Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters.
Chapter 9: Heart to Heart
The cab dropped Blair off at the end of Central Park close to the duck pond. Blair had already called Dorota to see if Serena was home. It was as she had guessed when Dorota told her she had not been home all day. Blair knew where to find her best friend. Even if Gossip Girl hadn't aired that picture she would have known.
Blair walked around the corner and in front of her on their bench was Serena, staring out over the pond. Blair smiled as Serena paused her attention to the pond to feed the ducks that had gathered around her. Suddenly Blair felt scared and a bit of anxiety rise in her chest. How was she supposed to hang out with her best friend after she just made out with her ex! What she and Dan were doing was crazy, she knew that. She also knew that she cared deeply for him. That sometimes the best things in life hit you over the head when you least expect it, and she had definitely not expected to fall for Dan Humphrey.
Before another thought could claim her, Serena turned around to see Blair.
"I knew you would find me." Serena smiled.
"Well I had a little help from Gossip Girl." She smiled back walking over to the bench. Serena moved her purse and bag of bread off the bench for Blair to sit which she did happily.
"I saw that. Seriously when will people get sick of taking our pictures B?" Serena laughed, "But at least Dan looked happy."
"You aren't mad?" Blair asked before she could think. Serena paused and took a deep breath.
"Why would I be? I mean I'm a little bummed selfishly that he looked so happy when I'm sitting here miserable, but I put him through a lot last year. He deserves to move on. I mean what happened happened right?"
"And what happens happens." Blair nodded almost to herself.
Serena had started to feed the ducks in front of them again and was laughing. Blair would sometimes forget how much she enjoyed hanging out with Serena. She always seemed to bring the world to life around them. Blair loved that about her best friend.
"I love coming here." Serena started looking up and over the pond. "I feel so relaxed—like I can leave my problems for a while and just be."
Blair looked up and took a deep breath of the cold January air.
"Yeah it is a sanctuary—well we have made it one." Blair smiled looking at her best friend.
Blair looked over at her best friend. She was playing her hair in absent thought and staring over the pond with a blank look across her face, but her eyes looked sad. It made Blair sad. Blair reached out and took the hand that was resting on Serena's lap.
"S? Talk to me. What's going on?"
Serena looked down at their hands and smiled, squeezing Blair's hand.
"You could probably guess." She said giving Blair a sad grin.
"Yes I could, but I was trying not to be a smart ass."
They both laughed.
"Thanks B. It's just this whole situation with Ben. I don't know where his head is at."
Blair resisted the strong urge to roll her eyes.
"Well, did you guys talk about being together?" Blair asked politely.
"Not necessarily." Serena frowned. "He told me he was going to have to leave New York because he didn't want to stay at the half way house for ex-felons, and that he had a cousin up state who said he would take him in. I could tell he didn't want to go so I called Rufus."
Blair looked at her confused.
"Why the hell would you call Rufus?"
"Well after brunch today Ben asked me to give an envelope to my mom. I couldn't help but open it and I found money with a note asking him to stay away from our family."
"That sounds like Lily."
"Exactly. And I could tell that Rufus was upset with my mom almost as much as I was. So later I got this idea of maybe giving Ben a place to stay just until he could get back on his feet on his own in New York."
"So you could still see him…"
Blair's mind shot to the scene earlier when she and Dan had crossed paths with Ben and Rufus.
"…and make up for what my family did to him." Serena finished.
"Yeah but S, let's be honest. You obviously have feelings for this guy. Does Rufus know that's also why you want him hanging around?"
Serena looked down at her lap and paused a moment.
"I don't know, but I'm sure he can guess. Rufus isn't dumb."
"No he isn't. Where is he going to put Ben up?" Blair asked feeling she already knew the answer.
"At the loft. It has an extra bedroom."
"Serena do you think that's a smart idea? Your Ex and possible new boyfriend living together?"
Serena's shoulders slouched and she threw her hands up in annoyance.
"I don't know B but it was the only place. Besides, Dan looked pretty happy with this new mystery woman." She grinned opening up her phone to look at the picture again. Blair resisted the urge to grab it out of Serena's hand. "I wonder who it is."
"Is Ben going to accept?" Blair asked changing the subject. Serena frowned at the question.
"That's what I'm confused about. I thought he would be thrilled but he was annoyed that I went to Rufus. He said he didn't need handouts but he would at least think about it. He won't even pick up my calls or answer my texts."
"Maybe he is still a little bitter about everything."
"That just makes me feel more horrible, because it's my fault that he is in this situation in the first place."
"It wasn't your fault. Your mom signed your name."
"I know it's just if I never would have gone up there, none of it would have happened." Serena said with a tear starting to fall from the corner of her eye.
"S, you can't keep dancing around that and keep blaming yourself." She reasoned wiping away the tear that had streamed down Serena's face. "We can't live perfect lives. Sometimes bad things happen and were not going to know exactly why either, but we can grow from them and learn…"
"…and try to make it right." Serena finished.
"That too." Blair grinned.
"Thanks B. I feel a little better."
"Good! Can we head home? I'm freezing!"
Serena looked up and laughed nodding and grabbing her things before throwing the last of the bread crumbs to the duckies.
"Blair how have you been? I've been a horrible best friend this past month." Serena asked looking her arm through Blair's as they started walking back through the park.
"I am better, but I still have moments. Today I did. I saw Chuck."
Serena say the hurt and pain in Blair's eyes.
"Oh B! What happened?"
"He was just cold and mean to Dan, acting like he wasn't even there."
"You were with Dan? Again?" Serena asked surprised. Blair felt the anxiety rise in her chest again.
"Oh God that was today? What a brave man!" Serena laughed. Blair glared.
"It was not that bad and we managed to escape security this time."
Serena stopped causing Blair to turn and look at her.
"Why would security be involved B? I eliminated 20 items off that list that would have caused a security situation."
Blair's face went blank and she couldn't think of anything else but the truth.
"Well Dan got them from Dorota."
"He did what?" Serena asked half amused and half annoyed.
"He knows how important it is to me to feel like I did everything I could to get this position."
Serena slightly squinted her eyes and tilted her head in sudden thought with a grin slowly growing on her face.
"B. If I didn't know any better, you and Dan sound like friends, and you sound like you're getting along."
Blair froze trying to think carefully about what she was going to say next.
"Well I guess we have become friends if you want to call it that. He's just been really helpful and he's been…"
"…there for you?" Serena asked finishing Blair's sentence once again.
"Yeah he has." Blair quietly answered hesitantly and then without thinking kept talking. "Today when I saw Chuck, I wasn't angry that I ran into him, I knew I would someday—and don't get me wrong it was hard, but I…"
"But what B?"
"He was just so cold and mean. Is that what I'm like? Cold and mean?"
Serena looked at her friend like she was crazy.
"B. You will never ever be Chuck Bass. You have a heart."
"But S I can be mean and cold."
"Yes to your enemies you can be and to the occasional girl you see walking down the street wearing leg stalking's as pants, but you care about others. "
Blair smirked at her best friend.
"S. I was not that person with Chuck."
"I know. You were still Blair but he hardened you. B sometimes the people we care about influence us. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad."
Blair nodded.
"That's why I ended things. I loved him, but I didn't like who I had become with him."
"See and there is my best friend." Serena smiled
She hugged Blair around the waist and pulled them forward towards the street and called for a cab which didn't take long. They road in silence to the pent house. It had been a big day for both of them and all Blair could think of was her bed.
The elevator doors chimed and Blair and Serena finally stepped into the foyer. They were greeted by laughter. Blair came around the corner to find Chuck talking to her mom and Cyrus. She gasped and felt the anxiety full force. Serena saw and grabbed Blair's hand ushering her up the stairs. Chuck turned around acting surprised at the girls retreat.
"Blair we need to talk." Chuck simply stated. Before Blair could refuse Serena cut in.
"Chuck. Go home. Blair's had a long day and is tired."
Eleanor and Cyrus looked confused but got the hint and quickly disappeared, while Chuck made his way up the stairs following Serena and Blair.
Serena got her and Blair into her Blair's bedroom and locked the door.
"Serena? Open the door!" Chuck yelled through the door. "Blair? I just want to talk."
"Go away Chuck! I have nothing to say!" Blair yelled.
"I do!" Chuck growled.
"Leave Bass! I don't want to talk right now!"
It was quiet then and Blair thought he left.
"Blair I am not leaving until I talk to you." He spoke firmly.
Blair knew there was no getting him to leave when he was determined like this and nodded at a reluctant Serena to open the door.
"I will open this door only if am staying." She whispered. Blair nodded agreeing.
Serena opened the door and Chuck stepped through looking her up and down annoyed.
"Thank you Serena. Blair and I will only need a moment." He said expecting her to leave. She glared.
"I'm not going anywhere Chuck."
This time Chuck glared but then looked over at Blair.
"You will want her to go. What I have to say, I don't think you want her to hear."
Blair nerves flared and she looked at Serena who was looking at her confused. Her instincts were telling her to tell Serena to leave but she didn't want it to look like she had something to hide.
"Serena stays." Blair finally answered, and she saw Serena take a breath out of the corner of her eye.
"It's your funeral." Chuck stated with a sly smile. "Maybe it is good that Serena is here. She can hear about how close you and her ex Humphrey have gotten."
Blair froze.
"Chuck why are you here? You are wasting my time." Blair replied rudely, ignoring Chuck's last comment. She saw Serena looking even more confused at Chuck's last statement.
"I know it was you in the picture Blair. I know you anywhere. Humphrey? Really?"
"Get lost Chuck I don't have time for this! You have no right to act like a jealous boyfriend! We are not together anymore!"
"No but I want us to be! I've grown Blair! I still love you!"
Hearing Chuck say those words made her stop and just stare at him.
"Chuck." She state calmly. She could feel the anger brimming inside her. "Just today you were having 3 girls in your penthouse at the Empire. Please tell me how that is love for me?"
Chuck just stared at her.
"Blair, I…" He started speechless.
"You what Chuck?"
"You know I love you, but I…"
"Have needs." She finished coldly. He glared but didn't disagree.
"All I'm saying is that I would give that all up if I knew you were mine again."
"And how long would that last Chuck?" Blair asked feeling her anger turning into sadness. "How long would it be before you got bored and needed something else? Someone else?"
"I won't want anyone else!" Chuck growled grabbed Blair's elbows. She ripped her arms away from his grasp.
"Well I do!" Blair screamed before she could help herself. Serena looked worried and Chuck looked like he was about to explode. "I want a man who won't need or want anything else but me! Who won't get bored with me! Who brings out the good in me! Who doesn't play constant games! Who won't take advantage of my love for him!"
With that last statement she saw a bit a pain in Chuck's eyes, and she knew she had struck a nerve.
"You are wrong Blair. I will believe until the day I die that you and I are meant to be."
And with that Chuck turned and walked briskly out the door leaving Serena and Blair alone. A couple moments passed of awkward silence between them before Serena spoke.
"Was that really you in the picture?" Serena finally asked looking up from the door. Blair was tired and frustrated and at this point she didn't care. Consequences be damned.
"Yes." She replied quietly flopping down on her bed. She looked up at Serena to find her grinning at her.
"What are you smiling about?" Blair asked confused. Serena smirked and walked over to the bed and plopped down next to her best friend.
"Blair, I knew it was you in the photo. I gave you that jacket remember?"
Blair looked up at her in shock.
"What? You know!"
Serena continued.
"When you got to the pond and you didn't fess up right away, I knew that there was something more going on between you and Dan."
"That's why you were dropping all those hints." Blair said quietly, slowly putting the pieces together.
"So you would tell me. Yes. I'm not stupid Blair. I know that Dan is an awesome guy and you two have been spending a lot of time together, and you're happy when you're with him. He has this positive affect on you. I like it. I never thought I'd see the day," she laughed, "but I like it."
Blair just stared. She didn't know what to say. This had not been the reaction she thought she would get.
"You're not mad?" Blair brought herself to ask.
"Why would I be?"
"Well because of the fact that he is your ex. I mean I got furious when you and Nate…"
"That was a total different situation B." Serena cut her off. "This is different. I can honestly say that I have moved on with Ben. Will I always care about Dan? Yes. I can't help that and I'm not going to apologize for that but I can see how good he is for you, and what kind of best friend would I be if I stood in the way of that?"
Blair was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and felt a tear go down her cheek. She couldn't believe this.
"That was not what I was expecting." She grinned. Serena laughed and raised her hand to wipe the tear off Blair's face.
"What did you want me to do? Yell? Scream? I think Chuck has done enough of that."
Blair groaned and flung back onto her back.
"Ugh. Chuck."
"Don't worry. This too will pass." Serena laughed lying down next to Blair.
Blair threw her hands up in the air frustrated.
"I hope so. My nerves can't take all this stress!"
"So what am I going to do about Ben?" Serena asked.
Blair flopped onto her side towards Serena at a sudden idea.
"Why don't I have Dan talk to him?" Blair shouted in excitement.
Serena laughed but nodded.
"That's a good idea. We could use some of Dan's magic in the mix. Thank you Blair." Serena smiled. "Are you sure Dan will be okay with it?"
Blair thought a moment.
"He might be a little hesitant but I'll talk to him."
"Okay. Thank you." Serena said again taking Blair's hand and squeezing it.
Blair smiled and squeezed back. Suddenly Serena started laughing.
"What? What are you laughing at? Blair asked confused.
"Nothing, nothing! It's just so weird to hear you call him Dan!"
Blair glared but then slowly started to laugh with Serena. She was so relieved that Serena knew but she also knew that she would have to face Dan in the morning. She had promised him they would tell Serena together.
Her last thoughts, as she drifted off to sleep, were of Dan and his loft.
Well that is it! I know it's longer and I think the other chapters will get longer as well because we are starting to get deeper into the story! Thank you everyone for reading and thank you thank you for the comments and suggestions! They really help me! I am trying to taking everything I hear and apply it! I hope you enjoyed! I will update as soon as I can!