Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The following morning was Harry's first attempt at being a sensei. Luckily the Room of Requirement was able to provide more appropriate clothes for his students. So after dragging Ron out of bed the group assembled in the replica of the lair's dojo.

"Alright you all know I'm new to this whole teaching thing" Harry said nervously, he understood being a sensei meant he was responsible for his friends now. "So I'm just going to start you off like Master Splinter did with me."

"Whatever you think is best" said Hermione in support. She soon regretted that as she and the others were forced to run miles on a track provided by the room. Poor Neville was in the worst shape of the group and it wasn't long before he was as red as tomato.

"I don't think Harry would mind if you wanted to rest" said Luna, running in alongside the exhausted wizard.

"No…this…was….my…idea" Neville wheezed forcing himself to keep moving no matter how far he fell behind the others. As it turns out Ginny and Ron were actually in the best shape due to their home lives being more active compared to the others.

But they too ran out of steam long before Harry put an end to their run. After a short rest came more exercises consisting of pushups and sit-ups. By the time they finished their morning training they looked dead twice over.

"There is no bloody way you did all this when you were five!" Ron cursed.

"Yeah I did, just not as long. I was five after all" Harry explained. Ron had to concede that point, it made sense that Harry would increase the intensity of the exercise routine he did when he was little. After the Room provided a quick post training shower, it was time to head down to the great hall for breakfast.

"So Harry, when do we start learning how to fight?" Ginny asked eagerly.

"Well the first part of training is conditioning. After we get used to that then we can add hand to hand combat."

"What about weapons?" asked Neville remembering that their friend was never without at least a hidden shuriken.

"We'll see. I'll probably have to talk to Master Splinter about that." Harry replied. But he was in no rush considering how clumsy Neville could be, he wasn't exactly eager to add a dangerous weapon to that mix.

Walking into the great hall Luna was forced to say goodbye to the others as she left to take a seat at the Ravenclaw table. Though Neville couldn't help noticing that she wasn't really speaking with any of her housemates instead she was just reading another copy of the Quibbler.

"Is Luna alright?" he asked Ginny.

"She hasn't said anything to me. Why?"

"Nothing it's probably just my imagination." Though Neville promised himself to keep an eye out for any signs of a problem. Receiving their new schedules Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville went off to their first class of their second year, Herbology. Thankfully Prof. Sprout remembered how bad Harry was with plants and let him partner with Neville again this year.

Taking their seats, Harry took note of a large box of earmuffs in the middle of the greenhouse, in front of the professor.

"Welcome back everyone" Prof. Sprout greeted, giving the class a friendly smile. "Today we'll be repotting mandrakes. Who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake?"

A quick nudge from Harry saw Neville raising his hand surprisingly before Hermione. Shooting the girl in question a look, she silently admitted to wanting to give Neville a chance to shine.

"Yes, Mr. Longbottom?"

"The mandrake is a powerful restorative, used to restore people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original form." Neville answered, smiling as Prof. Sprout awarded him ten points for his correct answer.

"Yes the mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes, but it is also dangerous. Can anyone tell me why?" This time Hermione's hand shot up like a rocket. Harry, Ron, and Neville shared a grin as this was what they expected from their bookish friend.

"The cry of the mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it" she answered.

"Exactly another ten points to Gryffindor" said Prof. Sprout. "Now, the mandrakes we have here are very young." The professor explained, referring to the purplish-green plants around the room. Harry and Ron shared a confused look as neither of them understood Hermione's 'cry of the mandrake' comment.

"Now everyone take a pair of earmuffs" Sprout instructed, continuing her lesson once everyone retook their seats. "As these mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet. But their cries can knock you out for several hours, so keep your earmuffs on when you're repotting them. I'll demonstrate the proper procedure; do not remove the earmuffs until I say so."

As the students put their earmuffs on, Sprout pulled the first mandrake from the pot, revealing the infant like, pale green, spotted skinned form of the mandrake as opposed to the roots that one would expect from a conventional plant, clearly screaming in rage as the professor moved it to another pot.

Surprisingly this seemed to be the one plant Harry didn't kill, something that Neville was sure to comment on as they left the greenhouse after class.

"Ha, ha Neville real funny" Harry said sarcastically.

"What it's not my fault you're rubbish with plants" Neville said innocently, earning him a playful punch in the arm from their resident ninja.

"Whatever, still a plant that can knockout people for hours. I'm tempted to see what Donnie could do with that."

"Knowing your brother, he'd probably improve it somehow" said Hermione, quickly supported by Ron and Neville. Walking into the great hall for lunch the four second years found Luna joining Ginny and a mousey looking boy at the Gryffindor table.

"Hey guys" Ginny greets calling the four to join them. "This is my year mate, Colin Creevey."

"We've just been telling Colin, how you don't like having a lot of attention" said Luna.

"Ye…Yeah the girls were telling me about you" Colin said breathlessly.

"Not too much I hope" Harry joked, trusting his friends not to blab about his ninja life. "Why did you want to hear about me?"

"Well, I heard all about you from Hagrid and how you beat three wizards in front of the entire school without magic." Harry mentally groaned at this, while he didn't regret putting down the arrogant Malfoy heir the previous year, he hadn't expected people to still be talking about it.

"If you don't want attention, next time just beat the ferret up in the dark" Ron laughed as he and the others could all guess what was going through Harry's mind.

"Hey, um Harry I know you don't like attention but I was wondering if you'd take a picture" Colin asked. "Just to prove to my brother I met you."

Harry wanted to refuse after all it wasn't a good idea for a ninja to have his picture taken. But he was a sucker for family.

"Alright Colin come here. Can one of you guys take the picture?" Luna agreed, accepting the camera from Colin who had the biggest grin on his face as he posed next to Harry.

"Thanks a lot Harry" said the mousey Gryffindor, taking his camera back.

"Hey Harry, why don't you sign it" Neville teased.

"Oh, Neville I miss when you were shy" the young ninja quipped. "No Colin I'm not signing it."

"That's ok, thanks again Harry." Colin then ran off to take care of something before his next class, passing a strangely silent Draco Malfoy.

Huh guess the ferret learned not to run his mouth, Harry thought. Though he was surprised the Malfoy heir didn't comment on his new little fan. Putting that thought behind him Harry and the other second year members of their group left to their first DADA class with Lockhart.

"How much you want to bet this guy's a flop" said Ron.

"Please that's a suckers bet" said Neville.

"You've seen his books, he must be very skilled" Hermione argued. "They wouldn't hire someone who wasn't up for the job."

"Prof. Quirrel" said Harry reminding her of their last defense professor, who just happened to have Voldemort fused to the back of his head.

"Yes….well I'm sure Prof. Lockhart will be incredible." Ron, Harry, and Neville just shook their heads in dismay, it seems their Hermione has fallen under Lockhart's spell. Well Hermione and every other girl in their year as they soon learned as they walked into the classroom, Harry was disgusted to find that he could easily make out his female and some male year mates drawing hearts all over their papers.

"Please tell me Hermione hasn't started drawing hearts" he begged Ron and Neville.

"Sorry mate, I saw them on her schedule" Ron said in disgust.

"Well, who knows maybe he'll actually do a good job" said Neville, though it was obvious he didn't even believe his own words.

Finally all conversations came to an end as Lockhart entered the room, stood in front of the class, and picked up a copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show off his picture.

"Me," he said as if that explained everything. It was all Harry could do to resist the urge to throw a shuriken at Lockhart's head; whether it was the picture or the genuine article wouldn't matter. Worst of all he wasn't even done fueling his ego.

"Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

Oh god, please let his spell work be better than his jokes Harry thought miserably, a quick look to his side showed that Neville and Ron were of the same opinion. But what really sickened them was the fact that some people were actually laughing, worst of all one of them was Hermione.

"Well then" Lockhart continued, still smiling like an idiot to the class. "I see you've all bought a complete set of my books, well done. I thought we'd start today with a little pop quiz. Nothing to worry about, just check how well you've read them. How much you've taken in."

For the briefest moment, Harry entertained the idea that perhaps Hermione was right and this idiot was going to be a good teach. That quickly changed once he read the first question.

What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

Sharing a look between themselves Harry, Ron, and Neville all looked disgusted as they read question after question; each asking the class to recall stupid trivia about Lockhart, himself and nothing to do with the creatures he'd defeated in his books.

Harry just groaned in frustration, wishing that being a complete moron was a good enough excuse to punch their sad excuse of a professor. Deciding not to waste his time, Harry decided to just use this opportunity to take a nap.

Half an hour later, the young ninja was surprised to find that minus Neville and Ron and a few handouts the majority of the class seemed to actually be taking the time to seriously fill out the quiz. His growing headache only got worse when, Lockhart started commenting on the quiz scores, then the idiot had to go and announce that Hermione was the only one to get a perfect score. This just made Ron, Harry, and Neville groan and shack their heads in embarrassment of their friend's behavior.

"Now, be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind" Lockhart said dramatically. "You may find yourself facing your worst fears in this room but know that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."

As Lockhart lifted a large covered cage out from behind his desk, Harry found himself intrigued by what could possibly be inside. Could it be that Lockhart was actually going to show them something he was capable of that a normal wizard his age could hope to face.

"I must ask you not to scream" Lockhart continued, as he reached up to remove the tarp from the cage. "It might provoke them."

"You got to admit, he knows how to work a crowd" Neville commented, Harry and Ron simply nodded in agreement as they too were drawn in.

For a moment, there was an edge of tension in the air as the class waited for Lockhart to reveal the cage's contents. They were soon greatly disappointed as the professor pulled off the tarp revealing…..

"Freshly caught Cornish pixies" Lockhart announced oblivious to the incredulous expressions on some of his student's (mostly boys) faces. "Now don't underestimate them! Devilishly tricky little blighters they can be!"

"Blighter" guess that's another word for my growing list of British words I don't know Harry thought to himself, not really taking the lesson seriously.

As soon as Lockhart opened the cage, the pixies shot out like rockets in every direction. Pulling Neville to the ground, Harry prevented his friend from being caught between two of the rabid little midgets.

"Thanks" said Neville in relief.

"No problem" said Harry, unfortunately he wasn't able to save the student sitting behind them as he was grabbed by his ears and lifted into the air. Several pixies shot straight through the window, showering the back row with glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom slowing making it look a lot like Mikey's room.

"Come on now!" Lockhart shouted. "Round them up, round them up, they're only pixies!"

"If they're 'only pixies' why haven't you done anything yet!" Ron demanded, keep low to avoid becoming the pixies latest victim.

Caught out by Ron's challenge, Lockhart began waving his wand around in a ridiculous motion, chanting some foolish sounding charm, sounding like something out of one Harry's comic books. But all this managed to accomplish was to draw attention to his wand, which was quickly yanked out of his hands.

"Ah, well I'm sure you four can nip the rest of them back into their cage right?" and with that Lockhart raced out the door, followed by the rest of the class, leaving Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville to clean up his mess.

"You can't possibly still believe this guy's for real?" Harry asked Hermione.

"I'm sure he's just trusting us to…."

"Hermione!" Ron, Harry, and Neville yelled in frustration.

"But you've seen his books" she defended. "He's a known hero."

"So is Dumbledore" Neville countered. "Do we have to remind you how he turned out?"

"But" Hermione began but the Weasley boy had, had enough.

"Hermione the guy's an ass!" Ron yelled. "Now, you're the smart one fix this!" It seemed all Hermione needed was a little Weasley temper to break through her love sick delusions as she for the first time really looked at their current situation.

"Immobilus!" she yelled, pointing her wand at the rampaging pixies, freezing them instantly. "I've been a real idiot haven't I?"

"Don't worry about it. That smarmy git has fooled tons of people, my mum included. She's bought all his books and thinks Dumbledore was lucky to hire him." Hermione gave Ron a grateful smile, as she moved to collect the immobilized pixies and was soon joined by her friends.

"Please tell me one of our ninja lessons can be how to get away with hitting that pompous windbag" Neville begged.

"Guys trust me, we'll be using his picture for target practice for weeks" Harry promised vindictively. The others found some solace in that but one thing was for sure they were in for another horrible professor this year. On the upside they were fairly certain Lockhart wasn't actually an evil psycho path in disguise.

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