AN:/ Thank you so much for all of the responses, it keeps me motivated to write!
"Welcome, welcome! "What a weird woman, Katniss thought.
"Katniss Everdeen, right?" She had a high-pitched voice that sounded very annoying to Katniss.
"Oh yes" Katniss had a hard time not to burst out laughing. The crazy woman had butterflies in her hair? And was that a wig? Let alone the bright pink dress and unbelievably high heels she was wearing.
"Dear, dear" she said and Katniss knew she knows her history or at least some parts of it, it was the I pity you, but I'm glad that something like that hasn't happened to me.
Katniss gave her the best don't you dare to continue or you will be dead glare.
"Doctor Arnelius will take you in any minute now." She clearly wasn't comfortable talking to Katniss anymore.
The door to doctor's office opened and a kind voice invited her inside.
"I don't really want to be here." Katniss blurted out.
"Ok, thank you for being honest, let's see if we can change that, please come in, sit down and make yourself comfortable."
She did as she was told, she got quit good listening to people's orders thanks to Jo. It even made her feel more comfortable, like she knew what she was doing.
"I assume you are here because of your friend Johanna, that called me and arranged your appointment?"
"She was insistent." Katniss mumbled.
The doctor acted as if he didn't hear her.
"She told me quite a few things happened since the last time I heard from you. But the one thing that didn't change is you not taking the medication I prescribed."
"The pills make me sleepy and sick." Katniss still spoke barely audible, clearly wasn't enjoying the conversation. She felt like a little kid.
At least she's talking, the doctor thought. She seems to be a bit better since I saw her the last time.
"Ok, let's see what we could do about that. We could try a different brand, see how that goes. There are many things I can do for you, but you will have to talk to me." His voice was still gentle, and he wasn't shouting, but there was authority present in his voice.
Katniss winced a little, but otherwise she didn't react. She knew it wasn't a question.
He clapped his hands. "Now that we understand each other, we should get to work." His voice cheery all of sudden. He knew she would cooperate now.
"We will go slowly, I promise, if anything feels to uncomfortable, you tell me." Tears crept into her eyes as she remembered Peeta and the same rule they had.
He looked closely at her. "I see something I said already had some impact on you, so why don't you tell me about that."
Katniss fidgeted a little in her seat and tried to avoid the question by looking around her. She realized she hasn't done it before. The office was nice. There was a big wooden table right under the window. Some flowers were scattered around the room. The carpet on the floor had a weird pattern, she spent a few moments inspecting it.
"Katniss" The doctor said quietly bringing her focus back to him. She very unwillingly did so.
She considered pretending she hasn't heard the question, but decided against it. She didn't know what she expected from this session, but she knew she was fed up with her life as it was now.
"I, I usually go to the bar few blocks away from our apartment every evening. And one evening this boy was there, we would meet there most days and all of sudden we were talking." She took few deep breaths and continued. "We had this rule that anytime either of us was uncomfortable talking about something we would immediately drop it." She felt herself slipping out of focus.
"Yes?" The doctor urged her to continue.
"And, and, I guess I used it too often." Her cheeks got a bit red. "And I ran out without a word when I got too scared." She almost whispered.
"What was it that scared you away?" The doctor asked after looking for the right words for a moment.
"Thinking about my sister a few times, once he tried to ask me out, once he touched my arm." She counted out. Weirdly calm naming out all the things that scared her the most.
"Do you think about her sister often?"
"All the time." She whispered. Closing her eyes. Her thoughts slowly drifting off to the bad place.
"Now, Katniss, focus on my voice and stay with me, tell me one good memory that you have of your sister."
It cost her all her strength to do as she was told. "She was very little, it was before my dad's accident, so she was the happy innocent child that everyone couldn't help but love. It was sunny but not too hot, probably a weekend, because both of my parents were home. We were in the garden, my dad was chasing Prim, he caught her, swung her around high in the air until she was crying from laughter, then he put her down and her head was obviously spinning and we laughed at how drunk she looked as she stumbled to my open arms…" Katniss was smiling and tears were running down her cheeks.
"You have to let yourself remember the good moments you shared with your sister. She doesn't deserve to be forgotten or only mourned. We must remember the good times Katniss. We can't change what happened no matter how badly we want to, but we can honor and cherish the good things that has happened. You owe that to her. She wouldn't have wanted you to stop living because of what happened, if you can't live for yourself yet, you should at least live for her." He said softly but urgently.
And she knows it was all the cliché that he could say, but it calmed her a bit anyway.
It seemed like he was waiting for some reaction, so she nodded her head little too quickly. She was willing the tears, that were making their way down her cheeks, to disappear.
The doctor gave her a moment to compose herself.
"What about school, Katniss? I understand that you are taking a break this year, does that mean you are going to go back for the next one, I think it would be your last, right?"
School wasn't really a topic she would want to talk about, but she figured it was a mostly painless one.
"I don't really know, I haven't thought about it."
"You were majoring in music, right? I think it was singing and piano?" He said as if it wasn't written in her card.
"Yes, I thought I would teach music in elementary, Prim always said I would be good." She remembered singing with her sister for hours. Prim really wasn't a good singer but that never stopped her. When she was little she would insist, Katniss snag her every night to put her to sleep. Tears didn't come this time.
"And what about the boy?" He changed the topic, obviously only bringing the school up, so that Katniss would think about it.
"I don't know I haven't seen him in…" she paused for a minute thinking, "two or three weeks."
"And you convinced you scared him away?
"Yes." She was a little bit confused, she already told that to him, what was he doing?
"Hmm, maybe he will come around and come to the bar again." He had a weird look on his face.
"Maybe." She said even more confused this time.
He looked at his watch and for the first-time Katniss noticed he had a notepad in his lap and was scribbling something inside. Therapists do that, she reminded herself.
"I think that is enough for today, I will see you next week, same time."
Katniss sensed that it wasn't a question so she remained silent.
"You did very well, Katniss. Take care." He opened the door for her.
"Thank you doctor Aurelius." And without another glance she was gone.
"Will I be seeing you again?" The receptionist asked, worry that she might present in her voice Oh, Katniss thought, I forgot about the woman.
"Oh yes, next Tuesday, same time." The unpleasant look on her face weirdly satisfying to Katniss.
"Goodbye misses…" Katniss realized she didn't know her name.
"Miss Trinket." She said stressing the word miss. Katniss smiled.
"Goodbye miss Trinket." And as she was closing the main door behind herself she called out: "And Miss your wig is a bit off." It wasn't but Katniss enjoyed the look of horror and frantic attempt to fix the nonexistent problem in which she moved the wig so that it nearly fell off, and laughed all the way home.
She remembered as she was unlocking the front door that doctor Aurelius didn't give her the prescription for the new meds, she just realized she was willing to try.
When she once again came through the front door Miss Trinket had a look of horror on her face, her wig back in place, and refused to even acknowledge her presence.
She asked doctor for the prescription and quickly went back home.
Katniss opened the door to their apartment and Jo swiftly came to meet her at the door.
"Thank goodness, Katniss. I didn't know how that would go." She sounded really worried but happy and proud at the same time.
"You didn't believe I would actually go there?" Katniss winked at her, but knew too well that it was very likely.
"Don't kid yourself, there were some possibilities. Either you wouldn't even go and hopefully eventually come home. Or you would go and come running back after like two minutes. Then there was the option, you would go and run away or something…" She wanted it to seem like she was joking but her voice gave away how worried she really was.
Katniss hugged Jo tightly and realized that she has never thanked her for everything she has been doing for her. "Thank you, Jo." She knew there was no need to elaborate.
Jo only hugged her even tighter.
After few moments, Jo let go of her. "How did it go?"
"It went okay. Better than I expected." Katniss smiled at Jo.
"Yeah, but you expected being tied up to a chair and electroshocks, so that wasn't hard." Jo smiled back and punched her arm.
"What are you doing?" Katniss mocked being hurt and Johanna only punched her harder.
Then she winked at her. "Someone is here to see you."
Katniss was puzzled, she knew it wasn't Gale, because Jo wouldn't let him cross their threshold after the last time. Who could it be?
Johanna was clearly enjoying her puzzlement and only grabbed her arm and almost dragged her to their kitchen.
Katniss came through the door after Johanna and small like she was she couldn't see the person sitting by the table. Johanna stepped back and allowed her to see for herself.
She couldn't find words. Sitting behind the table, obviously, a bit distressed, were Peeta.
He found words before she did. "Kat." He breathed out.
Johanna chuckled amused by the familiar way he called Katniss. "Don't worry, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." She laughed and disappeared before could Katniss tell her that no, they obviously weren't. But her body betrayed her and she blushed. She tucked her head to her chest in attempt to hide it.
But Peeta were always better than her at talking so he bubbled about his days at the bakery, he seemed to be saying some funny stories, because he chuckled from time to time, once fully burst out laughing. But Katniss wasn't listening. Why would he come? Why wasn't he angry with her?
She realized, she was still standing in the doorway, with her mouth hanging open. She slowly, maybe to not startle, maybe because she had to persuade her limbs to move, one after the other, pushed the chair from under the table and sat down.
He was still talking, either he didn't care she wasn't listening or he knew she couldn't talk yet.
Their kitchen was small, just like every other room in their apartment, and not very clean, she noticed the big pile of dirty dishes in the sink, but she couldn't care less. Overall their apartment wasn't very clean, she hasn't cleaned anything in a long time and Jo would fuss about having to go to the public washing machine, but that was about all cleaning done in their apartment. Jo must have probably washed the mag Peeta was drinking from when he came. Peeta! She completely forgot about him. She brought her focus back to him. He wasn't talking anymore and he was piercing her with his eyes. Katniss blushed and looked away.
"Should I leave?" God, did that hurt ever leave his voice? Katniss thought.
"I don't know." At least she was honest.
"You know what, maybe I should, when Johanna came to the bakery she said you wanted to see me, but it doesn't seem like it." He finished his drink, whatever it was in few large gulps and got up to leave.
She stood up, didn't really know why and was standing in his way. He was opening his mouth to ask her out of his way when she blurted out: "Don't go."
They both looked equally startled.
"But you have to talk to me Kat or at least listen, I can't go on like this, it's been too long."
The only thing she managed to do was nod. They both sat back down. He didn't start talking this time, obviously waiting for her to start.
I thought I pushed you away. She realized she hasn't said it out loud and tried again. He looked patiently at her.
"I thought I pushed you away." She wasn't looking at him. Something overly interesting was on her t-shirt, she had to examine it.
"Kat look at me." She did as she was told.
"You didn't push me away. My mother got worse, dad was in the hospital a lot, so I couldn't take an evening off to go to the bar. That's all."
Katniss looked at him, she felt somehow lighter now when she knew it wasn't her fault. But she didn't know what to say. She stopped fiddling with her t-shirt and put her hands on the table. Peeta looked at them. He wanted to take them into his, but he remembered how that went the last time. He didn't know what had happened to her that made her react this way. He wanted her to trust him enough to tell him and didn't want to know at the same time.
Katniss looked at him for the first time that evening. He looked somehow thinner than when she saw him the last time. He had dark black circles underneath his eyes. But he looked pleased with himself. Maybe because she said she didn't want him to go? She wondered.
She realized he said something about his mother getting worse and thought she should react to it.
"I'm so sorry about your mother."
"Don't be Katniss, it's I don't know, I thought she would stop being so bloody awful, when she got sick, but she didn't, if that was possible, she became even more horrible. I just, I sometimes think about her being dead and how it would be easier for all of us and then I feel guilty because after all she's my mother." He stopped, he seemed happy for finally telling someone but also worried how Katniss would react.
Katniss thought for a moment.
"You don't have to love or respect anyone just because they are related to you. If they treat you badly you are not obligated to you know anything."
They were both silent for a moment. It was so unlikely for Peeta to not talk. He seemed to be thinking about what she said. He looked so broken. Katniss felt like she should comfort him somehow.
She looked at his hands still folded on the table top and hers only centimeters away from his. Looking carefully at their hands she slowly closed the gap and took his much larger hands in hers.
They both looked at their joined hands in awe. Peeta was afraid to move and he was wondering whether she would run away.
She was wondering the same thing. She realized she was enjoying the touch. Of course, if he didn't try anything else. But he seemed to realize that if he wanted anything to "happen" between them, it would have to be in her pace.
They sat like that for what seemed like a long time, enjoying each other's company.
"You know, my mom wouldn't win the mom of the year contest either." Katniss managed to laugh a little. She grabbed his right hand and started tracing circles in his palm. He shuddered a bit at the sensation, then a smile spread across his face.
"You don't have to talk about her if you don't want to." He murmured and with his free hand started tracing patterns on Katniss's forearm.
"Maybe some other time." His heart skipped a beat, just because she mentioned 'some other time'.
Katniss focused on his hands. They were strong, she saw the muscles move as he slowly traced her hand. His touch was so light and felt so good; not scary at all. Goosebumps formed on her arms. Then it hit her.
"How did you know where I live?" She asked, puzzled.
Peeta blushed. He looked like a boy that has been caught eating sweets in the pantry. He opened his mouth to answer, but Katniss was quicker.
"It was Jo, wasn't it, she asked you to come, right, told you how bad I've been lately," he looked stunned and for once couldn't find any words, Katniss hurriedly got up, nearly felling over, "you are here out of pity, why else would you come to see this," she pointed at herself, "mess of a person, I don't know, why I thought you actually wanted to see me, I, " by this point she was shaking with sobs.
Peeta tried to interrupt her a few times, but she wouldn't let him. When she realized, she was crying she ran off to her room and slammed the door.
Peeta stood in the doorway to the kitchen and had absolutely no idea what he should do. As soon as the door slammed, Johanna were out of her room and on her way to him.
"What happened?" She said, only little accusing.
"She said you set it up and I am doing it out of pity and you heard what followed." He sounded hurt and shocked.
"I have to go look at her." Johanna said walking Peeta to the main door. She looked at him, pity in her eyes.
"I thought she was happy to see me, guess not." He mumbled more to himself than anybody else.
"Give her time, she will come around."
AN:/ And again, thank you so much for reading, every response is very appreciated!