In a small room with a viewing screen of the room Kirk was in Charles Czacheck looked at the two aides he had directly assisting him, the officer from the Dakota who had asked to be present, and two others who were, as he told the others, just observing what was being done. He knew his aides and the officer from the Dakota would recognize one of the observers as would his security officer but not the other officer. There had been a few looks of approval and a few raised eyebrows when he walked in.

"He is remembering more but are you not afraid it is too much for him as he seems to be in a fragile state?"

Czacheck looked at the officer who raised the question and fully understood the reason for the question from the man. "It is a method that has been very successful for me over the years even with those as traumatized as Kirk is."

"You do realize that he could kill you before we could get to you if you push him too far too fast?"

"He could but he won't as, I believe from what I know of the man, to him killing is not only the last resort but also the last thing he would do unless it were to save the life of others." He noticed how the two observers nodded. "I also believe that," he maintained eye contact with one of the observers, "these next two sessions will be the hardest on him and he will be most emotional as I will not ease back on those areas he is not acknowledging. If and when the time comes for assistance from any of you I am sure you will know. Until there is that need for assistance arises you are to remain in here and just watch. As you will be told, if you have not been informed by now, I have done this before and with success."

"He has displayed the fact he is a very private individual who possesses a very resistant attitude to revealing any vulnerability or deep emotions whatsoever even though it is clearly obvious he is aware that in order to fully recover he must fully bare to you what his six senses experienced before he went into that deep state of shock."

Czacheck looked at the observer momentarily wanting to say he was stating the obvious but realized the observer was also reminding him of how very vulnerable Jim Kirk, the celebrated and well-respected Captain, was and how, if he pushed the man too far too fast, it may cause him to totally withdraw. It was also very clear the observer knew of his past and techniques. Clearly of the five there only that man had known of his past and was reminding him that this case was different from the others as this had so many more elements than most of his past successes.

"I am aware that he has been reluctant and hesitant to dwell on the events but he must fully accept all factors of the event if he is to recover. I will not be as forceful as I get him to recall more about what he sensed as I realize he must progress the events at a rate he is comfortable with. I am not going to coddle him but I will not let him not respond."

The observer nodded, "I would not expect you to for we both know by not being made of confront such an event would allow the patient to retreat into themselves and closing out others. He must respond to really live and not just exist and he must be made to respond as a captain would be made and expected to to respond. Should he not respond he would have no future in Star Fleet."

Czacheck had not been surprised when his security guard spoke, "There is also fight in him. Beneath all that confusion there is a man who had a great deal of fight in him. He will fight you but I believe he will also fight to be a captain again."

The officer from the Dakota had looked from the two observers to him and Czacheck saw confusion on his face, "What if he does fight back, will he still be the same captain he was? Will he still be the captain of the Enterprise? Some say it was his entire bridge crew that, and especially his relationship with his First Officer, that made them so successful and so respected."

Looking directly at the aide Czacheck said, "I see no reason, in time, for him not be the captain he was. I am sure we have all seen officers who have suffered a deep shock recover over a period of time."

"But not the same as he was?"

For a moment Czacheck glanced at the two observers before looking back at the aide, "After such a major event there are bound to be changes, just as there are with each of us as we encounter different events and as we age, so he will not be exactly the same. How he reacts to the treatment and aftermath will determine how close to how he was as a captain and a person as he was before the event, or events, that caused this."

"Events? You mean he is like that not just because he killed his First Officer?"

"We have no way of knowing the depths relationships can be and what the loss of such relationships, irrespective of the cause or duration, can do to those involved. We also have no way of knowing all that is behind the depth of the shock so have no clear idea in how to deal with it. With some patients a single event can trigger such a deep shock as Captain Kirk is experiencing while with others there are prior events that lead to one major event which makes treating the patient most difficult as those smaller events must also be exposed and dealt with. As has already been shown here some patients are most reluctant to confront the memories of those minor events, events that may have seemed unrelated at the time."

"I had heard and read that many who are forced to confront the traumatic experience often have plunged into an irreversible catatonic, almost totally non- functional, state while before they were able to do the most basic of things for themselves. Won't this be what happens to him?"

Czacheck saw how both of the observers looked at the officer who had spoken and he then looked directly at the officer and saw how for a moment there was a flicker of either panic or fear across the man's face. It was not what Czacheck had expected but it did make him consider something that had come to him before. "It is highly unlikely as I do not force patients to confront their experiences. I help them remember what they can, process what they remember, and adapt to how their life will be after the event. I have seen too many cases, and read about even more cases, where patients have been forced to confront the aftermath of situations before they were ready to and in ways that only damaged them more. The beings who do that to their patients are not worthy of being called doctors, nor do they have any place in the medical profession as we take an other to do no harm. If you will excuse me I must get back to my patient."

In the darkened room Jim Kirk woke and for a moment was unsure where he was then the memories came back. He had killed Spock. Somebody else had told Spock's parents that he killed him. That image of Spock on the ground and Doctor Czacheck saying he was dead came back to him. The phaser in his hand. Spock dead on the ground. No. No!

"Good, you're awake Captain." he recognized the voice and inwardly braced himself.

"I want you to again lay there with your eyes closed, breathe deeply fifteen times, and then, with your eyes still shut, tell me all that you saw from the time you transported aboard the Dakota until your return to the Enterprise without mentioning what your other senses were telling you nor what actions you took. Just what you saw."

"We beamed over to the Dakota where you with your security officer, Captain Pellon with his security officer, and the two specialists with their security officers were waiting. You and your security officer, the two specialists with their security officers, and Spock beamed down first. When Captain Pellon, his security officer and I beamed down the two specialists and their security officers were over talking with the representatives from Jubliline Five and you, your security officer, and Spock were slightly aside just talking. There was something strange in the way the representatives from Jubliline Five and their officers reacted when they saw us. One of them gave a gesture I did not understand, I saw Spock make a move to calm the situation, I saw the Jubliline Five group scaling back their emotions and Spock start to turn to face us. I saw him, I saw him, I, I, I,"

The image of Spock turning and looking at him just as the beam hit him was clear. He had not realized, till that moment, that Spock would have known he killed him, Spock would have seen the phaser in his hand. He felt something deep in him start to shake before he struggled to control his breathing as the images became clearer. Before he had not been aware of so many details he had not allowed himself to remember.

"What did you see, Captain Kirk?"

"DAMN YOU! Why did you make me remember that? What sort of a sick bastard are you? He would have known. He would have seen me. He would have seen the phaser. He would have known. Ohmigawd, he would have known."

"What happened then, Captain Kirk? What did you see after that?"

As he struggled to control his breathing, to control his emotions that way Spock had taught him so many years ago. As he struggled for that control he could have sworn he heard, in that special place in his mind, that beloved voice saying ,"Jim, you are letting your emotions control your thinking and now is not the time. The time for emotionalism is later." How many times over the years had he heard those words or ones like them from Spock? As usual Spock had been right then and would be now as in order for his full memory to return he had to control his emotions and see this through. Once this was done he could shut himself away in his quarters and deal with his very human emotions.

"I saw the beam hit him. I saw the beam hit him as he saw me. I saw the phaser in my hand. I saw you rush to him, examine him, and look at Pellon as you said he was dead. You, you then reached out as though in benediction and you spoke with the Jubliline Five and then you and your officer helped the specialists get what we had gone for. I briefly saw the transporter room of the Dakota with you and your security officer, Captain Pellon and his security officer and the two specialists and their two security officers and the items from Jubliline Five before the transporter activated again then there was McCoy and Mist er Scott in the transporter room on the Enterprise."

"I sincerely apologize for making you see that all again, Captain Kirk, but you have remembered so much more. You are making the events that took place much more understandable and the information is proving helpful. I'll leave you for five minutes then we will have a final session. Try to relax."

Relax? The sadist had just made him remember and realize that Spock had seen the phaser in his hand, that Spock would know in those last seconds who had killed him, and expected him to relax. How was he going to live knowing not only that he had killed his best friend but also that his friend would have known who was going to kill him? More questions were needing answers than he had had before. It seemed the more he remembered the more he questioned what had happened and how. He could not remember reaching for his phaser, did not remember why Spock had turned to face him, or what he had said to calm the Jubliline Five officials. There was still no answer as to why he would have had his phaser set on kill, what would have made him ever aim a phaser at Spock, nor why he could not remember so much before.

Somehow knowing that Spock would have seen the phaser in his hand, would have known that his best friend was going to kill him, twisted something deep within him. So many things he had never told or shared with Spock came to him, so many of the things he had never thanked Spock for taunted him, so many times he had meant to let Spock know just how special he was as a friend came to him. What the hell would the final session make him remember? Wasn't it enough to remember that Spock was looking at him when he fired the phaser?

A/N Got a very busy two days coming up so will not have another chapter up for a few days. Take care and have fun.