Chapter 5: Ho Ho Ho! The Season of Love, Feels, Good Tidings, and Sentai?

[5:43 p.m. | 6/22/23 | Sword Art Online Let's Play Part 230]

Seeing the happy bunch that will bulldoze through the roads of chaos, hardship, and monsters, I couldn't help but say out loud …

"Friendship is magic."

"Did you say something, Var?" a voice softly asked with kind, blue eyes.

"Uhhhhhhhhh… , nothin'." I said a bit quicker than I should have. 'Flutters', I thought.

Fortunately for me, Sachi merely looked at me for a bit longer before going back to talking with her new official guild member. I watched as she hugged his arm causing my fellow tank player to instantly blush as if he's in a hot spring and smile dreamily with fantasizing, glazed-over, basically perverted eyes. The guy really likes her, but then again with his backstory I wouldn't be surprised. Asian soap operas and rom-coms plus romance anime plus romance fanfics for the win, suckas! (Even I don't get what the hell he meant.)

Anyways, back to the others.

Meanwhile, the Black Cats' Guy Trio (aka Tetsuo, Sasamaru, and Ducker) went to look around the new house bought by Keita earlier in the afternoon, and their footsteps, roughhousing, and yells rang out inside of it.

"(THUD!) (CRACK!) Ugh, sorry guys I didn't see where I was going and …"

"Shut up, No Eyes! Check out the bathroom we got here! Porcelain sinks, ivory showers, clean bowls, and shining bathtubs! There's even Mr. Rubber Ducky! (SQUEAK!) (SQUEAK!) ~Heheheh~"

I thought to myself, 'Please God/Kami/Kayaba/etc., I really hope that Ducker doesn't have Ernie for a middle name or something.'

"Ducker, why are you putting that in your pocket?"

"Because Cappy, I need another good luck charm in case we ever get into another goddamned anti-crystal area like last time!"

And their banter soon went out one ear and out the other for me.

Actually in front of the door were the two figures of Kirito and the current guild leader Keita. Kirito still looked gloomy from the recent events, but as of far Keita looked pretty cool with it. Let's see what's next in the conservation. I walked up to them to hear better and watched the scene unfold.

"Again, Keita, I'm very sorry for lying. I almost had your guild – your family – killed. I should leave before I cause any more trouble."

"Aiyiyiyi, Kirito, how many times do I have to tell you? I already spent the first 5 minutes of conversation raging about this whole day but finally ended it with forgiving you. What else do I have to say to get the message through your stubborn skull?"

"But still! You don't need me anymore! Gale is a Beater, too, and a real friend."

"Kirito, why are you not one of our friends? You think these last few months were just you being all professional about training a group of mid-level players like acquaintances? You're the one guy who I could talk to about all of my friends …"

"You shouldn't have trusted me …"

"the one who could talk to Tetsuo and Sasamaru like classmates at school …"

"Isn't that borderline acquaintance?"

"the one who Ducker and Sachi look up to you like a brother who can do anything!"

"But …, but …"

"And that's why you're our true friend and that we'll have you still be a member of our guild until we can hold our own without you. Just like you intended! So as much as I want you to throw you over a bridge for letting everyone in the dungeon in the first place but I can't, what do you say?"

Kirito held a long, sad, but now calculating gaze onto Keita's face before relaxing with a small smile on his lips, "Well, okay then."

That ended their conversation on the high note, and I felt like time was running out for the video before I should sign off. One last thing, though.

"And that ends Kirito's well-meaning deception to the Moonlit Black Cats. After a couple months of hiding his true identity from his cared ones, he is now force to leave that shell, and look at him now! It all went great! Now if you guys were ever wondering how I randomly changed loadouts, well lads, that's a tale for another day. And we've met the new Beater, Gale who's a spear-wielding tank with a very similar sense of style to Kirito. But then again, what handsome dude wouldn't look awesome in a black/white/gray/Oreo/monochrome coat? So everybody, this is just a Let's Play. A Sword Art Online Let's Play. Varlancer out." Video end.

[9:27 p.m. | 12/24/23 | Floor 49 | Sword Art Online Let's Play Part 384 1/2)]

So this is Aincrad
And what has it done
One life's now over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Aincrad
I hope you survive
The friends and the guild-mates
The dead or alive

A very crappy Aincrad
And fuckin' Kayaba
Let's hope we clear this shit
With a big 'Oorah'!

And so this is Aincrad
Low levels and high ones
Players and NPCs
Don't make any wrongs

And so this damn Aincrad
For the n00bs and testers
For Clearers and Beaters
All need a rester

A very crappy Aincrad
And fuckin' Kayaba
Let's hope we clear this shit
With a big 'Oorah'!

And so this is Aincrad
And what has it done
One life's now over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Aincrad
I hope you survive
The friends and the guild-mates
The dead or alive

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

Game'll be over over
If we clear it
Game'll be over
Now...

As I slowly strummed the last chord, I just sensed a couple presences and heard their claps until I suddenly opened my eyes to see the whole square filled with people in applause. (I like singing with my eyes closed, and the square was empty at the time. I'm surprised that I didn't at least smell someone's food or something.)

"Eeeh?! Where the hell did these people come from?" I suddenly stood up from my sitting position and frantically looking around the whole area with wide eyes.

A female player who looks likes she's a preteen came up to me jumping up and down in excitement, "What's your name? What'syournamewhat'syournamewhat'syourname…" Geez, girl. It was only a parody. That doesn't mean I'm a pop star or anything.

"Uh, Varlancer. Or Var, for short."

She then randomly brought out a sword from her inventory and put it in my hands, "May I have your autograph, Var-sama?"

"Uh, I don't have a pen or anything, so yeah …" she brought out a small dagger. Well, I could just scratch the thing on … wait a minute. "Wait, Var-sama?!" It was only a fucking parody!

She gave a cheeky smile, "Yes, Var-sama's the one who also sang that rock song last year when the first floor was cleared, correct?"

Rock song from the first floor? Oh, she means that time when I sang "ft." How the hell did she even hear that at the time much less know that it was me?

Then, even more fangirls were screaming out, "Sign my weapon, too! / No, sign my armor! / Put me on your friend list! / Let me join your guild! / … VAR-SAMA!"

No. What part of the armor, heheheh … (MENTAL PIMP SLAP!) (Not now, you baka no ecchi). No. And hell no, never been in a guild and not planning to anytime soon. Either way, I need to escape the horde now because now some of the guys are getting pissed, too.

"Teme! / I'll bust your face in, playa! / Come out and face me, music boy! / I'll wreck you, piano man!" (I play a frickin' guitar, man. How can you not tell? But the song by Billy Joel wasn't that bad.)

Having escaped countless monster mobs because of my apparent shit Luck, sprinting away from this mob of humans is not much different. The problem was losing them in time for my meeting with Argo, Kirito, Keita, and Gale about the event boss in a couple hours from now. So, as I was sprinting away and turned a corner far enough from where I started, I then circled back to the tree and hid in the branches somehow. After a good five minutes, I poked my head and saw the coast was clear, and I dropped down only to see a little girl turn around to see me as if waiting. Suddenly, a trade window popped up.

"Uh, Var … -sama, uh, I wanted to, uh, thank you for singing such a nice song and the one from last year, well, uh, except for some of the cussing. So, uh, here's some Col to help you," she nervously fidgeted around and avoided my eyes.

Hmph, she seems nice enough. I smiled warmly in gratitude, "Thank you," and I accepted the 1500 Col she offered. As she was about to turn and leave, a trade window in front of her face.

It read, "Varlancer wants to give you 15000 Col. Do you accept? Accept/Decline"

As her eyes widened in surprise, I knelt down and put my hand on her shoulder, "But you know what? I'm usually the one who lends people money back in the real world. So, translation: I'm more of the giving-type than a taking-type. I end up losing all of my food though, but eh. You have family?"

"Not in the game, but I do stay at the orphanage from the first floor. We all came here to see the tree."

"Well, kid, share these with your friends and maybe let the caretaker have some. Merry Christmas, little one."

With sparkling eyes, she exclaimed happily, "Thank you, Var-sama!"

"No, just call me Var."

"Merry Christmas to you too! Have a good one, Var!"

Running back to the crowds, I sighed in content. Now, back to my meeting.

(5 minutes later)

I walked up to see the bench with the familiar heads of Kirito, Gale, and Keita on the seat with Argo leaning on it.

"Yo. Sorry I'm late."

The three guys turned their heads around to look at me, and Gale asked, "Where've you been all this time? Don't tell me you got a date just now?"

"And why do you look like an outlaw or something minus the Santa hat?" Keita added in.

I stared down at myself and saw myself in a tattered, leather coat with a pair of torn trousers, cowboy-style boots, and (like Keita said) a Santa hat. I really need to get that Skill under control, or else who knows what I'm gonna change into next time. Scrolling down my inventory to change my loadout, I went back to their questions. You know what? I'll keep the Santa hat.

"Well, some things came up and stuff happened here and there. None of your concern," Wow, the stars look really good tonight. Okay, back to earth I go.

"Oh, but how was the performance? I heard you made a big hit single," Argo teased with a knowing smirk.

I raised a brow, "And where did you get this info from?"

"Oh, as if the horde of fangirls and jealous guys screaming your name wasn't enough. And the fact I saw you with your little guitar back at the tree only helped."

Gale swore, "Oh dammit, Var! First Kirito, and now you! Who else is gonna be stuck in the confines of sexual tension with me? You're even a bi!"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, "It didn't end up like that. They all thought of me as some new one-man boy band like that Ed Sheeran guy or one of those blokes from One Direction. Girls wanted my babies because of my 'concert' a while ago, and other guys don't like those guys if you know what I mean."

Kirito cleared his throat harshly, prompting for all of us to pipe down, and he turned to the Rat, "What else do you have on the flag boss? Does anyone know where it'll appear?"

"Ki-bou, I agreed to answer your first question for what you gave me. For the next one, I'll need extra."

"Argo …"

"Okay, okay. This is a first-time event, meaning it never came up in the beta. So, I got nothing else worth charging you for besides what you already got."

I summarized what we already knew, "Meaning that 'twas the night before Christmas, when all beneath a certain fir tree. Not a mob will be stirring, probably including Sachi. We'll ready our equipment with care, in hopes that Nicholas the Renegade will be there."

The information broker giggled at the parodying of yet another Christmas classic, "Var, are you sure you shouldn't get hired by Kayaba for making the game announcements?"

I joked, "Nope, I'll just be infinitely fined for making criminally bad copyright infringement."

[11:10 p.m. | Christmas Eve | Floor 35, Forest Maze | Sword Art Online Let's Play Part 314 ½]

"Well, kids. We're off to see Nicky, whom I guess is probably Santa's rogue brother. Wonder what you guys think it is. But something I forgot to mention, there's the other reason to why I'm joining in on the fun. Rumor has it that good ol' Renegade Nick will drop an extremely rare item, definitely the only one of its kind, that can instantly revive a player with no health. Yeah, that's what I said. Wonder what it's gon' be like, though. A yellow diamond thing that you have to eat and only gives half health. Or an herb that tastes like the worst, bitter med ever. Or maybe it's a ring that you got to, like, turn and shake around three times or shit. Or a gauntlet that can like 'Reviving Rasengan' people in that sci-fi hunting game with that old medic dude. But either way, a revive is a revive, and we won't be the only ones after this good shit."

With our little group consisting of me, Kirito, and the Moonlit Black Cats (Gale is a member, don't forget); we were casually wandering the forest in the direction towards where Kirito supposedly thinks the 'certain fir tree' is. After the whole near-death experience back at Floor 27, the traumatized really didn't want to die again, so we organized this little treasure hunt for the one item that can save players from death to get their spirits up. "With that being said, let's get right to it, eh?"

"Var, stop talking to yourself and hurry up so we can find the boss sooner!" Gale called out from the line.

"Well sor-ry, Mr. Fastest Tank Alive. I'm carrying quite a bit of stuff here that you wimps can't handle for even a second. So excuse me for being the lagging pack mule here!"

Kirito pointed out, "But you volunteered to carry all of our potions and crystals, and you were the one dumb enough to bring an arsenal big enough to start a war."

"Yeah, out of the goodness of my heart and Christmas spirit. Best to be prepared; didn't say I could go run a mile in 8 minutes."

As we came across a small clearing, blue glows flashed, and an old friend made himself known, "Yo!" And there's Klein. Actually haven't seen the bloke in a while.

Sort of to my surprise, the Black Swordsman (I mean, come on. Being emo might as well be in his blood from what I can tell) deadpanned, "You followed us?"

The red samurai joyfully replied, "Yeah."

"After the revival item?"

"Yeah?" the man looked a bit uneasy now, and as he examined closely, he took an angry expression, "What's with that, Kirito? C'mon! Let's team up, and whoever gets the item keeps it with no hard feelings, so …"

"Then there'd be no point."

Klein's right. What's with the cold shoulder? I looked around and saw that everyone else had shadowed their faces. Logically, of course teaming up is a good thing. Then again, we came for not only an item but reassurance. Having no idea what's on their minds, I guess it's something sentimental about this battle.

Gale backed him up with an icily calm tone, "This is something we should do ourselves. Make sure that you stay out of it."

Yep, that should confirm it. Hold the phone, Klein's followed us here. With the three of us high-level players on our side, we should've been more cautious about how our info got leaked. No offense to the guy, but that means people even more devious can follow Fuurinkazan as well. Damn plotlines. If I learned anything from all of those times being a bookworm and these guys really need to do it (That's what she said!), might as well help them out.

Trade windows popped up in front of my comrades, and they all looked at me weirdly.

"Why are you giving these back to us, Var?" Tetsuo asked.

"Yeah, you do know that we were just joking back there," Ducker looked confused.

I answered firmly, "Take them and head for the boss right now." Then, a wider blue flash spread behind Klein and the others, and other players emerged battle-ready.

Kirito accepted and drew his sword, "You were followed, too, Klein."

"Looks that way," said player growled and took his stand.

An entire company of players with plain, metallic plate armor stood smirking with their swords and shields, and they look pretty confident in their numbers. Well, good luck with that, guv'nors.

"And it looks like that this'll be a much more interesting battle than with another boss. Haven't ever done any PvPing ever in this game, now that I think about it. Well, viewers, sorry for not seeing Santa, but I just want to do this," I apologized to everyone out there.

"The Holy Dragon Alliance?"

"Well, they will do anything for a rare item."

I chuckled a little, "Yeah, 'Holy' organizations aren't the ones with the best reputations in MMOs. 'Dragon'? Okay, that's cool. But 'Alliance' is a problem child. America knows just how Washington felt about those things."

"What?" Sachi tilted her head in pure curiosity.

I shrugged carelessly, "That they are tricky business and best to be avoided at all times. Prez Number One specifically wrote down that we should never get involved with foreign countries beyond trade and good neutral relations, much less getting into alliances with them. But we all know how that turned out. Not necessarily a bad thing at some times, but still very messy."

After that little history lesson, I shouted out, "Black Cats! Take the heals and go get that item!"

Klein stood beside me, "Go Kirito! We'll hold them off!"

The small guild nodded and accepted the trades, running off with Kirito to the battle that awaits them while I stay back to kick some holy ass.

"Hey, Klein?"

"Yeah, Var?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Why?"

"'Cuz it's secret, duh."

"Okay … Oh yeah, why are you in casual clothes?"

Donning only a forest green sweater, navy jeans, gloves, and the Santa hat; I do wonder how I never notice these things. Oh well, another night just being me. But seriously, I need to actually be in armor, and I know just how that will happen.

Doing the Naruto-style two-fingers-on-a-palm hand sign now glowing like a Sword Skill, "SENTAI …" I brought my right hand back into a fist with the other on the wrist, "AVATAR CHANGE!" I punched forward, "HAAAAA!"

The atmosphere darkened in shadow with the snow falling, and the glow on my two hands soon enveloped my whole self making me resemble the figure on the Avatar section on the menu. On my hands appeared white gloves with plates on the tops of them and the knuckles. Dark green boots with shin guards covered the footwear areas. The torso armor was made up of rusty brown chain mail with hardened leather patches, and a shoddy cloak in various shades of grays covered me from the shoulders down. My legs were covered in ashen gray pants. A Saxon Seax-like knife hung around my waist, and my trademark round shield slung on my back. And finally, my head was concealed in a metal helmet with a black visor shaped like a four-pointed star, compass-style. (Sorry for bad description and/or armor fashion sense. Guy's gotta dream.)

With only my back facing them and the wind howling, "The shadows surround the cloak. The cloak covers me. The nonexistent overwatch. King's Ranger, Okokukage Halto! (BAM!)" and I turned around like a badass.

Outstretching my arms as if holding a ball, "Sentai Transform…" then extending a 'come at me' pose, "Varlaranger!"

In a theatric hand motion of my left hand, I totally unintentionally flipped the bird at them, "A-sanjou!"

(If anyone at all completely got the main reference (there's a secondary one, too) for this entire scene by now, I applaud you. I don't know how or why, but if you do recognize it, I'll probably feel a lot happier inside. And if you know the whole thing, then yes that was his helmet.)

During the whole 20 seconds of my transformation sequence that is only a glorified loadout change without all the menu hassle plus immediately giving off permanent aggro for monsters all wrapped up into a Unique Skill, not one enemy decided to attack me. It's either they're stunned once again by my insanity (as usual), or that whole thing about enemies-not-attacking-you-while-transforming virtue is true in this case. Wow. Just wow.

"Uh, what the hell just happened?"

I shrugged and flipped the hood of my cloak over my head, "Oh, nothing," and I leaped backward and disappeared in the trees.

One of the HDA members standing in the back, probably one of the leaders, smirked at the samurai guild, "Heh, looks like your guy ditched you weaklings, and we didn't even raise a sword," but his eyes fearfully darted around the surrounding forest.

If anyone else were to see from the third-person perspective, one might say that a cloak just walked out of the trees behind the trash-talker. Crouching, I stabbed upwards on the back of his thigh bringing him on his knees. With two slashes, the knife cut off both of his arms until I vanished once again from sight leaving the poor man at the yellow and dropping to the red.

My voice echoed around the clearing, "Did you see that, guys? DID YOU SEE THAT?! I just shanked him like Hank the Shank! Oh yeah! Get shanked you little pricks. 'CUZ I'M GOING TO CARVE OUT YOUR INSIDES AND USE MY COOKING SKILL TO MAKE FUCKING CUPCAKES WITH THEM! You hear me?! CUPCAKES!" (If any fans of a certain … um … party animal was offended; I'm terribly sorry. Female A.I. voice: "Sonic Rainboom Strike detected." Well, shit.)

Horrified at the brutal takedown, the rest of the "knights" instantly panicked nervously searching up and down and left and right. This also caused a momentary neglect of the other fighters in the field. Taking advantage of the confusion, Klein and his friends charged for glory starting the frontal engagement. We were still clearly outnumbered.

"Oh, wait a minute." Groaning, a man knelt clutching his stomach, "Okay, one shank right out of the bellybutton." Another was now lying face-first on the ground trying to massage a red mark on his shoulder, "Oh joy, there goes another. Yeah, sorry for stabbing your shoulder, but you did say a bit more to the left." "Oh my God, how is that guy unlucky enough to just suddenly get a knife on his … on his … I can't take it … ON HIS GROIN!" I looked down at my feet again reminding myself of my current position, "While I am standing in front of him with hands on said knife, uh … yeah. I wonder how that happened. (Shrug)" Yeah, three less people for them to deal with. This is a favor, so Klein and the others better owe me.

Having finally growing some brains (and balls) to surround me and prevent me from doing the whole disappearing act again, the 6 heavily armed players circled around me shields up and swordpoints too close for comfort. The rest of them kept my allies at bay, so I'm basically cut off. My SAC (no, not the ball sack, the Sentai Avatar Change SAC) can only be used with the hand motions, and one wrong move could mean me losing more than just a finger.

One of the HDAs now again donned the overconfident creepyass rape face (Seriously, those guys looked really messed up in the anime.) and demanded, "Drop everything from your inventory. Everything. And nothing else or you'll lose more than just HP."

"'Kay, 'kay. Heard you the first time, assholes."

Gripping my knife harder, I used my free hand to swipe down my menu. First, a spare round shield plopped down on the snow. Next, a bundle of daggers. Then, a two-handed axe. Also, a sword. Their faces were falling off as the pile of weapons grew even bigger and bigger until it was 3 times my height. Gaping at the absurd arsenal in front of them, they sweated and fidgeted anxiously.

Finally, a Santa hat lay on top of the pile, and I looked up with a crooked smile, "You know that I said I heard you, but I never said I'd listen." A flick of my hand threw my knife, disarming the one on my right, and I slung my shield at the one on the opposite side. Then, I grasped a protruding hilt from the pile with both hands and the familiar glow of a Sword Skill activated. Swinging a 7-foot long zweihander in a circle with the Cyclone Skill, all of them went flying into the distance.

Heaving the gigantic, jagged blade over my shoulder with only one hand, I knelt to pick up my discarded shield from earlier as the sounds of more battle as Klein and the others were holding out. I massaged my face to get myself warmed up, and I put on my bloodthirsty face under my hood, "And tonight, viewers, this is how you slice and dice your everyday PvPing scrub. Here's the first step, literally." I charged into the fray with "IN THE NAME OF THE VIRTUAL MOON, I SHALL PWN YOU!"

[11:57 p.m. | Floor 35, Forest Maze | At a Certain Fir Tree | Gale's P.O.V.]

Clenching my spear tightly, we patiently waited in the flaking ice. It was nearly time for us to face the boss coming in a few minutes. We were all tense. Nothing could change what we were afraid of that day. When we all nearly lost everyone to this "game", the Moonlit Black Cats could never forget the tragic experience of near death. Even if everyone's still alive and definitely in the full green, death creeps over our shoulders as long as we have those health bars. Until this battle is over and if we get the revival item, we would hopefully regain our hold in life, and our nights will no longer be filled with nightmares of alternate endings for that incident. I had lost my father who was out on a drive home and my mother who only took a routine check in the hospital for her illness. Losing my friends in a goddamn video game that we only wanted to have fun in is not an option. But for now, we will win this battle, fighting for our lives.

"Everyone, look up there," Kirito called out.

I looked up and saw the falling comet come crashing down. The tree shook from the impact, and snow went flying. Rising from the carpet of white, the gangly figure of a very fucked-up Santa stood with a hatchet and a red sack in both hands. To be honest, I wondered what did Kayaba have against Christmas and what drugs did he take to think up this crazy creature. Maybe he got a coal instead of the next Diablo expansion or something.

With my glowing spearhead pointed at the monster, I began the battle with an audacious charge. Thrusting my weapon through its abdomen, it responded with a sweeping blow of its hatchet. I swiftly pulled out and held my weapon in front of me to block. Kirito dashed forward, crossing blades with his sword. However, the giant also followed up by swinging its sack (Oh my god, me. Two terrible sack jokes in one chapter? Damn, I need to get a drink. *Pops a cap off and begins chugging* *BURP!* What? Drinking a gallon of water does that to you.), but Tetsuo already raised his shield to defend. Ok, let's see here. Already guessing from the little twosome of attacks, I can already tell that it has a very chaotic, fast attack style. Always coming in. Focus on evading or quick blocking, or counter with even faster attacks to stagger it. With our group with half of us being spears, we're going to probably stay on the evasive. But then again, we have Kirito.

I suggested, "Hey. So Tetsuo and I tank the hits while the rest of you poke?"

Kirito swiped away another axe swing, "Yeah, that's pretty much it. Switch!"

The three of us backed off for Keita, Sachi, Sasamaru, and Ducker to begin their assault. A short burst of Sword Skills chipped away at the first health bar, and Kirito finished up with a staggering X-scissor attack. Immediately after, my spear shaft caught an incoming hatchet as Tetsuo batted the sack flying upwards for a home run. However, the bag emptied its contents, and millions of black rocks came spilling out.

"Get behind us!" Tetsuo raised his shield and I activated another Skill spinning my spear shaft like a rotor.

The team ducked behind their two-man cover as the coal exploded on impact around them. Knocked back from the blasts, we slowly got up and brushed off our armor.

"Hrrgh. This is going to be one long Christmas night," I grumbled.

(Half an hour later …)

Only the two of us Men in Black Coats were left standing as the rest of the guild hanged back in the red and without any more heals. Again putting Nicholas at spearpoint, I watched carefully for his next move, making sure he doesn't get to my friends. The black swordsman was slowly circling it hoping to jump at its blind side. This standoff didn't sit well in the silence, and the small beating from the system always in my head wasn't helping. The Renegade was already down to its last half bar of health, but with this its moves are more desperate and fierce, like a cornered rat. Narrowing my eyes at my weakened foe, the next move will probably be the final skirmish to end this once and for all. The two of us solo players rushed forward. The boss was about to respond with an AoE spin attack, but I drew it to me.

I challenged it with a taunt, "Hey, Blue Man groupie! When did you start taking the crystal meth?! It's too cold for the A-team to be flying on high, you creep!"

With what could only be anger on its distorted features, it turned to face me and threw itself towards me. I sidestepped the hatchet cleaved into the ground next to me, and then I unleashed my tri-attack. Stabbing at its thighs for it to fall slightly, and the final thrust knocked it up to the air.

"Three! Talon! STRIKE!"

Kirito jumped up high to meet it in midair and began hacking and slashing like Link on a Smash Ball.

"RaRahRaRahRaRahRaRarararararararraarararararararah!"

After all that damage, the monster fell to the ground and shattered into fragments. The celebratory Last Attack Bonus window appeared in front of the Beater.

"Congratulations! You got the Last Attack Bonus! You got the Lazarus Ressurection Stoner Herb Revive!" the window read.

I sighed in relief that we won, "WOOOH! Screw YOLO! We got the revive item, bitches! Fuck you, Microwave Safeties! Hell yeah!" Ok, not just sighing, I also danced around like a kid getting a dog for Christmas. (See what I did there?)

Kirito interrupted solemnly, "Sorry, Gale. But it's not like that." He showed me its description.

My face fell, and I pulled out a blue crystal, "Well, damn. Let's get everyone out of here."

He nodded. Gathering everyone up, I raised the blue crystal and muttered the command. With a flash of blue light, we were gone.

[Sword Art Online Let's Play Part 385]

Man, I can't believe they're keeping us waiting. Those bastards really should've gone here without a scratch with all the heals I dumped on them.

"What's taking them so long?" I growled as I gulped down my steaming hot cup of cocoa.

"Hey, relax, Var. If they have Kirito with them, they'll be fine," Klein assured.

"Yeah, last time that happened he was going to die in an anti-crystal zone."

"Well… He's still a kid. Give him a break."

"As much as I want to, I still say that guy will be one lucky son of a bitch to not die in a battle from now. Unlike me. My Luck's still at FUCKING 2!"

"What?"

"Blame Kayaba. Hating on me since the beginning. What's with coders these days, anyways?"

"How old are you again?"

I looked up to his scruffy face with another brow raised, "16 by now, ya got a problem?"

He only looked back curiously, "You just sound and look a bit older."

Shrugging, "Eh, puberty when I just turned 11. Also, I'm a bit of a wise guy. So you can take that as a reason. Besides, this game has already made us seem older, don't you think?"

"True."

The bell rang and the door opened. The two of us turned around to see the Moonlit Black Cats enter in all of their morning glory.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

(5 minutes later after some setting up …)

Sitting all around a round table, the 8 of us were laughing and talking in the Christmas joy. Klein left to rejoin his guild. Then, it was present time.

Scrolling down my inventory, I produced everyone's gifts that were entrusted to me yesterday. Of course, I didn't peek. Where's the fun in that?

"Yay! Presents!" Gale is now like a really immature kid. Bipolar, perhaps? Explains the black and white.

"Gimme! Gimme! GIMME!" Ducker is not that much different.

Swatting away the prying hands, I passed around the boxes around the table. Revealing them all one by one, they gasped in amazement.

"Var, thank you for the new armor! In-cur-si-o, hmm… sounds cool!" Gale instantly donned his new equipment in a silver plate armor with a unique helmet with yellow 'eyes' and billowing cape. (Guess where that came from.)

"Ooh! New picks! And they're for even higher level locks!"

"Whoa, I got a morning star! Looks even badder than my old mace!"

"This new cap is just awesome!"

"I could always use a new staff every now and then!"

"Oh, I always liked this little scarf …"

I looked at a prescription with the long list of certain herbs and items to take, "Guys, I'm not depressed, so I don't need to take meds, thank you very much."

"Seriously! I get a fortune cookie! It's not even Chinese!" Kirito complained.

I muttered menacingly, "Deal with it and just open it for crack's sakes, or else I'll …"

He cracked open the shell and pulled out the white strip of paper. His eyes skimmed the words and his face turned mournful.

"Read it out loud, Kirito," I demanded.

"Please give them hope, when times are bleak. Please give them strength, when they feel weak. Please be at their side, when they feel all alone. But what I wish for most of all, please bring them home.

To: Kirito Meant for: Everyone From: Varlancer"

Silence fell over the table like a shroud covering the light of a shining lamp. Our expressions turned to blank stares as we thought back to our present situation.

I broke through the shroud, "You know I ripped this off from one of my grandpa's old stamps meant for veterans."

Tetsuo looked at me, "You mean he was in a war once?"

"Yeah, served in the Vietnam War as a captain for the South. Thrown into jail for ten years once they lost. My mother grew up without a father during that time. Ever since her family, including my grandfather, escaped to America; I've those letters and stamps whenever I visit his house. One had a real good poem, so I thought 'why the hell not?'"

Gale spoke up, "Yeah, now that I think about it. We really don't know you that well. With this being our 'new life', no one talks about their life back there. Now, I'm just curious."

I saw their questioning expressions and groaned, "Okay, but next we're going to interrogate you and Kirito, as well. Got it?"

Gale nodded, and Kirito wasn't paying attention, so that's a yes.

"Ok, kids, here's some old stories for an average guy like me. My real name's *****. I was a fairly unordinary child, in the above average kind of way …" I began.

(Some storytelling about the story of my life later …)

"… So, I modded up the NerveGear to record what my head sees, hears, and does in the game. Tweaked the coding and all. Then, I installed a Wi-Fi hotspot to link up with my computer, and I pretty much upload videos whenever I want."

"How did you figure out how to do that?" Ducker brought up.

"Trade secret," I nonchalantly answered.

"So this whole time, you've been recording everything you've been doing in the game, including meeting us and everything we did together?" Kirito asked.

"Eeyup."

"Are you recording right now?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh … yeah."

"Can you stop it?"

"Can I, yeah. May I, well you may ask me that."

"Should I be offended?"

"Nah, if anything, you should be at least happy. If your family ever finds this video, they know you're not dead yet."

"Sigh, so that's it?"

"Yeah, everything up until SAO for me. Your turn."

The Black Swordsman began his tale, but this chapter would go on forever, wouldn't it Grim? (Don't have to tell me twice, man. I can't believe I had this much on my mind in the first place. Lots of content this chapter. Besides, anyone who's reading this story must've already known Kirito's backstory by now. So, fuck it, I'm not writing it. Let's move to the other OC.)

"And that's it for me … YAWN," he ended.

I pointed at the duality-coated player next, "You're next. Talk."

He shuffled in his seat and straightened himself up, "Well, let's see. Normal kid named Zenka Namikage when I was young. Dad died in a car accident when I was – what? – 9-ish. School went like any other day, rocking the all As and all. Techie. Mom died at the hospital in 8th grade. High school and met the computer club. Sachi and her family took me in. Living with same girl today, and I lo – I mean – and that's it. Anything else?"

I honestly didn't care because I heard the whole story already, but it couldn't hurt to be a bit more descriptive, right? (Sorry, I just can't.) "Yeah, that's great. Take a seat, junior." He sat down.

Scrolling down the inventory and bringing out a bottle, "Okay, who's curious to try the contents of this bottle?" I smiled with the toothy grin on my face.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? THERE'S NO WAY WE'RE DRINKING!" was the unanimous response.

I fake-teared up and cradled my precious booze, "It's okay, young'un. I'll make sure the mean prudes go away. Just help me out here." I popped the cork and chugged 3 gulps.

The virtual alcohol in my veins have been lit ablaze in my fury. The world will never find peace! WINE WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!

"FALCON PUNCH!"

[-]

Jayzus, I can't believe it took me so long. Well, school is always the busiest this time of the year. At this period of the school year (Seriously, me? Another fucked-up joke?). So, hello, everybody after quite a while I finally got another chapter up! Not much to say with me being so tired and shit, but fuck all of this!

Now for the reviews:

Rjm234: Well, yeah, I did have a good time continually blasting the song over and over again while thinking of cool SAO scenes. And I hope you'll keep on sticking with this story.

Crimson Homura: FALCON BROFIST! (Okay, I just made that up… Is that a thing?) But always glad to make a person ROFLing. Don't worry you'll see more.

Warpterror: Thank you, and I hope to update with all of my brainpower! (and the 100 12-packs of Coke I have back here.)

Well, another thing for me, it's the Chinese/Vietnamese New Year (I'm a Californian, I know these people) and for you guys celebrating that, ENJOY THE FREE MONEY IN RED ENVELOPES. SAVOR IT WHILE IT LASTS. SAVE UP FOR YOUR CAR OR SOMETHING! Chuc mung nom moi!

So Favorite/REVIEW/Subscribe and I'm going for the next update. See ya!

-GrimRangerLock