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After successfully convincing the teens not to kill the poor girl, Dean takes them all back to Victor's house – only to find his little brother tied to a chair, with Victor and the vamp from the blue van standing nearby. Dean's heart aches for Krissy, Josephine and Aidan when they learn that Victor had been behind their families being killed the whole time; using the vampire – Seth – to kill their families, then turning new vampires for them to kill while convincing them that these vamps had murdered their families. Dean knows what it's like for a role model like Victor – who had taken them in, cared for them and trained them – to have been the one holding the proverbial knife in the back the whole time.
"Come with me," Victor implores, tossing his gun onto the couch. "We can get past this."
Only an idiot would have gone with Victor after his admission of orchestrating their families' deaths, just so that he could have a family again after his wife and kids had fallen victim to a wendigo. Luckily, Dean thinks, Krissy and her friends aren't idiots.
"That is unfortunate," Victor says gravely when the three teens exchange a look and Krissy shakes her head. With a side look at Seth, the duo of douchebags spring into action; Victor jumps away, while Seth pounces on Aidan and wraps an arm around his throat. Dean's got his gun out in a heartbeat.
"Aidan!" Krissy screams as Seth hisses, his teeth extending to graze Aidan's ear.
"We're leaving." Victor's looking right at the three teens when he says this but Krissy isn't taking this lying down. Dean has to admit that he admires her bravery in stepping in front of Victor to block his way – though whether this is bravery or recklessness, he isn't sure. Maybe a bit of both. After all, it's something he'd have done.
"That's not happening," Krissy growls. Victor looks down at her, a clear plea in his eyes.
"I taught you everything you know. Don't make me hurt you."
"Not everything, Victor."
At Krissy's signal, Josephine pulls out her knife and stabs at Victor but he easily dodges her attack. Krissy takes advantage of everyone else being occupied with the fight going on to whip out a gun and take Seth down with a dead man's blood dart to the eye, then one to the chest, successfully removing the threat of Aidan being harmed from the equation. Having taken down Josephine, Victor turns to face Krissy but she's already got a gun out and aimed at him. Dean knows that now is the time to step in.
"Krissy, don't," he says warningly, taking a step towards her. Krissy's face tightens.
"If we want revenge for our families' deaths, he gives it to us!" she spits, her voice shaking with unbridled fury. Dean's struck by how much of himself he can see in Krissy, including just how much anger and vengeance she's clinging on to. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, and if Dean could go back and tell his past self to stop being an idiot then he would; but since he can't, he can do the next best thing and stop Krissy from going down that road.
"We don't kill people," he says. "You don't kill people."
"He's not a person." Krissy's voice shakes. "He's a monster."
Dean's once again reminded of Gordon Walker; how the guy was human (until his demise), yet was worse and more hateful than most of the monsters Dean's killed. While he can't deny that he'd felt satisfaction at Gordon's death, he had been more accustomed to the feeling of revenge than Krissy is; if Krissy gets a taste for vengeance now, like Gordon had when his sister had been turned, Dean isn't sure anybody will be able to turn her away from that path. What will happen if her blind rage extends to all vampires and hunters who take kids in? What if she becomes another Gordon?
"Krissy, this ends bad no matter what we do," Sam speaks up. Krissy just positions her gun right at Victor's head, who's fallen on his knees before her.
"Exactly."
She cocks her gun. Dean lowers his and carefully approaches her.
"Krissy, don't," he says in a quiet but firm voice. Krissy ignores him.
"This is for my dad."
She pulls the trigger and Dean prepares for brains splattering…but nothing happens.
"For Josephine's family."
Krissy pulls the trigger again. Dean realises that there's no ammo in the gun.
"For Aidan."
Dean's honestly impressed with Krissy. The temptation to not empty her gun and just blow his brains out must have been overwhelming, yet she had resisted. He's not sure if he'd been able to make the same choice if faced with the person who'd killed Sam.
'Or Cas,' his mind supplies. Dean resolutely ignores it.
"For me."
Krissy pulls the trigger one last time. Victor has become less and less composed with each dry shot and when Krissy takes the four bullets she hadn't fired out of her pocket and drops them in front of him, he finally breaks down into choking sobs. Dean wants to feel sorry for the guy but really, it's his own fault for masterminding the deaths of these teens' families. When Krissy turns to look at Dean, he gives her an approving nod.
"So we're just gonna let him live?" Aidan says incredulously. Krissy turns to look at him.
"Yeah," she says in an almost vindictive voice. "All alone, with himself. No family. No friends. You ask me, that's not much of anything." She turns back to Dean. "Now let's save that girl."
After what happens next, Dean wants to kick himself for not even being prepared. Under the cover of bawling his eyes out, Victor yanks a gun from his sock holster and it's only Josephine's alarmed cry that alerts everybody else to this. But before anybody can do anything, Victor's holding the gun to his head and then pulls the trigger. Dean knows that he should feel something at this, especially seeing Victor lying in a pool of blood with glassy, open eyes…but he doesn't feel anything. Not even a smidgen. He's not sure if this is worrying or not but he's pretty sure it should be.
The events after Victor's death pass almost too quickly. Josephine and Aidan usher the poor vampire inside and wrap her in a blanket, while Krissy prepares a glass of vampire cure under Dean's instruction and then gives it to Josephine.
"'M proud of you," Dean says once Krissy's standing with him and Sam. Krissy just rolls her eyes and threatens to punch him. "So, how's she doing?"
Krissy looks over her shoulder at the vampire.
"Better now," she says softly. She turns back when Sam makes a sudden noise of remembrance and when he carefully pulls out a silver necklace and passes it to her, her eyes mist over.
"I think this is yours," Sam says. Dean's expecting Krissy to make a sarcastic thank you but, to his surprise, her thanks is entirely heartfelt. He wants to grumble. Stupid kids and their stupid sass with him…but at the same time, it warms his heart. Sam's always had a way with teens, just like Dean's got a strange way with kids.
"Whenever you're ready, we'll be in the car," Dean informs her once Sam's left to go wait in Baby. Krissy frowns at him.
"What're you talking about?"
Dean reminds her of the aunt in Cincinnati that she'd told him about earlier but Krissy just shakes her head.
"Look, I hate how we were put together but…I can't deny that it feels right." Krissy looks over her shoulder again. "And why should I let Victor ruin that too?"
Dean smirks at her.
"So, what you're saying is that you like that boy over there and you wanna stay?"
His smirk widens when Krissy just splutters denials and claims about Aidan being like her brother, but it turns to a genuine smile when Krissy says that Josephine will be an adult soon and they'll have each other for support and guidance no matter what. He loves Sam more than anything else in the world – even his own soul – but he can't help but admit that he'd have loved to have a group like this when he was her age. Hunting's a freaking rough job but having this kind of support…it would've made stuff so much easier.
"What about hunting?" he says. If Krissy, Josephine and Aidan plan to hunt then he's going to drag her to her aunt's house, no matter how much she kicks and screams. But her response satisfies him.
"We won't go looking for it. But if any monsters show up around here, they better look out."
It's a good compromise, and far more than Dean was expecting to get out of her. His surprise must show on his face because Krissy's the one smirking now.
"Thought I was gonna have to fight you way more on that," she says smugly.
"Well, you're really not a kid anymore," Dean admits. "You can make your own decisions."
Their goodbye after that is relatively straightforward. Krissy slips in one more insult about Dean's age, before he tells her that he's going to have Garth check in on them every now and then. After cheerfully informing a twitchy Aidan that it's Krissy herself he has to watch out for if he ever hurts her, not Dean, the hunter takes one last look around and then leaves.
The closer to the bunker they draw, the more nervous Dean grows. While he'd hated Castiel just blanking him out and refusing to talk to him, it had been easier in a way; he hadn't had to worry about slipping up with his stupid feelings and letting something else slip. But now Castiel is going to want to talk to him. About feelings. And dammit, he can't do it!
He just wishes Castiel would freaking understand why Dean's having a crisis. It's not just Dean and his thing about not letting anyone that close. He's only ever told two people in his entire life that he loves them: Mary, when he had been an innocent, happy kid; and Sam, when he'd found his voice after going mute for months after Mary's death, and Sam doesn't even remember that since he was a baby at the time. Those are the only two times in his life that he's ever said those words, unless he's said them to John when he was really young and can't remember. And he'd definitely felt that way about Bobby – still does – but Bobby's just one of those people that you insult good-naturedly to show your love and affection. Telling Bobby that he loved him would have been way more trouble than it was worth, especially with his issues around those words in the first place.
So saying them to Castiel…it's such a big deal. The only other person he's loved anywhere near this much had been Cassie – and he'd told her that he loved her by spilling the secret about the supernatural, after which he'd promptly been dumped and kicked out. That rejection has been one of the most profound in his whole life and he's never fully recovered from it; it's partly why he couldn't love Lisa like she'd deserved, even with the dynamic between them not really being romantic. Lisa had wanted a person for support and a father for Ben; Dean had needed someone to just make him not feel so alone. There had been love, sure, but it hadn't really been romantic and Dean hadn't allowed it to be as strong as it could have been. And he'd been right, hadn't he? Lisa and Ben had ended up kidnapped by demons, then Lisa had nearly died after her possession.
Rationally, he knows that Castiel won't reject him. After all, the guy's been trying to say the damn words back! But Dean's pretty sure that it's the fact that Castiel feels the same way that's more terrifying than rejection. As soon as Castiel says it, it's all out there in the open. If Dean fucks it up, he'll hurt Castiel – which he does not want to do. And if it's out there for the world to see, it's there. Enemies can use it. If Dean puts his heart out there, he can guarantee that a monster will take advantage of that and hurt Castiel to get to him. He can't let that happen.
These thoughts keep him occupied until they're pulling into the bunker's garage and Dean knows that he can't put it off any longer. He just prays that Castiel has the decency to wait until Sam's gone for them to have this talk, because the only thing that can make this worse is if his baby brother is there to hear it all.
Thankfully, luck is on his side. Castiel's in the main room when they enter and he looks up from his translation of an old, crumbly book and regards them with a look of affection.
"Sam. Dean," he says in his gravelly voice. Sam beams at him, while Dean just gives him a nervous little mouth twitch.
"Hey, Cas!" Sam says brightly. "Hope you're not bored out of your mind here."
"While I am not…'bored out of my mind'…I must admit that it can get rather tedious down here," Castiel admits slowly. Dean stomach lurches with guilt. He knows that this is the safest place for Castiel but he still can't help but feel that it's his fault that the angel is cooped up here. When Castiel gives him a certain look, he knows that this talk is going to happen no matter what.
"Hey, go get us something for dinner," he says to Sam. "Maybe some pizza or something."
"Why can't you?" Sam complains. When Dean wordlessly tosses the keys to Baby to him, his eyebrows shoot up; and then he takes one look between Dean and Castiel and seems to come to the right conclusion. "Oh…I mean, sure! Pizza it is. And I'll – I'll get some stuff for the week as well, so we don't have an empty fridge."
Sam can't get out of there quick enough. While embarrassment curls in Dean's stomach, he also can't help but feel gratitude towards his little brother's perceptiveness and he vows to do something nice for the little bitch at some point. Maybe he'll indulge him in a salad without complaining for once.
An awkward silence falls on the two men left. It's Dean who breaks it.
"So!" he says overenthusiastically. "Makin' any headway with those translations?"
Castiel gives him a Look.
"Dean, I highly doubt that you sincerely care about my translations," he says dryly. "If you really did, you would not have removed Sam from the bunker."
Dean's stomach churns.
"I – Cas –"
"Why can't you accept it, Dean? You uttered those very words to me and broke me free of Naomi's control. Why can't you allow me to say that I lo –"
"Don't!" Dean says sharply. Cas falls silent, regarding Dean with a look of hurt, and Dean has to back away and pinch the bridge of his nose. "Just – don't!"
"Dean –"
"I can't, Cas!"
A cool mask slips over Castiel's face. Dean wants to reach inside himself and pull out his own guts, because that has to hurt less than seeing this look on Castiel's face. It had only been a few years since Castiel had been a cold, emotionless robot. And now he feels too much. Now he's too human to be an angel, but he's still an angel so he can't be human.
"Did you really mean it, Dean?" Castiel says tonelessly. "Or did you merely say what you needed in order to free me from Naomi and prevent me from killing you while under her influence?"
Dean vehemently shakes his head and takes a step towards the angel.
"No! No way in Hell!" he swears. "You know me, Cas. Would I say something like that if I didn't mean it?"
Castiel's forehead crinkles.
"Of course not. My apologies, Dean. But why –?"
"It's because I mean it, Cas!" Deans thoughts are flying out of his mouth with no filter whatsoever, but he's long past the point of caring. "You know who I've said that to? Mom and Sam! When I was a kid! And look what's happened to both of them!"
"Dean –"
Dean makes a funny hand wave.
"Just – Cas. Lemme talk. Please."
Castiel nods his acquiescence, so Dean continues to vent.
"Everyone close to me ends up dead, Cas. Mom, Dad, Sam, Bobby…heck, even you! The monsters freaking know that Sam's my weak spot! Why do you think they keep going after him? Why d'you think Crowley targeted Lisa and Ben when he wanted to get to me?"
Dean's pacing now, nearly tearing his hair out in his fit. Castiel just stands there, watching him with his signature head tilt and frown.
"So I can't. I can't do that to you, Cas. I can't let you get hurt 'cause of me. You've seen what losing Sam does to me. If anything happens to you…Christ, Cas, Sam's the most important person in the freaking universe to me, but you're up there. So it's not that I don't feel that way – 'cause I do – but Cas, I'm the worst person for you! I'm the reason Heaven hates you and I'm why you're stuck here, and I've got so many issues that I'll just drag you down with me –"
He's cut off by Castiel's slender fingers gripping his face tightly, but not painfully. Before Dean can say anything more, there are warm, chapped lips pressing to his, moving against his mouth in a clumsy but passionate kiss. He lets out a small whimper and grips fistfuls of Castiel's trench coat as he reciprocates…but only for a moment. Once he realises what's happening, he pushes away.
"Cas," he whispers. "Please. I can't. Not now."
His stomach swoops when he realises that this is the closest he's ever seen Castiel's eyes. Now that he's so close, he can make out the specks of pale blue amongst the deep azure, which add celestial depth to him and make him really look like the cosmic, timeless being he is.
"I understand, Dean." Castiel's voice is a quiet rumble. "I will wait for you. But I'm tired of waiting. Please do not suppress your feelings and pretend that they are not there as you always do. Yes, pursuing a relationship with me is a risk, but not much more so than what we currently are. Everybody can already see the profound bond between us. And I face the exact same risks as you, so I do understand precisely how you are feeling. That is why I'll wait for you."
He presses one last quick kiss to Dean's lips before stepping away. In a moment, he's back to his translations as if nothing has happened, leaving Dean to wonder why he feels as though he's just made a huge mistake.