Notes: Thanks for all the lovely reviews!
Chapter 7
Lily never thought it could happen, but she had to admit, even if only to herself, that Black wasn't so bad after all.
After breakfast the next day, where only Lily, Mrs. Chambers and Madeleine where present, she went up to clean the guest rooms. She expected to find them empty, since all the boys were sleeping in Potter's room; She was surprised to find Black lying on one of the beds, barefoot, reading a Muggle book.
He looked up only after she had been gazing at hum uncertainly for a few moments. "Good morning to you too," he said over the book. "Cat got your tongue?"
"No," Lily replied, shaking herself and beginning to pick up objects that were scattered on the floor. "I just didn't know you could read."
"That's a good one," he said with a half- grin, straightening up. "You don't have to pick up my dirty pants, I'll do it."
With relief, Lily moved away from the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed and turned to roll up the carpet.
"Potter didn't calm down yet?" She asked as Black threw his clothes into his school trunk and put it in a corner of the room. One of them must have been very angry if they had decided not to sleep in the same room.
"I don't know," Black said with suppressed grudge, taking the broom Lily had placed by the door and starting to sweep the floor with too much force. "He's an idiot sometimes, you know?"
"I know," Lily said, beginning to feel uncomfortable. "Can you give me back the broom?"
Black dismissed her with a wave of his hand, continuing to sweep vigorously. "He has some cheek, too. Dumbledore himself offered him to join his super- secret Order – how many students can say he asked them that? He probably really likes him, for some reason. But no, Prongs has to do everything alone, even if it gets him killed."
Lily listened to Black complaining about Potter for a few minutes, busying herself with arranging the bed and dusting the carpet. Finally she gathered her courage and asked, "I never... I mean, what happened to his parents?"
Black froze for a split second and then went on sweeping with a grimier expression. "Death Eaters broke into the house last September. They murdered them in their bed."
Lily immediately regretted asking. Every muscle in Black's body radiated immense pain, even though he was standing with his back to her. And the thought of the murdered couple in their bed, in that very house, was chilling.
"I'm sorry," she said, turning to clean the curtains. "I didn't mean to bring it up. It's just... He's just so... Vengeful..."
"I don't blame him," Black said, in contrast to his earlier complaints about Potter's behavior. "I mean, I can't stand my parents, but Mr. and Mrs. Potter always treated me like I was their own. What bothers me most is that they didn't have a chance to defend themselves. Mr. Potter would've kicked their sorry arses in a proper duel."
Lily smiled faintly. Black spoke about Potter's father admiringly, as if he were his own father.
"It's not fair," she found herself saying. "But Potter is still in school, he can't defeat a wizard like Voldemort by himself."
"Probably not," Black said with a sigh. He sounded as if he was fed up with the subject. It made Lily wonder why she cared so much about what happened to Potter.
"You clean good," she changed the subject. "I thought that pure- blood families had house- elves to do these stuff for them."
"That's true," Black said. "I didn't touch a mop until I was fifteen. Then I spent half of the summer with my cousin, Andromeda. She married a Muggle- born, so they disowned her. They don't have house- elves, obviously."
"She and Ted Tonks got married?" Lily asked. She remembered Andromeda Black, who had been a Head Girl in Ravenclaw and had graduated a few years earlier. She was the only figure of authority in Hogwarts that Black actually listened to. Ted Tonks was a Hufflepuff who tutored younger students who had trouble in class, and he always treated Lily kindly.
"Yeah," Black said, the shadows leaving his face and replaced by his bright, careless smile. "She's pregnant now. I haven't been able to convince them to call the baby Sirius yet, but I'm getting there."
Lily laughed. At that moment Potter pushed his messy head into the room. He glanced briefly at each of them and said to Black angrily, "So you're friends now?"
"What's it to you?!" Black shouted after him, but he was already gone. Black turned back to Lily with a kind smile. "See, he's a lot better now."
Lily laughed again, against her will. Soon the conversation was no longer awkward.
They finished cleaning the room and went to Pettigrew's room, who was still asleep. Black claimed he knew the best way to wake him up. While he planned how to prank his friend, who snored loudly in his bed, Lily decided she didn't want to take part in the nasty prank and went back to Black's room to take the bucket of soap water she had forgotten there. As she picked it up, she noticed that they had forgotten to clean the desk, on which were scattered several parchments.
Knowing at the back of her head that she was doing something she wasn't supposed to, Lily went to the table and began to stack the papers. She noticed, without looking deliberately, that these were letters. Most of them were from Andromeda Tonks, but there was also a short note from Remus. Stopping the pretense of cleaning, Lily made sure that Black wasn't coming back and read the note.
It was very short. Remus wrote to his friends that he was okay, and asked them to update him on "developments." That alone was enough to arouse her suspicion. Besides that the letter had no more information.
She continued to dig through the papers and found a letter that Black had begun to write but had not yet sent, in which he had told his friend about Potter's conversation with Dumbledore. As she had hoped, he wrote down Remus' home address on the back of the parchment.
After dinner Lily waited for Potter (who was deliberately silent throughout the meal), Black and Pettigrew to leave the dining room before she asked Mrs. Chambers to use the Floo to visit a friend for a few hours. Mrs. Chambers agreed without reservation, except that she wouldn't be too late.
She hurried to her room and changed the dress she had worn all day for a dark amber dress with tiny yellow flowers. She looked at herself in the mirror uncertainly as she combed her hair. What was it appropriate to wear for a confrontation like that?
Finally she put on a jacket and went to the kitchen through the side corridors, in the attempt not to meeting anyone. The kitchen was empty too, and only the fireplace remained burning for her trip. So far there have been no mishaps. She went to the fireplace and took a pinch of greenish powder from the dish on the mantelpiece, taking a deep breath. She had never used the Floo, only read about it's use in books.
She repeated the address several times in her head, afraid to get confused at the last minute and appear in another place altogether, and finally threw the powder into the fire and called, "The Lupin Residence, Galway Forest, Scotland!"
The green flames shot up. Lily marched into them decisively. She closed her eyes tightly as she whirled across the fireplaces of British wizard homes until she stumbled into a dark room.
She brushed aside the strands that fell on her face as she turned and looked around. Before she could figure out where she was, a figure appeared in the doorway and the light came on. A thin, fair-haired woman entered while humming, holding a basket full of knitting equipment. As soon as she saw Lily she dropped it and backed away in alarm.
Before Lily could say anything she shouted, "Lyall!" Not moving her terrified eyes from Lily.
Lily tried to explain that she didn't mean any harm. A tall man with a windswept face burst into the room with a raised wand, ready to curse her without asking questions. She raised her hand and begged him to wait. Another person appeared behind him, hugging the frightened woman and peering inside.
"Lily?" Remus called in amazement, "Dad, it's alright, I know her."
Remus' father lowered his wand, to Lily's great relief, and she felt she was breathing again. He was still studying her with great suspicion all the same.
"What are you doing here?" Remus asked, as suspicious as his father. Lily wished he wouldn't treat her that way.
"I just want to talk," she said in a measured voice, as if afraid to scare him away.
"All right," Remus said, although it was clear he wasn't quite all right with it. "Let's go to my room."
Lily tried to smile at Remus' parents as she passed them, but they only looked at her suspiciously and protectively. Lily couldn't actually blame them for their behavior.
The Lupin house was wooden and warm. Remus led her down a narrow corridor to the last room, beside which was an exit to the back porch. His room was small and full of books, but very neat. It was like Lily's room in the Potter family, modest but warm.
"I'll make tea," Remus said.
"It's fine, there's no – " Lily tried to say, but he was already out the door. She sat down on the narrow bed, feeling like a fist was gripping her heart, nervously looking around the room. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come there. She felt like Remus was afraid of her.
A silver glow attracted her attention; It was coming from a narrow gap between the curtains that were pulled over the window. Lily looked out cautiously. The window looked out on the back porch, where Remus stood in front of a silvery silhouette of a wolf. A Patronus. Remus' lips were moving, but Lily couldn't hear what he was saying. Then the Patronus turned into a glowing ball and flew away, leaving a heavy darkness in it's wake.
Lily left the room and went to the porch. It was cold outside. Remus turned to her sharply, like a man caught in the act. He looked thin and fragile in the waning moonlight, and the scene stabbed Lily's heart.
"Was that a Corporeal Patronus?" She asked, trying to break the heavy silence. "That's impressive."
"Thank you," Remus murmured in reply.
Lily walked over and sat down on the wooden steps leading to a patch of dead leaves bordering the forest. It was very dark there, if it weren't for the moon, and the forest was full of the melancholic song of night birds. It was dark but beautiful. Remus sat next to her with a conspicuous reluctance.
Lily didn't know what to say. She hoped that when they sat side by side she would feel what she had to say, but the words didn't come. Remus looked as if he could sit in silence forever.
"We're friends, right?" She finally asked, longing to break the ice.
"Of course," he replied, a little too quickly, yet honestly.
"So you know I'll never try to hurt you," she went on.
Now he seemed less sure.
"It's true," she said, slightly offended. "I know your secret, Remus."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said immediately. He was a bad liar.
"I know you're a werewolf," she said, feeling relieved to say it aloud, even though he didn't dare look at her face. "I know your friends are keeping your secret. I know you ran away the day after you transformed because you were afraid I'd found out..."
He remained stubbornly silent. Perhaps he thought that if he won't react her words would be erased from reality.
"Remus, say something," she pleaded. She put a hand on his taut shoulder and he recoiled as if electrocuted, jumping to his feet. She got up and tried to approach him, but he backed away, as if disgusted.
"Just go," he said.
"No," Lily said indignantly, crossing her arms. "I haven't finished saying what I had to say."
"What do you have to say?" He burst out with uncharacteristic nervousness. "Tell me how I almost killed you? To tell me you've seen what a monster I am – ?"
Lily shoved him hard. He staggered back in surprise, becoming silent.
"Don't you dare say you're a monster!" She shouted at him, her anger increasing. "And don't you dare raise your voice at me! Do you really think that's why I came? You don't know me at all?"
Now Remus looked very ashamed. "I'm sorry..."
"You should be!" Lily replied, the pain in her heart almost physical. "And to your information, I think you're one of the best wizards I've met, cursed or not."
"Thank you..." Remus muttered with growing shame.
Lily rubbed her hand over her face. It's became very hot, like whenever she got angry. In a calmer voice she added, "Do you have any doubt that I will keep your secret at all costs?"
Remus' shoulders relaxed. The corners of his mouth curved in a sad smile. "No," he said sincerely, looking into her eyes for the first time that evening. "I don't have any doubt."
"Well," Lily said emphatically, beginning to feel embarrassed for shouting. Feeling like there were many more unspoken words between them, she hugged him to replace all of them, silently and softly. Remus hugged her back tightly, almost too strongly.
"Thank you, Lily," she heard him mumble in her ear with a cracked voice. Lily pressed her arms around him, not knowing how to say that she was sorry for all that had happened to him, that she wasn't judging him on the basis of a horrible curse he couldn't control, and that she wasn't afraid.
A pair of following bangs were heard and then then the sound of dry leaves being crushed at the foot of the stairs. Potter, Black, and Pettigrew appeared in the dark, watching Lily and Remus embrace in confusion.
"Moony?" Potter said cautiously, "What's going on?..."
Remus broke away from Lily, leaving one arm around her shoulders affectionately. "It's all right," he said to his friends, still smiling gratefully at Lily. "She knows my secret."
The other three exchanged glances uncertainly.
"Relax, I'm not going to tell," Lily said. "I understand why you need to keep it a secret."
"I don't want to upset the atmosphere of reconciliation," Black said. "But you do realize he almost ate you a few nights ago?"
"I didn't expect to find a werewolf in that part of the country," Lily replied with an impulse to protect Remus and their new- found bond. "That's what made me suspicious, really. I'll be more careful next month." She clasped her arm around him. "It wasn't his fault."
"Thank you," Remus muttered shyly.
"Excellent," Black said, his smile bright in the dark. "You know what that means? You're one of us now. I've always said we need a little feminine touch in this bunch..."
"Take it easy, she's no Marauder," Potter said immediately.
"You're just scared your friends will like me more than they do you," Lily said half-jokingly.
"Is that so?" An honest smile came over Potter's face. "Challenge accepted, Evans."
The five of them settled in the straw armchairs and stools that were scattered on the porch, and Remus brought a lamp and bottles of cool Butterbeer. They sat in the warm lamp light and the Marauders told her how they discovered Remus was a werewolf in their second year, and how they kept his secret ever since.
"So in every full moon you just go out to the forbidden forest and transform there?" Lily asked. She sat on a straw chair, covered with a woolen blanket that Remus had given her against the northern summer chill.
"Dumbledore wanted to keep anyone from getting hurt," Remus explained, "So he planted the Whomping Willow. It guards a secret passage that leads to the Shrieking Shack. On the full moon I lock myself up there and transform."
"That's why everyone thinks it's haunted?" Lily asked uneasily. So the screams that were heard in Hogsmeade at nights were Remus', who couldn't contain the pain of transformation?
"Not only," Potter admitted with the spark of a mischievous prankster. "When we realized what people thought it was we used go there at night and make noises and lights, so they wouldn't suspect it only happened on the full moon."
"I can't believe it," Lily said with a laugh. "How did you sneak in there without getting caught?"
The Marauders exchanged knowing glances. Potter took a long swig from his Butterbeer.
"No need, then, don't tell me," Lily said stubbornly. "I'll find out for myself."
"If Prongs won't keep his big mouth shut it might actually happen," Black said, and Potter hit him on the shoulder with his fist. Black just laughed. "What? You let her interrogate you and that's how she found out about Moony."
"You should've seen him after," Remus said with a grin, then made an exaggerated imitation of Potter, "She knows!"
Everyone laughed. Potter hid a smile behind his bottle.
"I'm surprised I didn't find out earlier," Lily said. "I mean, 'Moony'? could it be more obvious?"
"The fact if you never suspected," Potter said proudly. "Because we are the masters of deceit."
"Right," Lily teased back. "It's not that complicated. You're called Prongs because... Your family crest is a stag, am I right?"
"Believe what you need to," Potter said with a light smile. "What about Padfoot?" He gestured towards Black.
"Um... He has really soft feet?" Everyone laughed.
"And Wormtail?"
Lily looked at Pettigrew, who looked down and stammered something. "That's hard. I have no idea."
"You had it wrong three out of three," Potter said. "Sirius really has soft feet, but that's not why we call him that."
It was getting late and it was time for them to stop making noise and disturbing Remus' parents. They said goodbye to Remus with a promise to join them in Potter's house soon, and Lily hugged him again, tightly.
"M'lady – " Black held out his arm to Side- Appariate her to Potter's house. But then he looked at something over her shoulder and said suddenly, "You know what, you go with Prongs. Peter gets motion sickness and Potter is really bad at it."
Lily looked at Potter to see him rubbing his hand over his face in despair. But when he moved it aside he was smiling encouragingly and held out his arm. Knowing that Black was lying, she took Potter's arm anyway.
The Apparition wasn't so bad. They appeared almost immediately in front of the wooden gate bordering the marshes. Lily let go of Potter's arm as soon as their feet touched the ground and began walking down the dark path to the light of her wand, Potter beside her, his hands deep in his pockets.
They walked in silence for a while. Lily hoped they wouldn't have to talk at all, and began to regret not insisting on going with Black.
Finally Potter said, "I wrote to Dumbledore a few hours ago."
"Really?" Lily was surprised.
"Yeah," he said. "You and Sirius are right, I know I'll need help... It's just... I know how these things work... It'll be years before this Order will have any real power, and by then it may be too late."
"It won't be too late," Lily said confidently. "He is a tyrant, he won't win. But we can't let rage and vengeance consume us – then we won't be any better than him. No one has the right to decides who lives and who dies, only God."
Potter was silent for a moment. Finally he said, "I never thought of it that way."
Lily shrugged. For her faith was a way of life, something she had been taught since she was born. She couldn't imagine her life without it, couldn't imagine herself without it.
With that thought in mind she asked, "Do you believe in anything?"
Potter pondered the question seriously. Finally he shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I believe in friendship, and in love. I never really thought about it."
"That's not really an answer. I like the Beatles too, it's not a belief system."
Potter laughed out loud, his laughter echoing in the desolate marshes, shaking them alive.
"Honestly, Evans, if I knew you had such a sense of humor I wouldn't have bothered you so much when they made you a Prefect."
"You would've done it anyway. You were a git."
"That may be true, but you have to admit that you wanted to catch us in the act."
"I won't lie, I wanted to impress McGonagall and that was the easiest way to do it. You guys were always up to something."
They kept talking about their past school years until they walked through the back door and into the kitchen, where the fireplace was still burning. Lily put it out, as she had promised Mrs. Chambers she would, and Potter stood by, watching her. She became aware of the fact that they were alone in the room, at night, and that the rest of the people in the house were asleep. She began to wonder where Black and Pettigrew were.
The way from the kitchen to the workers' rooms and to Potter's room was the same, and Lily had no choice but to climb the dark stairs next to Potter. When they reached the stairway leading to the workers' rooms, she realized he was planing to walk her her room. They walked in total silence.
When they reached the door of her room Potter spoke in a whisper, "Thank you for keeping Remus' secret."
"Of course," Lily said uncomfortably, praying that Mrs. Chambers would come out of her room and demand to know who was talking there in the middle of the night. "I know that people who don't know him won't understand."
Potter nodded. Lily wanted him to go, but he leaned against the door frame of her door, running his hand through his hair.
"So Mrs. Chambers tells me your sister is getting married next week," he said. If she wouldn't have known him she would have thought he was embarrassed.
Lily nodded uncomfortably.
"You know... If you need a date... You know, someone to come with you... I can come with you," he said, trying unsuccessfully to look calm and uninterested.
Lily stared at him. Did he just ask her out?
Apparently Potter realized that she was uncomfortable because he straightened up and said immediately, "You know what, forget I asked. Good night."
He disappeared up the stairs before she could respond. Relieved, she went into her room and changed into her pajamas. But as she lay in bed trying to clear her head and fall asleep, she wondered what her answer would have been if he hadn't run away.