Chapt. 29

CLAIRE

Her phone went off at eleven thirty. She knew that it would be Joe. He had to be back at the hotel by now, and had to know she was gone from his room. She grudgingly picked it up and looked at the message.

"Where the hell are you Claire? I get to the arena, find out you called out. Then get back here looking for you and you're gone. Your things, you, everything. This got something to do with the bullshit earlier? I told you, it is damn ridiculous. Get on back in here and stop acting like a child."

She tossed her phone down and went back to staring at the ceiling. She wouldn't go back, even if she longed to do so. She knew that yes, yes she did want to go back, but not to his room. She wanted to go back to a time when she was enough for him, a time when she was the only one he needed. That was truly impossible and as much as it crushed her heart and her soul, she knew that it was a dream that wouldn't ever be. She didn't feel up to being alone, but she was so she prayed that sleep would come soon, knowing all the while it wouldn't.

A knock sounded at her door and she really just wanted to lay there on that bed and ignore it. Funny, since a minute before she had not wanted to be alone. The knocking continued and she grudgingly got up and shuffled her feet as she moved to the door. She looked out the peephole and saw Nic there. With a deep breath she unlocked the door and stepped aside so that he could come in.

"I figured that this would be a better option than calling you for a few reasons," he said. "For starters, you couldn't ignore my pounding on the door forever. Well, you could have tried but then neighbors would be complaining and it would have just been a scene. We know you hate those. Secondly, if I called and by some miracle got you to pick up the phone you'd have lied, telling me you were just fine and just wanted to be alone. Problem with that is you're not fine, not at all, and yes, there is a part of you that wants to be alone, but the biggest piece of my friend, well she doesn't want to be alone. So, here I am."

She couldn't reply. There was no need. He really did know her so very well. He'd been right on every point so she just nodded and shuffled back over to the bed, flopping herself down, resuming the intense stare down with the ceiling. She felt the bed shift as Nic sat, then laid his body back, on it. She didn't look at him but whispered a mumbled thank you that he somehow heard.

"Claire, I know you hurt right now, and I'm so sorry that I had to play a role in that pain coming to you. I never, ever would do that with another option available to me. Please know that. I could say that he isn't worth it if he could do this to you, I could say it's his loss, that he was a fool, or any number of things like that. Truth is you're not ready to hear those things and they won't help you at all. I don't know what would help, but I know I'm here and not going anywhere. If you want a shoulder, I have two. If you want an ear, there's two of those too. If you just need arms to hold you together while you break, well guess what kiddo? I got two of those too. If you want me to just shut up and leave you alone, I can do that. But I'm here. For whatever it is you need from me to help you right now."

Her eyes filled with tears and she didn't fight them. She just let them fall, running down her face, into her ears, her mouth, wetting the sheets and even her hair. Nic scooted himself down and got his arms around her, pulling her in close to him so that her head rested on his chest. She heard him softly mumble words of comfort, but couldn't make them out around the sound of her breaking heart. It was a good hour before the tears stopped, but she noticed that Nic had been there the entire time, not complaining or anything at all. He had just let her cry until she was dry for the moment. She tilted her head up at him and offered her best excuse for a smile. She wondered why she couldn't find a man to love her like her friends did.

NIC

He held her as the sobs rocked her body. His heart took in each tear, wishing he could take her pain from her so that she wouldn't feel it any longer. When he felt her body finally relax, the shaking of her shoulders stop, he glanced down about the same time she tilted her head up to look at him. Her beautiful eyes still wet from her tears, met his and he was sure his heart had stopped. When she tried her best to smile for him he nearly lost it. How could anyone do this to a girl like her?

As she went to lower her head back to its resting spot on his chest, he let his fingers catch her just under the chin, holding her head so that he could look in her eyes another minute. Before he could stop himself he was leaning his head down to hers, his lips searching for hers with an urgent need. When they met with hers he lightly pressed a kiss against the full and pouty lips that fought to smile. He waited on her to pull away but she didn't just then. He took it as a positive sign and pressed his lips more firmly to hers. His tongue broke through, tracing the line of her bottom lip, and his arms pulled her closer. Before he let himself deepen the kiss further, he pulled back and let his forehead sit against hers.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She didn't say a word, just slowly returned her head to his chest and snuggled into him. Within minutes her breathing had even out and he knew that she had given in to sleep. He ran his fingers through the thick mass of coppery red curls and stared up at the ceiling. Lord, he thought, if she could just see passed the friend wall that was up, if she could just see that he loved her and would treat her right. He knew that she wouldn't be ready for that anytime soon, if ever, but he knew that he'd always be there for her, no matter what. He wouldn't be that guy who walked out of her life. He wouldn't be the rest, even if he was just her friend. He would love her.

He sat there like that, his arm around her, her head on his chest, and just watched her sleep. He had to smile because at least in her sleep, he hoped, she had some peace. He brought his hand up, stroking her hair gently, unable to resist it. As he did, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He could get used to this. Yet he knew that he couldn't let that happen. She was simply seeking some comfort from him. Comfort that he had been more than willing to give to her.

Her lips had felts o damn soft, so right on his though. He couldn't help wondering if she had felt it too. Had that been why she hadn't pulled away? Or was it as simple as she had no fight left? He knew realistically that was it, but for a minute he let himself think that it had been more. That she had felt that feeling too.

He snuggled down closer to her, pulling her in close to him at the same time. He allowed himself the pleasure of her nearness and breathed in the sweet floral scent that clung to her hair. He let his eyes close again, savoring the scent of her, committing it all to memory. The weight of her head on his chest, the gentle rise and fall of her body as she slept. Somewhere in it he fell asleep, everything that he wanted, right there in his arms.

CLAIRE

She woke the next morning, but didn't open her eyes. She felt the hardness of a muscled chest where a soft pillow belonged. She knew that it wasn't Joe. She shifted and tilted her head up, squinting one eye open. Nic. That's when it all came back to her and she wondered if Joe had found her note. It had been easier to let the words out in writing that it would have been to speak them. Then Nic had shown up, knowing that she needed comfort. She'd fell asleep, feeling safe, while he held her.

She felt him stir and looked up at him. "Good morning sir." Her voice came out hoarse, either from sleep or all of the tears she had cried the night before. She couldn't really be sure.

"Good morning yourself." He yawned sleepily, shielding his mouth, and her, from his morning breath.

"I had the strangest dream Nic. We were here, laying here like this. Then, then you kissed me. And then the dream was done and I just fell into the deepest sleep I've had in ages."

She heard him sigh and wondered what he was thinking. He was pretty hard to read lately. She wasn't used to that, and she wasn't sure that she liked it.

NIC

She thought it was a dream. Well in all of the scenarios he had considered that was not among them. It hurt, it cut him really but, at least she remembered in a way. "Sounds like a hell of a dream kiddo."

She laughed, a rough sound that made his ears happy. "Sure it wouldn't classify as a nightmare?"

"Ouch. Thanks Claire," he laughed. Quickly he got his laughter under control, and looked at her seriously. "How about I go brush my teeth, order us up some breakfast? Then, well maybe then we could talk."

She nodded at me, with a small smile. "Okay then. How about I order room service while you brush and shower?"

He nodded and stepped into the bathroom. Stepping into the shower he let cold water rush over him. A dream. She thought that their kiss, so beautiful as it was, was a dream. God how he wanted to kiss her again, to show her that it wasn't a dream, that it had been something special and beautiful and perfect… that he loved her.

He toweled off and dressed in his loose work out shorts and a t-shirt, and walked out into the room as he toweled his hair dry. He saw her sitting on the bed, she was texting someone and didn't see him so he took advantage of it, using the time to watch her. He let himself get lost in his thoughts of how he could love her. Ways that he could show her day by day that not all men were like the ones that she had in her past.

"Hello, Nic, are you there, mister?"

She was waving her hand at him, seeking his attention, drawing him out of his thoughts. He smiled at her. "Sorry, guess I was thinking."

"So, you wanted to talk?"

"Well, yes, I did. Look, I don't know of an easy way to start this conversation, so I guess I'll just come out and say what's in my head. Claire, you know that you're my best friend and that I love you to death. This is going to sound so strange I know, and I don't want you to stress it at all… but, well, Claire, I love you. I'd give up all I have in my life now, all but you of course, just for a chance to show you that I could be the best thing for you. That not all guys are bad and that there are good ones left."

"I'm sorry, what? Nic, are you saying… no. No Nic. You are not in love with me."

"Well I mean technically I didn't say that, no, but… I mean… Look, I love you okay? I'm sorry, no, no I'm not sorry at all. I love you and that's what I have to live with. Watching you hurt, kills me. Watching you love someone else, well damn Claire that kills me too."

"Nic, please, I just need you to be my frie…" A knock on the door cut her off. She jumped up and headed to the door, but he followed.

She opened the door, he knew that she was thinking that it would be room service. Her jaw dropped when she saw Joe standing there, a pissed off look on his face, and my whole body tensed up, protective.

JOE

The night before…

He got back to the hotel from the arena, ready to hash things out with Claire. He was surprised to learn on his arrival at the arena earlier that night that she had in fact called in sick. She hadn't said one damn word to him about not going to work. He had a feeling that she hadn't been sick at all, she was avoiding him because of all the bullshit being fed to her. In fact, he was pretty damn certain that was more factual than her being sick was.

Slipping his key into the door and pushing it open he called her name. He got no answer so he called out again. Maybe she was in the shower, he thought as he walked deeper into the room. He didn't hear the water running and his eyes scanned the room. He took note that he didn't see any of her bags where they had been sitting earlier that afternoon. Then his eyes fell to the desk in the corner of the room, to the white folded piece of paper that sat on the dark cheery colored wood. He walked over and picked it up.

"Joe, Today I asked you for truth and you handed me lies. I cannot tell you how that broke my heart. I knew that if you would lie about little things that you would surely lie about the bigger issues. Of course, you had no way to know that I knew you weren't being truthful with me. I know that you and Jon never went to the gym today. In fact, you text him that you couldn't make it. What was it that kept you from that Joe? Was it her? My gut tells me clearly that it was. That was when I asked you about talking to her, about the rumors flying around the locker room area. And Joe, that was when you told the lie that broke me most. For you to know what other men have put me through, only to do it yourself after you made me believe in you, well those are the scars that won't heal anytime soon. You've left me with wounds wide open, and feeling like a fool. To know the whole locker room is aware of the issue is embarrassing. I've learned though that to stay in situations like this, ones where lies are easy, is only going to hurt me more. Walking away from you kills me, because I really did believe that you were different. You weren't. You hurt me just as bad as the rest, you just chose a different weapon. I won't be staying in your room tonight, or any other night from here on out. I felt like I could have loved you, but I see now you'd never return that love. Be happy Joe, Claire."

She was leaving him? Who did she think she was to walk out of his life without even a goodbye? And to compare him to the rest of those assholes from her past? It was insulting. If he was anything like them, he'd march to that front desk right now and demand her new room information and in his anger he'd go to her and demand she end this shit right then.

Present

"What the hell is the deal Claire? You leave me? With a dear John letter? Truly a bitch thing to do!"

He saw her shaking, watched as her lips attempted to form words. "If I am a bitch Joe, it's because men like you have given me no other option."

"Oh save that shit Claire. Save it! You believe bullshit and let it ruin good things and ya know that isn't fair at all!" He wiped his face with his hands and looked down at her. "You accuse me of cheating on you which is just ridiculous. I'd never do that to you. Let me i…" his eye caught the movement behind her and he realize that Nic was in her room. He laughed a harsh, mean laugh. "Never mind, I see you've already got someone in your room. Funny how the one who drops the accusations is the one sharing a room with a blond son of a bitch when everyone knows how damn bad all he wanted was to get into your pants. Way to go Claire. You just turned into everything that you accuse others of being in your life." He gave her no time to respond before he turned and walked away.