He's so mad. Shiro is there by the bank watching, tiny and quiet, and Sasuke doesn't have the restraint to hold himself. His hands make signs by memory on rote, though he thinks at this point the action is unnecessary. He's so angry he could set fire all on his own.
Why her?
Shiro paces in the corner of his periphery, beady eyes following him. Sasuke doesn't care. When his Katon blows a fireball that eats up the oxygen in his vicinity, heat gusts the hair pores on his face and burns at the skin of his lips. Yes. The lake steams, the crows have finally shut-up, thin wisps of black smoke exit his nose and open mouth. He's down half his chakra, another half to go.
He makes the motions again because he's on a roll, he'll boil this lake if he can't Water Dragon Jutsu.
Stupid Kakashi.
When the air is heavy with condensation choking in his throat and lungs with the humidity, his breathing labors despite it all. He's melting. Sasuke folds his fingers slow and languid, the heat is making him sleepy and he can't see for all the dense fog…
Which is why when Shiro yelps his body awakens with a start.
Crap! his mind shoots and the flame putters outs in a burst flare. Sasuke waves at the vapors ineffectively, abandons the action to switch to a clone jutsu. The more people, the more ground covered. The faster-
It's a spatial recognition, he suddenly realizes when his clone pops and he knows exactly where the ninken is. No wonder Naruto uses the move so much. "Shiro," he says when he finds him and with his Sharingan activated studies the dog for any burns. The puppy sneezes violently but looks relatively unharmed. He relaxes an inch.
When Sasuke thinks it deeper – he's made his point, he's proved his worth if the steaming state of the lake is anything to go by, Shiro – he comes to a decision.
I'm done here. Sasuke turns knowing the ninken will follow. Currently however, Shiro is preoccupied, furiously pawing at his tongue.
The next morning he wakes early. That night Sasuke sleeps a fitful sleep - worse than usual. He has been waiting to rise for half an hour and the ticking time down had been stressing him. Shiro always wakes before he does somehow, and Sasuke fears the reason. Maybe naturally, maybe because he's a dog, but then again maybe '-they are emotionally sensitive'. His nightmares he's best kept to himself but he guesses some things are inevitable.
Nonetheless today is going to be a fruitful day despite his beginning headache and despite what he saw yesterday. He'll make sure of it.
When he's done breakfast for the both of them, he packs his weapons pouch. Shiro noses at his feet curious and demanding, Sasuke ignores. He's not training with the dog, he's not training with anyone. No; Sasuke's stiffly irritated and he feels he well should be. As rightful heir to the Uchiha, the last of his clan and second-only Sharingan…
He can't believe he's been passed up for Sakura.
Sasuke grits his teeth and a pursed curl of his lips shows. This is ridiculous and pissing him off. He wants to yell at his teacher and demand to know why because he deserves to know why-
Why ninken, why him, why Sakura, whydidn'tyousayanything?
-but as usual he has to find things out himself. Trial and error and sleepless hours of ongoing practice because though he's number one rookie, he knows he's no genius. Self-training is the only way. He has to survive his match, he's not going to be another notch with which Gaara uses to 'justify his existence,' whatever that means. He has to get more power because Sasuke has to avenge his family. When Shiro digs at his toes peeking through his sandals, Sasuke shakes the dog off.
"No," he says and Shiro blinks at him. Sasuke rolls his eyes. But he concedes to the small animal, "I'll be back." Late. He needs this training.
It's the first in a while that he's had to say that. To have somebody – or some being, he guesses – waiting for him at the end of the day when he comes home.
(It's okay.)
Why does it feel like he's not-moving?
Sasuke round-kicks the training stump: again, again; thump, thwack. His feet hurt. His one leg that he stands on is going numb and had long stopped prickling with needles. It's just him and the tree and the rhythmic smacking that never gets any louder, and that doesn't help for the uneasy gut-panic he feels. This is supposed to be stress relieving. His limbs are going cold.
"134, 135, 6-7-8-nine." Sasuke inhales and exhales, he needs to breathe but he can't catch any air. His chest hurts with all the pounding and it absolutely destroys him to swallow.
How does Lee do this?
"143, 1-" Sasuke coughs spittle. It's a hacking, debilitating cough that makes him latch onto the stump for balance with sickening desperation: clenching for life if he could even find one. It makes his Sharingan oscillate and spin but he doesn't want to see any more. He already knows what this is.
This is happening again. Betrayal, though this time he should've learned, this time it's his fault. He shouldn't have thought that the only other Sharingan was something like-
(family)
His teacher's not. Kakashi is. They did say Kakashi's a genius, graduated from the Academy at six, just like him – 'I used to be his commanding officer'. The evidence is so obvious.
This is embarrassing and pathetic. He should've known. Sasuke kicks the tree again-again and he sees the tree as himself. Training.
"I'm home." Sasuke doesn't expect much, he's said it on auto because the thoughts in his head are screaming. He's not much of a talker but it does help.
Tiny taps putter on their way to his front door, light and clacking nails against the tatami. He doesn't mind because the sound drowns what's in his head. "Shiro." His voice swallows around the name.
The ninken swishes his tail slowly and waiting, intelligent eyes blink. When Shiro nears to sniff at his weapons pouch, Sasuke manually remembers with sudden clarity.
"It's yours," he says, and the puppy snatches the item from its holster, digs and finds a small paper bag of dog treats. "You have to stop eating my food," he says by way of explanation. Shiro barks his protest, and Sasuke smiles.
He's trained grueling and his body's too strained to move any further, this is why he makes the decision to sit where he is with his back against the door. Shiro lies next to his thigh. Sasuke's knuckles are bloody, caked dust and trapped sweat run along his forearms because his bandages wilted to pieces. He's tired and he's here, and Shiro is there. There's an itch under his fingers to do something, Shiro is mindlessly eating so Sasuke lets his hand slip into thick brush, lets his hand move back and forth.
He didn't know puppies were so warm – and cleaner than Sasuke is – fragile-small and young. A heart beats fast in there, crazy fast like a rollercoaster; Sasuke is worried then pleasantly surprised. His eyes widen at the tiny life at his fingers. The furry tail taps the underside of his wrist for a moment, acknowledgement, and then Shiro returns to eating. Sasuke pets him.
(It's nice, he thinks, at least a little better than okay.)
When Shiro is done and lays down satisfied, animal form sprawled lazy and pampered, Sasuke's lip twitches. "Better?" A brown tail thumps the ground. "Hn."
That's good, he thinks, he continues to scratch through his fur. The demarcation where tan meets white is obvious, curious, Sasuke traces the spot and Shiro huffs. "What did you even do all day?" he asks though he doesn't expect an answer. Shiro's leg twitches, Sasuke's finally doing something right.
"You're waiting too," he concludes and the leg stops but the tail moves idly.
It's interesting. He found common ground with another animal. Sasuke scritches that funny line again because he's bored and at least somebody should feel happy. Kakashi's supposed to train him ninken summoning, the two of them, and they're waiting.
We've both been left behind.
When Shiro whines a short pleading of help or permission, Sasuke scorns his asking. "No."
He's in bed, dark blue covers and white sheets, reading with his head against a pillow. He can watch as Shiro tries to climb up the mattress, short legs scrambling only to fall onto the floor again. What an idiot.
"You have your own bed." The ninken whines. Sasuke scoffs.
He pretends turns to reading, ignoring when the puppy tries again. Amused, Sasuke watches out of the corner of his eye, noting the improved distance with each attempt. Hn. Last minute ditch effort, Shiro bites into his comforter (he's going to reprimand that later, not yet) and Sasuke can feel a small change in energy. It's Shiro, who giving up on climbing the normal way, holds fast to the bed focusing chakra onto his four paws. Cheater.
When he's made it over on top Sasuke doesn't bother telling him to get off. His head's bleary with all the training anyway. "You cheated," he tells him instead, lazy and eyes closed, and his voice drowning. Shiro steals under his pillow quickly. The puppy shuffles deeper with an audible huff.
For some reason, Sasuke doesn't bother this either. He can barely keep the sleep from getting him, his breathing slows. "Shiro." The dog makes a toasty pillow barring the cold-shock of a wet nose at his neck. Fur is trapped soft, tickling at his collar, static at his ear. He can feel another heartbeat.
(It's safe.)
And too much for him. Before the dark edges in his mind speed and narrow and meet, Sasuke tries to hold on to some thread of reason. Because this… this won't last.
"I'm sorry," he says suddenly, loudly and Shiro is silent. "It was my mom's." Sasuke doesn't know why he's talking, he's tired, too tired to stop himself. Too tired to make sense. Eyes lidded and cracked, he's distant at the ceiling.
"Nobody can use them anymore. It was stupid. You're just a dog - I'm sorry."
(Why would you choose me?)
Darkness closes and he sleeps.
The morning dark is cold and the wind biting but these parts of the Uchiha grounds is pure memory. Walking is easy, the stars still shine but the moon is gone. It doesn't matter. Sharingan is independent of the moon and the shrine grounds need no light. They need red and black, the epitome of clan blood. They need proof before they let you in.
'Nakano shrine, main hall, seventh tatami on the far right.'
Sasuke visits.