Please excuse how long it's taken me, and how it seems to go nowhere... I promise it will. This chapter ended up being behemoth so I've decided to split it up, expect it's counterpart much sooner than this took. As always, many, many thanks to those who read, and to those who review, I am eternally grateful. Your thoughts and opinions mean so much, keep it up!
Veronica had been up for hours, or more aptly hadn't been to sleep yet, hanging paper snowflakes in the windows and rearranging the furniture around the room's latest addition. Juxtaposed between the fireplace and floor to ceiling glass panes that acted as both window and wall, she had spent the last hour meticulously stringing lights on the first real Christmas tree she had since she was a teenager. She tucked the last errant cord into the needles of the blue spruce and took a step back. The tree wasn't terribly tall, maybe seven feet, though it was easily ten feet around at its widest; it was exactly what she had envisioned in this very room the last two Christmases she spent alone. The mantle was festooned with her father's Santa collection, their faces, gilded joy and merriment permeated the room, happy to be freed of the box they'd sat in the last three years. She smiled at the rosy cheeked figures, though her thoughts immediately clouded, shifting to the two men sleeping at opposite ends of the house, who would actually be here with her for Christmas. An unfamiliar feeling welled in her throat as she took in the hundreds of lights twinkling through the branches. Picking up ornaments from the age ravaged box at her feet, she expertly choked back her emotions and continued on her task. There was no logical, or rational reason why she felt this had to be done before they woke, they'd only brought the tree home the night before. Her insistence grew as she failed to fall asleep. Perhaps it was simply because she finally had a reason to celebrate and she wanted to share her happiness with everyone in her life. She placed the last ornament she had on the tree, knowing she'd need more to cover the considerable blank spaces, but was perfectly content with her progress considering the sun had yet to rise.
The carafe, once full of deliciously percolated coffee, sat empty on the kitchen counter. Resigned to another day fully at the mercy of caffeine, Veronica set to brewing another pot, Christmas carols quietly falling from her lips. About halfway through her rendition of "Adeste Fideles" she'd begun making snickerdoodles, without consciously realizing she'd even started to do so. Baking had always been Veronica's favorite therapy, and even though she tried, relentlessly, to cope with everything that had changed, her nervous habit seemed to betray her heart.
"Someone's got the Christmas Spirit this year," a voice surprised her from the hall. Wrenched from her thoughts, the smile that had briefly wavered returned as she turned to face the no-longer slumbering man.
"Father, coffee?" He nodded in response as he took a seat on the stool opposite her. Pulling a mug from the cupboard, she filled it with the freshly brewed elixir and handed it to Keith. She could feel his eyes on her as she moved back toward the oven. After removing the cookie filled trays and replacing them with their uncooked counterparts, she turned to face him. "Yes?"
"Just admiring my darling daughter," her eyebrow quirked at his response as he lifted the coffee to his lips, an appreciative grumble escaping his lips. "Any reason your festive spirit couldn't wait for a decent hour?" Shrugging, Veronica refilled her cup, took two warm cookies from the rack and rounded the kitchen island, taking up the stool next to her father.
"Insomnia and I have been on a first name basis for years now. Christmas is three days away, and after ten, today is full, so I have to get as much done as I can."
"Uh-huh."
"What? It's my first Christmas, too, you know. The last couple are kind of blurry, and I don't want that to do that anymore. I want new Christmas memories, I want singing and laughing and all around jolliness. I finally have my family back, you and Log…" she shook her head, shoving the remainder of the cookie in her mouth to keep the words from escaping, Keith only smiled as he took a bite of his own snickerdoodle.
"Veronica, it's okay to want to be happy."
"Yeah, but Dad, I don't get to have the happy part. Something always, always goes wrong. Did you experience some head trauma in the war? The kind that causes short term memory loss?" His confused expression forced the smile back to her face as she clarified. "Well, apparently you've forgotten all about the fiasco that was Thanksgiving."
"It wasn't that bad," at her scornful look he rejoined, "Okay, it was bad, but, it didn't stay that way did it? No. It forced you and Logan to have an actual conversation, instead of simply communicating in longing glances from across the room." Rolling her eyes, Veronica jumped off the stool and bee-lined for the oven. She took a deep breath after removing the final trays. Yes, things with Logan had been better. They were dangerously close to good, as a matter of fact, which meant implosion at the very least. After their kiss, which she could almost think of without blushing, they'd decided to let it be, let life take its course. But really he was giving her the control, allowing her to make the choices that affected her life. Even without having been there, or perhaps because of it, he knew that's what she needed. To have a say, to be the voice, narrate her own story. When that realization hit, well, it only made her want to kiss him more, but she refrained.
Leave it to her father to reiterate that things were going well. He had to know how deeply her distrust of good things ran. Turning to face him, she realized he'd had come to stand at her side. Keith wrapped his arm around his daughter as her head came to rest on his shoulder.
"I don't know if I've said it enough since I've been home, but, Veronica, I am so in awe of the woman you are. You've worked so hard, just to survive…there were so many times I considered going AWOL, the thought of you going through what you did, alone… It still breaks my heart. I am so, so sorry, sweetie," he felt her tremble and pulled her tight to him. "I promise you, I will never let you down like that. I will never hurt you like they did. I will do everything I can in this life to make right what happened to you."
"Thanks, Daddy," the tears clung to her lashes as she pulled out of his embrace. She gave him a watery smile and continued, "I'm so glad you're home. Of all the stars I wished upon, they heard your name most of all. And I know this," sweeping her hand across the air, gesticulating to the house around her as they grabbed more cookies and headed toward the living room, "well, it's probably not exactly what you'd envisioned for your homecoming."
"I don't know, more and more every day it feels like it…like home. It's awkward and confusing, infuriating and endearing. It's pretty much everything home should be, Veronica."
"Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm really Irene Dunne, and this is just some grandiose production, a raucous little comedy, one where the happy ending isn't scribed in blood."
"Well, that's morose. And no, life is not 'The Awful Truth'. You've had more than your share of pain, though. There's laughter, light and love in this world and when you're ready, it'll be there. I do understand your reluctance to trust it, though."
"Trust? Right, that's the easiest thing for me to do now. How am I supposed to just put myself back out there? How can you actually believe that, Dad, that there's any modicum of happiness in this world, seeing what you saw, knowing what you do? I'm not sure my heart can take additional damages; how do I just put myself back out there like that without assuming the worst?"
"I wish you were just being melodramatic, that I would have a response to. I can only imagine how hard this is for you, kid, but may I offer some advice from a slightly different vantage?"
"Of course," she sat on the high, scallop-backed sofa that centered the tree, her father in the matching green chair to her right. Curling her feet under her, she looked so fragile and small, Keith couldn't help the pain the ebbed through him.
"When you told me you mother left, Veronica, I was so angry. I, well, let's just say I became acquainted with a particular bunk in the brig… Anyway. The animosity I feel toward her has little to do with me; I cannot for the life of me, understand how she could have walked away from you. Our bright, tenacious, beautiful daughter. Our child. Has she ever…" Veronica shook her head sharply, she could sense her father's tension as he tried, and ultimately failed to censor his thoughts from her. "It made me question so many things about myself, the typical 'what if' scenarios ran rampant. I kept going back to how I had failed you, how I wasn't strong enough to protect you from her, and then, the accident. And you were so strong. Mac and Lilly kept me updated when you couldn't, did you know that? They were so scared Veronica, not as scared as me though, God, I would have gone AWOL in a heartbeat if I knew you wouldn't be so disappointed." A reluctant smile flashed briefly before the intensity regained its control, hearing her father speak so candidly about his feelings and her mother was difficult, and yet, cathartic, for them both. "You would have eventually forgiven me for deserting, after I got out of jail, I think. That's why I think you need to forgive us for staying away. You respected Logan enough to let him leave and me enough to understand why I couldn't come back, though it did kill a part of me. You understood, yet hated I know, why he felt he needed to do it without the praise or accolades of being an Echolls, he just wanted to prove himself on a human level, to prove that who he is, is worthy of you. But Veronica, you and I both know that he would have never left you if he had known you were pregnant. The guilt that boy feels over that surely rivals your own, he just hasn't had to carry it as long. And you need to remember that's not entirely his fault. He may have left, but he did not abandon your baby." In her incredibly detailed mental list of the day's activities, crying wasn't on their once, yet here she was in tears again.
"I know," her voice was quiet and low, the steady thumping of her heart in her chest threatened to interrupt any more she may have said. "And he knows that I don't hold him accountable for what happened after he left. That is a pain we will forever share. I could never dream of monopolizing the grief, or guilt, it'll be complex balancing act for the rest of our lives I'm afraid."
"I'm pretty sure that admitting some of the balance in your life will forever rely on another person sounds like, to me, that you want them there. To rely on you, to be relied on, to learn how to trust and love, again."
"It's not about love," she interrupted.
"Come on sweetie, I saw the two of you before and I see you now. It's kind of fun to watch you fall in love all over again."
"Dad!" She couldn't help the blush that warmed her complexion. Shaking off the realization that she was so transparent and apparently wore this love, which she was sure she had buried deep, so boldly upon her person. "It was never love that was the problem between Logan and me," she couldn't help as her eyes flitted toward their hallway. "Right now we're just getting back to basics. We need to see if the people we've become are even compatible." Her father scoffed, then tried in vain to look contrite.
"You know I only want you to be happy, right kid?" She nodded before crossing the room to the stereo and putting her newest Christmas album, an early gift from Logan, on the turntable. "So if being with Logan will make you the happiest, don't fight it. It doesn't mean you have to forget the past, just leave it there." This was not the conversation she wanted to be having this morning, especially not with her father, she'd prepared for a barrage from Mac and Lilly, but this had thrown her completely off her game. With her girlfriends, she could be opaque, she could tell them how things were going without actually expurgating all her feelings. She hated to admit that she would keep her real sentiments to herself, but the thought of burdening her friends with her pain for Christmas was a non-starter.
But with her dad, she was forced to come to terms with every emotion she had been trying to stifle since she had woken up in Logan's arms. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, God, where was her insomnia that night? He said he understood when she woke up panicked. He hadn't pushed the subject, though, she hadn't really allowed the time to discuss the heavy stuff. She had kept him busy shopping and cleaning, their only time alone had been at the grocer or drug store and neither provided the backdrop for serious conversation, and that perhaps had been worse. They had fun; like two kids in love, laughing and playing, forgetting the past to live in the moment. Until she was alone in her room and everything upended.
Of course being with Logan would make her happy. How could it not? It was literally the cornerstone of the life she had wanted since she was twelve. That illusion had been shattered the day he'd left and the realization that no amount of hope, or prayer or love could repair the pieces of her that had been lost the day she'd lost their baby. The guilt she'd been feeling over even the tiniest shred of happiness that her burgeoning relationship with Logan evoked threatened to consume her. Some days she thought being with him was the only thing that would make her feel complete, and on the other days she didn't think either of them deserved to be happy. Not with each other. They'd lost their chance, for whatever reason, and no matter how hard they searched for the why, it would elude them and they would have to accept the point the universe was trying to make.
The pain would last her lifetime, she knew, but she thought she had worked through the guilt. It had taken its time, but the lessons from the women she'd had the pleasure of working with at the factory had finally come to fruition. Reiterated by her father. The past is that. It's passed us by and any chance for change can only happen in the future. The fates may be fickle and can be cruel, but it the choices you make that determine the life you lead. It's in your hands, and yours alone. There was an encounter that ignited her need to find some semblance of peace, when she started looking to tomorrow as a positive thing. And if she had been truly honest with herself then, and now, she'd realize how contingent that serenity was on Logan's return. Whether it was happy or sad news, she'd waited on baited breath for so long just hear his name. Now, here he was.
Here.
Literally in the same space.
Just down the hall.
Just out of reach. Purposefully. Intentionally. Necessary.
"Dad, I don't even know if I'm capable of that kind of relationship again. I'm not that girl, I don't need anyone to take care of me, and, I'm afraid that all I'll do is push Logan away and I can't lose him again. Even if it's only ever as friends."
"Okay, you are not a helpless, damsel who needs saved, however you are a young woman who deserves to be surrounded by love. Look how protective you are of Wallace and Dick, and, you know, the reverse. You fight FOR them, not against them. Don't fight yourself over this. He knows it's a long road ahead, but he's in it for the long haul. He loves you and it's perfectly acceptable to love him back." Tears started to make their way from her eyes again. There was still too much to be done to be spending the morning weeping, yet she couldn't click them off this time.
Somewhere in trying to defend her reasons for keeping Logan at a distance, she'd lost them. Maybe not outwardly, but inwardly she stumbled, the words that had become her mantra, that had kept her strong seemed less true, less real. All she wanted while he was gone is for him to come home, she never believed he would so she never got any further into her fantasy than seeing his eyes again, but she never thought that seeing him would make her so angry. And she was okay with that. She knew anger, it served her well. What she failed to realize was that once the anger faded, and it did quickly much to her chagrin, that it would be replaced with the same intense longing she felt when he was gone. But he wasn't gone anymore. And she could hardly deal with it.
"Wow," Veronica abruptly pulled away from her father and, as casually as she could, wiped the tears from her face, turning to meet the awed gaze directed at her.
"Logan, good morning!"
"Mr. Mars," he acknowledged politely without taking his eyes off Veronica, the warm glow of the lit tree cast a halo of light around her. Swallowing thickly, he finally swept the room, taking in everything from garlands that now adorned the mantle and doorways, to the kitschy baubles they had picked up at the Thrifty that had been transformed into a veritable winter wonderland, and back to the exemplary view of the tree he had. The few ornaments, precariously placed, twinkled as the sun's rays began to peek through the windows.
"I can't believe you did all this," the admiration apparent in his voice as he stepped toward her, "I mean, I believe you did this because, well, you're incredible, I just mean…I dreamed of Christmases like this." His voice dropped just above a whisper, the timbre filling her with warmth. She opened her mouth to respond, but he had stopped moving towards her. "I have something for you." Turning sharply, he walked back toward his bedroom, leaving a bewildered Veronica behind.
"That went we…" she started to her father, turning to face him she realized he was no longer there. "When the hell did that happen?" she questioned aloud. Had she really been that distracted by Logan's presence that she didn't see her father leave the room? Yes, she thought almost immediately. The answer was a glaring realization in light of the morning's conversation. For all her posturing, her dad saw right through her.
"My mother left these in my closet," he reentered the room carrying a rather large box. Broken free of her thoughts, she watched him approach and set the box at her feet. He didn't back away, but stayed at the edge of her periphery, completely within her reach. He pulled the lid off the box, glittering ornaments staring back at her and she couldn't bite back the smile that formed. "They'll surely look better on your tree."
"Thank you, Lo, do you um, want to help me put them on?" The smile on Logan's face crept slowly up his cheeks, his eyes danced with affection as he nodded yes. Blushing at the unabashed joy on Logan's face, she switched the record before starting in on the box; he simply watched her for a moment before he joined in. It was only a few minutes before he heard her suck in a deep breath.
"So, tonight is the revel at Sugar Blue," she started. Her thoughts suddenly a frantic refrain, every fear cast to the wayside as she watched the flannel-clad Logan Echolls sleepily put ornaments on their tree. His mussed hair fell into his eyes, his usually graceful movements slowed to pace with the music.
Merry Christmas to you, Veronica Mars, if only he had a bow.
"Ah yes, 'A Victorious Christmas', how could I forget?" Peeking around the he waggled his brows at her until he saw her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, and when their eyes met, she was certain it could be felt rippling through the heavens.
"Do you think, maybe," she stepped toward him, her hands wringing in front of her. "Maybe you and I could go…together?" He was afraid to look away, more afraid that if he reached out to touch her she would disappear like she always did in his dreams. When his hand clasped hers and she was still there he smiled, the one that always turned her into a puddle.
"I would love that."
This is like déjà vu."
"No. We're just going to be in dressing rooms. We're not in LA, we're not kids, this is a very different world than that one."
"I am more than aware of that little fact, Cindy, I was merely remarking that it was one of the last occurrences I spent any substantive time with my two best friends." Sharply looking at the blonde next to her, Mac grinned.
"God, I've missed you, Lil," Lilly turned and beamed sassily, Ruby playing with a doll at her side, she wrapped her arm around Mac's waist and pulled her close. "I do know what you mean, though, it has been far too long."
"Well if someone didn't have to be so smart and run halfway around the world to contribute to the war effort…"
"How else would I have gone to Oxford? My resources were limited."
"No, no, I don't begrudge you that, Mac. We all did what we had to, it just all seemed to be at someone else's expense." Lilly's eyes dropped to the floor, Mac noticed she seemed to grip Ruby closer.
"How long since you've seen her?"
"I was home for the summer. Ruby and I were with Aunt Ronica every second we could spare. She was okay, she seemed to be anyway, but compared to now? I've only talked to her a few times since Mr. Mars and Logan came back, and it's like a switch flipped somewhere. Her voice is lighter, you can hear the happiness; it's actually kind of gross."
"What's gross?"
"Veronica!" Mac's yelling appeared to disrupt the concentration of several passing shoppers. While she and Lilly talked, the store seemed to fill up around them, it was the Saturday before Christmas after all. She mouthed a sheepish sorry as she embraced her friend, tears threatened the corners of both their eyes.
"Oh, it's so good to see you, Ronnie!" Lilly exclaimed as she took her hug, squeezing Ruby between them. "Isn't it, Pea?"
"An' Rona!" Ruby put her hands on either side of Veronica's face, and squished her cheeks together, eliciting a squeal of laughter when Veronica tried to stick her tongue out at her.
"This is better than any Christmas present I could have asked for. The four of us together, having a girl's day before a big night out, I'm so happy! I feel like we need real dates, though, we're too old for the group thing…" the rest of her thought derailed as she took in the hangdog expressions that stole over her friend's faces. "Wait you two have dates? And you didn't think to tell me that I needed one? Before the night of, that is. I mean, I know that I'm Lilly Kane but, notice would be appreciated."
"Lilly, I thought everyone knew that Dick and I were, well, still Dick and I."
"No, I mean, I never heard otherwise but I just assumed your relationship was just another casualty of the war," Lilly shrugged and narrowed her gaze on Veronica. "Who's your date, Veronica?"
"Yeah yesterday I thought you were the group date's biggest proponent," Mac said equally confused.
"Well, that was yesterday. And today, today's a new day."
"Wait, moving on? Who is your date?" Lilly and Mac shared a confused look. Veronica shook her head, laughing and filled her friends in on her conversations with her father and with Logan that morning.
It took only about an hour for each of them to find dresses, considering the havoc Ruby Jo wreaked in the first twenty minutes, Lilly was surprised they'd even lasted that long. She of course tired herself out after a grand temper tantrum, pulling a dark pigtail from its frilly entrapment, she wrapped her fingers tightly around her now loose locks as sleep stole over her big, blue eyes. Lilly left Veronica and Mac to take Ruby to her parents, agreeing to meet them back at the beach house to get ready. Veronica, who had subsisted on only coffee and snickerdoodles up until then, convinced Mac to come with her and grab lunch to go before going back.
"Is this just a one-time thing, or are the two of you officially back together?"
"Honestly, man, I have no idea. I uh, heh, kissed her a couple of weeks ago…" Dick looked like he was going to interrupt but Logan shook his head, "it was an emotional night, for the both of us, so I knew it was more reactionary than anything. But then today, out of left field she asked me if I wanted to be her date tonight." Dick shook his head appreciatively, despite his aloof nature he was a romantic at heart. He wanted nothing more than for Logan and Veronica to just fall right back into where they had been. Now he knew it was absurd, but he couldn't help but feel like they both needed each other more than they did not. He wasn't sure anyone agree with his presumption, he was fairly certain Wallace didn't, but years of knowing the two of them both separately and together reaffirmed it.
"It's a Christmas miracle, my friend," he toasted. "To tonight!"
"To tonight," he sipped at his glass as he heard the female voices flit down the hallway. She and Mac entered the kitchen carrying white paper bags from Luigi's and he swore his heart literally swelled. Something about the smile that adorned her face, or perhaps in was the lilt in her voice when she spoke, maybe he was finally seeing her again. Who she truly was, who she had tried so hard to suppress from him. Whatever it was, he knew that after tonight, everything would be different.
"Ms. Fennell, you look amazing! The whole place, really, it's a dream!"
"Oh thank you, Veronica, you look lovely as well. All you ladies, really, just stunning. And what dapper young men you've got to escort you! Especially you, Miss Kane," Alicia said winking as she saw her son and his date blush.
"Who'd have thought I could score such a date on the day of the event, huh? The stars must have finally aligned," she said airily, looking toward Veronica and Logan, who'd gone back to ogling one another. Mac caught her as she rolled her eyes, laughing when they'd excused themselves to dance almost the minute they'd gotten there.
"Now you can say déjà vu," Mac joked, trying to turn down her smile as Lilly glared at her. They each picked a glass of champagne off a passing tray and held it to their chests.
"I just hope this ends better than out the last outing."
"It has to."
"Are you citing some mathematical formulation to back this? Law of averages or something?"
"No, I just…look at him, Lilly. He is never going to let her go again and she's going into this with her head, not just her heart, they're starting from a very strong place."
"You think so?" Wallace came up behind Lilly and wrapped an arm around her waist, sipping at his own champagne. Dick, who had come up next to Mac, responded.
"Yes. I do. She does. I think even Miss Kane there does," Lilly held the glass to her lips to try and defer her answer, but the look in her eyes gave it away. All she wanted was for Veronica to be happy and seeing her with Logan again, she looked truly happy.
All Wallace could see was last Christmas, how he and Dick had found her at the bottom of the beach stairs, claiming she had tripped and couldn't remember more. Wallace had carried her to her room and laid her in bed, he and Dick took turns sleeping that night to make sure she was alive. He shuddered at the thought, the image of her lying there was never too far from his mind. She had insisted it was an accident. Swore up and down that it wasn't intentional, that she would never, but he could never quite shake the idea.
"Okay, but can we trust him?"
"It's not about us, Wallace," Mac started. "Veronica trusting Logan isn't contingent on us doing so, but if that's the question then I suppose I don't know. But I do trust her."
"You didn't see it all, Mac. You weren't there when…" Dick shot him a warning glance, they hadn't told anyone about that night and he wasn't about to have it come out in the middle of a Christmas party. "It's just been really hard watching her try to heal, I don't want to see all her hard work cast aside if his pride is wounded again and he takes off."
"Is that what you really think happened last time?"
"No. I know why he left before, I get it completely. I'm even really glad he's back, I just…Look, Vee is like my sister and I just want to make sure she's okay," Wallace met Dick's eyes before turning back to his date. "That's all." She smiled up at him, her gold dress shimmering in the darkened club. "Now may I have this dance?" Lilly handed Mac her empty glass and took Wallace's hand as he led her to the floor. Mac smiled as Wallace twirled Lilly across the floor, recognizing the opening to 'I Fall in Love Too Easily", her eyes found their way to their other dancing friends. The fact there were other people on the floor, let alone the room, was completely lost on Veronica and Logan as they melded into one another. Their dancing was familiar, comfortable, loving, they both looked as if they were exactly where they belonged.
"Did you want to try? I know I wasn't much of a dancer before, so surely now I am much worse, I can't even have two left feet!" She smiled sweetly at her boyfriend and took his hand in hers.
"If you're comfortable with it, we can try." He offered his arm after she had set down the empty champagne flutes, and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. They swayed slowly, back and forth, basking in the warmth of each other's presence.
"You know, Miss Mackenzie, you never told me when you're going back."
"I didn't? Hmm, well, perhaps it's because I'm not going back…Mr. Casablancas."
"You're not?" The happy exclamation was punctuated by Dick yelling and pulling her close. "I would swing you around but I have a feeling that would leave us both in a heap on the ground."
"I much prefer this, I think," she whispered from her position, crushed against his chest.
"What's with all the ruckus?" Logan asked as he and Veronica came up next to their friends.
"She's staying, Lo!" Logan smacked Dick excitedly on the back as Veronica and Mac whispered about things they could plan now that she would be home. When Lilly and Wallace wandered over, they couldn't help but feel slightly like outsiders. Wallace stiffened before reaffirming his and Lilly's presence.
"What's going on?"
"She's not going back to England, Wally!" Dick said eagerly. "This calls for more champagne!" He motioned for the server, who complied by bringing a bottle and fresh glasses to the group. They toasted to Mac, and then to Christmas, and then the New Year, and when the bottle was gone, the boys had got another and started the rounds again.
Mac pulled Lilly over with the two of them, moving away from the group to talk more privately.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, I just really wanted Dick to be the first to know," she told her friends whose faces held no amount of animosity, simply curious, Veronica intoned.
"Not that I am complaining, at all, but what brought it about?"
"I missed this so much, my wonderful friends, my family, California and it's bright sunshine and salty air and him, God, I missed his stupid face so much," Smiling despite the fact she knew how cheesy she sounded, Mac couldn't help it, if she was being honest the order of her list would have been reversed, and emblazoned in big, bold capital letters at number one, she'd admit that Dick was really the catalyst.
"You know, I was kind of thinking of transferring out here for my senior year," Lilly said quietly. "Looks like Miss Ruby and I will have to start looking for a place close to Aunt Ronica and Uncle Logan, as I'm sure I will require your babysitting services. Oh my god, and this summer, the whole gang will be back together! It'll be just like old times!" As the last words slipped past her lips, she realized her guffaw and looked to Mac to help cover.
"Stop. The both of you," Veronica interrupted their silent exchange and shook her head admonishingly. "I can actually see the cogs and wheels turning behind your eyes; it is absolutely okay to allude to the good times past without me falling to pieces. I'm fine. And for the first time in a very long time, that's actually more truth than not. While I may not agree that it'll be anything like old times, I still get to spend time with my favorite people, creating new memories, moving forward." Casually, she turned her head in the direction of their male counterparts and managed to catch the next thing they felt compelled to drink to. She had overheard their toasts to life and love and cars and good surf, and managed to keep her eye rolling completely contained to her mind's eye, but when her eye caught Logan's and he raised his glass to:
"The future, whatever it may bring!" she could feel the last remnants of icy sheathe she'd built around her heart melt away. Lifting her glass in response, she downed her less than fizzy champagne and managed a demure smile in his direction before catching the seemingly annoyed glare Wallace was shooting between the two of them. Before she the confusion could register, Dick harrumphed, setting their empty glasses on a nearby table and leading Logan and Wallace away from the crowd, and as much as Veronica would have liked to follow, Dick's sharp look kept her in her place, Lilly and Mac looking at one another utterly surprised that she would actually abided Dick's word. Shaking her head, knowing that whatever was going to happen, needed to, she lead her girlfriends back to the dance floor and went about enjoying the rest of her evening, though it was admittedly harder to dance with one's heart in their throat.
It seemed like they were gone hours, though it couldn't have actually been that long, her eyes constantly scanning the entrance waiting for the hopefully not bloody trio to re-appear. She hadn't been able to drink anymore, her mind had been at the precipice of fuzzy before the altercation and not knowing what was going on had sobered her almost immediately. Knowing that she'd be dealing with whatever the aftermath may be was motivation enough to maintain her newly implemented sobriety.
Dick and Wallace emerged, neither bloodied nor bruised to her relief, without Logan. Wallace seemed lighter, his swagger returned in his confident stride as they made their way back through the crowd. Dick didn't share in his attitude change, but he did seem like a weight had been lifted from him as well, though he couldn't seem to meet Veronica's eyes, he simply motioned back toward the doors with a tilt of his head and a sad smile. She nodded and excused herself from the group, knowing she wouldn't be coming back in, she told her friends she'd see them at the house and said her thank you's to Alicia for the invite.
The cool December night enveloped her in a frosty blanket as she stepped outside, her arms clutching at her sheer, navy shawl that provided no warmth or shelter from the breeze. Shivering, she walked toward the parking lot, her eyes scanning for his lumbering figure and coming up with nothing. She began digging for her keys in her handbag, assuming he started walking as he tended to do when he needed to think something through, when she reached her Continental she noticed something leaning against the passenger door.
"Lo?" She questioned quietly, his red-rimmed eyes lifted to meet hers and in that instant, her broken heart was his, and she wanted nothing more than to kiss away the pain. "Want to go home?"
The ghost of a smile pulled the corner of his lips, the sadness in his eyes receding just a moment as the deep breath worked its way through his lungs.
"I would love to go home," he stood clumsily, allowing her to steady him. Shivering, she wiped the tears that had fallen from his cheeks before he wrapped his jacket around her small shoulders. Her head tilted at the gesture, unabashed love shone from his eyes in that way that could take her breath away. He leaned forward, the anticipation of his lips meeting hers caused Veronica's heart to beat raucously, so much so she was sure he could feel it between them and when his lips came to rest on her forehead, she couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed, though she was thankful that what was sure to be one of those kind of kisses wouldn't be done in a parking lot. She was sure she wasn't ready to publically display her heart for the world to see. He dropped into the passenger seat and when she clicked the radio on, a "Sentimental Journey" filled the car. She rolled her eyes at its irony, maybe their trip back to the house wouldn't be a sentimental journey, but she was certain whatever conversation was about to erupt would be. Lost in her mind, she couldn't suppress the shiver that ran through her when he reached across the car and grabbed her hand, tightly entwining his fingers with hers, lifting it to his mouth and pressing tender kisses to each of her knuckles as, she was certain, he whispered apologies between each one. She was going to kick Wallace when she saw him again, even though she wasn't certain, she had a fairly good idea what was discussed, and was none too pleased about what it could portend for her and Logan's relationship.