My name is Coldsteel the Hedgeheg

by Coldsteel666

In which we are introduced to Coldsteel the Hedgeheg, who, after defeating Sonic in battle, finds himself in a strange new world in a weak new body. Coldsteel realizes that if he is alive in a new reality, Sonic might be too, and he may have to defeat Sonic in battle using strange new creatures called Pokémon to do it.

4. I Served in the Sonic Military

Professor Kukui takes me on a quick trip through Route 1 to meet the Kahuna and get my Pokémon. There are a few pointless detours on the way. A kid trainer stops Kukui to ask for advice, and he's obviously bad at Pokémon. There's also a Pokémon battle going on that we momentarily stop to watch, but it looks pretty lame. They're not even using quality Pokémon from the Kanto region, best region in the Pokémon world.

Once we're at Ten Carat Hill and the trial site, Kukui instructs me to find the Kahuna, with some vague description about what a Kakuna is, and that I'll probably find the Kahuna in the Trial site. This shouldn't be a problem, I learned how to track and hunt targets down in the Sonic Military.

As I'm heading to the trial area, I see a young blond girl entering the trial itself, carrying a large bag. She's not very good-looking, it looks like puberty took one look at Lillie and said "lol I'll pass", since she's as flat as an ironing board. I only like girls with big boobys who are sluts so I don't really want to waste any time with her.

I enter the trial itself, ironing-board is ahead of me. The trial is a single, winding path that climbs up through the mountain, so I don't even need to use my elite Sonic Military skills to track down the Kahuna here.

I come to an open area. There's a canyon in front of me, a river running far below. Over the river, reaching to the other side of the canyon, is a flimsy wood-and-rope bridge. Ironing-board girl is in front of me, and in the middle of the bridge is some random weak Pokémon, cowering beneath three superior Spearows from Kanto. It turns out the random weak Pokémon is a Nebby, owned by Ironing board, and she wants me to save her Pokémon because she's a goddamn pussy and can't do it herself. I don't care for weak Pokémon, I don't care for weak people, and I don't care for Ironing Board in particular, but maybe Ironing Board has some slutty friends with big boobys. I'll help her out, I'm generous like that.