Chapter Thirty Three: Reluctance
Reluctance: unwillingness or disinclination to do something.
Day 70
The photograph was creased and faded, there were rips along one edge. Daisy narrowed her eyes as she studied it; Beth was pictured with a boy, Jimmy, her in a long, baby-pink dress and him in a cheap tux. With a grimace, she confirmed that Jimmy was the walker they had found in the shack. Her eyes flicked up to catch the gaze of Hershel, she could see Beth sitting behind him with her sister, both looking nervous yet hopeful.
"Yeah, this was him," she said bluntly, lips pursing in disappointment. Daisy thought about saying sorry, but thought it might be too contrived. She awkwardly handed Hershel back the photograph, he took it with a long sigh and folded it back in on itself, turning to his daughters.
"I'm sorry, Bethy—" Hershel sighed.
"But..." Beth looked up at her father, brow furrowed in confusion.
Daisy began to slowly back away from Hershel and his daughters, her exit slightly hindered when her foot caught on the corner of a rug. They turned to stare at her with their sad expressions, Daisy grimaced.
"Uh, I'll leave you guys to it."
Without another word, she turned and strode through the house and out the front door, breathing a sigh of relief as she reached the fresh air. The front door fluttered shut behind her, and she looked to the side to see Rick standing where she had left him, he was squinting at her from the harsh light of the afternoon sun, his tan police hat held tightly in his hand.
"It was him," Rick surmised from her expression, she nodded slightly in confirmation. He sighed lowly, halting at her sharp glance his way, "The others are having lunch, why don't you go join them."
Daisy nodded lightly, stepping down the first step before turning back, "You coming with?"
"Nah, I gotta talk to Hershel," Rick said shortly.
Daisy stared at him for a moment, "Well...remember it wasn't your fault."
Before he could say anything contrary, she walked hurriedly down the steps and began to meander across the lawn towards their makeshift camp. True to Rick's information, most of the group was gathered around an empty, slowly smoking fire pit, each with a plastic plate in hand. As Daisy approached them, Carol spotted her and bent down to rifle around in a bag, surfacing a plastic plate and spoon, and holding them out to her.
"Thanks," Daisy mumbled with sincerity, then she walked a few paces and squatted in front of the pot sitting on a low rock by the fire. Lifting the lid and peeking inside, Daisy saw a beef stew—the beef likely being squirrel, or maybe deer or turkey if Daryl and Merle had been lucky—that made her mouth water, the scent thick and flavourful. Taking her share, a ladleful, she closed up the pot and sipped a spoonful.
Her face smoothed into a contented smile at the taste and she stood, wandering over to sit on the grass by Amy and Glenn. Interrupting their rather enthralling conversation on whether or not Bruce Willis had survived the apocalypse.
"I'm just saying, you don't make movies like Die Hard without getting a little good at surviving," Glenn said pragmatically.
"Okay...A), Die Hard is a movie, not exactly true to life, and B), that was, like, thirty years ago...he'd be way old now," Amy countered with an amused smile.
"Daisy!" Glenn exclaimed upon seeing her, she smiled around another spoonful of stew as she sat cross-legged beside them, "Settle this, d'you think Bruce Willis survived the apocalypse?" Both Glenn and Amy looked expectantly at her, each fully expecting her to choose their side.
Daisy hummed and looked up to the sky in thought, "Well, he is a celebrity. So, maybe they'd straight-up fly him out of harm's way...but otherwise, I don't think so..." Glenn groaned, Daisy elaborated, "I mean, Hans Gruber is not the same as a hundred walkers." She laughed delightedly as Amy beamed at her support and Glenn groaned louder.
Later
"Hey, Curly!" A hoarse voice called into Daisy's tent, she peeked her eyes over her book and glared at the offender. Merle grinned at her, not-affected by her hostile response, "Y'got my smokes?"
Daisy's glare lessened in confusion, "What? No...why would I have your smokes?"
Merle trudged into her tent, crouching down so his head didn't hit against the roof, "Cause you're the only one around here uptight enough to complain every time I light one, I reckon you'd think it your moral duty to save me from lung cancer or whatever the fuck..."
Daisy's head snapped back in offense, "Okay...no. I did not take your smokes. You're a grown ass man, Merle. You can get all the lung cancer you want."
He scoffed and sat down on Amy's empty cot, Daisy sighed and hurriedly dog-eared her page, setting aside her book when she realised he was not intending on leaving any time soon. Merle glanced at the book she had set aside with disdain, as if reading for pleasure was a pursuit that personally offended him.
"Don't believe you," Merle informed her, but apparently decided to let the subject matter drop, "Found that fat fuck...Otis," he elaborated at her confused expression.
"He's okay?" Daisy asked with a hope that she did not really feel.
"Nah, he was dead in some ditch...likely fell over and couldn't get his fat ass back up." Merle chuckled to himself, Daisy got the image of a man-sized turtle on its back waving its feet around in an attempt to right itself and grimaced at the light-hearted version that was likely far from reality, pulling her sleeping bag up around her ears and peeking her eyes over the lip. Another person dead and gone.
"Maybe don't be so offensive in front of Beth and the others," Daisy suggested, all the while knowing he would likely not take her advice—or would specifically act against it just to spite her.
Merle scoffed, "Whatever." He seemed to brighten at remembering his purpose for being there, aside from the supposedly stolen smokes, "Anyway, Darylina was looking for you." Merle wiggled his eyebrows and laughed loudly at her purposefully unamused expression.
Daisy sighed and promptly squirmed out of her sleeping bag, sparing it one last longing glance before ushering Merle out of her tent and shuffling out after him. Without any parting words, Daisy left Merle to his own devices and trudged along the jumbled line of tents towards the campfire, hearing him mutter about his smokes grumpily in her wake. Scanning the few still gathered around the fire, she immediately spotted Daryl crouched by a large rock, skinning a scrawny squirrel on its smooth surface.
"You were looking for me?" Daisy said probingly, leaning forward and tilting her head to examine Daryl's squirrel, wrinkling her nose at the gore.
Daryl wordlessly pointed his knife in the direction of the line of dead squirrels curled up in a pile beside him, Daisy scoffed and reluctantly bent down to worry at the knot tying the closest squirrel to the line. Furrowing her brow at the knot's toughness, she turned her attention to Daryl.
"Why couldn't Merle help?"
Daryl huffed a laugh, knife slicing the back of the squirrel, "Merle's a piece'a shit, that's why..." He pulled the skin from the squirrel and Daisy averted her eyes back to the knot, shuddering, "You ain't too bad at cuttin' up game, though. Certainly a...less painful experience."
Daisy glanced up and was pleased to see that Daryl was giving her a slight smile, the most one was likely to achieve from him. She returned his smile full-force, his eyes slightly narrowed and he returned his focus to the squirrel in his hands. Daisy acted similarly, finally managing to loosen the knot and manoeuvre the squirrel onto the rock beside Daryl's.
"So, how're you liking farm life?" Daisy asked cheerily as she took her knife from its precarious place in her belt loop.
Daryl squinted at her, "It's fine. Ain't no different than before, a shitty fence is better than none," he gestured towards the rundown, low white fence that surrounded the property, "And I s'pose it's easier to see walkers coming, with the fields."
"Yeah," Daisy drew out the word, widening her eyes to silently ask for some elaboration, glancing down with a wrinkled nose to study her motions in removing the tail and head. When she received no more word from Daryl, she continued, "The people are nice. Y'know—" Daisy interrupted herself with a snort and a wide smile that almost hurt her cheeks, "Glenn's been flirting with Hershel's eldest daughter, Maggie. And, he told me that when they went in town earlier, they had sex in the pharmacy." Daryl shot her a weird glance as she continued to laugh quietly under her breath, she stopped in an effort to still her hands as she pinched the skin on the back of the squirrel and made a slice. Daisy said with certainty and no small amount of amusement, "Hershel's gonna kill him."
There was a short silence, pleasantly amused on Daisy's part, then Daryl spoke, "Didn't no he had it in him." An almost proud smirk drifted across Daryl's face, Daisy hummed lightly in agreement, pulling the skin from her squirrel with a shudder—quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
"Daisy?" A voice suddenly called, Daisy tilted up her head and squinted against the falling sun; it was Lori, she stared at the loose skin of the squirrel that Daisy was setting off to the side with a queasy expression on her face.
"How can I help you, Lori?" Daisy asked, holding back a sigh. She wiped her sweaty forehead with the back of her wrist, setting the knife down and welcoming a break from the truly arduous task she had undertaken for some five minutes.
"I—" Lori cut herself off, glancing uneasily toward where Daryl was being his usual surly self, her eyes widened as he abruptly sliced the head of the next squirrel off. She looked back toward Daisy with a forced smile, "Can we talk alone? Please?"
"I don't see why not," Daisy said, sounding as though she might wish for someone to interject with such a reason—they had never been the best of friends, or even acquaintances, so Daisy was understandably uneasy at the prospect of Lori's desired talk. Conjuring up images of Lori confronting her about Daisy and Shane's shaky accord or something Merle had said or done, Daisy followed her with some reluctance.
Once they had reached a point sufficiently far from prying eyes and ears, Lori stopped Daisy with a soft hand on her shoulder and furrowed her brow. Without warning, Lori leant her weight on Daisy heavily, Daisy staggered and brought her hands up to grip Lori's shoulders.
"Are you okay?" Daisy asked with concern as Lori scrunched up her eyes and gasped, her skin paling further by the minute. Her pallid skin made the concern in Daisy rise higher, "Are you sick?"
"I'm—" Lori opened her eyes and looked pleadingly at Daisy, "Look, Daisy, you can't tell anyone, but I think I'm pregnant."
A ripple of panic shot through Daisy, and she wished to whatever deity was listening that something would save her from this conversation with this woman she honestly did not know. As she realised something, Daisy narrowed her eyes, "But—"
"Yes, it might be Shane's," Lori said hurriedly, glancing around and bringing Daisy closer to her, "But I don't have time for judgement. I want to..." She cut herself off with a frustrated sigh. Daisy remained silent, wide eyes urging Lori to continue, "It's terrible now...no place for a baby...they're loud and—" Lori stared at Daisy, eyes pleading for something that Daisy could not place.
"You want to abort?" Daisy surmised, Lori grimaced and nodded reluctantly, "Well..." Daisy sighed, she did not know much about this whole pregnancy deal, "If you really think that's the best thing, which...you don't have to, just 'cause you think the group will be in danger."
"No, I—"
Daisy cut her off, nodding, "Okay, okay. What do you want me to do, then?" Lori's shoulders slackened and she managed to smile towards Daisy, and Daisy couldn't help but feel remorse for future Daisy and the inevitable shit that this situation will have gotten her into.