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Howarand- This story deals with Lily's relationship with Severus, but it's a pure Lily/James.

Chapter 8

It was late at night and rain was tapping on the sitting room windows of the silent Potter house. Lily tried to concentrate on her Transfiguration homework, but her eyes kept darting back to the window by her elbow, waiting to see a flicker of light on the path within the summer storm.

The three boys who were sitting around the fireplace also tried in vain to keep themselves occupied while waiting. Remus was writing an Astronomy eassy, but his eyes didn't move across the pages and his quill circled between his fingers non- stop. Pettigrew was practicing a spell he had difficulty with, with little success, while Balak toyed absentmindedly with a miniature Quaffle, staring into the fire with a grave expression.

The four of them jumped when the door opened abruptly. Potter's nose was pink from the wind and his hair wilder than ever. He took off his damp coat and threw it on the back of a chair in front of the fireplace, sitting down heavily while his friends gathered around him. Lily turned in her chair by the window to listen to the news.

"Well, how was it?" Black urged Potter, who was wiping raindrops off his glasses.

"It went alright."

"Alright? You went to a secret wizard's Order gathering and that's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say, Padfoot? Nothing exciting happened. It's just a bunch of wizards loyal to Dumbledore who meet to share the information they've collected."

Black frowned. "Did they tell you who they thought was a Death Eater and who wasn't?"

"Padfoot..."

"James, he deserves to know," Remus interjected gently.

Potter took a deep breath and looked straight at Black. "Bellatrix tops their list of suspects, and also Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa's husband."

Black grunted between his teeth and stood up angrily, turning back and forth as if he couldn't contain the news.

"And Regulus?" He asked with a small hope.

"Voldemort doesn't bring underage wizards into his circle," Potter replied coolly, watching his friend carefully.

Black made a noise between a grumble and a sigh and ran his hands over his face.

"What about Severus?" Lily heard herself asking.

Potter's gaze focused on her. "I don't know," he said in the same unemotional tone.

Lily felt a combination of relief and uneasiness. The uncertainty was painful, but it was better than knowing that Severus had finally been swallowed up by the shadow of the Dark Lord. Perhaps he still had hope.

She was drawn from her thoughts when Black continued to question Potter, and she noticed that he was still looking at her. She looked away in embarrassment. They didn't talk since his offer the night he walked her to her room, but the words still hung between them like a weight.

"Did Dumbledore give you a mission too?" Pettigrew asked with a touch of excitement as James finished telling his friends about the different roles of the members in Dumbledore's Order.

Potter nodded heavily, not pleased. "He wants me to keep an eye on students at Hogwarts when the term starts. From where I am I can see suspicious things much better than the Professors."

Black looked like the words were frozen water on his skin.

"Don't worry, we'll keep Regulus out of trouble," Potter told him firmly.

"I think it's too late, Prongs," Black said flatly. In the firelight, Lily had never seen him look so old and sad.

They stayed up late talking, while Black looked at the flames as if they were guilty of all his troubles. Pettigrew couldn't stop yawning, and Potter looked exhausted; Nearing midnight Remus suggested that everyone would go to sleep.

Lily stayed behind and put out the fire. Hearing their hushed voices in the hallway ahead of her, Lily went to her room in the dark, groping for the walls. She didn't want to go to sleep. She wanted the night to last forever.

The next day was Petunia's wedding day. The knowledge that the day was approaching was buzzing in the back of her head since she had accepted the invitation, but as long as the day was far away she could push the thought away. Now it was too late to imagine that the day won't ever come.

Fear seized her stomach like an iron fist while she lay in bed, trying to fall asleep. She was afraid to meet her relatives whom she hadn't seen since she had gone to Hogwarts, was afraid to see that her father's condition deteriorated, afraid to see Petunia seal the last chapter in their joint lives once and for all and proceed to the next stage with that stranger.

She was afraid she was doing it for the wrong reason, that she wouldn't be happy. She couldn't see Petunia head- over- heels in love with anyone... On the other hand, she couldn't imagine herself as a swooning maiden either. Maybe they were alike in that aspect.

After a brief and troubled sleep, she awoke at dawn. Unable to continue to lie still, she got up resolutely and lit the table lamp.

She busied herself with writing a card. A mountain of crumpled papers piled up on her desk until she manage to express in writing a hint of what she felt. Then she took out the dress she was planning to wear, a pale blue dress with a pleated skirt and pearl- colored flowers around the collar and sleeves. That was the dress she had worn to the Spring Ball at Hogwarts a few months prior; She didn't have enough money of her own to buy a proper wedding present, and certainly not for a new dress.

She went to breakfast but the food tasted like ash in her mouth. The lack of appetite became nauseating when Mrs. Chambers told her she had to go and meet the Degnoming Specialist she had called, and that Lily had to go and wake up the boys, who didn't come down for breakfast again.

She went up to Potter's room with a combination of anticipation and apprehension. Not for the first time since he had made her the offer, she thought it might be nice not to feel all alone at the wedding. And who said that two people couldn't go to a wedding together without it meaning anything?

Scolding herself for her naivety, she knocked lightly on Potter's door. When there wasn't answer she peered inside carefully. The large room was bathed in morning shadows, and only a streak of bright sunlight filtered through the curtains, making the dust in the air sparkle.

Potter was lying in bed on his stomach. Lily walked past him with a cautious step and opened the curtains and the window wide, to refresh the room and maybe make him stir. Potter groaned as the light hit his face and rolled onto his side.

Lily moved to the other side of the bed with little patience and pulled the blanket over his face. He blinked sleepily, muttering something that sounded like, "What are you doing here?" While his arm went up to protect his eyes from the light. In that pose the lower part of his face looked like that of another person entirely, as if she was seeing him without a mask for the first time.

"You're awake?" She asked, making sure he didn't fall asleep again.

"Yeah..." he muttered hoarsely but didn't get up.

She looked around the room. With a wave of her wand all the scattered objects returned to their proper place. As the clothes folded themselves in perfect order she tried breathing deeply and opened the closet, examining the shelves and the neat racks.

"What are you going to wear?" She asked Potter, uneasily examining a blue dress robe with silver cuff-links in the shapes of runes.

"What?" He murmured behind her with a rustle of sheets.

"At the wedding," she said over her shoulder with courage. Potter was leaning on his elbows on the bed, his hair sticking out over his forehead. He looked especially boyish without his glasses.

"I didn't think you wanted me to come," he said, his embarrassment sharpened by the lack of his protective spectacles.

"You have other plans?" Lily suddenly realized how foolish she was.

"No, no," Potter said at once, straightening up and buttoning up the loose top buttons of his pajama. "I'd love to come... And don't worry, I have a couple of Muggle suits."

"Good," Lily said in a mixture of relief and uneasiness. "We have to leave in an hour because I don't know any wizards in the Cokeworth, so we'll have to get to Manchester and then take a train –"

"It's fine," Potter said with a touch of enthusiasm. "I'll be ready."

Lily nodded nervously and left the room. Only when she was outside did she realize that her face was hot. She walked quickly to her room, wondering if she had made a terrible mistake.

She took a quick shower and dressed, feeling strange in the starched, fancy dress. She was just trying to close the buttons at her back with a spell when there was a knock at the door. Mrs. Chambers came in, holding a handsome carved wooden box.

As soon as she saw Lily's struggle she put it aside and helped her with the buttons. Then she sat her down in front of the desk and began brushing her hair with a firm but gentle hand, much to Lily's embarrassment and gratitude. After she finished with the brush she began to arrange her hair in an elegant style, with the skill that made it clear that she had done that many times before. She opened the box and took out golden pins studded with pearls, with which she held the red strands in place.

Lily took one of the pins and studied it closely. The moment she touched the pearls she was filled with awe.

"They're real," she said to Mrs. Chambers.

Mrs. Chambers moved her head back forward firmly. "Of course they're real. Mr. Potter gave them to Mrs. Potter for their first wedding anniversary."

"What?!"

"Stop moving, or you'll look like an orange yarn bundle!"

"Mrs. Chambers, I can't take these!"

"You certainly can. Young Mr. Potter told me to take his mother's jewelry box and let you pick whatever you liked. These pearls go splendidly with your dress, don't they?"

Lily's face felt like it were on fire. She vowed to take care of Potter later. Instead of getting angry, she said sincerely, "Thank you, Mrs. Chambers."

She had the feeling that Mrs. Chambers was smiling at her, but she couldn't turn her head to see without being pushed forward.

After Mrs. Chambers finished arranging Lily's hair (and insisted that she would take a matching pearl necklace, which Lily had politely refused in favor of the golden cross necklace that her mother had given her), she let her go. Lily went to the dining room to wait for Potter and instead encountered the other three Marauders while they were having a late breakfast.

As soon as she stepped in Pettigrew dropped his fork and managed to spill porridge over his shirt. Remus and Black smiled at her and she felt particularly embarrassed.

"You know where – "

"Prongs is in the shack," Black said. He still looked somber, but he still smiled at her. "And you better like what you see, he woke us up just to help him with his damned hair."

"It's a job for at least three people," Remus said in agreement.

Lily laughed uncomfortably. "See you tonight, then."

The three of them said goodbye to her as she headed for the kitchen, where Madeleine flattered her appearance as she parted from her. Lily came out of the back door with relief, unused to getting compliments, and went to the shack.

The day was bright and fresh, unlike the morning grayness that had dominated it a few hours before and made everything seem hopeless. The marshes and the fields looked like an oil painting under the blue sky. A bright red car stood against the landscape, and beside it stood a young man in a dark suit and black hair, studying a map. It took Lily a fraction of a second to realize that it was Potter. A small whirlpool rose in her stomach. Out of nowhere she remembered the day they met on the train on their first day at Hogwarts – it was inconceivable how different he was now, both inside and out. Had she changed as much?

She approached the car and he noticed her before she was ready. A smile came over his face, a smile that was very different from the smiles she had received from everyone else, and had also made her feel different. She smiled back, almost against her will. He wore a dark suit that suited him like it had been tailored especially for him, with a matching vest and a tie with patterns of blue, silver, and royal green diamonds. Clearly, a supreme effort had been made to make his hair look neat, and for some reason it didn't feel right to Lily.

She felt exposed as she had never felt before when she faced him at last.

"You look great," he said, and she felt herself blushing under his gaze.

"Thank you," she replied sheepishly. "You too. I didn't know you could dress so nicely."

"Thanks," he replied, then blushed slightly as he confessed, "Mrs. Chambers picked it out."

Lily gave a laugh. She thought about scolding him for the jewelry box trick, but after a moment she rejected it. He was just trying to do something nice for her. And although she didn't want to admit it at all, it was the most romantic gesture she had ever received.

"So," Potter broke the strained silence and rustled the map pointedly. "Where did you say the wedding was at? Cokeworth?"

"Yes," Lily replied, and only then did she understand what he was planning. "We can't drive there, we'll arrive long after everything is over."

"Who said we're driving?" He said as he opened the passenger door for her. At the sight of her doubtful gaze he curled the tip of his mouth with a mischievous smile and added, "Trust me, will you?"

Feeling that she would regret it, Lily didn't hide a sigh and got into the car. Potter got into the driver's seat and began fiddling with a myriad of buttons and switches she had never seen before in a car.

"You said you didn't know how to drive," she reminded him.

"Did I?" He replied distractedly, and then the car began to move. It sped along the ash road, maneuvering perfectly even though Potter was still busy with the switches and wasn't touching the wheel. Then he pulled on a suspicious handle and the car took off.

Lily choked a surprised cry. The ground moved from under them so quickly that the Potter's house looked like no more than one of Mrs. Potter's pearl pins on a vast bed of green. Then the ocean came into sight, shimmering in the summer sunlight. She told herself she should have expected something like that.

She looked at Potter and he looked back. The sun was very bright this high above the ground, highlighting the contrast between the green and the brown in his eyes, which again made her think of her shapeless dream.

They arrived in Lily's childhood town quite early. They landed behind an abandoned factory and the car drove on its own to the center of town; Lily had to beg Potter to at least put his hands on the wheel so as not to arouse the suspicion of the other drivers.

Finally they parked in the lot behind the church, which bordered on the town cemetery. Lily got out of the car and stretched her legs, feeling cramped from the long sitting and the tension she felt. The lofty church building with its white tower evoked a mixture of sadness and joy in her; This was where her parents were married, where she was baptized, where she spent every Sunday with Petunia and her parents, and also the place where her mother was buried. She always knew that this would be the place where she too would marry and be buried.

"Ready to go?" Potter's voice forced her to return to reality.

She nodded shakily. She would have liked to stay in the car, but she had to be brave and deal with that day. She grabbed her handbag strongly and walked steadily but fearfully to the front entrance, where loud voices of conversation could be heard. To her they sounded like cannon-shots.

A large group of Lily's relatives and a few strangers gathered outside the wide church doors. Lily didn't notice any of them any more as soon as she spotted her aunt Mabel, in a wide-brimmed hat decorated with plastic flowers, watching her father in his wheelchair. Lily almost ran to them, hugged her aunt distractedly, and then leaned over to her father almost desperately.

He looked as if he was drowning in his brown suit, that was too big for his thin form now. He looked even older than he had been a few weeks earlier, when Lily had last seen him, if it was possible at all for a man who was not yet sixty. She hugged him carefully and spoke to him; Only after a few moments did his confused gaze focus on her and he smiled knowingly.

"My Lily, what are you doing here?" He asked with genuine incredulity. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"No, Dad, it's summer hols," Lily told him patiently. "I came for Tunie's wedding."

"Petunia is getting married? Right, right ..."

"You'd better go to the dressing room, darling," her aunt told her. "All the bridesmaids finished dressing already."

"I'm not a bridesmaid," Lily said, and at the sight of her aunt's sorry expression added, "I was hired to work in a minister's office this summer. It's a twenty-four hour job. Petuina understand."

Aunt Mabel nodded in understanding, although she didn't look convinced. With an unusual tact, Potter, who was standing silently by Lily's elbow all that time, eased the embarrassment by introducing himself. She looked at him and he gave her a brief look that promised he wouldn't compromise her dangerous lie.

He started a polite conversation with her aunt, and Lily took the opportunity to excuse herself and sneak inside. Her father held her hand with unusual force, his eyes fearful. Lily assured him that she would return immediately, that she was just going to say hello to Petunia.

The church corridors were dark and cool, full of comforting memories that gave her strength as she walked to the bride's dressing room. She knocked on the door. The sounds of conversation and feminine laughter rose from within. One of Petunia's friends from school, dressed in a bright purple dress, opened the door. The smile disappeared from her face the second she saw Lily.

"Is Petunia here?" Lily asked without a greeting. Petunia's friends hated her, no doubt because they spent year listening to to her complaining about her younger sister.

The bridesmaid moved aside reluctantly and allowed Lily to enter. Petunia was sitting at the dressing table, dressed in a big, airy wedding dress that looked like whipped cream cake. She looked surprised to see Lily.

"I didn't think you'd come," she admitted as a greeting as Lily walked over and gave her a brief hug, which she returned coolly.

"Of course I came," Lily said, a little sad that her sister thought she would miss her wedding. "It's your special day. I wouldn't have missed it for anything in the world."

Petunia looked old and serious. Perhaps because her hair was pulled back too tight and she her make up was so heavy. People always said that brides were supposed to be beautiful and radiant, but Petunia looked mostly frightened.

"You're excited?" Lily asked, though it was a stupid question, and sat down on a stool beside her sister, under the hostile gaze of her friends.

Petunia nodded heavily. "Thank you for the money you sent," she changed the subject. "It came just when Dad's medication was running out."

"Don't thank me," Lily said uneasily. "That's why I went to work." And to herself she added –not to get away from you and Dad.

Petunia gave her a strange smile. Lily couldn't remember the last time her sister had smiled at her, which made her think she might be very excited about the ceremony. Maybe on this new page she is starting in her life they could be friends again.

"Where are you going to live?" She asked with increasing confidence.

"Vernon bought a house in Surrey," Petunia replied proudly. "He agreed that Dad would live with us."

"That's very kind of him." Lily started to like this Vernon. It wasn't obvious that he would agree to take in his wife's sick father. "What about our house?" She added.

"We'll sell it," Petunia said, examining her hair in the mirror. "I already packed all your things..."

"Thank you," Lily said with a combination of relief and pain. The house where she grew up was full of sweet and bitter memories, so full of them that she decided to spend the summer in a stranger's house, only so she wouldn't have to be there anymore. Maybe it was good that she won't have to step there again.

"Would you like to come to tea tomorrow?" Petunia suggested suddenly. "We've just finished arranging the house."

"Yes, very much," Lily said excitedly, stunned by the offer. "But aren't you going on a honeymoon?"

"Maybe in the fall," Petunia replied with a trace of disappointment. "Vernon's got to work. He's just been promoted to a manager position in the company he works in."

"That's very impressive," Lily said, not daring to doubt the newlyweds decision to postpone the honeymoon.

The bridesmaids began buzzing like bees. It was time for the ceremony. Petunia paled under her make-up.

"Good luck, Tunie," Lily said and hugged her again warmly. Petunia hugged her back. Lily left the dressing room, unable to stop smiling.

The ceremony was traditional and simple. Lily sat in the front row by the aisle, where her father was placed in his wheelchair, and held his gaunt hand throughout the ceremony. Potter was sitting next to her, and on his other side sat a particularly fat girl, Vernon Dursley's sister. She was trying to cool her red face with a fan and was stirring uncomfortably on the narrow wooden bench, pushing Potter in Lily's direction until their legs were touching. Lily felt the need to squeeze as far as she could to the edge of the seat, but she fought the impulse.

Petunia's new husband was as big as his sister, wearing a black suit almost as big as a tent, and had a groomed black mustache. Lily didn't know what she been expecting him to look like, but somehow she didn't expect him to look like that. As he kissed his mother and squeezed his father's hand, who both were as big as him, Lily implored herself not to judge him by his appearance. He was going to take care of her father, of his own accord and even when he didn't have to, so he must be a good man.

After the ceremony a reception was held in the hall at the back of the church. Lily spent her time there watching over her father and helping him eat while the guests ate, drank and talked. She didn't take part in the conversations, even though she was particularly pleased; After all, Petunia looked happy, and they were on their way to fix their relationship.

Potter behaved perfectly, except for a single complaint that there wouldn't be any dancing. Lily's relatives all fell in love with him. She had the feeling that they thought they were a couple, but she couldn't find the right moment to tell them the truth, because Potter made everyone laugh all the time. Herself as well.

They had no trouble concealing their identity as wizards (Potter pretended to be a Muggle with outstanding talent) until Lily's cousins, who sat around the table laughing at Potter's jokes, asked them where they met. Lily, who was helping her father taste the dessert, didn't have time to respond before Potter said they knew eatch other from school.

"I thought you went to an all girls' school," Lily's cousin said.

"That right. He... Goes to the all boys' school across the street," Lily replied uncertainly, giving Potter a meaningful look.

The cousins accepted the story and went to get drinks. As soon as they went away Potter told her, "You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

"I'll take it as a compliment," Lily replied proudly.

Potter smiled at her response. "So where do they think you're going to school?"

"Saint Katerina's school for Remarkably Talented Girls. It's in Ipswich."

"It's a good cover. No one ever goes to Ipswich," Potter said. "Where am I supposed to be going, then? Saint Bertie Bott's school for About Average Boys?"

Lily laughed against her will, and then just couldn't stop.

By the time they returned in the flying car to the Potter house the day turned into twilight, and the car lamps shone pale under the the empty sky's dark light. It stopped dutifully in front of the shack and turned itself off, leaving the world dim and quiet, except for the shrieks of distant night birds.

"Thanks for letting me come," Potter said. "It was pretty fun. It's been nice to meet your relatives, although I don't think your sister and her husband like me very much."

"I don't think they really like anybody very much," Lily said. Recalling the way Petunia wrinkled her nose when she was dissatisfied and her husband's face turned purple when he got angry, she thought to herself that they were a match made in heaven. "And thank you for coming. It was nice to see a familiar face there. I'm not so close with my family..."

"It must be hard to hide from them that you're a witch."

"Yes, it's hard, but there's no other choice."

"Maybe one day won't not have to hide anymore, you can never know," Potter said optimistically, his fingers drumming on the wheel nervously.

"I don't think the world is ready for that," Lily said, his strange unease beginning to affect her.

She touched the pins in her hair. She spent the whole wedding worrying about losing one, especially when her femmale relatives touched them and said they couldn't believe she'd bought them in the department store, because they looked so real.

"I'd better go inside and take off the pins," she said. "I'll give them back to Mrs. Chambers in the morning – "

"No way," Potter said. "Didn't she tell you? It's a gift."

Lily was afraid he'd say that. "I can't accept it. It's too expensive," she said without looking at him, a little offended that he thought she would accept such a valuable gift from her employer. "And besides, your mother got them as a gift..."

"That's exactly why you should have them," Potter insisted fiercely. "They were an anniversary gift. It would be sad if they sat in a box forever. If you wore them maybe their love would continue to live."

Those words made her look at him. Then she could see why he was so nervous – he was going to kiss her. She froze, not knowing whether to withdraw or to close the distance between them. She longed for it and was afraid of it at the time.
She could already smell him when there was a rough knock on the car window and they both jumped.

Potter rolled down the window. "What is it, Maxwell?" He said impatiently to the gardener standing outside the car.

"Sir, the defenses 've been activated, but there's no one there," the old gardener said, unaware or uninterested that he disturbed an intimate moment.

"I'd better go," Lily determined. Potter looked as though he was about to tell her to wait, but she was already out of the car and walking as fast as she could back to the house, her skin burning in the cool evening air.