, letting them dangle from her fingers as they walked. The sun was setting and made her red hair look like fire. He had to resist touching it, just to see would it burn. They continued to walk along the water's edge in that same comfortable silence for another ten minutes. He kept his hands shoved in his pockets to keep from reaching out and touching her. It was Claire who broke the silence, saying, "Thank you. For tonight, and everything. I think I needed to get out and to just talk."

He smiled sheepishly. "Of course Claire. So uh, can I ask you something that might come out a bit personal?" When she nodded her consent he said, "Do you think that you'll date again? I mean, within this crazy business?"

Whoa, she didn't know what she had expected him to ask but she did know that wasn't it. Her pace slowed and she shrugged. "Well, I mean yes, I'll date again. As for dating within the business, I won't say no, but really I have no idea." She paused, thoughtful. "I almost think that it'd have to be though. I work so much, this is where I meet everyone. I don't go out to bars or clubs or anything. So yes, I guess logic would say that I would date within this life again."

He smiled that smile that could make any woman weak, even her. "Good, that means that there's hope." He gave her a wink when he said it and she could feel a blush heat her cheeks.

She laughed and thought what an attractive man he was. Some woman would be really lucky to have him in her life one day but she knew it would not be her. She was far too plain for a man as brutally handsome as he was. A movement to the left caught her eye and stole her attention from him. There was a man on one knee, holding out a small box, a pretty young blond standing in front of him. The man's lips moved in words she could not hear yet their meaning was clear. The girls hands came up to cover her face and her shoulders shook with the happiest tears a woman could cry. As her head went up and down, a silent yes, she held out her hand and the man slipped the ring on her finger before she threw her arms around his neck with squeals of delight.

"Whoa, whoa Claire hey what's wrong?" Joe was turning her to face him. "Why these tears?"

Claire truly hadn't realized she was crying. "I guess seeing that couple, the proposal, it just hit me in a place that's still healing."

He led her over to a swing and they sat down easily. "Want to talk about it?"

She nodded surprising herself, realizing that yes she did want to talk about it all actually. Maybe she was healing after all. "I guess in looking back that I feel like Stephen didn't really understand me or where I'm coming from."

He squinted in her direction. "How so?"

"I mean, well, I guess that isn't an entirely fair statement. He knew the hell I had gone through. He was the one who made the blood donation that saved my life. I guess maybe it was the mental damage, the scars he couldn't see, that he just didn't get."

Joe nodded his head. He didn't understand the damage and he would never pretend that he did, but he could only imagine the lingering scars, the left over pain that may never heal, and how it all might affect her against her will. "I can only assume that the mental damage in the end far surpassed the physical, but I admit I can't get it. I've not lived it and because I haven't I can't get it at all. I don't know anyone on the outside looking in who could get it without living it." He reached out and took her hand in his. "Even though I cannot grasp it all, I can listen when you need to let it out. I can be that shoulder to lean on."

The tears fell in silence down her cheeks as she stared out over the water. "I'm scared really. My ex-husband taught me to fear. He taught me hurt. I'm scared still in a dark corner of my mind and that kept me from moving forward. I don't to be that scared and cowering woman in the kitchen anymore. I want to go on and fall in love and be free enough from fear to move forward and be happy. But again I'm scared. I'm scared that will never happen for me."

"Did you ever tell this to Stephen?" She shook her head no and he sat silent, her hand in his as her tears fell. He gave her the time she needed to cry and to let her feelings out. He moved quietly to the sand in front of her, on his knees, never letting her hand go. She raised her eyes to meet his and he took her face in his hands. He let his thumbs wipe over her cheeks, grazing her eyelashes, wiping the tears away. "You are far too beautiful for tears bred from this kind of pain." He raised up, placing a small kiss to her forehead. Then he allowed his lips, against his better judgment but unable to resist, to barely brush hers. When she didn't pull away he allowed himself to press his lips more firmly against hers, praying that she didn't run when he pulled back, praying that he could pull back.