Chapter Two: The Plays I'm Gonna Make
(11/20/22 | 7:21 a.m. | Sword Art Online Let's Play Part 15)
"Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Sword Art Online. I'm sorry, but if you didn't know, 800 more players have joined the initial 200 in death after a check back at the Town of Beginnings yesterday. Therefore, I pay my respects like I did on the first video," a small moment of silence came, "However, hope that the rest of us will become stronger to avenge them like you and us players should everyday." Humming a random tune, the owner of the grave voice looked up into the sky and followed a somehow very particular group of wispy clouds. In his mind, they seemed like human spirits, but he brightened up a bit.
"On a lighter note, what's up, guys!? This is VarlancerTheRanger, and lovely morning, isn't it? I wanted to read your comments to figure out how Sword Skills work, how do you eat, where to sleep, where to eat, can I not show my helmet, what to eat, what you lot wanted for me to play as, and so on; but being stuck in this virtual castle of gaming damnation called Aincrad I am clearly unable to do that. I pulled through though, picking up some things along the way, so I have made a decision. I have finally decided what I'm going to play as." I stood up, headed for the next town, and scrolled down my stats.
Character: Varlancer
Level: 9
Stats:
Health: 415/415
Strength: 62
Defense: 84
Agility: 64
Dexterity: 49
Luck: 2
'Oh haha, Akihiko motherfuckin' Kayaba. I have way better luck than this shit … which I have been saying for the last two goddamn weeks!'
Abilities:
One-Handed Straight Sword (Lvl. 5): 511/5000
One-Handed Battle Axe (Lvl. 4): 3365/4000
One-Handed Assault Spear (Lvl.4): 2888/4000
One-Handed Dagger (Lvl. 3): 1871/3000
One-Handed War Hammer: 923/1000
Slant (Lvl. 5): 128/5000
Vertical (Lvl. 5): 82/5000
Horizontal (Lvl. 4): 3954/4000
Parry (Lvl. 4): 13/4000
Block (Lvl. 5): 94/5000
Searching (Lvl. 5): 212/5000
Straining (Lvl. 5): 175/5000
Acrobatics (Lvl. 5): 173/5000
Sprint (Lvl. 5): 439/5000
Extended Weight Capacity (Lvl. 5): 498/5000
Stat Points Available: 26
Exp: 1596/3250
"I've been trying out some different weapons as of far – well only the one-handed ones at least – and I actually liked the weapon and shield thing. And you all saw couple parts ago of my first time with a shield.
[Flashback to Part 7]
"Okay guys, I am going to try out this new shield I bought, and I am going to see how I do with it. It's surprisingly lighter than I thought, though. Probably the strength stat. Or the weight capacity. Strength or the weight capacity. Oh, maybe strength and weight capacity. Yea. But enough shit, let's go kick some virtual ass!"
(5 minutes later …)
"HOLY CRAP ON A CRAPBURGER MADE OF CRAPPY PINK SLIME AND CRAP MAYONAISSE AND CRAPPING TOMAHTOES ALL ON CRAPTASTING TOP OF A CRAPPIN' BISCUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"
Who the hell makes the Luck stat so bad that you get a whole fucking herd of piggies after your ass? I got nearly ran over by several of them and bitch srapped dem a-ho'es wit' mah pimp cane swo'd fo' doin' dat shit. Come on! It's only the most goddamn logical thing to do. I don't even think the Luck stat is supposed to have anything to do with this! But still, fuck you Luck and, more importantly … (turns to screen) CTRL – F – C – K – Alt – U, Kayaba!
I activated my Horizontal, striking down 4 pigs from the mass stampede behind me before continuing sprinting off. Turning a corner, I dashed into a narrow cave – about a single guy wide – only to find it a dead end. I turned around to face the horde coming for me, and a slightly overeager pig charged in a little faster before leaping in my direction. With a Vertical, I brought my battered sword down upon it until it broke before me. 'Shit.' But on instinct (and maybe some inspiration from Captain America plus Leonidas plus Ryse plus Braum), I reared back my shield for what seemed like a punch and smashed my foe's neck against the side wall with the shield's narrow end, shattering it to pixels; and I brought it down bracing myself for the charge. CRASH! The swarm piled in through the entrance colliding with my only protection. Looks likes my last words are coming up.
"People, I'm so sorry for this. Looked like Lady Luck had flashed me so many times with her torturous beauty and completely hot, imaginary body before saving me from hordes that no normal player should have found. And now looks like the goddess herself has now come to rape me in the ass – or in this case the front. Wait, what? I am only 15, and still yet to have a girlfriend and getting some. I love my family: dad, mother, and lil' sister. I love food. I love League of Legends. I love anime and manga. I don't like racists but laugh at many racist jokes. I've eaten a crushed Pocky that has been crushed under my shoe after walking around fields, San Francisco streets, and the beach all after a rainy day. I had a feeling I might be a siscon and lolicon. I once thought about jacking a M1 Abrams to run through Candlestick Stadium and blowing up Kaepernick in the face before running over his exploded body. I love Fanfiction and just started a new story about a guy doing a Let's Play on a new MMORPG in the distant future only to be trapped in it until the players beat it. I wanted to whack someone with a shield LIKE A BOSS! Sorry for not being able to upload anymore. No more SAO to watch for you guys. To my friends and family, live happily for the rest of your time without me. And it had to be on Part number 7. Why fail me lucky numbers and Valkyria Chronicles?"
'Wait. Whack someone with a shield?' I looked at the item at hand, and I just said 'Screw it.'
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I took a step forward, slowly pushing back the monsters. Building up momentum, I began running forward thoroughly rejecting from the choke point, and when I emerged just outside the entrance scanning through the overturned pork bellies …
"YOU JUST GOT REJECTED, SON!"
With only crazy, druggy rainbows in my vision and still taking dozens of hits from all sides, I wrecked the rest of the opposition with my cracking shield to unleash my inner Afroman. Even the song was playing from my downloaded playlist for some reason.
"… now I'm jacking off, and I know whyyy! [Why man?] Because I got high. Because I got high. Because I got hiiiggghhh …"
"GET REKT, SONS! FUFUFAHUFHAHUFUUUUJKLADJAKDJVVCMMCQVOIDSAFIEGHCNANFPWETbleeeh …" last part in my druggy Lil' Wayne voice.
With a moment to catch my breath and a sliver of red in my health bar, I breathed heavily from my recent hardship. I took a look at my shield barely holding together. Poor thing. Smoothing my hand over the cracks, it then shattered past its due durability.
"My good viewers, I live to see another day. And you all have to admit … that it was pretty damn badass. But this was only a new shield. Worth quite some Col. I am going to find all the bacon in the shops and eat as much as I could now."
Walking back towards the town, I took a look at my shield arm again. I love shields more than ever. And I still fucking hate you, Kayaba, for shittin' on my Luck.
[Flashback end.]
"Guys, I am going to be …," I put 3 Stat Points to Strength, 4 to Agility, 3 to Dexterity, and the rest of it to Defense, "THE BIGGEST, BADDEST, TANKIEST BASTARD THIS FLOATING CASTLE OF SCRAP WILL EVER KNOW!"
"Yes, viewers. I'm going full tank on this, to become UNKILLABLE. I don't give a crap about what shit damage I'll deal because I'm going to protect the scrubs that BETTER DAMN WELL DO IT FOR ME! I'll be so tanky; Sion, Zac, and Mundo will be my brahs in arms kissing my lovelyass feet. And they'll like it!"
One awkward silence later, "Okay, I just realized how messed up that sounded."
After that rant, the town came up in front of me, and I continued sprinting for it. Taking a look around, there were lots of NPCs but no players. Looks like I got here early. Walking towards a shop, I got to selling furs, skins, unnecessary items, and all that jazz; then I got to seeing what's new. My character was in some decent plate armor with a few dark grey decals covering most of me and had a 3 ft.-long straight sword on the left hand and a medium-sized buckler on the right. I equipped a helmet as well but I toggled its display option off because it looked pretty weird with my getup, but either way I looked good as of now. If I want to be a tank though, I'll need a better shield than the one I have now, but sadly none of the new ones in this shop were worth the col. However, I felt something behind me and turned around to reveal a green-cloaked girl behind me with the hood covering the top half of her face, but she still had a sort of predatory grin on her face. I really hope she's not half-man, half-shark. Like any person should, I felt a little freaked out at the sudden appearance of what looked like an Araluen Ranger ready to shank my ass and hang me into a tree to hide my body. Yes, Dad did have a liking to hooded badasses killing from the shadows. I mean, who doesn't? Their silent kills, the pretty difficult achievements, the girls (or guys. Gender Equality!) they pick up (except that they all die one way or another. Fuck you, Ubisoft). Come on, people. Gotta love 'em.
"Uh, you want to do something here?" I asked, stepping aside from the shop counter.
The girl seemed to have a short moment of confusion before realizing how to understand me and replied in a creepily cheerful manner, "Well I don't, actually. Who are you though? My name's Argo."
"I'm Varlancer. Just call me 'Var' for short. What are you here for, then?"
"Before we get to that, I would just love to know just what level you are, Var (Dammit, it rhymed!). You do seem very different from the others out there. Kind of like meeting Ki-bou and Heathcliff-san."
Nervously scratching the back of my head, "Aiiiii … I'm level 9, actually, from grinding just two nights ago."
Her hood lifted up to see her manic eyes (kind of like she took way too much coffee) widen slightly.
"Hmmm. Very interesting. Highest level I've seen yet however it's surpassing Ki-bou who's only level 7, and he was one of the best beta testers if he described it correctly. Were you one?"
"No really. My Uncle Vic took the beta, but he gave me the money that he was going to use to buy the things when I found the pre-order ad. So I'm as much as a n00b to this as anyone else like me."
"Looks I'll need some info from you, this might be good for some highlights," she muttered quietly before speaking up again and grabbing my arm, "Yep, come with me. I want your info."
Wait what? Is she going to ask for my number? Sure my parents said I looked good in that Viktor cosplay once. But I'm not that good-looking, right? (Of course you can't tell, this is only from text in a barely descriptive Fanfiction OC. What do you think?)
Turned out after she dragged me out into some empty field, she wanted to know my stats and equipment for some info guide she's making. Also, some of my experiences were described in our interview. After some more things from me, she wanted to friend me which I accepted. And she went back to the town to check the prices. Information broker, I think the term was?
"Well, guys have a lovely time. And we made the first addition to our Friend List, Argo. But I think the term "friend" is a bit loose here. She seemed nice enough, possibly bit too much on the coffee addiction there, but 'ey. This is VarlancerTheRanger and I'm signing off for today's video. Ba-bye." Video end.
(12/1/22 | 11:26 a.m. | Sword Art Online Let's Play Part 27)
"Hey guys! It's VarlancerTheRanger and today we start another part of the Sword Art Online Let's Play. Apparently, everyone's got a message for anyone wanting to clear the game to attend a meeting. Now, I have a feeling we're going to do something big for this video. So on to the place!"
Arriving in a circular amphitheater and taking a seat in the back, I crossed my legs and waited patiently for the meeting to start. Hey, that guy on the stage has blue hair. Is it natural? But how the hell? Or it could be dyed in real life and it was scanned that way. Lucky son of a gun. But it looks like it's starting.
The blue-haired fellow stepped forward, "Hello everyone, I'm Diabel, and I am – as I like to think of myself – a knight." Laughter followed at the comment. 'There's no job system here! / Quit jokin' around! / Why you call us out here for?'
Diabel's face turned from warmhearted to grimly determined, "Just recently, me and my party have been clearing the dungeon and found the boss room." That got a response. 'Oooooh! / How? / Where?!'
Muttering softly just for my viewers to hear, "He looks nice and very good as a person. I'm startin' to like this guy. Any more news?"
"So, as my duty as a knight and yours as clearers, we should take down this boss and prove to everyone that this death game can be beaten!"
I couldn't help applauding the speaker and yelling an 'OOOOORAH!' He's like a politician pushing people to support Tesla for the good of U.S. industry. Inspiring, but I felt something's a little up. Just a little.
"The boss is Illfang, the Kobold Lord. He is a boss with 3 health bars with an axe and a buckler. Once he reaches the final health bar, he discards them both for a sort of curved weapon called a Talwar. He has an entourage of Ruin Cave Sentinels. And …"
But then a voice popped up with A-S-S-H-O-L-E imprinted all over the voice signature just from one word, "Oi!"
An orange guy with cactus hair jumped down and with a look of contempt on his face pointed towards the audience, "My name is Kibaou. And first, some people should apologize for the deaths of over 2000 players."
I muttered again, "Son of a bloody gun. We'll never make it to the 10th floor if this rate keeps up. I'm sorry for not being aware, but my condolences, minna."
The "knight" turned to the spike head and asked, "Is this about the beta testers?"
"Yeah! When this stupid death game began, instead of helping out the newbies, those damn beta testers took off taking all the good hunting spots and quests leaving the rest of us for dead! They should all give up their items and money to be distributed among all of us equally. And I know that they are here, come out!"
"Great, not only is he an ass. He's also a Communist. Go wrestle a bear with your bare hands, fucktard." Continuing my commentary.
Kibaou scanned the seats until he stopped to glare at me.
"You!" he stuck out that fucking finger. Asshole, didn't yo' momma told ya' not ta' point? "You must be a tester! Give up all your items to atone your sins."
Speaking up, "I'm not a beta tester."
Looks of confusion (why does this has to keep on happening?) swept through most of the stadium at my English. A deep voice from the crowd spoke up, "Put on Japanese subtitles." Thanks, whoever you are. But no thanks to the damn orange talking next.
"You damn American. Always arrogant and prideful. Fighting for others when it's only yourselves. You must be a damn tester, getting all you want with all your American dollars."
"He's an asshole, a Communist, and now a fucking racist? Oh hell no, son," I muttered a final time to the viewers, "Sorry everyone. Warning: swearing, racist stuff, offensive stuff, and other things you don't like will come from my mouth. I'm pissed off at this guy to the point where these words will shoot from my mouth into his face."
"First of all, I'm not a beta tester. I'm as much as a n00b as you are. I just happen to do better than you. Second, if you want my shit, my answer is 'Suck my American dick while I rip off your tiny Jap dick before I have you eat it for dinner tonight roasted in your insides-turned-fireplace.' You, my no-way-in-hell friend, are a frakkin' Communist who only wants your own little world a better face by having some good shit you can't get by your limpdick self. As a proud – not arrogant like you are, making shitty demands like that – American, I get what I earn. And you know what I was gonna do with it all. Give the stuff I don't need away to some people who need it anyways, or sell them to get equip on myself to clear this game faster and protect everybody else. Three, if you want the whole goddamn world against me, 1v1 me in mid, scrub."
The deep voice again spoke up again, "Permission to speak?" Diabel nodded, "My name's Agil. Well, do you, Kibaou-san, have this?" A tall, African man stood up holding a small, brown book.
Everyone else, me and the asshole included, brought out one from their inventory. Fiery Hairdo snarled, "Yeah, so what?"
"These were all free in the stores, correct? And these guidebooks were made from the beta testers." Murmurs of agreement spread all around the place. "Everyone had equal access to this information, and yet these amounts of players die. Instead of blaming others, we should be learning from their mistakes and avenge their deaths by beating this game."
Diabel agreed, "He's right, and we should all cooperate to take this boss down. Now …" I tuned out the rest of it. I got this, it's going to be the time to prove my tankiness, "Everyone form parties of 6. Meet up at 7:00 a.m. sharp."
"Crap!" I exclaimed. Scanning the rows I found a dark-haired guy and a red-cloaked figure talking together. Dashing for them, they turned to look at me. I recognized one familiar face.
"Ohayo, Kirito," waving to long-lost acquaintance.
"Oi, Var," he waved back.
"Wanna party up? You two look lonely, sooo can I join the party?"
Kirito turned to the cloaked figure who seemed like a girl, I think, and they both nodded.
"Aye."
The request screen formed in front of me and I accepted.
"Well, see you guys tomorrow. I'm heading out for some shopping." I walked away.
Behind me, the two: one the guy and the other the girl, said, "Bye."
Back to my viewers, "Well guys, looks like a boss battle tomorrow for you all, but first I'm gonna do some preparations. Repairs, potions, crystals, all that good stuff. And we'll be good to go."
With the sun up high, the restaurant looked like a good place to start. Eat, then anything important that you're too lazy to do hungry. Works every time.
"Food, Glorious food."
[-]
Well, welcome back to another chapter of the Let's Play, and I appreciate the first reviews I just got. All came in only a day or less.
To:
Skyar Triv and CaptainButternubs756: Why thank you, it's nice to see a new idea I haven't seen yet in the archives now made by me, turn out pretty well.
Zombie7obster: Thank you, as well. But, after looking up the wikis, I'm pretty sure I got the dates right.
Siris the Guardian of Aura: Well you are … A FRIKKIN BRO'. GIVE ME A BROFIST, BROSKY! And if you were hungry for another chappie. Hope this helps your appetite.
This did not go too far plot-wise, I'm pretty sure, but I did spend quite some thinking on this. So I hope you readers like it. Like last time, if you wanna support the series, post a review. Or press the favorite or follow. (but I like the reviews more. What more can I ask for?) I will be trying to post new chapters every week or 2, but after the next chap (If I make it in time) I'm going on winter break in Canada. Therefore until some time next year will I be getting back to gear. So this is GrimRangerLock3001 finishing this chapter off.