Ezra's POV
We left her behind. I thought as I sat next to Kanan sobbing into his chest. My mind flicked back to when Kanan had been captured when I let him convince me to go without him and then he told Hera to leave and we did. But, this isn't the same. She's… She's… probably dead. If she didn't die in the temple collapsing then Vader probably killed her. She's gone… Ahsoka's gone. And it's your fault. Kanan's blind and that's your fault too, A little voice in the back of my mind told me. And I found myself agreeing with the voice, After all you set off the temple which is probably the reason that Vader showed up. And you wouldn't be there at all if you hadn't touched that spire thing and made the floor crumble. Also, you trusted Maul and he was the one who lead you into that stupid temple. But, he might not be blind. He could just be hurt. I haven't seen the extent of the injury yet.
After I few minutes I calmed down enough to find the med kit. I really didn't want to see Kanan's eyes, or remains of them anyway, but they needed to be at least bandaged. So I went over to Kanan and slowly took the temple guard mask off his face. I gasped in horror as I saw his eyes. There was a long cut from about the coroner of his right eye across his nose to the other side of at his right eye. And his eyes themselves were glazed over almost completely white. The cut was deep enough to draw blood and was blood red, but there was no evidence of blood which meant one thing, which I pretty much already knew, it was a lightsaber that did it. Also, there was almost no chance that he would ever see again. I stare for just a few second to take in the cut and the red skin all around it before I start to treat it.
As I do I ask a very stupid question that I don't really want to know the answer to, "What happened?"
"Maul. He caught me off guard and struck before either Ahsoka or I could react." Kanan replies and my stomach clenches. So, it is my fault. If I had only listened to Kanan and not trusted Maul he wouldn't be blind and Ahsoka wouldn't be dead. I thought as I wrapped a thick-ish, white bandage around Kanan's head. Suddenly I was aware of a pain in my right hand and as I looked down at it I saw a gash cut across my palm and my gloves torn edges smoldering. For a moment I'm confused, but then I remember my broken lightsaber which was sitting next to the sith holocron on my seat. Vader had sliced it in half and in the act had nicked my hand. It might only be a nick but it still stung like crazy.
As I started to reach for a bandage to wrap around my hand Chopper's voice came over the com, beeping that we were landing. So, I dropped the bandage and shoved the holocron and the pieces of my lightsaber into my pocket. Then as I watched Kanan trying to stand, he accomplished it but not before falling back twice and slamming his knee into the chair on the other side of him, then I rushed over to him and helped him towards the ramp and as the Phantom landed we stood there on the ramp.
Standing there ready for us to come out were Sabine, Zeb, and Hera. I also saw Rex hurrying over. I looked at each of my crew in turn as they realized what had happened. First, right in front of us was Hera. While I watched her she seemed to inspect the inside of the Phantom, probably for Ahsoka, and when she didn't find anything she quickly looked over me then looked her eyes on Kanan's face. Her eyes started to fill with tears. That really surprised me because I had never seen Hera cry before. It's not what I expected from her, she was always that person that you could lean on when you need it and was strong and never in need of others. In just a few seconds I had seen more sensitivity in her than I had seen in almost all the time that I had been with the crew.
Then, I looked over at Zeb next. He was just standing there with this bewildered look on his face as he searched the cabin himself and then looked towards Kanan and I were still standing. He still seemed a little confused as he assessed Kanan's injury until Rex walked up to him. That's when I switched to looking at Rex. He looked at us and the Phantom until he was sure that Ahsoka wasn't in here. That she wasn't here and wouldn't be again. That's when his eyes started to look a little misty and fanaway. I knew he wasn't actually looking at me, but it felt like he was staring at me almost blaming me for his friend not coming back. Which it is, the voice in my mind reminded me.
Finally, I turned my attention to Sabine. While watching the others reactions I saw her do her own search of the cabin and lookover of Kanan. Now she was studying me with a look on her face that looked almost heartbroken. Then her eyes seemed to go somewhere far away.
I was to focused on Sabine that it took me by surprise when Kanan started to move forward. I was still hold on to his arm and I knew exactly where he would want to go, or more like who. So, I steered Kanan toward Hera, but let Kanan go under his own steam and just led him towards her. We had gone about two or three steps when Hera surged forward to meet us. When she got to us she put her hands on either side of his head and seemed to scrutinize the bandage across his eyes. I felt Kanan start to move his arms as if to embrace Hera, so I removed my hand from his arm. So, he knew that I was still there, and in a little part of me to reassure myself that he was there, I set my hand on his shoulder. Before I knew it he had his arms around Hera and she was snuggled perfectly into his chest, almost like she was made to fit to him. As I watched them hug the stinging in my hand seemed to grow stronger. I looked at it and realized that I was squeezing Kanan's shoulder with my bad hand and immediately I loosened my grip on his shoulder.
We all stood there for a moment before Hera broke out of Kanan's embrace and moved to his other side and said, "Come on we should get you to the medbay." Then together they started to move towards the medbay and I followed behind them with my hand still on Kanan's shoulder. When we walked past the others I glanced at each of them. Sabine was still staring into space, Rex had gone out of his almost catatonic state and was now listening to Zeb trying to console him while I saw a single tear slide down his cheek.
As soon as we walked into the medbay a nurse came rushing over and took Kanan from our hands and lead him over to a bed to start properly treating his eyes. Then I started to freak out. What if they want to check me over and find that my hand is injured? I thought and somewhere in my mind I knew that it was stupid thing to think, but I thought I don't deserve treatment. All that has happened is my fault. Hera and Rex are hurting. So, are Sabine and Zeb. Ahsoka's dead and Kanan's blind. Wait they're going to treat his eyes that means seeing that horrible sight again. I don't want to see that. It was bad enough the first time. The entire time I was thinking that I had been backing up towards the door and at that last thought I split turned towards the door and started to run. As I flew out the door I hear Hera say my name behind me but I didn't want her to come after me. Afterall, we both know that Kanan needs her right now. No matter what I don't need anyone's help. After all this is my fault and everyone else is hurt as well. As I ran I grabbed the stupid sith holocron out of my pocket. Why did I keep this stupid thing! I wouldn't have gone with Maul if I didn't need this and I can't even open it! What's the point? I stopped by our makeshift fence and gripping it hard with my right hand, with the sharp edge digging into the injury already there, I threw it as far away from my as I could without it going outside the fence for I knew that even if I didn't like it I knew that we would need this in the future.
Stupid! I yelled at myself as I cradled my injured hand in the other and stared out at the creatures that we share this planet with and felt tears pouring down my face, again. These tears though were a mixture of sad and angry tears. Sad at this entire thing and angry at myself for my stupidity in the entire mission. Suddenly a thought came to me You were the one who saw Yoda in the temple and that's why we went there at all. This truly is my fault.
I was scarred by a hand on my shoulder and my name spoken quietly. I quickly turned to find Sabine standing beside me with this look of pity on her face.
That look on her face only worked to infuriate me even more. I said, "What?" in a voice that was clearly full of anger even if it did crack. She looked so shocked and for a moment I actually enjoyed that look, but then I just felt guilty. Another thing that is my fault! Why can't you do anything right!
She then asked the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard, "Are you Ok?" I mean seriously was anyone ok after this thing that I had done. I know I shouldn't have taken out my anger on Sabine, but I needed to let go and she just happened to be right there.
I didn't mean to say it so harshly, at least to her, but I said, "Do I look ok?! Of course I'm not ok! Kanan's blind. Ahsoka's dead! And it's all my fault!"
She answered by saying in what I think was supposed to be a reassuring voice, "It's not your fault." I scoffed at this What does she know? She wasn't there. And I told her just that.
In response to that she said surprisingly calmly, "Then tell me about it." And to my surprise I found myself telling her the entire story of the mission. Near the end of the story I started to hear my voice crack.
Again to my surprise after hearing the story Sabine said, "Sure you did some stupid things, but it isn't your fault. It's Maul's." I wanted to believe her but that little voice came back and said again, What does she know? It's all in your intentions. It is your fault.
Without saying a word in response I walk over to where I had thrown the holocron, picked it up, and walked to the Ghost and my room.
Once I got to my room I sat on Zeb's bunk and, with the holocron in my cupped hands, bent my head and started to think over the mission. Trying to find something that wasn't my fault, but everything seemed to come back to something I did. I was still sitting there when I heard the door hiss open and I looked up to see Zeb standing there.
So, here you guys go Ezra's point of view. It might seem a little unfinished, but if you go to my other story Fault there is the rest of this particular story even if it's in Zeb's POV. I hope you guys like it. Thank you guys for everything you do to support this story and Read, Review, and Enjoy.